Spurs v Stoke - 0:1 - Stoke ruined Spurs best start to a season since 1961 by winning the game - the spoilsports! Stoke got stuck in straight away and Woodgate kept them out, injuring himself (again) in the process. The rest of the game was all Spurs. They had their chances in the first half, and good ones at that but by a combination of good defending and luck Stoke kept the sheet clean. The second half started the same, all Spurs but no goal. Lennon (Spurs best player) was fouled and injured and came off, reducing Spurs to 10 men (all 3 subs having been used). Stoke (Whelan) scored in the last 5 minutes and Spurs were then denied a fair penalty decision and the game was over. I blame Defoe, who is absent for 3 matches due to the idiotic red card stamping incident last week. St Hal said Spurs missed their (many) chances but did not moan (saints don't moan) about the penalty decision, so… well done, Stoke.
Birmingham v Sunderland - 2:1 - Birmingham were by far the quickest team off the mark and after applying fair pressure got their first goal (Ridgewell) after 37 minutes, even though it was offside. Early in the second half McFadden made it two. Sunderland (Dann) got one back from a free kick with 9 minutes to go. Bent should have equalized but failed to, leaving Birmingham with a very decently earned home win.
Wolves v Aston Villa - 1:1 - another midlands derby. Wolves came off the blocks quickly but Villa soaked up everything Wolves threw at them. The second half was a reversal of the first, Villa making the running but after 34 minutes Agbonlahor scored the opening goal for Villa. Wolves, however, refused to lie down and were awarded a penalty, taken by Sylvan Ebanks-Blake in the 83rd minute and (as the commentator said) he almost took off the back of the net. A slightly better draw for Wolves than for Villa, overall, in Your Ear's opinion.
Chelsea v Blackburn - 5:0 - Ashely Cole was injured, but Joe Cole returned, so still (a) Cole in the hole for Chelsea. Cole should have scored after 30 seconds but must be a bit rusty and missed a sitter. Instead Chelsea forced an own goal by Givet (Drogba would have scored it otherwise). Many Chelsea efforts in the rest of the half yielded no fruit, but 2½ minutes into the second half Lampard got Chelsea's second. Essien banged one in from distance for their third. Drogba was awarded a penalty and Lampard duly rifled in their fourth. Drogba headed in their fifth (the last 4 goals coming within the first 18 minutes of half time). The gulf in standard reduced swine-flu stricken Blackburn to fish in a barrel. Big Sam was philosophical, but he had Hobson's choice. Ancelotti was 'very happy' (we await an increase in Ancelotti's vocabulary with baited breath).
Burnley v Wigan - 1:3 - great start for Burnley (Fletcher) who scored after 4 minutes. Wigan might have equalized twice but Jensen blocked two good shots. Then he slipped, injured himself, and Rodallega rolled the ball over the goal line after 11 minutes. Soon after the second half began Rodallega banged one in, making a chance out of nothing. Boyce made it three and Burnley's perfect home wins record was history. Wigan look more and more like a good, capable side.
Hull v Portsmouth - 0:0 - A quiet (boring) first half ended with honours even. The second half held more promise for Portsmouth, who had many more opportunities, but the game ended in a goal-less draw. The most interesting player story was Myhill's (the Hull keeper), who first needlessly gave away a dangerous (but profitless) free kick to Portsmouth, then seemed to get so annoyed (possibly with himself) that he injured himself by kicking the ball up-field. Maybe one or other of these sides will be relegated, but Paul Hart looks less drawn and hunted than Phil Brown.
Bolton v Everton - 3:2 - South Korean, Lee scored a very tidy goal for Bolton's first, and Gary Cahill (not Tim on the other side) got their second 11 minutes later, both gifted to them by a lacklustre Everton defence. Saha scored a great long range shot 5 minutes after, to give Everton some hope and Fellaini equalized 10 minutes into the 2nd half. After a sterling run up-field 19 year old Dan Gosling should have won the game for Everton by passing the ball, but he went for glory and failed to score. At this point in the game it seemed like Everton would win it, the only question being when. Double kidney transplantee, Croatian, Ivan Klasnic was knocked cold and might have left the field, but he stayed on and scored a very good goal to win the game for Bolton with 4 minutes to go. Gary Megson, vilified by the press and supporters so heavily earlier in the season, is now the club's top man, following Bolton's first home win of the season.
Liverpool v Man Utd - 2:0 - Before the game Liverpool were 7 points behind United and following Liverpool's run of 4 successive defeats, including 2 in the league (their worst run in 22 years) Rafael Benitez was overwhelmed with management messages of support; "Benitez job safe" says Reds chief. Pressure had been mounting on Benitez, but the Spaniard was handed long term job assurances by the club's managing director just 3 hours before the match. Rafa looked suitably terrified as he stepped out onto the touchline. Had Liverpool lost this tie their dismal 22 year record would have stretched to 'worst in 56' and Liverpool's hopes of winning a first league title since 1990 might have seemed doomed. But what are they saying now? In a terrific end to end game Liverpool, even without Gerrard, came out on top after a magnificent 65th minute goal by Torres and another in extra time by N'Gog. Man of the match was Benayoun, who played brilliantly. Rooney, who is not known to be the most cheerful player in defeat, shook hands with every Liverpool player after the game and Ferguson, after the statutory minute of ranting at referee's decisions, was magnanimous, saying that Liverpool were the better side on the day. Your Ear believes that United may come to feel that £80m was a poor price to achieve for Ronaldo.
Manchester City v Fulham - 2:2 - City were unlucky to have a goal disallowed in a featureless first half, but Zamora was guilty of a 'miss of the season' after the break. A scrappy goal by Lescott put City ahead and Pertrov made it two with a fine strike within 6 minutes. But Fulham like playing away to City and minutes later Duff and Dempsey scored a brace of goals for Fulham in quick succession. A great result for Fulham while City wobbled.
West Ham v Arsenal - 2:2 - Arsenal looked as though they were in no mood to mess about and simple, workmanlike goals by Van Persie and Gallas put the Gunners 2 ahead by half time. And up until the last 10 minutes of the game you'd have thought the biggest smile of the weekend would have been plastered across Arsene Wenger's face, and that Zola would go off to find himself a nice place to hibernate for the rest of the winter and forget it all. But West Ham, through Cole, got one back on the rebound from a Diamanti free kick and from then on Arsenal looked nervous. A soft(ish) penalty decision went in the Hammer's favour and they were level (Diamanti). Scott Parker seemed unfortunate to be sent off (2 yellows) but he is volatile, falls over easily, and gets on the wrong side of referees. West Ham have been playing better than their results show and Zola is 'appy again. Wenger miffed, but uncomplaining.
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - James Dyson Launches Bladeless Fan - which he hopes will be a healthy and environmentally-friendly alternative to air conditioning. The 62-year-old designer, who gave his name to the bagless vacuum cleaner, said the bladeless fan stops the unpleasant "turbulent buffeting" of traditional desk fans, creating a smooth, constant air flow "like a breeze". Peeved Trader Plans Shocking Punishment For Yobs - Businessman John O'Connor, having spent around €3,000 on cameras and other security devices seeking to deter a stream of late-night partygoers who use his premises as an outdoor toilet, is now installing live wires across the pavement immediately in front of his music shop in County Clare. An angry Mr O'Connor said offenders should zip up or face the consequences. "If anybody persists with this anti-social behaviour they'll get a shock, they'll know all about it. The wires are on the ground where I'm greeted every Monday morning with pools of their urine, mounds of their faeces," he said. "You can see it (the device), it's pretty obvious what's there. There are signs everywhere. You come to a certain stage when you just say 'Enough is enough'." Mr O'Connor could be open to prosecution for assault under Ireland's Non-Fatal Offences Against The Person Act 1997, which carries a maximum fine of €1,500 and a prison sentence of up to five years. A Gardai spokesman said: "If somebody was to injure themselves he might have a few questions to answer. If it was reported we would investigate." Who would report it, Your Ear wonders. Polanski resists deportation - The Swiss justice ministry said Polanski had admitted to unlawful sex with a minor: "He is wanted by the US authorities with a view to passing sentence for this offence," it said. Polanski had pleaded guilty to a single count of having sex with a minor and spent 42 days in prison undergoing psychiatric tests. He fled the United States before the case ended believing that a judge would sentence him to up to 50 years behind bars despite a plea agreement for time already served. However US law changed in 1977, reducing the maximum sentence Polanski could face to 2 years. Only 2 years? Your Ear wonders what all the fuss is about, if Mr Polanski fights extradition for long enough and is remanded in custody meanwhile, he might choose to do that time (which would probably be counted as 'time served' against his sentence) in Switzerland. Unless he can’t stand the yodelling, of course.
Football Headlines - Fulham Football Club owner to become president of Scotland? - Fulham and Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed told The Sunday Times "You Scots have been living in a coma for too long, Whatever help is needed for Scotland to regain its independence, I will provide it. When you Scots regain your freedom I'm ready to be your president." Al Fayed is urging his "fellow Scots" to detach themselves from "the English and their terrible politicians". But he is not enjoying much rapport with Scotland's First Minister and SNP leader, Alex Salmond. "I will do anything for Scotland but I don't want this Alex Salmond," he said. "I asked to meet him but he refused. I wanted to give him some help and advice, but he didn't want to know. I believe in Scotland but he still won't see me." Wonder why. Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (regarding the Liverpool match) that ManU had just had a total balls-up, what he actually said was that ManU just had to tot the bills up (for the disastrous result).
Sports’ Richest - Who are the five top earners in sport? As Your Ear does not have the resources to run a quiz you will find the answers below;
1 Cristiano Ronaldo will become the first billionaire footballer. The former ManU star is to be offered £1.5 million a game to take part in a series of friendlies in the Middle East (according to the Daily Star). Ronaldo already earns £12m a year at Real Madrid, while pocketing loadsamoney from a number of endorsement deals and his three clothing boutiques.
2 Tiger Woods, with 14 Majors and 71 PGA Tour titles, became the first $ billionaire sportsman on gaining a $10m bonus in this year's FedEx Cup. In 2000 Woods signed a five-year $105 million contract with Nike and also has deals with Amex, Buick, TAG Heuer and EA Sports. Together with Roger Federer and Thierry Henry he is also the face of Gillette, another $10m-$20m deal.
3 Roger Federer, with 14 Grand Slam titles, banked $36m in the last 12 months and became the first tennis player to surpass $50m in career earnings on the court at this year's US Open. Besides lucrative sponsorship deals with Nike, Rolex, Wilson and Gillette, appearance fees and sponsorship deals have added another $28m. His Nike deal alone is worth $10m annually.
4 Michael Schumacher earned a handsome $40m a year as driver at his peak in 2003, when he won his sixth (out of seven) F1 world title. This was doubled by sponsorship endorsements and championship bonuses. Schumacher has amassed an estimated $700m since his F1 debut in 1991 and continues to earn big bucks as an adviser for Ferrari, as well as for various media roles.
5 Michael Jordan retired for the third time six years ago but still pulls in $45m annually, thanks to a clothing deal with Nike. At his peak (with the Chicago Bulls in 1998/99) Jordan earned $69m a year from his salary and endorsement deals. Now the Charlotte Bobcats head of basketball operations, Jordan has earned an estimated total of $800m.
“Football? It's the beautiful game,” said Pele. Many would agree, but not all; Thomas Elyot’s 16th century account was not favourable: "Football, wherein is nothing but beastly fury, and extreme violence, whereof proceedeth hurt, and consequently rancour and malice do remain with them that be wounded." But J. B. Priestley, in his 1929 novel The Good Companions, offered a considered view on what football gives its fans: "To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink. For a shilling the Bruddersford United AFC offered you Conflict and Art." Priestley would probably have agreed with Bill Shankly; "Some people think football is a matter of life and death… I can assure them it is much more serious than that." And perhaps even with Delia Smith who, on being appointed a director of Norwich City FC in 1997, said: "Football and cookery are the two most important subjects in the country." Having dinner at Delia's would doubtless score highly on both counts.
Post Script - I always like listening to Marcel Desailly, who, when commenting on Chelsea v Athletico Madrid, said ‘Any mistake you make, you pay cash, straight away,’ That's good graphic use of his second (and possibly third) language. They should have him on the box more often.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Monday 26 October 2009
Thursday 22 October 2009
Premiership round up - Week 9
Aston Villa v Chelsea - 2:1 - A great long range strike by Drogba against the run of play put Chelsea ahead. Dunne equalized from a corner (off an unfortunate Lampard). This was followed by much pacing up and down the sideline by O'Neil. Villa and Chelsea have the toughest defences to crack in the Premiership. Today Villa's was the more organized. Brad Freidel also had a good game. Chelsea were undone (again) by a set piece, and Collins put Villa ahead, while Terry fumed (again). Carew should have made it three. There is a strong sense of resilience and determination about Villa and Agbonlahor is beginning to look more like a senior player than a junior. After the game O'Neil claimed that Villa should have had a penalty, but was smugly content with the result. Ancelotti said; ‘I'm not angry, I'm disappointed we lost the game.’ Given that on average about a quarter of all games end in a draw about 3 managers in 8 say that every week.
Sunderland v Liverpool - 1:0 - Liverpool were sporting their faintly ridiculous semi-flesh-coloured away strip. It did not augur well. Sunderland (celebrating their 130th anniversary) had not scored against Liverpool for over 9 hours, but they soon put this right when Bent got a good goal, in-off a giant red balloon lying on the pitch! Liverpool should have no complaints, the balloon was put there by one of their fans. (Ed. - It should have been a drop ball, not a goal). Boring. In any case, Bent should have had at least two more. Rafael Benitez did his usual off-pitch mime act (that no one understands, but it seems to include a ball, at least it might be a ball…). Sunderland fans were apoplectic at the 7 minutes of extra time, but their team held on. There were sideline handbags between Rafa and Steve Bruce over alleged time wasting towards the end but they shook hands after the game. As Your Ear has said before - no Gerrard or Torres = no result. Like Ancelotti, Rafa was also ‘disappointed’. I imagine Sunderland had a good night out.
Man Utd v Bolton - 2:1 - Owen forced an own goal (Knight) after 5 minutes and Berbatov should have made it two, then three for United. Both Davies and Taylor might have equalized (but didn't). Valencia competently scored his first for ManU without any fuss just before half time. Bolton were only in it for the last 15 minutes, but when Taylor halved the gap his team woke up and applied good pressure for the rest of the game. For once ManU were not so happy with time added (4 minutes), but although Bolton came close Van de Saar secured United's victory. Giggs commented afterwards that '2:0 is always dangerous score,' Not as dangerous as 1:0 or 0:0, Ryan!
Portsmouth v Spurs - 1:2 - St Hal’s reception, on returning to his old club, was mild. Gomez was preferred to Cudicini, which, as usual where Gomez is concerned, is risky business. However, he made several good saves, including one from a deflected free kick he had helped give away in the first place. Defoe missed (off the post) within minutes of the start, then Dindane missed a golden opportunity. Ledley King, of all people, scored a solid header for Spurs in the 29th minute. Defoe poked a very good Jenas cross into the net to make it two just before half time. An amazed Dindane missed another sitter before Boateng, who had been making huge efforts, got one back for the home side. Two players were sent off, Defoe, the daft idiot, for stamping, and Portsmouth's Brown (both playing against their former employers). Oh well, maybe Crouch will get a start, for a change. Portsmouth were bloody but unbowed. Your Ear still thinks they will survive demotion. Afterwards we were privileged to hear the words of St Hal; 'It was a good day, the crowd were fantastic, I thought. And Portsmouth played well, we was 'angin on for grim life. They pummelled us, and kept coming, and kept making attack after attack, but we rode our luck a bit and managed to survive and ‘ang on for the win.' Some have ridiculed Sir Harry for his choice of words, he should have said ‘hanging on for dear life,’ or ‘hung on like grim death,’ they say. What do ‘they’ know? Such wisdom is rarely heard elsewhere.
Arsenal v Birmingham - 3:1 - This was the first start of the season for Walcott, but a crunching tackle brought him down right at the start of the game. No problem, shortly after he nearly scored the goal of the year, but it was Van Persie's masterful control and finishing that opened Arsenal's account. Within two minutes Arsenal (Diaby) had scored again, Bowyer grabbed one back 7 minutes before half time. Arsenal failed to make the most of a dubious 'pass back to the keeper'' decision and Birmingham should have scored at the other end. Arshavin calmed Arsenal's nerves, and passed the ball into the corner of the net to restore Arsenal's two goal lead, Diaby might have made Arsenal’s total four, but the game ended on a flat note, at least for Birmingham. Arsene was obviously pleased with the result and commented (with a big grin) that the league is perhaps more open than some people thought. He might be right, too.
Stoke v West Ham - 2:1 - The Hammers gave away a stupid penalty (and a goal to Beattie) in the 11th minute. Twenty minutes or so later Upson equalized. But Beattie scored a very calm goal (considering he was sliding along the ground in two-man bobsleigh fashion with a defender at the time) for the winner. Another loss for West Ham and Zola was ‘not 'appy.’ There seems to be lots going on behind closed doors at Boleyn Ground (aka Upton Park) but Your Ear predicts that Thames Ironworks FC, sorry, caught in a time-warp, West Ham FC will still finish the season in the top half of the table.
Wigan v Man City - 1:1 - Wigan last lost at home to Man City over 11 years ago and have kept that going for another year. Wigan have beaten Chelsea and should have had a depleted Man City in this game – they are well organized, and play well going forward or defending, and are generally beginning to look like giant killers. Rodallega can certainly hit them and can also provide, as he did for N'Zogbia who scored right on half time. Petrov levelled it as soon as the 2nd half started and it began to look like City's day, but then a rather constipated-looking Mark Hughes watched with a pained expression as City were reduced to 10 men (Zabaleta, two yellows). Roberto Martinez, Wigan's manager, did not feel City losing a man helped Wigan. Sparky disagreed. City should have had a penalty but Your Ear feels City's best tactic would have been to hypnotize Adebayor, suggesting to him that he was playing against Arsenal again. That would have got him going.
Everton v Wolves - 1:1 - All the early chances fell to Everton. None were taken. In the second half Wolves (Doyle) sneaked a goal to go ahead. An unmarked Russian with a long name, Bilyaletdinov, scored his first goal for Everton. And he'll never get an easier one, Wolves' defence was non-existent. Despite chances at either end the game ended even-stevens. Wolves' Maierhofer - a 6'7" former chef, known as 'the neck', was sent off for a second yellow having run across Howard, Everton's goalkeeper. He was a little unlucky and Howard was fortunate only to receive a yellow for his retaliation (he grabbed ‘the neck’s’ neck).
Blackburn v Burnley - 3:2 - A midlands derby, some 43 years have elapsed since the last top-flight meeting between these two bitter enemies. It was all go. Blake scored a great goal for Burnley in the first 5 minutes, and Dunn balanced the scales within 4 minutes. Diouf missed one, but Di Santo scored Blackburn's second goal 12 minutes later following a keeping cock-up - after many good ones Jensen had a bad day for Burnley today. Chimbonda scored for Blackburn again just before half time. The second half was goal-less but frenetic until the 2nd minute of injury time, when Eagles got Burnley's second goal. There followed a nervous minute or two for Blackburn. But Burnley just can't get it together when not at home - that's 17 away goals conceded now. Big Sam's ‘listen with mother’ post-match analysis was; 'It didn't look comfortable after 5 minutes, certainly got a little more comfortable after it went to 1:1, and then got excited to 2:1, then ecstatic at 3:1, and I calmed the players down at half time and said, y'know, the bottom line, lads, is if Burnley don't score we've won this game!' He wasn't quite right - Burnley did score but Blackburn were 2 up, so they won anyway. Managers who can’t count to 3 - what if it was cricket!
Fulham v Hull - 2:0 - This was the first real 'winter' game of the year, with supporters wrapped in scarves. Hull have conceded 10 goals in their last two Premiership matches. And they have won just one away game in 2009 - at Fulham in March! They could not repeat that effort tonight. It was slow stuff for the first 35 minutes, then a shot on goal, then more slow stuff (except for a couple of bookings). Zamora scored just before the half ended. The Tigers claws were drawn 20 minutes into the second half when Zamora's cross was touched in at the far post by Diomansy Kamara for his first league goal of the season. Hull thought Kamara was offside, but the goal was given. Fulham dominated most of the rest of the game and can now also start to celebrate their 130th anniversary.
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Poles Sign Lisbon Treaty - Leaving the Czech Republic the sole country yet to ratify the controversial European Union reform plan. Rumour has it that Tory strategists hope the Czechs will sign up quickly. This would save the Tories from having to hold a UK referendum (as promised) if the treaty remains unratified when (and if) the Tories are elected. Cartoon Character Makes November Cover Of Playboy - ‘The Simpsons’ 20th anniversary was honoured earlier this year with a set of US postal stamps. Now Scott Flanders, recently-recruited Playboy Enterprises’ chief executive, said that his magazine’s cover and centrefold of Marge Simpson, blue bee-hived matriarch of America's beloved dysfunctional family, was 'somewhat tongue-in-cheek.' 'We thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual,' he added, underlining through his choice of language how un-hip, warm and banal the ailing magazine has become. But the outstanding question is whether young Scott is related to god-fearing Simpson neighbour, Ned Flanders. The black sheep of the family, perhaps? Boxer Makes Strange Discovery - Francia Elena Bravo had a big surprise at the weigh-in for her world title clash against WBC super flyweight world champion, Ana Maria Torres, when a mandatory pregnancy test found she was pregnant. The WBC wishes Bravo the best of luck on ‘her beautiful motherhood journey’, a statement read. Gordon Brown has hospital eye tests - Following examinations at Moorfields Eye Hospital, surgeons found that Mr Brown's retina had two minor tears. They were anxious to explain that these were small rents and not, as reported by some observers, that Gordon had shed one tear for the economy, and the other for his political future. Berlusconi's Daughter Says Fine Hurts Holding Co. - Marina Berlusconi, head of her father’s holding company Fininvest, said a court order to pay €750m (£680m) in damages to a rival (for bribing a judge to make a ruling in Berlusconi's favour) put the company at risk. In 2007 Berlusconi (73), was cleared of criminal responsibility in the case, the charges having elapsed under Italy's statute of limitations. 'Viva Italia, viva Berlusconi,' said Italy's finest. Embezzler Wins Lottery - Paul Lyle, a 53 year old from Kansas, won the state lottery whilst awaiting trial. Mr Lyle eventually pleaded guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his employer to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. His $96,000 prize will be used to repay the stolen money. Now, that’s providence in action for you.
National Headline of the Week - Government Tries To Suppress Gray Defence Report - which said that 'incompetence is helping enemies who are unlikely to wait for our sclerotic acquisition systems to catch up.’ 'We understand 'incompetence' only too well, but we don't know what 'sclerotic' means,' said a government spokesperson. 'It's not fair, using words only one in a hundred (unless they are of a medical bent) would understand.' Sclerotic (adjective) definition: palsied or crippled, synonyms: arthritic, atonic, debilitated, disabled, diseased, helpless, neurasthenic, paralytic, paralysed, rheumatic, shaky, sick, trembling, weak. Antonyms: healthy, steady. Seems like Britain's defence procurement is on its last legs, and trembly, palsied, atonic ones at that.
Football Headlines - Unborn Baby To Be Nominated As Footballer Of The Year - 'Well, it might be, one day,' said proud dad. 'If it's a boy, of course. After all, if President Obama can be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five minutes after being elected I think it's sensible to get my boy's name down on the list early.' Pope To Fast-track Canonization Of Redknapp - 'I am persuaded that this man has led a holy, blameless life, that he can work miracles and that he already walks on water. Come on, you Spurs,' says Pontiff. Hull Manager To Keep Players In Detention - Phil Brown banned his players from the club restaurant and took the plug off the coffee machine after they lost 6-1 at Anfield. Despite the win at Wigan Brown now says Hull is playing so badly he will make his team stay behind after any matches they lose. 'No going home to mum for their tea,' he added, 'they will remain at the ground, home or away, and write out 1000 times, 'we will stay up, we will stay up,' or words to that effect.' Arsene Wenger Dons New Spectacles - 'Everything has suddenly become clear. I did not know we played in red,' admits Frenchman.
Football Story Of The Week - FA To Reform Premiership On Regional Basis - A spokesperson said; 'Soccer has been criticized for contributing to global warming. As a result we first examined London, where there are plenty of high-standard clubs. A London-based league would enable supporters to go to every match, home or away, using the bus or tube, thus reducing football's consumption of fossil fuels.' When asked about non-London leagues the spokesperson added; 'We also looked hard at other parts of the country. So far we have found the quality of football to be so diluted we cannot see the point in continuing.' When pressed by Your Faithful Ear on whether this dissolution would exclude Premiership champions, Manchester United, the spokesperson commented; 'In particular, we have decided to ban Manchester United. As none of its fans live locally this club is particularly likely to contribute to the planet's destruction.' Amen to that.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Sunderland v Liverpool - 1:0 - Liverpool were sporting their faintly ridiculous semi-flesh-coloured away strip. It did not augur well. Sunderland (celebrating their 130th anniversary) had not scored against Liverpool for over 9 hours, but they soon put this right when Bent got a good goal, in-off a giant red balloon lying on the pitch! Liverpool should have no complaints, the balloon was put there by one of their fans. (Ed. - It should have been a drop ball, not a goal). Boring. In any case, Bent should have had at least two more. Rafael Benitez did his usual off-pitch mime act (that no one understands, but it seems to include a ball, at least it might be a ball…). Sunderland fans were apoplectic at the 7 minutes of extra time, but their team held on. There were sideline handbags between Rafa and Steve Bruce over alleged time wasting towards the end but they shook hands after the game. As Your Ear has said before - no Gerrard or Torres = no result. Like Ancelotti, Rafa was also ‘disappointed’. I imagine Sunderland had a good night out.
Man Utd v Bolton - 2:1 - Owen forced an own goal (Knight) after 5 minutes and Berbatov should have made it two, then three for United. Both Davies and Taylor might have equalized (but didn't). Valencia competently scored his first for ManU without any fuss just before half time. Bolton were only in it for the last 15 minutes, but when Taylor halved the gap his team woke up and applied good pressure for the rest of the game. For once ManU were not so happy with time added (4 minutes), but although Bolton came close Van de Saar secured United's victory. Giggs commented afterwards that '2:0 is always dangerous score,' Not as dangerous as 1:0 or 0:0, Ryan!
Portsmouth v Spurs - 1:2 - St Hal’s reception, on returning to his old club, was mild. Gomez was preferred to Cudicini, which, as usual where Gomez is concerned, is risky business. However, he made several good saves, including one from a deflected free kick he had helped give away in the first place. Defoe missed (off the post) within minutes of the start, then Dindane missed a golden opportunity. Ledley King, of all people, scored a solid header for Spurs in the 29th minute. Defoe poked a very good Jenas cross into the net to make it two just before half time. An amazed Dindane missed another sitter before Boateng, who had been making huge efforts, got one back for the home side. Two players were sent off, Defoe, the daft idiot, for stamping, and Portsmouth's Brown (both playing against their former employers). Oh well, maybe Crouch will get a start, for a change. Portsmouth were bloody but unbowed. Your Ear still thinks they will survive demotion. Afterwards we were privileged to hear the words of St Hal; 'It was a good day, the crowd were fantastic, I thought. And Portsmouth played well, we was 'angin on for grim life. They pummelled us, and kept coming, and kept making attack after attack, but we rode our luck a bit and managed to survive and ‘ang on for the win.' Some have ridiculed Sir Harry for his choice of words, he should have said ‘hanging on for dear life,’ or ‘hung on like grim death,’ they say. What do ‘they’ know? Such wisdom is rarely heard elsewhere.
Arsenal v Birmingham - 3:1 - This was the first start of the season for Walcott, but a crunching tackle brought him down right at the start of the game. No problem, shortly after he nearly scored the goal of the year, but it was Van Persie's masterful control and finishing that opened Arsenal's account. Within two minutes Arsenal (Diaby) had scored again, Bowyer grabbed one back 7 minutes before half time. Arsenal failed to make the most of a dubious 'pass back to the keeper'' decision and Birmingham should have scored at the other end. Arshavin calmed Arsenal's nerves, and passed the ball into the corner of the net to restore Arsenal's two goal lead, Diaby might have made Arsenal’s total four, but the game ended on a flat note, at least for Birmingham. Arsene was obviously pleased with the result and commented (with a big grin) that the league is perhaps more open than some people thought. He might be right, too.
Stoke v West Ham - 2:1 - The Hammers gave away a stupid penalty (and a goal to Beattie) in the 11th minute. Twenty minutes or so later Upson equalized. But Beattie scored a very calm goal (considering he was sliding along the ground in two-man bobsleigh fashion with a defender at the time) for the winner. Another loss for West Ham and Zola was ‘not 'appy.’ There seems to be lots going on behind closed doors at Boleyn Ground (aka Upton Park) but Your Ear predicts that Thames Ironworks FC, sorry, caught in a time-warp, West Ham FC will still finish the season in the top half of the table.
Wigan v Man City - 1:1 - Wigan last lost at home to Man City over 11 years ago and have kept that going for another year. Wigan have beaten Chelsea and should have had a depleted Man City in this game – they are well organized, and play well going forward or defending, and are generally beginning to look like giant killers. Rodallega can certainly hit them and can also provide, as he did for N'Zogbia who scored right on half time. Petrov levelled it as soon as the 2nd half started and it began to look like City's day, but then a rather constipated-looking Mark Hughes watched with a pained expression as City were reduced to 10 men (Zabaleta, two yellows). Roberto Martinez, Wigan's manager, did not feel City losing a man helped Wigan. Sparky disagreed. City should have had a penalty but Your Ear feels City's best tactic would have been to hypnotize Adebayor, suggesting to him that he was playing against Arsenal again. That would have got him going.
Everton v Wolves - 1:1 - All the early chances fell to Everton. None were taken. In the second half Wolves (Doyle) sneaked a goal to go ahead. An unmarked Russian with a long name, Bilyaletdinov, scored his first goal for Everton. And he'll never get an easier one, Wolves' defence was non-existent. Despite chances at either end the game ended even-stevens. Wolves' Maierhofer - a 6'7" former chef, known as 'the neck', was sent off for a second yellow having run across Howard, Everton's goalkeeper. He was a little unlucky and Howard was fortunate only to receive a yellow for his retaliation (he grabbed ‘the neck’s’ neck).
Blackburn v Burnley - 3:2 - A midlands derby, some 43 years have elapsed since the last top-flight meeting between these two bitter enemies. It was all go. Blake scored a great goal for Burnley in the first 5 minutes, and Dunn balanced the scales within 4 minutes. Diouf missed one, but Di Santo scored Blackburn's second goal 12 minutes later following a keeping cock-up - after many good ones Jensen had a bad day for Burnley today. Chimbonda scored for Blackburn again just before half time. The second half was goal-less but frenetic until the 2nd minute of injury time, when Eagles got Burnley's second goal. There followed a nervous minute or two for Blackburn. But Burnley just can't get it together when not at home - that's 17 away goals conceded now. Big Sam's ‘listen with mother’ post-match analysis was; 'It didn't look comfortable after 5 minutes, certainly got a little more comfortable after it went to 1:1, and then got excited to 2:1, then ecstatic at 3:1, and I calmed the players down at half time and said, y'know, the bottom line, lads, is if Burnley don't score we've won this game!' He wasn't quite right - Burnley did score but Blackburn were 2 up, so they won anyway. Managers who can’t count to 3 - what if it was cricket!
Fulham v Hull - 2:0 - This was the first real 'winter' game of the year, with supporters wrapped in scarves. Hull have conceded 10 goals in their last two Premiership matches. And they have won just one away game in 2009 - at Fulham in March! They could not repeat that effort tonight. It was slow stuff for the first 35 minutes, then a shot on goal, then more slow stuff (except for a couple of bookings). Zamora scored just before the half ended. The Tigers claws were drawn 20 minutes into the second half when Zamora's cross was touched in at the far post by Diomansy Kamara for his first league goal of the season. Hull thought Kamara was offside, but the goal was given. Fulham dominated most of the rest of the game and can now also start to celebrate their 130th anniversary.
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Poles Sign Lisbon Treaty - Leaving the Czech Republic the sole country yet to ratify the controversial European Union reform plan. Rumour has it that Tory strategists hope the Czechs will sign up quickly. This would save the Tories from having to hold a UK referendum (as promised) if the treaty remains unratified when (and if) the Tories are elected. Cartoon Character Makes November Cover Of Playboy - ‘The Simpsons’ 20th anniversary was honoured earlier this year with a set of US postal stamps. Now Scott Flanders, recently-recruited Playboy Enterprises’ chief executive, said that his magazine’s cover and centrefold of Marge Simpson, blue bee-hived matriarch of America's beloved dysfunctional family, was 'somewhat tongue-in-cheek.' 'We thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual,' he added, underlining through his choice of language how un-hip, warm and banal the ailing magazine has become. But the outstanding question is whether young Scott is related to god-fearing Simpson neighbour, Ned Flanders. The black sheep of the family, perhaps? Boxer Makes Strange Discovery - Francia Elena Bravo had a big surprise at the weigh-in for her world title clash against WBC super flyweight world champion, Ana Maria Torres, when a mandatory pregnancy test found she was pregnant. The WBC wishes Bravo the best of luck on ‘her beautiful motherhood journey’, a statement read. Gordon Brown has hospital eye tests - Following examinations at Moorfields Eye Hospital, surgeons found that Mr Brown's retina had two minor tears. They were anxious to explain that these were small rents and not, as reported by some observers, that Gordon had shed one tear for the economy, and the other for his political future. Berlusconi's Daughter Says Fine Hurts Holding Co. - Marina Berlusconi, head of her father’s holding company Fininvest, said a court order to pay €750m (£680m) in damages to a rival (for bribing a judge to make a ruling in Berlusconi's favour) put the company at risk. In 2007 Berlusconi (73), was cleared of criminal responsibility in the case, the charges having elapsed under Italy's statute of limitations. 'Viva Italia, viva Berlusconi,' said Italy's finest. Embezzler Wins Lottery - Paul Lyle, a 53 year old from Kansas, won the state lottery whilst awaiting trial. Mr Lyle eventually pleaded guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his employer to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. His $96,000 prize will be used to repay the stolen money. Now, that’s providence in action for you.
National Headline of the Week - Government Tries To Suppress Gray Defence Report - which said that 'incompetence is helping enemies who are unlikely to wait for our sclerotic acquisition systems to catch up.’ 'We understand 'incompetence' only too well, but we don't know what 'sclerotic' means,' said a government spokesperson. 'It's not fair, using words only one in a hundred (unless they are of a medical bent) would understand.' Sclerotic (adjective) definition: palsied or crippled, synonyms: arthritic, atonic, debilitated, disabled, diseased, helpless, neurasthenic, paralytic, paralysed, rheumatic, shaky, sick, trembling, weak. Antonyms: healthy, steady. Seems like Britain's defence procurement is on its last legs, and trembly, palsied, atonic ones at that.
Football Headlines - Unborn Baby To Be Nominated As Footballer Of The Year - 'Well, it might be, one day,' said proud dad. 'If it's a boy, of course. After all, if President Obama can be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five minutes after being elected I think it's sensible to get my boy's name down on the list early.' Pope To Fast-track Canonization Of Redknapp - 'I am persuaded that this man has led a holy, blameless life, that he can work miracles and that he already walks on water. Come on, you Spurs,' says Pontiff. Hull Manager To Keep Players In Detention - Phil Brown banned his players from the club restaurant and took the plug off the coffee machine after they lost 6-1 at Anfield. Despite the win at Wigan Brown now says Hull is playing so badly he will make his team stay behind after any matches they lose. 'No going home to mum for their tea,' he added, 'they will remain at the ground, home or away, and write out 1000 times, 'we will stay up, we will stay up,' or words to that effect.' Arsene Wenger Dons New Spectacles - 'Everything has suddenly become clear. I did not know we played in red,' admits Frenchman.
Football Story Of The Week - FA To Reform Premiership On Regional Basis - A spokesperson said; 'Soccer has been criticized for contributing to global warming. As a result we first examined London, where there are plenty of high-standard clubs. A London-based league would enable supporters to go to every match, home or away, using the bus or tube, thus reducing football's consumption of fossil fuels.' When asked about non-London leagues the spokesperson added; 'We also looked hard at other parts of the country. So far we have found the quality of football to be so diluted we cannot see the point in continuing.' When pressed by Your Faithful Ear on whether this dissolution would exclude Premiership champions, Manchester United, the spokesperson commented; 'In particular, we have decided to ban Manchester United. As none of its fans live locally this club is particularly likely to contribute to the planet's destruction.' Amen to that.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Thursday 8 October 2009
Premiership round up - Week 8
Bolton v Spurs - 2:2 - Spurs had never beaten Bolton at their home ground before, and also failed at this attempt. The game did not start well for Spurs, Gardner scored for Bolton in the 4th minute and Spurs hardly saw the ball, let alone had it, for the first half hour. But Kranjcar levelled the score in the 34th minute with Spurs' first attempt on goal. Bolton looked confident and in control but as the game wore on Spurs became more lively and threatening, Crouch missed an opportunity and Davies snatched Bolton's second goal in the 69th minute, almost walking the ball into the net. Defoe came on (despite his dislocated fingers) and Crouch should have scored (but didn't) from a Defoe attempt. Corluka saved Crouch from too much embarrassment by scoring Spurs' second goal with a decent header with 17 minutes to go, in the process becoming the 12th person to score for Spurs this season (they've only played 8 games!). Crouch had another chance and showed fine control, as usual, but to no avail due to good goal-keeping. Bolton are tough at home but Spurs would probably not have earned the draw last season. So, a good game with honours even, but Spurs need to do better in such games if they are to demonstrate top 6 credentials.
Man Utd v Sunderland - 2:2 - Owen and Ferdinand were injured or resting, but ManU can afford to sideline a few players without weakening their side to any great extent. Nevertheless, after 6 minutes Bent did what seems to come naturally to him these days and rocked ManU with a fine strike into the corner of the net. Berbatov's goal was even better (50 minutes later), with a half bicycle kick (a unicycle kick, perhaps?). Kenwyne Jones had a good game that got even better when he out-muscled everyone in Utd's box to score Sunderland's second. Deep into stoppage time ManU got their equalizer (o/g, Ferdinand). Despite significant further ManU effort the game ended in a draw. Your Ear likes Jones, and the style of play that follows from having a solid centre forward to lay off balls and trouble defenders merely with his presence. Sunderland's Richardson was sent off (two yellows) with 5 minutes to go (plus 4 minutes of extra time). Your Ear thinks he was unfortunate and it is time referees started differentiating between the important and unimportant things in the game. Richardson certainly kicked the ball away, but it was in the direction the free kick given against him was to be taken from. Officialdom should get to grips with the dangerous play that can cost footballers injury or even their careers before making silly decisions like this one. A wagged finger would have done. The sending-off changed the face, and possibly the course, of the last few minutes of the game. And inevitably posed a question - would a ManU defender have been sent off in similar circumstances? Your Ear would hope so, but a niggling doubt remains.
Wolves v Portsmouth - 0:1 - Intense Portsmouth pressure eventually broke through Wolves' defence to take the lead (Yebda, 15 mins from a good cross). It took this goal against to get Wolves going, which they did, but a gritty Pompey defence kept them out. Wolves were denied a stone cold handball penalty and David James was busy for the rest of the game. But Portsmouth held it together for their first win of the season. AT LAST.
Hull v Wigan - 2:1 - chances, some better than others, were missed at either end, but Hull fired in a strong header (Vennegoor of Hesselink, 60th minute). Geovanni made it two with Hull in the ascendancy (68th minute), the first time since January Hull have scored more than one goal in a league game. Wigan almost got back in the game with 4 minutes to play (Sinclair, header) but could not catch Hull. A bad game for Wigan, overall. Hope for Hull? Your Ear thinks not.
Burnley v Birmingham - 2:1 - Burnley started well but it was Bowyer who missed an early sitter for Birmingham. After 53 minutes Fletcher broke the deadlock, scoring with a coolly taken effort from 30 yards and was unlucky not to double his tally a few minutes later (off the post). But it was the big centre-back, Bikey, who got Burnley's second with a good stand-up effort in the 62nd minute. Larsson got one back for Birmingham with the last kick of the game, but Birmingham never really looked in it. Burnley are doing exactly what the pundits say is necessary for the weaker teams - shore up your position and future by winning home games and hope for the best (ie try to nick a few) away. Birmingham might profit from taking such advice themselves. Birmingham's manager, Alex McLeish, said this was the worst Birmingham have played in any game this season, failing to react on going one (and then two) down. As MoTD pointed out, Burnley are a Jekyll and Hyde team when it comes to home and away performances. At home they have played 4, won 4, scoring 7 goals and conceding only 2. Away they have played 4, lost 4, scoring no goals at all and conceding 14! Quite a difference and something for either a) the sports psychologists to get their teeth into or b) the statisticians to explain away. Or maybe they have one talismanic supporter who can only attend home games…
Chelsea v Liverpool - 2:0 - the home side got the metal to the pedal earliest but Riera nearly scored from a long range free kick in the last minute of the first half. Chelsea moved the ball around better and after an hour's play, having dispossessed Liverpool, Anelka's pace gave him the space to score an uncomplicated goal from Drogba's cross. An opportunity was missed by Gerrard who was given a yellow card shortly after (foul on Lampard) and Drogba nearly scored from the resulting free kick. At the other end Torres scuffed a shot off target. Liverpool tried to keep their attack going but Malouda scrambled Chelsea's second goal in the first minute of extra time, again from a cross by Drogba. Today Drogba won the Drogba/Torres 'who is the best Premiership striker' competition comfortably. Chelsea are 5:1 up in terms of managers over the past 5 years - Rafa has seen them all come and go. Reflecting on the match he said 'When you go behind and you want to change things you have to score a goal.' Perfect football logic. Like last season, Liverpool look as though they will be in big doo-dahs (relatively speaking) if they lose Gerrard or Torres.
Everton v Stoke - 1:1 - Stoke have not beaten Everton in 27 years, and things have not changed. Everton old boy Beattie had the first attempt on goal but got no power behind his header. Stoke preferred to play deep and to defend, and kept out several half chances for Everton. Stoke's patience was rewarded when Huth scored his first Stoke goal (header, 50th minute). Everton continued to press up-field and 5 minutes later captain Leo Osman's accurate shot into the top left corner of the net scored the equalizer. Cahill nearly scored a header and Yakubu nearly laid off the ball for Saha. But the game ended in a draw.
Arsenal v Blackburn - 6:2 - Last season Arsenal beat Blackburn 4:0 twice, but Blackburn looked ominous (to Arsenal fans) from the outset and squeaked a header over Mannone to go ahead after 4 minutes (Nzonzi). In reply Fabregas nearly did the same thing at the other end from Arshavin's cross, but the ball went over. Matters became a little tense for anyone sporting a red shirt but Arsenal needn't have worried, Vermaelen thundered in a cracking shot in the 17th minute (that's 5 goals in 11 games and most of them crackers). For a while it was all Arsenal but after half an hour Diouf cleared, almost from his goal line, and Blackburn (Dunn) scored a good, although deflected, breakaway goal to regain the lead. Arsenal were only behind for 2 minutes - Van Persie scored emphatically to level the game again and only 5 minutes later Arsenal went ahead (Arshavin - no defender can relish seeing that little man running at them). Blackburn did not give up, though - Dunn should have been given a penalty (A rsenal should also have had one later) and Olsen struck the ball harder than most people would believe possible from 40 yards, forcing a fine save from Mannone. But eventually the weight of attack applied by Arsenal told and Fabregas cooly scored Arsenal's 4th goal in the 57th minute. Theo Walcott came on for first time this season with 20 minutes to play (absent though back injury) and 5 minutes later became the 15th person to score for Arsenal this season after Arsenal penetrated Blackburn's defence with ease. Bendtner made it 6 in the 89th minute with a fine shot. Blackburn played well, but were outclassed. Thierri Henry was in the stands to see his old club play - he probably remains a good luck charm, as he nearly always was when he played for them. Once again, a margin of 4 goals.
West Ham v Fulham - 2:2 - Both of these teams were in the bottom 3 (only Portsmouth below them) at the start of this game and West Ham still is, which shows (Your Ear believes) that the league has a lot of settling down to do before we begin to see who might be this year's winners and losers. Carlton Cole likes playing against Fulham (apparently) and tried to get his revenge in early, but his power shot missed. He did not miss his header from Diamanti's whipped in free kick, though (following a heavy challenge on Flaubert) - an excellent take. West ham kept the initiative and Fulham's defence looked rocky, but they kept the Hammers out. Then an unfortunate altercation occurred between Scott Parker, who was incensed to get a yellow card, and recent South African transferee, Kagisho Dikgacoi, who was dumbfounded to get a red one (following linesman's comments). Not a nice way to end your first game for your new club and it looked nothing more than 'handbags at 3.32' to Your Ear, but officialdom knows best. On the other hand, when the odds are against you, sometimes providence takes a hand and Fulham soon won a penalty (stupid shirt-pull by Upson). Murphy duly scored (47th minute). Koncheski nearly rolled in a long free kick which went just wide. Zoltan Gera thought he had settled matters with a well-taken volley in the 57th minute but a wicked deflection (downright diabolical, according to Roy Hodgson) allowed Stanislas to equalize in the 2nd minute of extra time. Some of you will remember that last season Your Ear revealed Zoltan Gera (a clumsy anagram of Gerant Zola) to be (possibly) the illegitimate offspring of one Gianfranco Zola, sitting on the opposite bench. 'Dad' was not best pleased! Fulham should try playing with 10 men more often.
Aston Villa v Man City - 1:1 - An important match - Villa trying to remain a top six club, City anxious to prove themselves a top four side. Plus two players facing their old employers, Gareth Barry, former Villa captain, a City player since his £12m move in the summer, and Richard Dunne, former City captain, now a Villa stalwart. And Adebayor, back from suspension, with nothing but humility in his heart and love for his opponents, as long as they don't make him see red. But fact often surpasses fiction, and in true Boy's Own style after 15 minutes Dunne, later named as man of the match, rose above Barry to pump a header past Shay Given. He didn't celebrate (just like Adebayor!), and some City fans applauded their former skipper. It took City half an hour to get going but Tevez 'put himself about a bit' to no avail - a text comment to the Beeb suggested that the busiest people in the ground were those throwing Tevez' missed shots back onto the field. Villa led at half time and for half of the 2nd half (quite a lot of halves, in all), but City upped the pace and managed to equalize with a well-worked goal (Ireland - Adebayor - Bellamy). Villa managed to retain their title to meanest defence in the Premiership (only one per game conceded) and the match ended in a draw. The conclusion drawn by Your Ear? Villa are a top six club, City are not a top four side.
Unlucky For Some? - Neil Warnock in The Independent on Arsene Wenger's 13 Years in the job - Wenger recently became Arsenal's longest serving manager, having clocked up a baker’s dozen in service. Warnock believes Wenger has changed the face of English football and that his influence reaches as far as League Two. He has made even the 'dinosaur managers' realize that they must take new things on board, such as technology, fitness regimes, fitness coaches and psychologists. Wenger has extended footballers' careers by two or three years; thirteen years ago players would never have looked after themselves as they do now. It's not so long since players would have steak for a pre-match meal. Now their diet is designed for the purpose. Well done, Mr Wenger. Wonder what diet Giggs is on. Carrot juice, no doubt. Warnock concluded that he would 'like to see Arsenal toughen up a little when they play the top sides, because I really don't think there's much between them, and Chelsea and United.' And Liverpool?
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - I'm A Little Teapot, Here's My Spout - Tim Montgomery, a Tory blogger commenting on the difficulty in determining what David Cameron is all about; "I liken it to a tea-bag - until it's in the water you can't tell what kind of tea you're going to get." If current polls are correct it seems likely that said tea-bag (Cameron) will get thrown in at the deep end. Wonder whether he'll find the water too hot. Network Lawyers Up All Night After Letterman Blackmail Denial - '48 Hour' TV producer, Robert ‘Joe’ Halderman, pleaded not guilty to trying to blackmail chat show host David Letterman over sexual relationships with female staff. Letterman responded by admitting to most of the allegations on air (ratings for the show went through the roof). Letterman was quoted as saying: "This whole thing has been quite scary," as though this puts an end to the affair. But while he seems to be in no immediate risk of losing his family or his job, either Letterman or CBS may be open to sexual-harassment lawsuits. Carnival Starts As Rio de Janeiro Wins Olympics Vote - Barack Obama's dash to Copenhagen and last-minute rhetoric failed to win over the IOC. 'No, we won't.' said official. The Chicago Tribune (Chicago came 4th) declared the result a "serious loss of face" for the president, while the conservative-leaning Drudge Report's banner headline gloated: "The ego has landed, world rejects Obama." Ireland Ratifies Lisbon Treaty - Turnout high on crucial referendum - Taoiseach welcomes 2:1 ‘for’ result - 'They bored us into submission,' said ex-'no' voter. ‘Si d'abord vous ne réussissez pas, essayez, essayez et essayez de nouveau,’ a Brussels spokesperson was reported as saying. ‘Deux fois, ça suffit, un morceau de gâteau,’ she added. London Evening Standard To Become A Free Newspaper - Russian billionaire owner, Alexander Lebedev, is unconcerned at potential lost revenues and believes circulation will double. Your Ear will now be forced to stop using it as toilet paper, one can only have expensive newsprint hanging in the smallest room. England Humiliated In Champions Trophy - England won the toss, but Australia won the game, beating England by nine wickets. However, cries of 'Give us our Ashes, yer pommie bastards!' fell on deaf ears.
Football Headlines - Berbatov Promises To Run Faster - Manchester United star Dimitar Berbatov today undertook to run faster during matches to dismiss home fan claims that he 'just strolls about'. Adebayor To Return To Arsenal? - After being let off with a £25k fine (about 2 hours pay) for 'improper conduct' Emmanuel Adebayor confirmed his determination to return to play for Arsenal. The Togo star says it is 'the least he can do' and that he might as well play for his 'dear old club' whenever he is suspended from Manchester City. 'It was all a big mistake,' he added. Fans are expected to welcome him back with open arms. Allardyce Jaws Fused For 24 Hours - Fire brigade summoned to prise Big Sam's mandible from his maxilla. which were welded together by excessive use of chewing gum. 'It was touch and go,' says veteran firefighter, 'one of the toughest jobs we've been faced with lately. Luckily, we had a lorry jack with us.' Mr Allardyce was not available for comment. Government To Nationalize Cash-Strapped Pompey - 'We can't have national institutions like this fine club going under purely because of a few rash management decisions and a total lack of funds,' says No 10 spokesperson. 'Portsmouth players are really suffering, just two of them are owed £3m - the British taxpayer cannot stand by and look on such hardship without taking action.' Ferguson Misquoted - When he was reported as saying (before the match) that Sunderland were 'nothing but a lousy load of crap', he actually said they were 'not about to lose without a scrap'. Ancelotti insists Abramovich Happy With Chelsea’s Start To Season - After 10 out of 11 wins and despite poor form in two recent games Carlo Ancelotti insists Roman Abramovich is satisfied with Chelsea's progress this season. 'Nuff said.
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The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Man Utd v Sunderland - 2:2 - Owen and Ferdinand were injured or resting, but ManU can afford to sideline a few players without weakening their side to any great extent. Nevertheless, after 6 minutes Bent did what seems to come naturally to him these days and rocked ManU with a fine strike into the corner of the net. Berbatov's goal was even better (50 minutes later), with a half bicycle kick (a unicycle kick, perhaps?). Kenwyne Jones had a good game that got even better when he out-muscled everyone in Utd's box to score Sunderland's second. Deep into stoppage time ManU got their equalizer (o/g, Ferdinand). Despite significant further ManU effort the game ended in a draw. Your Ear likes Jones, and the style of play that follows from having a solid centre forward to lay off balls and trouble defenders merely with his presence. Sunderland's Richardson was sent off (two yellows) with 5 minutes to go (plus 4 minutes of extra time). Your Ear thinks he was unfortunate and it is time referees started differentiating between the important and unimportant things in the game. Richardson certainly kicked the ball away, but it was in the direction the free kick given against him was to be taken from. Officialdom should get to grips with the dangerous play that can cost footballers injury or even their careers before making silly decisions like this one. A wagged finger would have done. The sending-off changed the face, and possibly the course, of the last few minutes of the game. And inevitably posed a question - would a ManU defender have been sent off in similar circumstances? Your Ear would hope so, but a niggling doubt remains.
Wolves v Portsmouth - 0:1 - Intense Portsmouth pressure eventually broke through Wolves' defence to take the lead (Yebda, 15 mins from a good cross). It took this goal against to get Wolves going, which they did, but a gritty Pompey defence kept them out. Wolves were denied a stone cold handball penalty and David James was busy for the rest of the game. But Portsmouth held it together for their first win of the season. AT LAST.
Hull v Wigan - 2:1 - chances, some better than others, were missed at either end, but Hull fired in a strong header (Vennegoor of Hesselink, 60th minute). Geovanni made it two with Hull in the ascendancy (68th minute), the first time since January Hull have scored more than one goal in a league game. Wigan almost got back in the game with 4 minutes to play (Sinclair, header) but could not catch Hull. A bad game for Wigan, overall. Hope for Hull? Your Ear thinks not.
Burnley v Birmingham - 2:1 - Burnley started well but it was Bowyer who missed an early sitter for Birmingham. After 53 minutes Fletcher broke the deadlock, scoring with a coolly taken effort from 30 yards and was unlucky not to double his tally a few minutes later (off the post). But it was the big centre-back, Bikey, who got Burnley's second with a good stand-up effort in the 62nd minute. Larsson got one back for Birmingham with the last kick of the game, but Birmingham never really looked in it. Burnley are doing exactly what the pundits say is necessary for the weaker teams - shore up your position and future by winning home games and hope for the best (ie try to nick a few) away. Birmingham might profit from taking such advice themselves. Birmingham's manager, Alex McLeish, said this was the worst Birmingham have played in any game this season, failing to react on going one (and then two) down. As MoTD pointed out, Burnley are a Jekyll and Hyde team when it comes to home and away performances. At home they have played 4, won 4, scoring 7 goals and conceding only 2. Away they have played 4, lost 4, scoring no goals at all and conceding 14! Quite a difference and something for either a) the sports psychologists to get their teeth into or b) the statisticians to explain away. Or maybe they have one talismanic supporter who can only attend home games…
Chelsea v Liverpool - 2:0 - the home side got the metal to the pedal earliest but Riera nearly scored from a long range free kick in the last minute of the first half. Chelsea moved the ball around better and after an hour's play, having dispossessed Liverpool, Anelka's pace gave him the space to score an uncomplicated goal from Drogba's cross. An opportunity was missed by Gerrard who was given a yellow card shortly after (foul on Lampard) and Drogba nearly scored from the resulting free kick. At the other end Torres scuffed a shot off target. Liverpool tried to keep their attack going but Malouda scrambled Chelsea's second goal in the first minute of extra time, again from a cross by Drogba. Today Drogba won the Drogba/Torres 'who is the best Premiership striker' competition comfortably. Chelsea are 5:1 up in terms of managers over the past 5 years - Rafa has seen them all come and go. Reflecting on the match he said 'When you go behind and you want to change things you have to score a goal.' Perfect football logic. Like last season, Liverpool look as though they will be in big doo-dahs (relatively speaking) if they lose Gerrard or Torres.
Everton v Stoke - 1:1 - Stoke have not beaten Everton in 27 years, and things have not changed. Everton old boy Beattie had the first attempt on goal but got no power behind his header. Stoke preferred to play deep and to defend, and kept out several half chances for Everton. Stoke's patience was rewarded when Huth scored his first Stoke goal (header, 50th minute). Everton continued to press up-field and 5 minutes later captain Leo Osman's accurate shot into the top left corner of the net scored the equalizer. Cahill nearly scored a header and Yakubu nearly laid off the ball for Saha. But the game ended in a draw.
Arsenal v Blackburn - 6:2 - Last season Arsenal beat Blackburn 4:0 twice, but Blackburn looked ominous (to Arsenal fans) from the outset and squeaked a header over Mannone to go ahead after 4 minutes (Nzonzi). In reply Fabregas nearly did the same thing at the other end from Arshavin's cross, but the ball went over. Matters became a little tense for anyone sporting a red shirt but Arsenal needn't have worried, Vermaelen thundered in a cracking shot in the 17th minute (that's 5 goals in 11 games and most of them crackers). For a while it was all Arsenal but after half an hour Diouf cleared, almost from his goal line, and Blackburn (Dunn) scored a good, although deflected, breakaway goal to regain the lead. Arsenal were only behind for 2 minutes - Van Persie scored emphatically to level the game again and only 5 minutes later Arsenal went ahead (Arshavin - no defender can relish seeing that little man running at them). Blackburn did not give up, though - Dunn should have been given a penalty (A rsenal should also have had one later) and Olsen struck the ball harder than most people would believe possible from 40 yards, forcing a fine save from Mannone. But eventually the weight of attack applied by Arsenal told and Fabregas cooly scored Arsenal's 4th goal in the 57th minute. Theo Walcott came on for first time this season with 20 minutes to play (absent though back injury) and 5 minutes later became the 15th person to score for Arsenal this season after Arsenal penetrated Blackburn's defence with ease. Bendtner made it 6 in the 89th minute with a fine shot. Blackburn played well, but were outclassed. Thierri Henry was in the stands to see his old club play - he probably remains a good luck charm, as he nearly always was when he played for them. Once again, a margin of 4 goals.
West Ham v Fulham - 2:2 - Both of these teams were in the bottom 3 (only Portsmouth below them) at the start of this game and West Ham still is, which shows (Your Ear believes) that the league has a lot of settling down to do before we begin to see who might be this year's winners and losers. Carlton Cole likes playing against Fulham (apparently) and tried to get his revenge in early, but his power shot missed. He did not miss his header from Diamanti's whipped in free kick, though (following a heavy challenge on Flaubert) - an excellent take. West ham kept the initiative and Fulham's defence looked rocky, but they kept the Hammers out. Then an unfortunate altercation occurred between Scott Parker, who was incensed to get a yellow card, and recent South African transferee, Kagisho Dikgacoi, who was dumbfounded to get a red one (following linesman's comments). Not a nice way to end your first game for your new club and it looked nothing more than 'handbags at 3.32' to Your Ear, but officialdom knows best. On the other hand, when the odds are against you, sometimes providence takes a hand and Fulham soon won a penalty (stupid shirt-pull by Upson). Murphy duly scored (47th minute). Koncheski nearly rolled in a long free kick which went just wide. Zoltan Gera thought he had settled matters with a well-taken volley in the 57th minute but a wicked deflection (downright diabolical, according to Roy Hodgson) allowed Stanislas to equalize in the 2nd minute of extra time. Some of you will remember that last season Your Ear revealed Zoltan Gera (a clumsy anagram of Gerant Zola) to be (possibly) the illegitimate offspring of one Gianfranco Zola, sitting on the opposite bench. 'Dad' was not best pleased! Fulham should try playing with 10 men more often.
Aston Villa v Man City - 1:1 - An important match - Villa trying to remain a top six club, City anxious to prove themselves a top four side. Plus two players facing their old employers, Gareth Barry, former Villa captain, a City player since his £12m move in the summer, and Richard Dunne, former City captain, now a Villa stalwart. And Adebayor, back from suspension, with nothing but humility in his heart and love for his opponents, as long as they don't make him see red. But fact often surpasses fiction, and in true Boy's Own style after 15 minutes Dunne, later named as man of the match, rose above Barry to pump a header past Shay Given. He didn't celebrate (just like Adebayor!), and some City fans applauded their former skipper. It took City half an hour to get going but Tevez 'put himself about a bit' to no avail - a text comment to the Beeb suggested that the busiest people in the ground were those throwing Tevez' missed shots back onto the field. Villa led at half time and for half of the 2nd half (quite a lot of halves, in all), but City upped the pace and managed to equalize with a well-worked goal (Ireland - Adebayor - Bellamy). Villa managed to retain their title to meanest defence in the Premiership (only one per game conceded) and the match ended in a draw. The conclusion drawn by Your Ear? Villa are a top six club, City are not a top four side.
Unlucky For Some? - Neil Warnock in The Independent on Arsene Wenger's 13 Years in the job - Wenger recently became Arsenal's longest serving manager, having clocked up a baker’s dozen in service. Warnock believes Wenger has changed the face of English football and that his influence reaches as far as League Two. He has made even the 'dinosaur managers' realize that they must take new things on board, such as technology, fitness regimes, fitness coaches and psychologists. Wenger has extended footballers' careers by two or three years; thirteen years ago players would never have looked after themselves as they do now. It's not so long since players would have steak for a pre-match meal. Now their diet is designed for the purpose. Well done, Mr Wenger. Wonder what diet Giggs is on. Carrot juice, no doubt. Warnock concluded that he would 'like to see Arsenal toughen up a little when they play the top sides, because I really don't think there's much between them, and Chelsea and United.' And Liverpool?
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - I'm A Little Teapot, Here's My Spout - Tim Montgomery, a Tory blogger commenting on the difficulty in determining what David Cameron is all about; "I liken it to a tea-bag - until it's in the water you can't tell what kind of tea you're going to get." If current polls are correct it seems likely that said tea-bag (Cameron) will get thrown in at the deep end. Wonder whether he'll find the water too hot. Network Lawyers Up All Night After Letterman Blackmail Denial - '48 Hour' TV producer, Robert ‘Joe’ Halderman, pleaded not guilty to trying to blackmail chat show host David Letterman over sexual relationships with female staff. Letterman responded by admitting to most of the allegations on air (ratings for the show went through the roof). Letterman was quoted as saying: "This whole thing has been quite scary," as though this puts an end to the affair. But while he seems to be in no immediate risk of losing his family or his job, either Letterman or CBS may be open to sexual-harassment lawsuits. Carnival Starts As Rio de Janeiro Wins Olympics Vote - Barack Obama's dash to Copenhagen and last-minute rhetoric failed to win over the IOC. 'No, we won't.' said official. The Chicago Tribune (Chicago came 4th) declared the result a "serious loss of face" for the president, while the conservative-leaning Drudge Report's banner headline gloated: "The ego has landed, world rejects Obama." Ireland Ratifies Lisbon Treaty - Turnout high on crucial referendum - Taoiseach welcomes 2:1 ‘for’ result - 'They bored us into submission,' said ex-'no' voter. ‘Si d'abord vous ne réussissez pas, essayez, essayez et essayez de nouveau,’ a Brussels spokesperson was reported as saying. ‘Deux fois, ça suffit, un morceau de gâteau,’ she added. London Evening Standard To Become A Free Newspaper - Russian billionaire owner, Alexander Lebedev, is unconcerned at potential lost revenues and believes circulation will double. Your Ear will now be forced to stop using it as toilet paper, one can only have expensive newsprint hanging in the smallest room. England Humiliated In Champions Trophy - England won the toss, but Australia won the game, beating England by nine wickets. However, cries of 'Give us our Ashes, yer pommie bastards!' fell on deaf ears.
Football Headlines - Berbatov Promises To Run Faster - Manchester United star Dimitar Berbatov today undertook to run faster during matches to dismiss home fan claims that he 'just strolls about'. Adebayor To Return To Arsenal? - After being let off with a £25k fine (about 2 hours pay) for 'improper conduct' Emmanuel Adebayor confirmed his determination to return to play for Arsenal. The Togo star says it is 'the least he can do' and that he might as well play for his 'dear old club' whenever he is suspended from Manchester City. 'It was all a big mistake,' he added. Fans are expected to welcome him back with open arms. Allardyce Jaws Fused For 24 Hours - Fire brigade summoned to prise Big Sam's mandible from his maxilla. which were welded together by excessive use of chewing gum. 'It was touch and go,' says veteran firefighter, 'one of the toughest jobs we've been faced with lately. Luckily, we had a lorry jack with us.' Mr Allardyce was not available for comment. Government To Nationalize Cash-Strapped Pompey - 'We can't have national institutions like this fine club going under purely because of a few rash management decisions and a total lack of funds,' says No 10 spokesperson. 'Portsmouth players are really suffering, just two of them are owed £3m - the British taxpayer cannot stand by and look on such hardship without taking action.' Ferguson Misquoted - When he was reported as saying (before the match) that Sunderland were 'nothing but a lousy load of crap', he actually said they were 'not about to lose without a scrap'. Ancelotti insists Abramovich Happy With Chelsea’s Start To Season - After 10 out of 11 wins and despite poor form in two recent games Carlo Ancelotti insists Roman Abramovich is satisfied with Chelsea's progress this season. 'Nuff said.
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