Premiership round up - Week 11

Fulham v Liverpool - 3:1 - Zamora put Fulham ahead against the run of play and Torres equalized with a good first time reaction strike. Fulham got their noses in front again (Nevland) before Liverpool lost two players from straight red cards (Degen and Carragher). Dempsey then scored Fulham’s third. When things don't go right, they don't go right, and with a crucial Champions League game at Lyon coming up on Wednesday, Torres not fully fit and Gerrard possibly not fit at all, Rafa is under the cosh once more.

Arsenal v Spurs - 3:0 – A bad day for Gomes and Spurs generally, two goals scrambled in by Van Persie and one given away from the kick-off (Fabregas). If Spurs had not conceded the first goal there would have been no easy second goal from the kick-off, and then who knows? Sir H. might have to do something about Gomes, when he's good he's very, very good, but when he's bad, he's horrid. He reminds Your Ear of Bruce Grobbelaar, whose great natural ability often went AWOL.

Bolton v Chelsea - 0:4 - Chelsea thumped Bolton by a margin of 4 goals for the second time in a week (the Carling Cup was the other occasion). After 45 minutes Lampard scored from a penalty, but Chelsea had had many chances before that. And afterwards, as well, first Deco, then Knight (o/g) then a very nicely worked move which Drogba finished off for Chelsea’s fourth. Ancelotti, who was mainly pleased with Chelsea’s ability to concentrate, said ‘The team is very happy.’ Although consistent, he was probably not 100% right - even though he was fit Joe Cole had to sit this one out on the bench. Chelsea dominated from start to finish and are the in-form top four league side of the day.

Man Utd v Blackburn - 2:0 - Two very good goals by Berbatov and Rooney, and despite a miss by Owen and an offside decision which went in ManU’s favour, gave United a straightforward win over a depleted Blackburn. United were not as convincing as Chelsea, but this was a welcome recovery from their defeat at Anfield last week. ManU continue to dog league-leaders, Chelsea, which makes their forthcoming away tie to the Blues very interesting, and fairly critical to both. But before that ManU and Chelsea have to face CSKA Moscow and Atletico Madrid respectively.

Burnley v Hull - 2:0 - Your Ear is rarely sympathetic to Hull, but this time their luck was ‘lost in the post’, delayed by the strike, possibly. The first goal (Burnley’s Alexander) was conceded to a doubtful penalty decision. Geovanni’s well-taken free kick equalizer was disallowed and then he was sent off (also a result of at least one dubious decision). Alexander scored again to twist the knife in Hull’s bruised and bloody torso. Phil Brown is becoming philosophical about Hull’s position, performance, luck (or its absence) and debatable refereeing decisions. The captain on the bridge of a sinking ship or a resolute, determined man who can and will turn things around? Your Ear hopes he is wrong, but isn’t that the sound of waves lapping?

Sunderland v West Ham - 2:2 - West Ham went two up through Franco and Cole, but then the biters were bit. Just as they had recovered from Arsenal’s two goal lead the week before, the Hammers allowed Sunderland back into the game - Reid scored a good free kick, then histrionics on the part of Ilunga got Sunderland’s Kenwyn Jones sent off, aided and abetted by West Ham coaching staff running onto the field as if their man had been pole-axed rather than having his hair ruffled. In Your Ear’s view Jones pushed Ilunga because Ilunga had put his head into Jones's chest (not a head-butt, but not innocent either). Rugby players must double up with laughter watching professional footballers acting like big girls' blouses. It's becoming a joke, and Your Ear, who admits to a soft spot for West Ham (London club, Zola as manager, etc) felt that Richardson's equalizer for 10 man Sunderland was just deserts.

Stoke v Wolves - 2:2 - This was a point well-earned by Wolves. An own goal (Elokobi) put Stoke in front, then Etherington's excellent volley doubled their score. However, in the second half, when Milijas had come on and after much endeavour, Craddock, albeit offside, got one back, then headed home a second to square the match. Stoke were very good in the first half but ‘take ‘em when you can,’ seems to be the appropriate motto, particularly for Wolves.

Everton v Aston Villa - 1:1 - Bilyaletdinov scored a goal right on half time to put Everton ahead, but Villa are nothing if not determined and after applying much pressure Agbonlahor’s good work allowed Carew (having come on as a substitute) to score on the rebound to draw level. Bilyaletdinov had the misfortune to be shown a red card, probably for showing his studs in a tackle on Petrov. To keep the game in the balance the ref then sent off Cuellar for a second foul. Again it did not look that severe but he went, anyway, and the game limped on to finish a draw, a result more welcomed by injury-hit Everton than Villa.

Portsmouth v Wigan - 4:0 - Dindane got a hat-trick as Portsmouth broke their duck with a vengeance. Dindane scored Portsmouth’s first and Frederic Piquionne their second in the first half. Dindane wrapped things up neatly against a stunned Wigan with two more in the second half, one from a penalty decision earned by ‘old rubber feet’ Kanu. ‘We've been working hard for months without having a lot to show for it,’ said manager Paul Hart. ‘We set off like trains and kept that up for the full 90 minutes. I've been stood here every Saturday trying to explain why we haven't got the results. That was certainly a reward for our efforts.’ Portsmouth really looked good for the ticket money. And, like Chelsea’s, this victory is a repeat of a 4:0 score-line, when Portsmouth demolished Stoke in the Carling Cup. Onwards and upwards for Portsmouth, Your Ear predicts.

Birmingham v Man City - 0:0 - Birmingham always looked the more likely side, even though City players cost their owners £120m+ more. A well-taken penalty (missed by James McFadden rather than saved by Shay Given) would have won the game for Birmingham. If Birmingham work as hard as they did in this match for the rest of the season they will stay up, particularly if they get their rumoured £40m cash injection for the next transfer window. Fourth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.

With a quarter of the season gone and taking account of the recent successes of some of the newly promoted and ‘lesser’ clubs it makes one wonder who will be going down at the end of the season. Besides Hull, of course.

Brown Loses Plot As Duffen Quits - Paul Duffen resigned as Hull chairman, following the club's bad start to the season. The accounts are also in difficulty; Hull will need to raise £23m if they are relegated, £16m if they survive. Speculation over the future of both Duffen and Phil Brown led to Hull denying that Brown had been sacked ahead of the forthcoming Burnley game. Bookmakers duly stopped taking bets on Brown being the next Premier League manager to lose his job. At a news conference Brown said: ‘I think the players are a million percent behind me and hopefully that will show in the performance on Saturday.’ (Ed. - 100% would do, Phil). Asked why Duffen had quit, Brown said: ‘I don't think it was on football results, I think it was on the business of football and unfortunately that's the case. It's difficult to separate the two but one does tend to run a business as well as a football club and I run the football side of things and I remain in charge for the match on Saturday obviously.’ (Ed. - Obviously? Dean Windass, whose goal won Hull Premiership promotion, said of Brown; ‘it was time he got moved on’). In a prepared statement, Brown began by saying: ‘We’ve had tremendous, unprecedented success with Paul over the last 2½ years and I would personally like to thank him for all his support. But unfortunately the game has and always will be about change. We have a big game on Saturday to prepare for and that is my sole purpose at this moment in time. I cannot and will not respond to ridiculous speculation surrounding the business of this football club whether it be in reference to the accounts or a replacement for Paul.’ (Ed. - What about reasonable speculation? And given that it was a prepared statement why was Phil only barely coherent?). Duffen's departure came after a day after Adam Pearson quit his chairmanship of Derby County. Pearson promptly joined Hull and is reported to be ready to take an axe to the necks of under-performing highly paid players. But Brown is safe for another week, at least. Most of the foregoing took place before Hull’s loss to Burnley on Saturday. Although I'm sure they know what they are doing, if I were a bookie I'd still be taking bets on Brown to go.

International Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Thousands Queue For Last Big Mac - Icelanders lined up at McDonald's restaurants to order their final Big Macs before the US fast-food chain abandoned the crisis-hit island on Saturday as a result of soaring costs. Cabbies Can Carry On Viewing - A South Korean court has rejected an attempt to prosecute Seoul taxi drivers for one of their scariest habits - watching television while driving. (Ed. - wonder what their other scary habits are?) Firm To Pawn Luxury Handbags - A Hong Kong firm has launched a series of TV commercials offering personal loans in exchange for ladies' luxury handbags. They expect brisk business from normally wealthy women who are suffering during the economic downturn. Pilot Asks Passengers To Pray - A concerned Iranian airline pilot asked passengers to start praying after his plane suffered a technical problem, highlighting the worrying record of Tehran's aircraft once more. Man Tries To Rob Bank With Spoon - A would-be robber threatened a cashier, holding a teaspoon to her neck, pretending it was a knife. But the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin were not fooled, and frightened the man away by screaming. Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect. And of the spoon.

Football Story Of The Week - The Stoke team experienced a mid-air drama when their 50-seat private aircraft was forced to make an emergency landing at Gatwick. Returning from Portsmouth on Tuesday night, following their 4:0 thrashing in the Carling Cup by Pompey, players alerted crew to a burning smell in the cabin. Rather than continue (to East Midlands Airport) the captain chose to land at Gatwick, where they were met by fire engines. Stoke's miserable night was not improved by their journey home by coach at 1.35am. Police are investigating potential sabotage by Spurs fans, who were incensed at losing to Stoke the previous weekend. They (the boys in blue) are also considering the possibility that the burning smell was the result of a celestial lightning strike conjured up by Saint Hal. Or that it was holy smoke, blown into the noses of the Stoke players. That’ll learn ‘em.

Another Football Story Of The Week - A Vicenza player twice ordered from the field by the referee during a Serie B match away to Modena still finished the game. Michele Ferri was twice sent off by the referee before finally being recalled to the field to complete the game. Seven minutes from time the referee waved a yellow card at the 28-year-old who, believing he had been booked in the first half, departed without waiting for a red to follow. However, the referee called Ferri back onto the pitch before checking his bookings list and ordering him off again. The game then became a soap opera as the ref consulted his assistants and called Ferri back onto the field, this time to stay, although his team still lost 1:0. The confusion arose from the first half booking (for arguing) of Francesco Signori. He was wearing the number 88 shirt, Ferri the number 81.

Football Headlines - Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying he wanted to bury the hatchet ahead of the game with Chelsea, what he actually said was that he wanted to bury a hatchet in a Chelsea head before the game. (Ed. - Don’t you have that the wrong way around, Ear? Nope.) Father Rooney - ‘I haven’t a clue what else I could have done,’ [if he had not become a footballer] Rooney told The Sun. ‘I wasn’t really the best in school. I always enjoyed RE, so maybe a priest.’ Better off as a footballer and father of a different kind, perhaps, priesthood isn't the kind of employment they offer down at the job centre. And it (father of a different kind) came to be… Rooney Baby Born Wearing Football Boots - ‘Just like his dad,’ said proud grandmother, Jeanette. ‘He (the baby) gave me a good (playful) kicking while I was pregnant,’ said joyful mum, Coleen. Rooney Baby Named - Wayne and Coleen have announced the name of their new child, as Kai. The name could be a corruption of Sir Kay, a knight of the Round Table but is probably not a corruption of the Korean motor company, Kia. It is unlikely to be associated with ‘Kai’, a kind of throat singing practised in the Altai Republic, or the Japanese pronunciation of 怪 (pinyin guài) meaning ‘strange’ or ‘unusual’, or ‘Kai’, Māori cuisine or food, or ‘Kai’, the Hawaiian word for the deep sea, or the ‘Kai Ken’, an ancient and treasured Japanese dog breed of the Spitz family. Sources say that a friend of Wayne’s by the name inspired the choice. The over-the-moon new parents were going to name the child in honour of Rooney's mentor and Manchester United manager, but thought that 'Mr Ferguson' was too formal. Overall, though, congratulations are in order, and let's hope the lad becomes a footballing chip off the old block. Or a priest.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.