Premiership round up - Week 22

Chelsea v Sunderland - 7:2 - Sunderland were totally outclassed from start to finish. Chelsea looked hungry from the outset and relentless pressure in the first half saw four good Chelsea goals before Sunderland had more than a sniff at a chance. Anelka, (8) settled Chelsea's nerves almost walking the ball into the net having 'rounded' the keeper. Ten minutes later Malouda scored an excellent goal, shrugging off two physical challenges and running a third the length of the pitch to slot the ball in across the keeper. Ashley Cole's goal (22) was possibly even better, with great control and a perfect finish from a pin-point Terry forward pass. Lampard got the fourth (34) with an outstretched leg on an Ashley Cole pass following Anelka's through ball. So Chelsea went in 4:0 up at half time and making the game look simple. They proceeded to carry on regardless in the second half with no signs of complacency. Ballack scored with his head from a text book Joe Cole cross (52) and not too much defence in evidence. Zenden (56) scored a tidy goal for Sunderland, his first goal on returning to England from Marseilles. But Anelka got his second and Chelsea's sixth goal less than ten minutes later, making any odd goal scored by Sunderland academic. Lampard got his second goal in the 90th minute and finally Bent scored Sunderland's second (the least celebrated goal of the season) in the second minute of extra time. There were many more chances; Anelka might have scored four and laid off at least a half dozen chances for others and the final tally might have been in double figures, but the Blues were very well pleased with this result. Bruce - 'From the first minute to the ninetieth it was one of them horrible ones… Chelsea were fantastic, we couldn't get anywhere near them. Sometimes you just to hold your hands up and say we've had our backsides well and truly kicked…' Ouch, indeed. Ancelotti 'We played very well… Also, always the people, journalists they are talking about the African players, but I think we did very well also without the African players.' Exhibition stuff.

Man United v Burnley - 3:0 - The score-line belies the first 50 minutes of the game, where United were more than a little lucky not to go one, or even two, behind. In the second half ManU began to apply ever more pressure until finally Rooney put Berbatov through to score a good goal (64). Berbatov had another shot saved, but the ball came out to Rooney who took his time and picked his spot for his 16th goal of the season (69). The game was made safe by Diouf with a nicely timed header in extra time (90+1), his first goal for the club. New Burnley manager, Brian Laws - 'When you come to places like this there's key moments in games and you've got to take those key moments…' Unfortunately for them, Burnley didn't today, producing another dismal away result.

Everton v Man City - 2:0 - Spring-boarding from their good performance at Arsenal the week before, Everton looked good from start to finish, and despite early opportunities for City Everton took the lead with an accurate free kick (Pienaar, 36), the first time Mancini has seen City go behind. It almost loosened his tightly bound supporters scarf, which was not around his neck when he was interviewed later. Saha made it two from a penalty (45+4), having had his shirt pulled in the box by Richards (stupid boy!). Embarrassingly for Robinho he was substituted twice, once to bring him on, then to take him off again. Fellaini, on the other hand, had a very good game, nearly scoring on a couple of occasions and denying Bellamy with some nifty footwork. As Everton steadily climb the table David Moyes is certainly looking happier these days. Not so sure about Mancini; currently Man City have 2 points more than where they stood at the same relative point in time last season, when they finished 9th in the Premiership. Wonder where they will finish.

Stoke v Liverpool - 1:1 - A totally uninspiring game, but after 57 minutes Liverpool's Kyrgiakos managed to bundle the ball home following a free kick Liverpool might not have been given on another day. The match continued in scrappy fashion until Huth finished in almost equally untidy way just before the game ended (90). Both sides might have won the game in extra time but the result was drawn. Rafa - 'The game was very tough, very physical, very difficult… I think the players on the pitch did a very good job. It was very clear we should have had two penalties.' Pulis - 'It was a fair result, it was scrappy… to be fair, Liverpool came at us and were dogged…' As usual for Liverpool, no Gerrard, no Torres = no result and for the first time Rafa answered a question with the words; 'If I am still here…' admitting the possibility that he might not be, soon. But it's not a new manager Liverpool needs, it's a couple of players.

Wolves v Wigan - 0:2 - Wolves should have gone ahead but missed, then Wigan repaid the favour and missed at the other end. Stearman was sent off for a stupid shirt pull when there was no danger of Wigan scoring, reducing Wolves to ten men. But the penalty was saved and the rebound missed. So honours were even at half time. Wigan scored first (McCarthy, 60) after a Wolves defender was blocked from challenging the scorer by the referee (you have to run round them, apparently, treat refs as if they aren't on the pitch, for once). Wolves were given some hope when Hendry Thomas was sent off for a lunging tackle (second yellow) but Wigan kept going forwards until N'Zogbia cooly scored Wigan's second in the 73rd minute. Further chances at either end produced nothing more. McCarthy (on Dave Jones being blocked by the ref) - ' What on Earth could he have done to make an issue of it? He did ask the referee and he said he was trying to get into the best possible position to block him, no sorry, to have a view of N'Zogbia if there'd been a penalty.' Benitez - 'We started strong and got stronger.'

Spurs v Hull - 0:0 - Hull won this fixture last season so it's possible Spurs were lucky to get away with a draw. Maybe they should have done better but Hull's keeper, Myhill, did more than well to keep out early (and late) shots by Palacios, Keane and Defoe. In the second half Keane should have buried a chance, but failed to and Modric missed two, whilst Hull had a couple of near misses themselves. Finally man-of-the-match Myhill stopped a header, then a shot from Crouch, both in extra time. Possession stats were 60% Spurs, 40% Hull but pressure unconverted is no result. Brown - 'When you look at the strength of Tottenham's squad that was a magnificent clean sheet.' St Hal - 'I'm disappointed not to have won, obviously, but we gave everything today… but their keeper today turned in one of the finest performances I've seen in years, He was incredible today.' Myhill - 'I'm quite fortunate I've got a big head - for one of them (saves), I didn't even know nothing about that and to be quite honest with you the game was a bit of a blur…' Humour apart that was quite modest of Myhill, he had a great game.

Bolton v Arsenal - 0:2 - Coyle's first match in charge of Bolton was less than happy. Arsenal were unlucky to be denied a penalty for a challenge on Fabregas, but he scored a good goal in the 28th minute anyway, after some fine close control by the Gunners. He might have scored a couple more in the first half but his touch deserted him. Merida scored Arsenal's second goal (78) with a workmanlike finish. Bolton had their chances throughout the game but Almunia was up to the job, making several good saves. The Bolton faithful are clearly much happier under Coyle's leadership, but they lost anyway. Coyle - 'I think anyone who was here that watched the game would have seen that on a different day that could have been a very different result.' Maybe, but Your Ear doubts it.

Aston Villa v West Ham - 0:0 - West Ham beat Villa last November but were unable to do better than a draw this time out. Villa were more dominant but the Hammers’ dour defending paid off and they kept a clean sheet. Nouble made a fine surging run from his own half but lacked finishing skill. At the other end Agbonlahor turned well and shot but Green made a fine save. Carew was given offside whilst Agbonlahor missed another opportunity. A better result for West Ham than Villa. O'Neil - 'Disappointed with the result but not the effort of the team.' Zola - 'I am really proud, I am fortunate to have players like them.' Nouble - 'I felt good out there, I knew if I was playing up front by myself I had to run about and make sure the defenders never had the time to settle, just be a pest really. I done that.' He did, too, which was not bad for an 18 year-old - he could have a bright England future.

Blackburn v Fulham - 2:0 - Blackburn made early inroads and scored the first goal from a corner (Samba, 25). Fulham do not seem to be on their game at the moment, despite having rested for some 12 days since their last match. Nevertheless, Dempsey made a fine effort with an overhead kick and hit the bar and had another bright moment minutes later in the box, but his shot was saved. Later he was unfortunate to become injured. Nelsen got Blackburn's second (54), with a header from McCarthy's free kick. Allardyce (as both goals were scored by central defenders) - 'We don't mind where we get the goals as long as we get them.' Wise words. Fulham were unlucky today, firstly not to get at least one goal from a penalty decision which failed to go their way, and Blackburn's second goal was probably offside, but not given.

Liverpool v Tottenham - 2:0 - In a game Liverpool could hardly afford to lose Dirk Kuyt did the business for a hungry Liverpool. Liverpool are now only one point behind Spurs, which takes some of the pressure off Rafa Benitez. Kuyt got off to an early start (6) when he picked up a loose ball on the edge of the box and rammed it past Gomes. Spurs were rarely convincing at any time during the match although a goal by Defoe was disallowed. Kuyt’s twice-taken penalty (90+3) sealed Spurs’ fate, after Bassong floored substitute N’Gog in the area. Spurs have not won a league game against any of the ‘big four’ teams for over 16 years, and on the face of it seem unlikely to break their duck this season. A the end of the game The Kop rang to the sound of the fans singing the name of Benitez. You have to admire Liverpool - their fans must be amongst the most faithful of any club.

Arsenal v Bolton - 4:2 - Just to make life interesting Arsenal allowed Bolton to go two up without reply until close to the end of the first half. First Cahill volleyed in a shot (7), then Taylor scored from the penalty spot following a foul by Denilson (28). In reply Rosicky scored from 20 yards (43) and Fabregas slid home a controversial equalizer (52). Vermaelen got the third with his left foot (65) before Arshavin scored from Eduardo’s pass (85). Arsenal needed to win by two clear goals to top the table and they achieved it, demonstrating the hunger and determination Mr Wenger has referred to frequently of late. Bolton were not happy, following a foul not given in the build-up to Arsenal's second goal. Coyle, apparently, was ‘incensed’ by the Gallas challenge on Davies, when play was allowed to continue and Arsenal scored before his striker was stretchered off. Interviewed after the game Wenger responded to Coyle's criticism, saying it was for the referee to stop the game if he thought it necessary and that he would be happy to sit down and go through replays of all challenges made by both sides over their last two games. For once Your Ear would agree - Bolton are a physical side and should have no complaint. Meanwhile, Arsenal move above Chelsea on goals scored whilst Chelsea have a game in hand.

Football News - Players To Be Given ‘Stage Names’ - Newscasters and commentators alike have demanded that footballers, particularly Premiership footballers, should adopt ‘stage names’ to avoid confusion. ‘There are many occasions when there is more than one Cahill, and sometimes several Coles on the field of play, to say nothing of sundry McCarthys, Taylors, and Benitezes - the list is (almost) endless. This can be confusing to spectators, commentators, viewers and particularly listeners.’ said a self-proclaimed official FA source. “The solution is that players should adopt ‘pitch’ names, or nicknames if they prefer, like ‘Chucho’ Benitez.’ Fans will be asked to offer suggestions on what names their favourite players should go by. Understandably Wayne Rooney is said to prefer ‘the Priest’, ‘Roo’ ‘The Boy Wonder’ or even ‘Roonaldo’ to ‘Spudface’. Real Bid For Rooney - Rumours that Real Madrid are pursuing Rooney for £60m and £170k per week have been confirmed. This values him at three quarters the price Real paid United for Ronaldo. Sources say that Ronaldo has been asked to sweet-talk Rooney into agreeing the move. Your Ear cannot see these old pals coming together again on the back of that conversation. Ferguson's view (as repeated by a minion) - ‘United won’t sell Rooney before the summer, particularly on his current form. The lad can leave when we’ve signed his son.’ Manchester United Out Of The Cup! One of the few big teams to take non-league and non-Euro games seriously, ManU have been knocked out of the FA Cup, losing 1:0 to lowly Leeds United. ‘It is a great loss,’ said Arsene Wenger.

An open question to ManU supporters - would you see last season's sale of Ronaldo as;
a) £80m in the kitty, a deal well done, or;
b) the 2009/10 season sold down the river?
Answers on a postcard please.

Managers’ New Year Resolutions;
Allardyce - I will lose at least one pound in weight, from my jaws.
Ancelotti - I'm gonna do better than that Portuguese guy.
Benitez - See you next year, probably.
Brown - I agree with Rafa.
Bruce - Mumble, mumble, mumble.
Coyle (at Burnley) - We will win an away game, soon - I am fully committed to this club.
Coyle (at Bolton) - This looks like a nice place - I am fully committed to this club.
Ferguson - I shall nae speak to the BBC, nevermore.
Grant - I will smile three times a week, even if it hurts.
Hodgson - Mr Fayed is happy, so we are all happy.
Hughes - I shall stop counting my severance pay.
Mancini - We're gonna lift the Premiership title this year (dream on!)
Martinez - Wigan - a great place to raise a family.
McCarthy - We shall not be mullahed again.
McLeish - I hope nothing happens to Sir Alex, but I can hardly wait to get to Manchester.
Megson - I shall empathize with the fans, and I will not count Mark Hughes' severance pay.
Moyes - I fully intend to play eleven players in our next match… probably.
O'Neil - I will talk about something other than football, at least once in the next 12 months.
Pulis - I will use my head in an emergency - no, I WON'T use my head in an emergency.
St Hal of Totten Ham - It’s time we made a bit more dosh out of Robbie Keane.
Wenger - I did not see the New Year in, I saw nothing.
Zola - I’m so ‘appy!

One year ago - Fulham owner, Mohamed Al-Fayed was demanding that the Premier League should introduce a cap on transfers and salaries following Manchester City's rumoured £100m-plus pursuit of Kaka. City had been flexing new-found financial muscles, having been taken over by Sheikh Mansour and were willing (apparently) to smash the world transfer record to bring Brazil star Kaka to Eastlands on a salary reputed to be £500,000 a week. Al-Fayed believed such a deal would be detrimental to football, 'It's madness,' he told the BBC, and added he would not pay more than a mere £15 million for any player. Meanwhile, Mark Hughes was 'in a hurry to reinforce Manchester City.' One year on, Hughes has gone, City could hardly be described as 'reinforced', the FA have not introduced any transfer caps, but it has to be said that Fulham are having another pretty good year, nonetheless.

Being There - Your Ear was lucky enough to be gifted a free ticket to watch the last Chelsea match (v Sunderland), and had no problem in supporting the Blues on the day. And what a match to be lucky enough to see (7:2 if you need a reminder). But besides going for the football on the pitch, which was of the highest quality, there is always the supporters’ songs and banter. Frankly some of it is mindless, racist nonsense, but much of it is almost poetic, albeit in the form of lyrics and chants, and beats the hell out of the new wave poetry championed by BBC Radio 4. Most of it, if not all, is good humoured and seems to come out of the crowd spontaneously. Some of it is a little unfriendly, but meant in a friendly way, like when a Chelsea fan shouted; 'Come on, you German bastard!' at Ballack in encouraging fashion. I heard another Chelsea supporter behind me say; 'That shouldn't be funny, but somehow it is.' Then the crowd (after Chelsea were 4 or 5 up, began to sing to Sunderland how ♫we'd love you to stay but we know you have to go♫. But the one which got the most laughs was the lone voice in front of me which, to what sounded like the tune to the scout's fireside song 'The Quartermaster's Store', piped up with; ♫He's here, he's there, he's every-f#¢king-where! Joey Cole, Joey Cole!♫ Scarlet Pimpernel stuff, and accurate too - Cole was playing well and was everywhere. But, (from the transfer rumours) ‘everywhere’ might soon include Tottenham, where, along with John Carew, he will be welcomed. After St Hal has shifted Keane, of course.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.