Liverpool v Man City - 2:2 - Both sides took to the field of play hoping to finish in the league’s top 4, but lately both have faltered. Liverpool, who nearly scored early on, maintained the initiative but the Kop had to wait until the second half, when Skrtel beat Adebayor (defending in his own box for once). Adebayor got his own back 19 minutes later, scoring with a free header. Ireland put City ahead after some good work by Tevez, but Benayoun levelled the match a minute later. It was all Liverpool until the end but they could not clinch a winner. Sixth draw in a row for an unconvincing City, although Liverpool at home were never going to be easy opponents for them.
Sunderland v Arsenal - 1:0 - Arsenal sometimes make football look an easy game to play, moving the ball with a tight level of fluency that few other teams can match. However, on occasion Arsenal also lull themselves (gently) off to sleep, as if hypnotized by their own mastery. The Gunners made some tremendous but unfruitful efforts, two of which would surely have been candidates for goal of the month. Sunderland organized themselves to defend but the one man up front, Bent, scored a good goal to give his side the game. Wenger's view? - 'A massive setback.'
Birmingham v Fulham - 1:0 - Chances at either end were not converted until Bowyer calmly tapped the ball over the keeper after 16 minutes. Fulham played positively in pouring rain but could not score. All very low key stuff, probably due, at least in part, to the weather.
Burnley v Aston Villa - 1:1- Richard Dunne is having a bad week. First he was amongst those robbed by Henri's 'main de Dieu,' in the World Cup qualifiers. Then he failed to stop Caldwell scoring in the 9th minute, giving Burnley their usual home lead. At one point Jensen came so far off his line his manager thought he'd substituted himself, but he, and Burnley, got away with it. Agbonlahor should have scored ten minutes later but with less than five minutes to spare Heskey muscled his way onto the ball to head a last gasp equalizer.
Hull v West Ham - 3:3 - West Ham started brightly, Franco scoring from a corner after 5 minutes. Collison got another a little afterwards with a quality looping header following a beautiful long cross by Franco. Hull's first goal was also a looping header, but this time by deflection (o/g Cole, off Bullard's free kick). Zayatte got Hull’s second goal two minutes before the break. A dire penalty decision allowed Bullard, who has made a huge difference to Hull, to score from the spot, giving Hull the lead at half time. Mendy was sent off for a foul on Parker with 36 minutes left. Da Costa scored a third in the 69th minute but West Ham should have made Hull pay more dearly. Stanislas should have scored twice more, or at least hit the target, but the game ended in a draw, making this the second time West Ham have gone two up and had to settle for a single point. Zola - 'We are scoring plenty of goals, we just need to focus, to defend our goal a little better.' Which is true, but is much the same as saying ‘if we score more than we let in, we'll win a few games.’
Chelsea v Wolves - 4:0 - Wolves tried, and tried hard, but if you don't have the quality, you won't (as Hansen would have it) put the ball in the back of the net. Malouda has that quality and ambled up the pitch to thump one home from 30 yards after 5 minutes. Essien headed in a corner kick a little later. Kalou might have had a brace, but even with a reduced squad Chelsea were strolling. Wolves repeatedly failed to close down Essien, who got a third. Cech saved well to deny Ebanks-Blake’s header, but that was the only bright moment for Wolves before Joe Cole scored from a well-worked Anelka-inspired lay-off to make it four. Essien nearly got a hat-trick with two nice shots, but Chelsea did need him to. Anelka came off and Kakuta, Chelsea's new (some say illegally signed) French player came on and showed what a prize he is. Worth going to court for! Mick McCarthy’s view - 'We were absolutely mullahed.' McCarthy obviously knows his urban dictionary, which states that to be ‘mullahed’ means; Getting absolutely shoe'd, almost to the point of molestation by a clearly superior force or entity. He was right, Wolves were the oysters at the seafood stall, prised apart and swallowed whole.
Man United v Everton - 3:0 - A great strike by Fletcher arrowed into the back of the net after 35 minutes to give ManU a well-deserved lead. Vidic went to war, as he often does and flattened John Heitinga, who had to go off. Rooney grazed the bar, Owen, who had a good game, was a threat on several occasions and had one or two chances. Carrick passed the ball into the back of the net half-way through the second half to put the game beyond doubt before Scholes made a good chance for Valencia, who took it in the 76th minute. This game was all ManU, with another fine performance by Ryan Giggs. David Moyes - ‘The injuries are there but a manager’s job is to try to get a winning team with whatever you’re given, and at the moment I’m struggling to find that winning team.’ Your Ear believes Everton’s season is largely over, with no Euro place on the cards.
Spurs v Wigan - 9:1 - Your Ear is not sure there’s enough paper (or even electrons) here for a full report. But to keep it brief - Spurs owned the first 35 minutes, that included the running header by Crouch to go one up. It could easily have been more, but Spurs’ failure to score another seemed to take them off the boil and the last ten minutes of the first half were not comfortable from a Spurs’ standpoint as Wigan pressed for an equalizer. As the teams left the pitch, it seemed likely that Wigan’s Martinez was probably the happier manager of the two. It is not certain what St Hal said to his disciples in the dressing room, but he must have sprinkled it with fairy dust, because a brief report of the second half reads as follows; Defoe, great goal (51st), Defoe, great goal, rubbish defending (54th), Scharner, handball à l’Henri, a bad goal (57th), Defoe, hat-trick, great goal (58th), Lennon, neat and tidy goal from a good Crouch layoff, a favour returned (64th), Defoe, (yawn) 4! (69th), Defoe, (ho-hum) 5!! (87th), Bentley, brilliant free kick, that’s 8! (given as o/g, Kirkland, but really Bentley’s) Sir Harry seemed genuinely astonished (88th). Kranjcar wrapped it up with Spurs’ ninth (and final) goal in the third minute of extra time. Given that nine of the match goals were scored in the second half that’s one about every 5 minutes, and much more fun than waiting for a bus. Results like these are rare in top-flight football but St H was honest enough to say that ‘it was a good day and everything went for us.’ He praised Martinez as ‘a fine young manager who will bounce back,’ then ‘Crouchy’, Lennon, and obviously Defoe, but mostly Kranjcar, who, the noble lord said, was ‘top, top class.’ Your Ear thought that Palacios also had a good game. All of Defoe’s goals were top drawer, and only Shearer and Andy Cole have also scored five in a Premiership game. Best of all, Gomes wasn’t tested. Wigan need to bounce back from this most severe kicking when they play Sunderland next week. As a small post script, on MoTD2, Adrian Chiles (Your Ear has listened to it several times and this is definitely what he said) asked Robbie Savage; ‘Does 9:1 flatten Tottenham?’ We think the answer to that is clearly, not! Wishful thinking by the Baggies’ supporter? Lastly, this result might make Mick McCarthy grateful he was only mullahed!
Bolton v Blackburn - 0:2 - David Dunn opened Blackburn’s account with a first time, sweeping shot across the keeper to the far post after running more or less the full length of the pitch. This was after half an hour of end-to-end stuff where Bolton, particularly, might have scored at least twice. In fact, Bolton made more chances for themselves throughout the game, but Ricketts had the misfortune to gift Blackburn their second goal half way through the second half by heading back into an open goal when his keeper, Jussi Jaaskelainen, was running out of the goal area to counter an attack Ricketts had covered. Humorous viewing for Blackburn fans, a nightmare for Bolton, although the second goal did not cause or affect the result.
Stoke v Portsmouth - 1:0 - Portsmouth (Boateng) wasted a penalty opportunity with a weak and wobbly attempt after 9 minutes. O’Hara made a good effort from 40 yards which was saved, and for much of the game Portsmouth looked the better side. Then in the 74th minute Portsmouth old-boy, Fuller, slotted the ball into the corner of the net and won Stoke the game. Despite yet another defeat Your Ear does not see Portsmouth as a poor team, and fully expects their performance to pick up as the season progresses (they have no chance now, just like Arsenal after the last report, which tipped them to win the league - before they lost to Sunderland, of course).
Forecasts Revisited - In an early report (Pub1) Your Ear forecast a couple of absolute certainties, one of which proved not to be so. But in the interests of fair and honest reporting here are the facts;
a) Forecast 1 - that in a mini-league of teams likely to finish highly in the Premiership, Spurs or Arsenal would head the table. Well, here is the table and ManU is top dog at the moment, although the next four teams have two games in hand. Spurs weakness in match play against the other top teams shows why Spurs will be fortunate to achieve a top 4 overall league placement. Arsenal are doing better, and ManU will be hoping the Gunners can stop the Chelsea train in its tracks next weekend. Everton and Liverpool are poor performers by this evaluation.
Pos Played Team Points
1 6 Man Utd 12
2 4 Chelsea 9
3 4 Aston Villa 8
4 4 Arsenal 6
5 4 Man City 5
6 5 Liverpool 4
7 4 Tottenham 3
8 3 Everton 1
b) Forecast 2 - Your Ear also forecast that this would be a high scoring year. After 127 games, a third of the way through the season, some 389 goals have been scored. This is 43 more than was scored in the same number of games last season, an increase of 12.4%, which is not to be sniffed at. Your Ear almost hesitates to point out that a fifth of that excess was scored by the Right Honourable Tottens of Ham over the weekend, but what’s done is done. Overall what does this mean - that 2009/10 will be a goal-fest season, or that from now on many fewer goals will be scored? Your Ear clings to the former view. Here are more interesting, but largely useless, statistics - of the 389 goals scored thus far, some 57% (221) have been scored by the top 8 clubs (the same clubs as in the table above, substituting Sunderland for Everton) whilst only 31% (121) have been scored against them. So, unsurprisingly, the top clubs score more goals than they concede, roughly on a 2:1 basis. At the other end of the table the bottom 8 clubs, which includes Everton, have scored 109 goals for (28%) and have suffered 187 against (48%). Finally, only the top 8 clubs currently have a positive goal difference, all other teams are in deficit. Enough of this trivia.
News Roundup - In a week when a strand of Elvis's hair sold for over £1,000 at auction, when Britain was blasted by 100mph gales, and when a crumb of bread caused the Hadron Collider to be shut down for a second time (some say the crumb was a bit of baguette dropped by a seagull, but Your Ear was told that the offending morsel was, in fact, ‘un gros pain, un gros, gros pain,’ which then became almost as true in the English sense as in the French. And, from the sceptics point of view, it was dropped by a very, very, wise owl), we turn to the orient for news.
News From Japan (to keep us in perspective) - Blues To Curb Platform Suicides - Tokyo train operators, concerned at a rise in suicides at rail stations, are bathing platforms in blue light in an attempt to calm passengers. ‘Some people thought we were going to play Blues music,’ said a spokesperson. ‘But we felt this might cause more people to jump.’ Tuna Crisis Averted - On Tuesday fisheries minister Hirotaka Akamatsu dispelled public concerns fuelled by an international tuna conservation body’s decision to cut the annual tuna catch, as the recession has provided Japan with ample stocks of frozen tuna. But if a problem arises no doubt more ‘research’ could be undertaken. Obama Bow Outrage - Recent photos of President Obama in Japan bowing deeply to Emperor Akihito have incensed Washington critics, who are weighing whether or not the president disgraced his own country. ‘Can’t see what all the hoo-hah is about,’ said a spokesperson. ‘The pres was just picking up a pin he’d dropped.’ PM In Chart Bid - Japan's hit chart could soon be topped by Yukio Hatoyama, the Japanese Prime Minster, after his 1989 album Take Heart was re-released. Tokyo Beats Paris In Food Stakes - With 11 3-star Michelin restaurant ratings Tokyo now outdoes Paris, which has only 10. The 2010 edition of the Michelin guide for Tokyo also lists 42 2-star and 144 1-star restaurant ratings, showing the high quality of food in the Japanese capital. It is rumoured that at least one crazed, patriotic Frenchman is en route east with bottled flies in his luggage (to sabotage the soup).
Japanese Story Of The Week - Solar Power To Be Beamed To Earth - Japan proposes to collect ‘free’ solar power in space before transmitting it to Earth using laser beams or microwaves. The fuel-poor island nation's government has selected researchers and companies to deliver the multi-billion yen dream of unlimited clean energy by 2030. Scare-monger stories of flocks of migrating birds foolish enough to fly through active energy fields raining down on the populace after being microwaved are ill-founded, say government sources. However, KFC are keeping a careful eye on developments. They hope to deliver chickens equipped with electro-prods and sat nav chips to customers who have ordered a takeaway by zapping fly-by-wire poultry over the appropriate front doorsteps. ‘It should save on mopeds,’ a spokesperson said. ‘And the food will be fresh.’ Chinese ‘duck-away’ restaurants are also reported to be interested.
Football Headlines – Hammerette Lingerie - Katy Perry, girlfriend of Hammers fan Russell Brand, has popularised West Ham colours and badges (and underwear) by sporting a basque in claret and blue at the MTV Europe Music Awards this month. By popular demand West Ham then offered a limited edition of the outfit, planning to sell the item as a potential Christmas present for fans’ wives. However, the men queuing up for the supportive, snug corsets (particularly those with bad backs and others wishing to get in touch with their feminine side) are looking for the larger sizes. ‘They keep you warm on the terraces,’ said a satisfied customer, ‘and at only 300 squid a go, they’re bargainous.’ Secret England Squad? - Following England’s recent 1:0 defeat by Brazil, Fabio Capello says he has another, better squad of players available to him (and England) for the World Cup, but (other than Rooney) he won’t say who they are. ‘Today we send out our little team and next time we gonna put out our big team,’ he said. Meanwhile, bookies put England at 3:1 to exit the World cup at the quarter-finals stage. Rooney To Captain England Again - England’s loss to Brazil will not prevent Wayne Rooney from leading out his side in future matches, said a spokesperson for Mr Capello. ‘As he challenges most decisions, whether they involve him or not, it’s better if Wayne is captain so he can shout at referees with less risk of being sent off.’ Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (before the match) that Everton are big girls blouses on Easy Street, what he actually said was that Everton are a bunch of losers and easy meat.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Tuesday 10 November 2009
Premiership round up - Week 12
Manchester City v Burnley - 3:3 - Adebayor and Toure were back for City and before the match started most people would have put money on them to perpetuate Burnley's poor away record. Then Burnley got a penalty and went one up in the 19th minute (Alexander). City played like a 3rd class side for a few minutes and Burnley got another (Fletcher). Shortly before half time, BBC commentator John Motson, with typical insight and while the camera was on Mark Hughes, said of the 2:0 score-line; "Well, I'm sure he didn't expect this." - nice one, Motty. Hughes did not suffer for too long. Wright-Phillips started City's resurgence and in the second half Toure equalized and Bellamy got City's third. For the rest of the game Burnley were under the proverbial cosh, right up to the point where, with 3 minutes to go McDonald salvaged a point (their first away from home) for a jubilant Burnley. Fifth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.
Wolves v Arsenal - 1:4 - Wolves started in sprightly fashion and pressed the Gunners hard, but after 28 minutes fortune favoured Arsenal, who got the first goal (Zubar, o/g). Arsenal proceeded to add a second by the same route, 8 minutes later (Craddock, o/g). At the end of the first half Arsenal took Wolves apart and managed to score one on their own (Fabregas). Arshavin piled on the pressure in the second half for Arsenal's fourth, With a minute to go Craddock partially redeemed himself and scored a consolation goal for Wolves. Wolves have enthusiasm and a never-say-die spirit. Arsenal, as Wenger put it, 'have technical superiority.'
Aston Villa v Bolton - 5:1 - This game was all about John Carew. Villa started smartly, Young scoring after 5 minutes - Carew made the goal with a header the keeper was forced to deflect. Two minutes before the break Carew, after some nifty work on the line, laid one on for Agbonlahor to roll in. A minute later Elmander scored his first Premiership goal in 11 months for Bolton. Villa were not perturbed; 8 minutes into the second half Carew scored all by himself, after a very strong run into the box. He might have fallen down (or chosen to) twice, but Carew is a tough, stand-up guy (pun intended), and refused to be denied. Then he (Carew) was shoved off a potential header and a penalty was awarded. After some pinball action (Milner takes penalty, ball bounces off keeper, struck by Sidwell, ball bounces off post) Milner finally scored. In the 75th minute Cuellar scored Villa's fifth goal from an excellent cross by Milner. But if Cuellar had not scored, Carew was lurking at the far post to pick it up, and probably would have, too. Young nearly made it 6 with a free kick, but Villa were forced to settle for a winning margin of 4 goals, poor devils.
Spurs v Sunderland - 2:0 - Defoe was back from suspension and showed how much he was missed (the idiot). Keane bundled the ball in competently for Spurs to go ahead and Spurs were a trifle fortunate to survive a penalty shout and a great looping shot by Reid. But survive they did until Bent got revenge on his old club by diving to win a penalty. Providence was with the just and Gomes saved. Sunderland made more chances throughout the game but Gomes was having a good day and kept them out. Half way through the second half Spurs, nervy and far from their best, scored their second (Huddlestone's good strike from Defoe's layoff). Saint Hal praised Gomes and admitted that the luck went their way. We (or Sunderland, in this case) need video replay evidence.
Blackburn v Portsmouth – 3:1 - A good, but unlikely, hit by O'Hara put Portsmouth ahead after 15 minutes. After a poor first half performance Big Sam made some offensive changes at half time and Roberts duly equalized. Blackburn continued to go forward and were rewarded with a second goal (header by Nelson from a corner) then a third (Roberts). Too easy from set pieces for Blackburn. Portsmouth should have done better and have shaken Your Ear's faith in their ability to survive the season in the Premiership.
Chelsea v ManU - 1:0 - It was all Chelsea versus a depleted ManU (except for a Giggs half-chance) but no score in the first half. ManU started the second half better, Rooney made two good attempts on goal. The deadlock was broken by a fine Terry header in the 76th minute. There were a few moans after the game from ManU's, Mike Phelan, but he might have complained more - Terry should have been sent off for a professional foul against Valencia (and ManU should have had a penalty). On the other hand, Drogba was booked after he had been drop-kicked in the chest and kicked again in the stomach for good luck. And possibly the Chelsea goal should have been disallowed. Whole seasons turn on these decisions. We need video replay evidence.
Hull v Stoke - 2:1 - Hull did not play like a side struggling to take points and after early pressure by Stoke Hull had all the chances. But Etherington made something out of nothing in the 29th minute to score the first goal for Stoke. Hull then escaped an own goal scare early in the second half and fortune seemed to be smiling on them, particularly when ex-Stoke player, Olofinjana scored a very good equalizer in the 62nd minute. Hull really went for it for the rest of the game, although Stoke’s Shawcross nearly stole the game following a crafty free kick by Whelan. Faye was unlucky to be sent off (at the risk of being boring - we need video replay evidence) and Stoke were forced to hold on. They didn't, Bullard struck the ball hard from long range and Vennegoor of Hesselink scored from the keeper's punch out. Well, Hull had to win a game sooner or later, they did well against Stoke who had been in good form until today.
West Ham v Everton - 1:2 - West Ham's win earlier in the week against Aston Villa lifted the Hammers, no doubt boosting their confidence, while Everton have hardly been on top of their game lately. But against the run of play Everton went ahead with an accurate strike by Saha after 27 minutes. Despite more West Ham initiatives Everton doubled their lead after an hour (Gosling). A minute later West Ham were back in the game when Stanislav forced an own goal by Hibbert. Diamanti made a great creative effort and Hines nearly scored twice, but failed. West Ham deserved to win this game but Zola (as usual) was phlegmatic, and put it down to 'a difficult season' and 'more 'ard work needed'.
Wigan v Fulham - 1:1 - Nevland nearly gained the lead early on for Fulham with a nice header, which beat Kirkland, but not the post. Boyce put Wigan ahead after 13 minutes and Dempsey scored from the spot towards the end of the half. The game was fairly even after that, with both sides having good opportunities, but excellent keeping at either end held the match to a draw. Both managers were content (if managers are ever content) with the result. Unfortunately this game hosted the lowest attendance to date of the season (just over 16,000).
Liverpool v Birmingham - 2:2 - Liverpool worked hard, scored first (a N'Gog volley after 12 minutes) and kept turning the screw, but Birmingham, after three consecutive headers, beat Reina ('Chucho' Benitez) to make it one-all. The goal filled Birmingham with energy and they began to go after Liverpool. Three minutes before half time Gerrard came on for Riera to huge cheers from the faithful. But seconds before half-time Jerome held off Mascherano and unleashed a 30 yard swerver. It caught Reina unawares and the home side went in one down. Gerrard spent the next 15 minutes on the pitch continuing to warm up (he probably knew what Rafa was saying in the dressing room). Liverpool pressed Birmingham hard and had several chances, but it took a dive by N'Gog to earn a bad penalty for Liverpool to draw level. Hats off to Birmingham who withstood the remaining Liverpool attacks to draw with sad Liverpool. Oh, and we need video replays!
Top Tips - With just under a third of total matches played Your Ear believes the title race is a three horse field. Arsenal is our ‘might just do it’ tip, then Chelsea, then ManU. Chelsea have a useful lead, but having said that ManU always find their second wind after Christmas. And Arsenal look comfortable at the moment and seem to have a broad team full of talented youth, more so than other top-flight teams, especially ManU. So although other sides might try to mount a challenge it seems unlikely all of the above will falter and be beaten. You may disagree, of course.
Natural World News (to keep us in perspective) - Two-Headed Reptile Found - A two-headed snake was discovered in a rubbish filled drawer in Illinois. The couple who found the large North American water snake thought it might not be able to survive on its own and decided to keep it. The non-venomous snake has just shed its skin, so, free handbags and shoes all round. Shrimps' eyes are the best - A university study said the eyes of Great Barrier Reef mantis shrimps have the most complex visual systems known to science and could inspire next generation DVD and CD players. The shrimps can see in twelve colours (humans in only three) and can distinguish between different forms of polarised light. The unique make-up of the mantis shrimp's eye is beautifully simple; it is comprised of cell membranes rolled into tubes. This natural mechanism out-performs all synthetic designs created by humans. Future optical devices might use liquid crystals chemically engineered to mimic the properties of cells in the mantis shrimp's eye. 'We are just prawns in the game,' said a spokes-crustacean. Birds have x-ray vision - Scientists believe robins can 'see' the Earth's magnetic field at night, helping them to navigate on migrations. It is known that birds have an internal magnetic compass but there is no consensus on what form it takes. New research suggests that robins can 'see' magnetic fields, whereas there is evidence that upper beak magneto-sensors are used by pigeons. Scientists say other types of magnetic sensor may also exist in birds. 'We won’t be outdone by a bunch of sea-food candidates,' said a red-breasted spokes-avian. 'We dinosaur descendants have these sensors everywhere. Run an audio cassette tape between a parrot's legs and you'll rediscover the wonder of analogue.'
Football Headlines - The Fairer Sex? - New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert has been suspended indefinitely after engaging in rough play during a 1-0 loss to BYU in the Mountain West Conference semi-finals. Lambert apologized for her actions, saying she was "deeply and wholeheartedly regretful. I let my emotions get the best of me. I take full responsibility for my actions and accept any punishment felt necessary. This is in no way indicative of my character or the soccer player that I am." (Your Ear feels that once bitten, etc, although biting is an offence Lambert was not guilty of, on this occasion). Lambert was yellow carded towards the end of the game, apparently for tripping, but there were at least six occasions where she might have been summarily dismissed. Several Premiership managers are reputedly interested in her. 'The girl's a natural' said an anonymous football scout. 'Thanks heavens the cameras were rolling.' Not to take action during the game, of course, but so that a first rate training video could be made; see http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=4629837 for expertly executed examples of tripping off the ball, the slap to the back of the head, the kick of the ball to the face, the pony-tail pull (superb), the whack around the chops, and the forearm in the back. Selective Gravity? - Top clubs claim their players are being hit by stronger gravity effects than those experienced by other teams. 'As soon as our forwards get into the opposing box they start to feel like lead,' one said. 'They find themselves being drawn inexorably earthwards. Even the most valiant attempts on the part of the players to stay upright fail. It often seems to happen when the referee is behind them and they are close to defenders or keepers. It's weird.' Football fans agree.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Wolves v Arsenal - 1:4 - Wolves started in sprightly fashion and pressed the Gunners hard, but after 28 minutes fortune favoured Arsenal, who got the first goal (Zubar, o/g). Arsenal proceeded to add a second by the same route, 8 minutes later (Craddock, o/g). At the end of the first half Arsenal took Wolves apart and managed to score one on their own (Fabregas). Arshavin piled on the pressure in the second half for Arsenal's fourth, With a minute to go Craddock partially redeemed himself and scored a consolation goal for Wolves. Wolves have enthusiasm and a never-say-die spirit. Arsenal, as Wenger put it, 'have technical superiority.'
Aston Villa v Bolton - 5:1 - This game was all about John Carew. Villa started smartly, Young scoring after 5 minutes - Carew made the goal with a header the keeper was forced to deflect. Two minutes before the break Carew, after some nifty work on the line, laid one on for Agbonlahor to roll in. A minute later Elmander scored his first Premiership goal in 11 months for Bolton. Villa were not perturbed; 8 minutes into the second half Carew scored all by himself, after a very strong run into the box. He might have fallen down (or chosen to) twice, but Carew is a tough, stand-up guy (pun intended), and refused to be denied. Then he (Carew) was shoved off a potential header and a penalty was awarded. After some pinball action (Milner takes penalty, ball bounces off keeper, struck by Sidwell, ball bounces off post) Milner finally scored. In the 75th minute Cuellar scored Villa's fifth goal from an excellent cross by Milner. But if Cuellar had not scored, Carew was lurking at the far post to pick it up, and probably would have, too. Young nearly made it 6 with a free kick, but Villa were forced to settle for a winning margin of 4 goals, poor devils.
Spurs v Sunderland - 2:0 - Defoe was back from suspension and showed how much he was missed (the idiot). Keane bundled the ball in competently for Spurs to go ahead and Spurs were a trifle fortunate to survive a penalty shout and a great looping shot by Reid. But survive they did until Bent got revenge on his old club by diving to win a penalty. Providence was with the just and Gomes saved. Sunderland made more chances throughout the game but Gomes was having a good day and kept them out. Half way through the second half Spurs, nervy and far from their best, scored their second (Huddlestone's good strike from Defoe's layoff). Saint Hal praised Gomes and admitted that the luck went their way. We (or Sunderland, in this case) need video replay evidence.
Blackburn v Portsmouth – 3:1 - A good, but unlikely, hit by O'Hara put Portsmouth ahead after 15 minutes. After a poor first half performance Big Sam made some offensive changes at half time and Roberts duly equalized. Blackburn continued to go forward and were rewarded with a second goal (header by Nelson from a corner) then a third (Roberts). Too easy from set pieces for Blackburn. Portsmouth should have done better and have shaken Your Ear's faith in their ability to survive the season in the Premiership.
Chelsea v ManU - 1:0 - It was all Chelsea versus a depleted ManU (except for a Giggs half-chance) but no score in the first half. ManU started the second half better, Rooney made two good attempts on goal. The deadlock was broken by a fine Terry header in the 76th minute. There were a few moans after the game from ManU's, Mike Phelan, but he might have complained more - Terry should have been sent off for a professional foul against Valencia (and ManU should have had a penalty). On the other hand, Drogba was booked after he had been drop-kicked in the chest and kicked again in the stomach for good luck. And possibly the Chelsea goal should have been disallowed. Whole seasons turn on these decisions. We need video replay evidence.
Hull v Stoke - 2:1 - Hull did not play like a side struggling to take points and after early pressure by Stoke Hull had all the chances. But Etherington made something out of nothing in the 29th minute to score the first goal for Stoke. Hull then escaped an own goal scare early in the second half and fortune seemed to be smiling on them, particularly when ex-Stoke player, Olofinjana scored a very good equalizer in the 62nd minute. Hull really went for it for the rest of the game, although Stoke’s Shawcross nearly stole the game following a crafty free kick by Whelan. Faye was unlucky to be sent off (at the risk of being boring - we need video replay evidence) and Stoke were forced to hold on. They didn't, Bullard struck the ball hard from long range and Vennegoor of Hesselink scored from the keeper's punch out. Well, Hull had to win a game sooner or later, they did well against Stoke who had been in good form until today.
West Ham v Everton - 1:2 - West Ham's win earlier in the week against Aston Villa lifted the Hammers, no doubt boosting their confidence, while Everton have hardly been on top of their game lately. But against the run of play Everton went ahead with an accurate strike by Saha after 27 minutes. Despite more West Ham initiatives Everton doubled their lead after an hour (Gosling). A minute later West Ham were back in the game when Stanislav forced an own goal by Hibbert. Diamanti made a great creative effort and Hines nearly scored twice, but failed. West Ham deserved to win this game but Zola (as usual) was phlegmatic, and put it down to 'a difficult season' and 'more 'ard work needed'.
Wigan v Fulham - 1:1 - Nevland nearly gained the lead early on for Fulham with a nice header, which beat Kirkland, but not the post. Boyce put Wigan ahead after 13 minutes and Dempsey scored from the spot towards the end of the half. The game was fairly even after that, with both sides having good opportunities, but excellent keeping at either end held the match to a draw. Both managers were content (if managers are ever content) with the result. Unfortunately this game hosted the lowest attendance to date of the season (just over 16,000).
Liverpool v Birmingham - 2:2 - Liverpool worked hard, scored first (a N'Gog volley after 12 minutes) and kept turning the screw, but Birmingham, after three consecutive headers, beat Reina ('Chucho' Benitez) to make it one-all. The goal filled Birmingham with energy and they began to go after Liverpool. Three minutes before half time Gerrard came on for Riera to huge cheers from the faithful. But seconds before half-time Jerome held off Mascherano and unleashed a 30 yard swerver. It caught Reina unawares and the home side went in one down. Gerrard spent the next 15 minutes on the pitch continuing to warm up (he probably knew what Rafa was saying in the dressing room). Liverpool pressed Birmingham hard and had several chances, but it took a dive by N'Gog to earn a bad penalty for Liverpool to draw level. Hats off to Birmingham who withstood the remaining Liverpool attacks to draw with sad Liverpool. Oh, and we need video replays!
Top Tips - With just under a third of total matches played Your Ear believes the title race is a three horse field. Arsenal is our ‘might just do it’ tip, then Chelsea, then ManU. Chelsea have a useful lead, but having said that ManU always find their second wind after Christmas. And Arsenal look comfortable at the moment and seem to have a broad team full of talented youth, more so than other top-flight teams, especially ManU. So although other sides might try to mount a challenge it seems unlikely all of the above will falter and be beaten. You may disagree, of course.
Natural World News (to keep us in perspective) - Two-Headed Reptile Found - A two-headed snake was discovered in a rubbish filled drawer in Illinois. The couple who found the large North American water snake thought it might not be able to survive on its own and decided to keep it. The non-venomous snake has just shed its skin, so, free handbags and shoes all round. Shrimps' eyes are the best - A university study said the eyes of Great Barrier Reef mantis shrimps have the most complex visual systems known to science and could inspire next generation DVD and CD players. The shrimps can see in twelve colours (humans in only three) and can distinguish between different forms of polarised light. The unique make-up of the mantis shrimp's eye is beautifully simple; it is comprised of cell membranes rolled into tubes. This natural mechanism out-performs all synthetic designs created by humans. Future optical devices might use liquid crystals chemically engineered to mimic the properties of cells in the mantis shrimp's eye. 'We are just prawns in the game,' said a spokes-crustacean. Birds have x-ray vision - Scientists believe robins can 'see' the Earth's magnetic field at night, helping them to navigate on migrations. It is known that birds have an internal magnetic compass but there is no consensus on what form it takes. New research suggests that robins can 'see' magnetic fields, whereas there is evidence that upper beak magneto-sensors are used by pigeons. Scientists say other types of magnetic sensor may also exist in birds. 'We won’t be outdone by a bunch of sea-food candidates,' said a red-breasted spokes-avian. 'We dinosaur descendants have these sensors everywhere. Run an audio cassette tape between a parrot's legs and you'll rediscover the wonder of analogue.'
Football Headlines - The Fairer Sex? - New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert has been suspended indefinitely after engaging in rough play during a 1-0 loss to BYU in the Mountain West Conference semi-finals. Lambert apologized for her actions, saying she was "deeply and wholeheartedly regretful. I let my emotions get the best of me. I take full responsibility for my actions and accept any punishment felt necessary. This is in no way indicative of my character or the soccer player that I am." (Your Ear feels that once bitten, etc, although biting is an offence Lambert was not guilty of, on this occasion). Lambert was yellow carded towards the end of the game, apparently for tripping, but there were at least six occasions where she might have been summarily dismissed. Several Premiership managers are reputedly interested in her. 'The girl's a natural' said an anonymous football scout. 'Thanks heavens the cameras were rolling.' Not to take action during the game, of course, but so that a first rate training video could be made; see http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=4629837 for expertly executed examples of tripping off the ball, the slap to the back of the head, the kick of the ball to the face, the pony-tail pull (superb), the whack around the chops, and the forearm in the back. Selective Gravity? - Top clubs claim their players are being hit by stronger gravity effects than those experienced by other teams. 'As soon as our forwards get into the opposing box they start to feel like lead,' one said. 'They find themselves being drawn inexorably earthwards. Even the most valiant attempts on the part of the players to stay upright fail. It often seems to happen when the referee is behind them and they are close to defenders or keepers. It's weird.' Football fans agree.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Friday 6 November 2009
Premiership round up - Week 11
Fulham v Liverpool - 3:1 - Zamora put Fulham ahead against the run of play and Torres equalized with a good first time reaction strike. Fulham got their noses in front again (Nevland) before Liverpool lost two players from straight red cards (Degen and Carragher). Dempsey then scored Fulham’s third. When things don't go right, they don't go right, and with a crucial Champions League game at Lyon coming up on Wednesday, Torres not fully fit and Gerrard possibly not fit at all, Rafa is under the cosh once more.
Arsenal v Spurs - 3:0 – A bad day for Gomes and Spurs generally, two goals scrambled in by Van Persie and one given away from the kick-off (Fabregas). If Spurs had not conceded the first goal there would have been no easy second goal from the kick-off, and then who knows? Sir H. might have to do something about Gomes, when he's good he's very, very good, but when he's bad, he's horrid. He reminds Your Ear of Bruce Grobbelaar, whose great natural ability often went AWOL.
Bolton v Chelsea - 0:4 - Chelsea thumped Bolton by a margin of 4 goals for the second time in a week (the Carling Cup was the other occasion). After 45 minutes Lampard scored from a penalty, but Chelsea had had many chances before that. And afterwards, as well, first Deco, then Knight (o/g) then a very nicely worked move which Drogba finished off for Chelsea’s fourth. Ancelotti, who was mainly pleased with Chelsea’s ability to concentrate, said ‘The team is very happy.’ Although consistent, he was probably not 100% right - even though he was fit Joe Cole had to sit this one out on the bench. Chelsea dominated from start to finish and are the in-form top four league side of the day.
Man Utd v Blackburn - 2:0 - Two very good goals by Berbatov and Rooney, and despite a miss by Owen and an offside decision which went in ManU’s favour, gave United a straightforward win over a depleted Blackburn. United were not as convincing as Chelsea, but this was a welcome recovery from their defeat at Anfield last week. ManU continue to dog league-leaders, Chelsea, which makes their forthcoming away tie to the Blues very interesting, and fairly critical to both. But before that ManU and Chelsea have to face CSKA Moscow and Atletico Madrid respectively.
Burnley v Hull - 2:0 - Your Ear is rarely sympathetic to Hull, but this time their luck was ‘lost in the post’, delayed by the strike, possibly. The first goal (Burnley’s Alexander) was conceded to a doubtful penalty decision. Geovanni’s well-taken free kick equalizer was disallowed and then he was sent off (also a result of at least one dubious decision). Alexander scored again to twist the knife in Hull’s bruised and bloody torso. Phil Brown is becoming philosophical about Hull’s position, performance, luck (or its absence) and debatable refereeing decisions. The captain on the bridge of a sinking ship or a resolute, determined man who can and will turn things around? Your Ear hopes he is wrong, but isn’t that the sound of waves lapping?
Sunderland v West Ham - 2:2 - West Ham went two up through Franco and Cole, but then the biters were bit. Just as they had recovered from Arsenal’s two goal lead the week before, the Hammers allowed Sunderland back into the game - Reid scored a good free kick, then histrionics on the part of Ilunga got Sunderland’s Kenwyn Jones sent off, aided and abetted by West Ham coaching staff running onto the field as if their man had been pole-axed rather than having his hair ruffled. In Your Ear’s view Jones pushed Ilunga because Ilunga had put his head into Jones's chest (not a head-butt, but not innocent either). Rugby players must double up with laughter watching professional footballers acting like big girls' blouses. It's becoming a joke, and Your Ear, who admits to a soft spot for West Ham (London club, Zola as manager, etc) felt that Richardson's equalizer for 10 man Sunderland was just deserts.
Stoke v Wolves - 2:2 - This was a point well-earned by Wolves. An own goal (Elokobi) put Stoke in front, then Etherington's excellent volley doubled their score. However, in the second half, when Milijas had come on and after much endeavour, Craddock, albeit offside, got one back, then headed home a second to square the match. Stoke were very good in the first half but ‘take ‘em when you can,’ seems to be the appropriate motto, particularly for Wolves.
Everton v Aston Villa - 1:1 - Bilyaletdinov scored a goal right on half time to put Everton ahead, but Villa are nothing if not determined and after applying much pressure Agbonlahor’s good work allowed Carew (having come on as a substitute) to score on the rebound to draw level. Bilyaletdinov had the misfortune to be shown a red card, probably for showing his studs in a tackle on Petrov. To keep the game in the balance the ref then sent off Cuellar for a second foul. Again it did not look that severe but he went, anyway, and the game limped on to finish a draw, a result more welcomed by injury-hit Everton than Villa.
Portsmouth v Wigan - 4:0 - Dindane got a hat-trick as Portsmouth broke their duck with a vengeance. Dindane scored Portsmouth’s first and Frederic Piquionne their second in the first half. Dindane wrapped things up neatly against a stunned Wigan with two more in the second half, one from a penalty decision earned by ‘old rubber feet’ Kanu. ‘We've been working hard for months without having a lot to show for it,’ said manager Paul Hart. ‘We set off like trains and kept that up for the full 90 minutes. I've been stood here every Saturday trying to explain why we haven't got the results. That was certainly a reward for our efforts.’ Portsmouth really looked good for the ticket money. And, like Chelsea’s, this victory is a repeat of a 4:0 score-line, when Portsmouth demolished Stoke in the Carling Cup. Onwards and upwards for Portsmouth, Your Ear predicts.
Birmingham v Man City - 0:0 - Birmingham always looked the more likely side, even though City players cost their owners £120m+ more. A well-taken penalty (missed by James McFadden rather than saved by Shay Given) would have won the game for Birmingham. If Birmingham work as hard as they did in this match for the rest of the season they will stay up, particularly if they get their rumoured £40m cash injection for the next transfer window. Fourth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.
With a quarter of the season gone and taking account of the recent successes of some of the newly promoted and ‘lesser’ clubs it makes one wonder who will be going down at the end of the season. Besides Hull, of course.
Brown Loses Plot As Duffen Quits - Paul Duffen resigned as Hull chairman, following the club's bad start to the season. The accounts are also in difficulty; Hull will need to raise £23m if they are relegated, £16m if they survive. Speculation over the future of both Duffen and Phil Brown led to Hull denying that Brown had been sacked ahead of the forthcoming Burnley game. Bookmakers duly stopped taking bets on Brown being the next Premier League manager to lose his job. At a news conference Brown said: ‘I think the players are a million percent behind me and hopefully that will show in the performance on Saturday.’ (Ed. - 100% would do, Phil). Asked why Duffen had quit, Brown said: ‘I don't think it was on football results, I think it was on the business of football and unfortunately that's the case. It's difficult to separate the two but one does tend to run a business as well as a football club and I run the football side of things and I remain in charge for the match on Saturday obviously.’ (Ed. - Obviously? Dean Windass, whose goal won Hull Premiership promotion, said of Brown; ‘it was time he got moved on’). In a prepared statement, Brown began by saying: ‘We’ve had tremendous, unprecedented success with Paul over the last 2½ years and I would personally like to thank him for all his support. But unfortunately the game has and always will be about change. We have a big game on Saturday to prepare for and that is my sole purpose at this moment in time. I cannot and will not respond to ridiculous speculation surrounding the business of this football club whether it be in reference to the accounts or a replacement for Paul.’ (Ed. - What about reasonable speculation? And given that it was a prepared statement why was Phil only barely coherent?). Duffen's departure came after a day after Adam Pearson quit his chairmanship of Derby County. Pearson promptly joined Hull and is reported to be ready to take an axe to the necks of under-performing highly paid players. But Brown is safe for another week, at least. Most of the foregoing took place before Hull’s loss to Burnley on Saturday. Although I'm sure they know what they are doing, if I were a bookie I'd still be taking bets on Brown to go.
International Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Thousands Queue For Last Big Mac - Icelanders lined up at McDonald's restaurants to order their final Big Macs before the US fast-food chain abandoned the crisis-hit island on Saturday as a result of soaring costs. Cabbies Can Carry On Viewing - A South Korean court has rejected an attempt to prosecute Seoul taxi drivers for one of their scariest habits - watching television while driving. (Ed. - wonder what their other scary habits are?) Firm To Pawn Luxury Handbags - A Hong Kong firm has launched a series of TV commercials offering personal loans in exchange for ladies' luxury handbags. They expect brisk business from normally wealthy women who are suffering during the economic downturn. Pilot Asks Passengers To Pray - A concerned Iranian airline pilot asked passengers to start praying after his plane suffered a technical problem, highlighting the worrying record of Tehran's aircraft once more. Man Tries To Rob Bank With Spoon - A would-be robber threatened a cashier, holding a teaspoon to her neck, pretending it was a knife. But the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin were not fooled, and frightened the man away by screaming. Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect. And of the spoon.
Football Story Of The Week - The Stoke team experienced a mid-air drama when their 50-seat private aircraft was forced to make an emergency landing at Gatwick. Returning from Portsmouth on Tuesday night, following their 4:0 thrashing in the Carling Cup by Pompey, players alerted crew to a burning smell in the cabin. Rather than continue (to East Midlands Airport) the captain chose to land at Gatwick, where they were met by fire engines. Stoke's miserable night was not improved by their journey home by coach at 1.35am. Police are investigating potential sabotage by Spurs fans, who were incensed at losing to Stoke the previous weekend. They (the boys in blue) are also considering the possibility that the burning smell was the result of a celestial lightning strike conjured up by Saint Hal. Or that it was holy smoke, blown into the noses of the Stoke players. That’ll learn ‘em.
Another Football Story Of The Week - A Vicenza player twice ordered from the field by the referee during a Serie B match away to Modena still finished the game. Michele Ferri was twice sent off by the referee before finally being recalled to the field to complete the game. Seven minutes from time the referee waved a yellow card at the 28-year-old who, believing he had been booked in the first half, departed without waiting for a red to follow. However, the referee called Ferri back onto the pitch before checking his bookings list and ordering him off again. The game then became a soap opera as the ref consulted his assistants and called Ferri back onto the field, this time to stay, although his team still lost 1:0. The confusion arose from the first half booking (for arguing) of Francesco Signori. He was wearing the number 88 shirt, Ferri the number 81.
Football Headlines - Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying he wanted to bury the hatchet ahead of the game with Chelsea, what he actually said was that he wanted to bury a hatchet in a Chelsea head before the game. (Ed. - Don’t you have that the wrong way around, Ear? Nope.) Father Rooney - ‘I haven’t a clue what else I could have done,’ [if he had not become a footballer] Rooney told The Sun. ‘I wasn’t really the best in school. I always enjoyed RE, so maybe a priest.’ Better off as a footballer and father of a different kind, perhaps, priesthood isn't the kind of employment they offer down at the job centre. And it (father of a different kind) came to be… Rooney Baby Born Wearing Football Boots - ‘Just like his dad,’ said proud grandmother, Jeanette. ‘He (the baby) gave me a good (playful) kicking while I was pregnant,’ said joyful mum, Coleen. Rooney Baby Named - Wayne and Coleen have announced the name of their new child, as Kai. The name could be a corruption of Sir Kay, a knight of the Round Table but is probably not a corruption of the Korean motor company, Kia. It is unlikely to be associated with ‘Kai’, a kind of throat singing practised in the Altai Republic, or the Japanese pronunciation of 怪 (pinyin guài) meaning ‘strange’ or ‘unusual’, or ‘Kai’, Māori cuisine or food, or ‘Kai’, the Hawaiian word for the deep sea, or the ‘Kai Ken’, an ancient and treasured Japanese dog breed of the Spitz family. Sources say that a friend of Wayne’s by the name inspired the choice. The over-the-moon new parents were going to name the child in honour of Rooney's mentor and Manchester United manager, but thought that 'Mr Ferguson' was too formal. Overall, though, congratulations are in order, and let's hope the lad becomes a footballing chip off the old block. Or a priest.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Arsenal v Spurs - 3:0 – A bad day for Gomes and Spurs generally, two goals scrambled in by Van Persie and one given away from the kick-off (Fabregas). If Spurs had not conceded the first goal there would have been no easy second goal from the kick-off, and then who knows? Sir H. might have to do something about Gomes, when he's good he's very, very good, but when he's bad, he's horrid. He reminds Your Ear of Bruce Grobbelaar, whose great natural ability often went AWOL.
Bolton v Chelsea - 0:4 - Chelsea thumped Bolton by a margin of 4 goals for the second time in a week (the Carling Cup was the other occasion). After 45 minutes Lampard scored from a penalty, but Chelsea had had many chances before that. And afterwards, as well, first Deco, then Knight (o/g) then a very nicely worked move which Drogba finished off for Chelsea’s fourth. Ancelotti, who was mainly pleased with Chelsea’s ability to concentrate, said ‘The team is very happy.’ Although consistent, he was probably not 100% right - even though he was fit Joe Cole had to sit this one out on the bench. Chelsea dominated from start to finish and are the in-form top four league side of the day.
Man Utd v Blackburn - 2:0 - Two very good goals by Berbatov and Rooney, and despite a miss by Owen and an offside decision which went in ManU’s favour, gave United a straightforward win over a depleted Blackburn. United were not as convincing as Chelsea, but this was a welcome recovery from their defeat at Anfield last week. ManU continue to dog league-leaders, Chelsea, which makes their forthcoming away tie to the Blues very interesting, and fairly critical to both. But before that ManU and Chelsea have to face CSKA Moscow and Atletico Madrid respectively.
Burnley v Hull - 2:0 - Your Ear is rarely sympathetic to Hull, but this time their luck was ‘lost in the post’, delayed by the strike, possibly. The first goal (Burnley’s Alexander) was conceded to a doubtful penalty decision. Geovanni’s well-taken free kick equalizer was disallowed and then he was sent off (also a result of at least one dubious decision). Alexander scored again to twist the knife in Hull’s bruised and bloody torso. Phil Brown is becoming philosophical about Hull’s position, performance, luck (or its absence) and debatable refereeing decisions. The captain on the bridge of a sinking ship or a resolute, determined man who can and will turn things around? Your Ear hopes he is wrong, but isn’t that the sound of waves lapping?
Sunderland v West Ham - 2:2 - West Ham went two up through Franco and Cole, but then the biters were bit. Just as they had recovered from Arsenal’s two goal lead the week before, the Hammers allowed Sunderland back into the game - Reid scored a good free kick, then histrionics on the part of Ilunga got Sunderland’s Kenwyn Jones sent off, aided and abetted by West Ham coaching staff running onto the field as if their man had been pole-axed rather than having his hair ruffled. In Your Ear’s view Jones pushed Ilunga because Ilunga had put his head into Jones's chest (not a head-butt, but not innocent either). Rugby players must double up with laughter watching professional footballers acting like big girls' blouses. It's becoming a joke, and Your Ear, who admits to a soft spot for West Ham (London club, Zola as manager, etc) felt that Richardson's equalizer for 10 man Sunderland was just deserts.
Stoke v Wolves - 2:2 - This was a point well-earned by Wolves. An own goal (Elokobi) put Stoke in front, then Etherington's excellent volley doubled their score. However, in the second half, when Milijas had come on and after much endeavour, Craddock, albeit offside, got one back, then headed home a second to square the match. Stoke were very good in the first half but ‘take ‘em when you can,’ seems to be the appropriate motto, particularly for Wolves.
Everton v Aston Villa - 1:1 - Bilyaletdinov scored a goal right on half time to put Everton ahead, but Villa are nothing if not determined and after applying much pressure Agbonlahor’s good work allowed Carew (having come on as a substitute) to score on the rebound to draw level. Bilyaletdinov had the misfortune to be shown a red card, probably for showing his studs in a tackle on Petrov. To keep the game in the balance the ref then sent off Cuellar for a second foul. Again it did not look that severe but he went, anyway, and the game limped on to finish a draw, a result more welcomed by injury-hit Everton than Villa.
Portsmouth v Wigan - 4:0 - Dindane got a hat-trick as Portsmouth broke their duck with a vengeance. Dindane scored Portsmouth’s first and Frederic Piquionne their second in the first half. Dindane wrapped things up neatly against a stunned Wigan with two more in the second half, one from a penalty decision earned by ‘old rubber feet’ Kanu. ‘We've been working hard for months without having a lot to show for it,’ said manager Paul Hart. ‘We set off like trains and kept that up for the full 90 minutes. I've been stood here every Saturday trying to explain why we haven't got the results. That was certainly a reward for our efforts.’ Portsmouth really looked good for the ticket money. And, like Chelsea’s, this victory is a repeat of a 4:0 score-line, when Portsmouth demolished Stoke in the Carling Cup. Onwards and upwards for Portsmouth, Your Ear predicts.
Birmingham v Man City - 0:0 - Birmingham always looked the more likely side, even though City players cost their owners £120m+ more. A well-taken penalty (missed by James McFadden rather than saved by Shay Given) would have won the game for Birmingham. If Birmingham work as hard as they did in this match for the rest of the season they will stay up, particularly if they get their rumoured £40m cash injection for the next transfer window. Fourth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.
With a quarter of the season gone and taking account of the recent successes of some of the newly promoted and ‘lesser’ clubs it makes one wonder who will be going down at the end of the season. Besides Hull, of course.
Brown Loses Plot As Duffen Quits - Paul Duffen resigned as Hull chairman, following the club's bad start to the season. The accounts are also in difficulty; Hull will need to raise £23m if they are relegated, £16m if they survive. Speculation over the future of both Duffen and Phil Brown led to Hull denying that Brown had been sacked ahead of the forthcoming Burnley game. Bookmakers duly stopped taking bets on Brown being the next Premier League manager to lose his job. At a news conference Brown said: ‘I think the players are a million percent behind me and hopefully that will show in the performance on Saturday.’ (Ed. - 100% would do, Phil). Asked why Duffen had quit, Brown said: ‘I don't think it was on football results, I think it was on the business of football and unfortunately that's the case. It's difficult to separate the two but one does tend to run a business as well as a football club and I run the football side of things and I remain in charge for the match on Saturday obviously.’ (Ed. - Obviously? Dean Windass, whose goal won Hull Premiership promotion, said of Brown; ‘it was time he got moved on’). In a prepared statement, Brown began by saying: ‘We’ve had tremendous, unprecedented success with Paul over the last 2½ years and I would personally like to thank him for all his support. But unfortunately the game has and always will be about change. We have a big game on Saturday to prepare for and that is my sole purpose at this moment in time. I cannot and will not respond to ridiculous speculation surrounding the business of this football club whether it be in reference to the accounts or a replacement for Paul.’ (Ed. - What about reasonable speculation? And given that it was a prepared statement why was Phil only barely coherent?). Duffen's departure came after a day after Adam Pearson quit his chairmanship of Derby County. Pearson promptly joined Hull and is reported to be ready to take an axe to the necks of under-performing highly paid players. But Brown is safe for another week, at least. Most of the foregoing took place before Hull’s loss to Burnley on Saturday. Although I'm sure they know what they are doing, if I were a bookie I'd still be taking bets on Brown to go.
International Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Thousands Queue For Last Big Mac - Icelanders lined up at McDonald's restaurants to order their final Big Macs before the US fast-food chain abandoned the crisis-hit island on Saturday as a result of soaring costs. Cabbies Can Carry On Viewing - A South Korean court has rejected an attempt to prosecute Seoul taxi drivers for one of their scariest habits - watching television while driving. (Ed. - wonder what their other scary habits are?) Firm To Pawn Luxury Handbags - A Hong Kong firm has launched a series of TV commercials offering personal loans in exchange for ladies' luxury handbags. They expect brisk business from normally wealthy women who are suffering during the economic downturn. Pilot Asks Passengers To Pray - A concerned Iranian airline pilot asked passengers to start praying after his plane suffered a technical problem, highlighting the worrying record of Tehran's aircraft once more. Man Tries To Rob Bank With Spoon - A would-be robber threatened a cashier, holding a teaspoon to her neck, pretending it was a knife. But the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin were not fooled, and frightened the man away by screaming. Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect. And of the spoon.
Football Story Of The Week - The Stoke team experienced a mid-air drama when their 50-seat private aircraft was forced to make an emergency landing at Gatwick. Returning from Portsmouth on Tuesday night, following their 4:0 thrashing in the Carling Cup by Pompey, players alerted crew to a burning smell in the cabin. Rather than continue (to East Midlands Airport) the captain chose to land at Gatwick, where they were met by fire engines. Stoke's miserable night was not improved by their journey home by coach at 1.35am. Police are investigating potential sabotage by Spurs fans, who were incensed at losing to Stoke the previous weekend. They (the boys in blue) are also considering the possibility that the burning smell was the result of a celestial lightning strike conjured up by Saint Hal. Or that it was holy smoke, blown into the noses of the Stoke players. That’ll learn ‘em.
Another Football Story Of The Week - A Vicenza player twice ordered from the field by the referee during a Serie B match away to Modena still finished the game. Michele Ferri was twice sent off by the referee before finally being recalled to the field to complete the game. Seven minutes from time the referee waved a yellow card at the 28-year-old who, believing he had been booked in the first half, departed without waiting for a red to follow. However, the referee called Ferri back onto the pitch before checking his bookings list and ordering him off again. The game then became a soap opera as the ref consulted his assistants and called Ferri back onto the field, this time to stay, although his team still lost 1:0. The confusion arose from the first half booking (for arguing) of Francesco Signori. He was wearing the number 88 shirt, Ferri the number 81.
Football Headlines - Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying he wanted to bury the hatchet ahead of the game with Chelsea, what he actually said was that he wanted to bury a hatchet in a Chelsea head before the game. (Ed. - Don’t you have that the wrong way around, Ear? Nope.) Father Rooney - ‘I haven’t a clue what else I could have done,’ [if he had not become a footballer] Rooney told The Sun. ‘I wasn’t really the best in school. I always enjoyed RE, so maybe a priest.’ Better off as a footballer and father of a different kind, perhaps, priesthood isn't the kind of employment they offer down at the job centre. And it (father of a different kind) came to be… Rooney Baby Born Wearing Football Boots - ‘Just like his dad,’ said proud grandmother, Jeanette. ‘He (the baby) gave me a good (playful) kicking while I was pregnant,’ said joyful mum, Coleen. Rooney Baby Named - Wayne and Coleen have announced the name of their new child, as Kai. The name could be a corruption of Sir Kay, a knight of the Round Table but is probably not a corruption of the Korean motor company, Kia. It is unlikely to be associated with ‘Kai’, a kind of throat singing practised in the Altai Republic, or the Japanese pronunciation of 怪 (pinyin guài) meaning ‘strange’ or ‘unusual’, or ‘Kai’, Māori cuisine or food, or ‘Kai’, the Hawaiian word for the deep sea, or the ‘Kai Ken’, an ancient and treasured Japanese dog breed of the Spitz family. Sources say that a friend of Wayne’s by the name inspired the choice. The over-the-moon new parents were going to name the child in honour of Rooney's mentor and Manchester United manager, but thought that 'Mr Ferguson' was too formal. Overall, though, congratulations are in order, and let's hope the lad becomes a footballing chip off the old block. Or a priest.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
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