Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Premiership round up - Week 14
Portsmouth v Man Utd - 1:4 - Avram Grant (ex-Chelsea) took over from managerial casualty, Paul Hart - no chance for Portsmouth now, thought Your Ear. However, Pompey got the bit between their teeth early on; Dindane missed three chances before United scored from a penalty (Rooney, 25). Within 7 minutes Vidic engaged in a bit of shirt-pulling and Boateng scored from a penalty at the other end. Rooney got his second from open play near the start of the second half and his hat-trick from another penalty (54). Giggs made it four from a free kick (87), scoring his 100th Premier league goal for ManU the day before his 36th birthday. An example to us all. Portsmouth (Utaka) nearly scored a spectacular goal in extra time, but this was not an auspicious debut match for Portsmouth’s new manager. On the other hand had Pompey taken one of their opportunities in the first half it might have led to a different result. No, that’s wrong, it wouldn’t!
West Ham v Burnley - 5:3 - There were early chances at either end but West Ham began to score freely after 18 minutes (Collison from Parker’s quickly taken free kick). Junior Stanislas squeezed the ball home for West Ham’s second (34). Then Cole scored from a penalty (43). In the second half Franco gave Jensen no chance to save his header from a free kick (51). Finally Jiminez scored from a penalty (64) after Jensen overcommitted himself. At which point, 5:0 up and cruising, West Ham fell fast asleep. Fletcher retrieved one for Burnley (68) with a simple tap home from a cross that sliced the Hammers’ defence in two. Instead of waking up West Ham started to snore more deeply and Burnley did exactly the same again (Fletcher, 74). Burnley’s Caldwell was sent off, but Burnley still got a third goal (Eagles, 90+5). West Ham score many goals (9th best ‘goals for’ in the Premiership) but they also bleed them. Fortunately for the Hammers, so do Burnley, particularly away. Zola celebrates a 3 pointer, at last.
Aston Villa v Spurs - 1:1 - Agbonlahor bundled the ball home after 10 minutes after Spurs missed several attempts. Villa hung on for an hour or so under severe pressure before Dawson equalized (77). St Hal seemed less pleased with a point than Martin O’Neil - ‘We should have won the game, we had 14 shots to their 1,’ (actually it was 15 to Villa’s 9, so St Hal was not infallible on this occasion). Spurs are a stronger side than Villa going forwards, but their defence remains questionable, whereas Villa’s strengths are the reverse. So, a point was well won by both sides.
Man City v Hull - 1:1 - Robinho put himself about a lot with some good looking but fruitless moves. Finally, after many attempts, Wright-Phillips got City ahead by a deflected shot at the end of the half. Bullard crashed home a disputed penalty with 9 minutes to go, then extracted the Michael from his manager in the celebration (the Hull players sat in a circle, mimicking the telling-off Phil Brown gave his players the last time they played away to City). This was the 7th draw in a row for an unconvincing City (and this last sentence is becoming a familiar cut and paste job for Your Ear). City are failing badly in that they have gone ahead in their last four games only to concede a draw. Mark Hughes is beginning to exhibit that look of haunted fatigue that soon-to-be ex-managers often display.
Wigan v Sunderland - 1:0 - Wigan did not look or play like a side that had been thumped right royally the week before. Having said that, Bent nearly nicked an early goal, and (in Your Ear’s view) should at least have won a free kick near the goal line by having forced a pass back to the keeper by Boyce. This game could hardly be described as lively, although Wigan’s Scotland was denied by the post. But after much to-ing and fro-ing, Rodallega broke the deadlock with 14 mins to go. Well done, Wigan, after last week's hammering.
Fulham v Bolton - 1:1 - Bolton went ahead after 35 mins (Klasnic), then withstood everything Fulham threw at them until finally Duff equalized (75). Bit of a yawn, this match.
Blackburn v Stoke - 0:0 - Stoke had the better chances in the first half but there was no score. Sitters were missed at either end and the game ended in a goal-less draw. Neither this nor the Fulham v Bolton game proved to be inspiring matches, but then, they can’t all be 9:1, can they?
Arsenal v Chelsea - 0:3 - Arsenal started the game below full strength, Van Persie is injured and out for several months, Diaby and Bendtner were also missing. The Gunners failed to take a couple of early chances but Chelsea looked strong from the outset. An excellent Ashley Cole pass was seized upon by Drogba, who scored a very good, flicked-on goal (41). A little later, following another piece of cleverness, Chelsea pushed the ball forward awkwardly into Arsenal’s box, forcing an o/g by Vermaelen (45). Arshavin had a goal disallowed and the game was wrapped up by a great free kick by Drogba (86). Chelsea were too good for Arsenal today. They have the most parsimonious (some would say stingy) defence in the Premiership (only 8 goals conceded, 4 better than the next stingiest, ManU on 12). And they were far better than the Gunners up front. Drogba and Anelka are both immensely strong, in any way you like to see it, either on a physical or skill basis. Wenger was quietly incensed, with some justice, on the subject of the disallowed Arshavin goal. Arsene thought the linesman called it rather than the referee, but in any event on being told that the goal was judged to be unfair play (Eduardo’s foot up on Cech’s hand) commented that he had reviewed it and - ‘what is wrong (sic), because I’ve watched that four times and he (the referee) cannot say that (it was unfair) because it’s not true… …you can’t believe referees any more if they tell you things like that.’ He had a point, but on the other hand Anelka was fouled and should have had a penalty early on, so the 3 goal margin might still have applied. Ancelotti seems to be supremely confident, without (to his credit) the least trace of smugness. So, Arsenal failed to do ManU the favour of beating Chelsea before Christmas. Now, as pundit Mark Lawrenson says, January becomes important, with several Chelsea players away for the Africa Cup.
Everton v Liverpool - 0:2 - Mascherano got a lucky deflection early on (o/g, Yobo, 12). Everton looked aggressive and intent but Bilyaletdinov’s miss of a fairly easy chance was typical of their poor fortune. Jo scored, and was given offside, but even though Everton were making all the plays (Jo given offside again) they could not break down Liverpool’s defence-orientated strategy. The second half saw lots of rash challenges by both sides and Reina made a couple of fine saves to deny Everton. It was not Yobo’s day, after a defensive error (by Yobo) Kuyt scored to clinch the game (80). Moyes comment - ‘The difference between the teams was a bit of luck,’ was a fair synopsis. A bad season thus far in scouse-land, though, for both clubs, particularly those in blue.
Wolves v Birmingham – 0:1 - Bowyer scored a cheeky goal with a very well-placed shot after just 3 minutes in this derby. Wolves exerted themselves manfully but to no avail and the following 87 minutes presented relatively routine stuff. Bowyer stood out as the best player on the pitch with one or two other efforts which did not quite deliver. Watching such games shows the gulf in quality between the lower-ranked sides and the top three or four clubs, which is huge. Birmingham are going to need a very large purse to bridge the gap. Wolves just have to grit their teeth, gird their loins, and get on with it. Or maybe they should gird their teeth and grit their loins…
Motoring News Roundup - In a week when Tiger Woods is under investigation for ramming a tree, a German motorist who had just seen the latest Harry Potter movie mistook an underground train tunnel for a road and drove 200 metres along the tracks before realizing what he had done, we turn to the following driver story of the week - Police 'Tase' Great-Grandma - According to the BBC great-grandma Kathryn Winkfein was stopped by deputy sheriff Chris Bieze for driving at 60mph in a 45mph zone in her white pick-up while shopping in Austin, Texas. She resisted arrest and became argumentative. A police video then shows Mr Bieze push Mrs Winkfein before pointing the taser gun at her. ‘If you don't step back, you're going to get tased,’ Mr Bieze said. ‘Go ahead, tase me. I dare you,’ she replied. He did, and the video shows Mrs Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning in pain. This is what gets Americans a bad name, great-grandmas who speed whilst out shopping. Your Ear congratulates the Texas constabulary and their 'zero tolerance' policy to stamp out such anti-social behaviour. This is how the west was won.
Story of the Week (to keep us in perspective) - Vatican Grooves - Pop Pope - The Vatican reacted swiftly to last week’s report (Japan’s PM In Chart Bid), with news that ‘top of the popes’ Benedict XVI could be the big banana in music this Christmas through recordings of his speeches and songs set to original classical music compositions. The music’s three composers, a British agnostic, an Italian Catholic, and a Moroccan born Muslim, say the album's purpose is to promote a communal, worldwide experience, rather than to spread a Catholic message. Albums by acts like The Priests and Monks have sold well over the years and even if a small percentage of the world’s one billion Catholics buy the CD it will be a massive hit. The album will be released on Geffen Records, which has published work by Guns N' Roses, Aerosmith, Joan Rivers, Manowar (Louder Than Hell), Madness, Death Angel, Gutterboy, The Simpsons, Pariah, Eagles (Hell Freezes Over), Snoop Dog, The Cure, Kardinal Offishall, but not The Damned. Geffen Records boss Colin Barlow told Sky News: ‘The beauty of this is people first hear this and say 'no way'. Then it actually starts to dawn on people that it's a really amazing record. I think people will be really blown away when they listen to it.’ Not literally, Your Ear hopes.
Football Headlines – Shirt-Pulling Solution - ‘Why allow this crazy practice?,’ says top fashion designer. ‘It is sooo silly and unnecessary. I have designed special paper-based clothing. It looks good but tears easily, so when a shirt is grabbed a handful comes away and sticks to the offender’s fingers. The evidence of foul play will be clear for all to see, and as the shirts are disposable they will save on laundry bills. And they are recyclable. Voila!’ Several namby-pamby, whinging clubs are known to be interested. Meanwhile, the FA continues to fail to answer why they appear to condone shirt-pulling as part of the sport. If they wanted to eradicate it they could - players get an automatic yellow for taking their shirts off to celebrate, why not reward a handful of shirt with the same? Ferguson Misquoted – When he said (discussing Pompey’s position in the league a week before the match) ‘that Portsmouth’s all heart and it seems nothing can be odder,’ what he actually said was ‘that Portsmouth’s Paul Hart and his team are nothing but cannon fodder.’
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Premiership round up - Week 13
Liverpool v Man City - 2:2 - Both sides took to the field of play hoping to finish in the league’s top 4, but lately both have faltered. Liverpool, who nearly scored early on, maintained the initiative but the Kop had to wait until the second half, when Skrtel beat Adebayor (defending in his own box for once). Adebayor got his own back 19 minutes later, scoring with a free header. Ireland put City ahead after some good work by Tevez, but Benayoun levelled the match a minute later. It was all Liverpool until the end but they could not clinch a winner. Sixth draw in a row for an unconvincing City, although Liverpool at home were never going to be easy opponents for them.
Sunderland v Arsenal - 1:0 - Arsenal sometimes make football look an easy game to play, moving the ball with a tight level of fluency that few other teams can match. However, on occasion Arsenal also lull themselves (gently) off to sleep, as if hypnotized by their own mastery. The Gunners made some tremendous but unfruitful efforts, two of which would surely have been candidates for goal of the month. Sunderland organized themselves to defend but the one man up front, Bent, scored a good goal to give his side the game. Wenger's view? - 'A massive setback.'
Birmingham v Fulham - 1:0 - Chances at either end were not converted until Bowyer calmly tapped the ball over the keeper after 16 minutes. Fulham played positively in pouring rain but could not score. All very low key stuff, probably due, at least in part, to the weather.
Burnley v Aston Villa - 1:1- Richard Dunne is having a bad week. First he was amongst those robbed by Henri's 'main de Dieu,' in the World Cup qualifiers. Then he failed to stop Caldwell scoring in the 9th minute, giving Burnley their usual home lead. At one point Jensen came so far off his line his manager thought he'd substituted himself, but he, and Burnley, got away with it. Agbonlahor should have scored ten minutes later but with less than five minutes to spare Heskey muscled his way onto the ball to head a last gasp equalizer.
Hull v West Ham - 3:3 - West Ham started brightly, Franco scoring from a corner after 5 minutes. Collison got another a little afterwards with a quality looping header following a beautiful long cross by Franco. Hull's first goal was also a looping header, but this time by deflection (o/g Cole, off Bullard's free kick). Zayatte got Hull’s second goal two minutes before the break. A dire penalty decision allowed Bullard, who has made a huge difference to Hull, to score from the spot, giving Hull the lead at half time. Mendy was sent off for a foul on Parker with 36 minutes left. Da Costa scored a third in the 69th minute but West Ham should have made Hull pay more dearly. Stanislas should have scored twice more, or at least hit the target, but the game ended in a draw, making this the second time West Ham have gone two up and had to settle for a single point. Zola - 'We are scoring plenty of goals, we just need to focus, to defend our goal a little better.' Which is true, but is much the same as saying ‘if we score more than we let in, we'll win a few games.’
Chelsea v Wolves - 4:0 - Wolves tried, and tried hard, but if you don't have the quality, you won't (as Hansen would have it) put the ball in the back of the net. Malouda has that quality and ambled up the pitch to thump one home from 30 yards after 5 minutes. Essien headed in a corner kick a little later. Kalou might have had a brace, but even with a reduced squad Chelsea were strolling. Wolves repeatedly failed to close down Essien, who got a third. Cech saved well to deny Ebanks-Blake’s header, but that was the only bright moment for Wolves before Joe Cole scored from a well-worked Anelka-inspired lay-off to make it four. Essien nearly got a hat-trick with two nice shots, but Chelsea did need him to. Anelka came off and Kakuta, Chelsea's new (some say illegally signed) French player came on and showed what a prize he is. Worth going to court for! Mick McCarthy’s view - 'We were absolutely mullahed.' McCarthy obviously knows his urban dictionary, which states that to be ‘mullahed’ means; Getting absolutely shoe'd, almost to the point of molestation by a clearly superior force or entity. He was right, Wolves were the oysters at the seafood stall, prised apart and swallowed whole.
Man United v Everton - 3:0 - A great strike by Fletcher arrowed into the back of the net after 35 minutes to give ManU a well-deserved lead. Vidic went to war, as he often does and flattened John Heitinga, who had to go off. Rooney grazed the bar, Owen, who had a good game, was a threat on several occasions and had one or two chances. Carrick passed the ball into the back of the net half-way through the second half to put the game beyond doubt before Scholes made a good chance for Valencia, who took it in the 76th minute. This game was all ManU, with another fine performance by Ryan Giggs. David Moyes - ‘The injuries are there but a manager’s job is to try to get a winning team with whatever you’re given, and at the moment I’m struggling to find that winning team.’ Your Ear believes Everton’s season is largely over, with no Euro place on the cards.
Spurs v Wigan - 9:1 - Your Ear is not sure there’s enough paper (or even electrons) here for a full report. But to keep it brief - Spurs owned the first 35 minutes, that included the running header by Crouch to go one up. It could easily have been more, but Spurs’ failure to score another seemed to take them off the boil and the last ten minutes of the first half were not comfortable from a Spurs’ standpoint as Wigan pressed for an equalizer. As the teams left the pitch, it seemed likely that Wigan’s Martinez was probably the happier manager of the two. It is not certain what St Hal said to his disciples in the dressing room, but he must have sprinkled it with fairy dust, because a brief report of the second half reads as follows; Defoe, great goal (51st), Defoe, great goal, rubbish defending (54th), Scharner, handball à l’Henri, a bad goal (57th), Defoe, hat-trick, great goal (58th), Lennon, neat and tidy goal from a good Crouch layoff, a favour returned (64th), Defoe, (yawn) 4! (69th), Defoe, (ho-hum) 5!! (87th), Bentley, brilliant free kick, that’s 8! (given as o/g, Kirkland, but really Bentley’s) Sir Harry seemed genuinely astonished (88th). Kranjcar wrapped it up with Spurs’ ninth (and final) goal in the third minute of extra time. Given that nine of the match goals were scored in the second half that’s one about every 5 minutes, and much more fun than waiting for a bus. Results like these are rare in top-flight football but St H was honest enough to say that ‘it was a good day and everything went for us.’ He praised Martinez as ‘a fine young manager who will bounce back,’ then ‘Crouchy’, Lennon, and obviously Defoe, but mostly Kranjcar, who, the noble lord said, was ‘top, top class.’ Your Ear thought that Palacios also had a good game. All of Defoe’s goals were top drawer, and only Shearer and Andy Cole have also scored five in a Premiership game. Best of all, Gomes wasn’t tested. Wigan need to bounce back from this most severe kicking when they play Sunderland next week. As a small post script, on MoTD2, Adrian Chiles (Your Ear has listened to it several times and this is definitely what he said) asked Robbie Savage; ‘Does 9:1 flatten Tottenham?’ We think the answer to that is clearly, not! Wishful thinking by the Baggies’ supporter? Lastly, this result might make Mick McCarthy grateful he was only mullahed!
Bolton v Blackburn - 0:2 - David Dunn opened Blackburn’s account with a first time, sweeping shot across the keeper to the far post after running more or less the full length of the pitch. This was after half an hour of end-to-end stuff where Bolton, particularly, might have scored at least twice. In fact, Bolton made more chances for themselves throughout the game, but Ricketts had the misfortune to gift Blackburn their second goal half way through the second half by heading back into an open goal when his keeper, Jussi Jaaskelainen, was running out of the goal area to counter an attack Ricketts had covered. Humorous viewing for Blackburn fans, a nightmare for Bolton, although the second goal did not cause or affect the result.
Stoke v Portsmouth - 1:0 - Portsmouth (Boateng) wasted a penalty opportunity with a weak and wobbly attempt after 9 minutes. O’Hara made a good effort from 40 yards which was saved, and for much of the game Portsmouth looked the better side. Then in the 74th minute Portsmouth old-boy, Fuller, slotted the ball into the corner of the net and won Stoke the game. Despite yet another defeat Your Ear does not see Portsmouth as a poor team, and fully expects their performance to pick up as the season progresses (they have no chance now, just like Arsenal after the last report, which tipped them to win the league - before they lost to Sunderland, of course).
Forecasts Revisited - In an early report (Pub1) Your Ear forecast a couple of absolute certainties, one of which proved not to be so. But in the interests of fair and honest reporting here are the facts;
a) Forecast 1 - that in a mini-league of teams likely to finish highly in the Premiership, Spurs or Arsenal would head the table. Well, here is the table and ManU is top dog at the moment, although the next four teams have two games in hand. Spurs weakness in match play against the other top teams shows why Spurs will be fortunate to achieve a top 4 overall league placement. Arsenal are doing better, and ManU will be hoping the Gunners can stop the Chelsea train in its tracks next weekend. Everton and Liverpool are poor performers by this evaluation.
Pos Played Team Points
1 6 Man Utd 12
2 4 Chelsea 9
3 4 Aston Villa 8
4 4 Arsenal 6
5 4 Man City 5
6 5 Liverpool 4
7 4 Tottenham 3
8 3 Everton 1
b) Forecast 2 - Your Ear also forecast that this would be a high scoring year. After 127 games, a third of the way through the season, some 389 goals have been scored. This is 43 more than was scored in the same number of games last season, an increase of 12.4%, which is not to be sniffed at. Your Ear almost hesitates to point out that a fifth of that excess was scored by the Right Honourable Tottens of Ham over the weekend, but what’s done is done. Overall what does this mean - that 2009/10 will be a goal-fest season, or that from now on many fewer goals will be scored? Your Ear clings to the former view. Here are more interesting, but largely useless, statistics - of the 389 goals scored thus far, some 57% (221) have been scored by the top 8 clubs (the same clubs as in the table above, substituting Sunderland for Everton) whilst only 31% (121) have been scored against them. So, unsurprisingly, the top clubs score more goals than they concede, roughly on a 2:1 basis. At the other end of the table the bottom 8 clubs, which includes Everton, have scored 109 goals for (28%) and have suffered 187 against (48%). Finally, only the top 8 clubs currently have a positive goal difference, all other teams are in deficit. Enough of this trivia.
News Roundup - In a week when a strand of Elvis's hair sold for over £1,000 at auction, when Britain was blasted by 100mph gales, and when a crumb of bread caused the Hadron Collider to be shut down for a second time (some say the crumb was a bit of baguette dropped by a seagull, but Your Ear was told that the offending morsel was, in fact, ‘un gros pain, un gros, gros pain,’ which then became almost as true in the English sense as in the French. And, from the sceptics point of view, it was dropped by a very, very, wise owl), we turn to the orient for news.
News From Japan (to keep us in perspective) - Blues To Curb Platform Suicides - Tokyo train operators, concerned at a rise in suicides at rail stations, are bathing platforms in blue light in an attempt to calm passengers. ‘Some people thought we were going to play Blues music,’ said a spokesperson. ‘But we felt this might cause more people to jump.’ Tuna Crisis Averted - On Tuesday fisheries minister Hirotaka Akamatsu dispelled public concerns fuelled by an international tuna conservation body’s decision to cut the annual tuna catch, as the recession has provided Japan with ample stocks of frozen tuna. But if a problem arises no doubt more ‘research’ could be undertaken. Obama Bow Outrage - Recent photos of President Obama in Japan bowing deeply to Emperor Akihito have incensed Washington critics, who are weighing whether or not the president disgraced his own country. ‘Can’t see what all the hoo-hah is about,’ said a spokesperson. ‘The pres was just picking up a pin he’d dropped.’ PM In Chart Bid - Japan's hit chart could soon be topped by Yukio Hatoyama, the Japanese Prime Minster, after his 1989 album Take Heart was re-released. Tokyo Beats Paris In Food Stakes - With 11 3-star Michelin restaurant ratings Tokyo now outdoes Paris, which has only 10. The 2010 edition of the Michelin guide for Tokyo also lists 42 2-star and 144 1-star restaurant ratings, showing the high quality of food in the Japanese capital. It is rumoured that at least one crazed, patriotic Frenchman is en route east with bottled flies in his luggage (to sabotage the soup).
Japanese Story Of The Week - Solar Power To Be Beamed To Earth - Japan proposes to collect ‘free’ solar power in space before transmitting it to Earth using laser beams or microwaves. The fuel-poor island nation's government has selected researchers and companies to deliver the multi-billion yen dream of unlimited clean energy by 2030. Scare-monger stories of flocks of migrating birds foolish enough to fly through active energy fields raining down on the populace after being microwaved are ill-founded, say government sources. However, KFC are keeping a careful eye on developments. They hope to deliver chickens equipped with electro-prods and sat nav chips to customers who have ordered a takeaway by zapping fly-by-wire poultry over the appropriate front doorsteps. ‘It should save on mopeds,’ a spokesperson said. ‘And the food will be fresh.’ Chinese ‘duck-away’ restaurants are also reported to be interested.
Football Headlines – Hammerette Lingerie - Katy Perry, girlfriend of Hammers fan Russell Brand, has popularised West Ham colours and badges (and underwear) by sporting a basque in claret and blue at the MTV Europe Music Awards this month. By popular demand West Ham then offered a limited edition of the outfit, planning to sell the item as a potential Christmas present for fans’ wives. However, the men queuing up for the supportive, snug corsets (particularly those with bad backs and others wishing to get in touch with their feminine side) are looking for the larger sizes. ‘They keep you warm on the terraces,’ said a satisfied customer, ‘and at only 300 squid a go, they’re bargainous.’ Secret England Squad? - Following England’s recent 1:0 defeat by Brazil, Fabio Capello says he has another, better squad of players available to him (and England) for the World Cup, but (other than Rooney) he won’t say who they are. ‘Today we send out our little team and next time we gonna put out our big team,’ he said. Meanwhile, bookies put England at 3:1 to exit the World cup at the quarter-finals stage. Rooney To Captain England Again - England’s loss to Brazil will not prevent Wayne Rooney from leading out his side in future matches, said a spokesperson for Mr Capello. ‘As he challenges most decisions, whether they involve him or not, it’s better if Wayne is captain so he can shout at referees with less risk of being sent off.’ Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (before the match) that Everton are big girls blouses on Easy Street, what he actually said was that Everton are a bunch of losers and easy meat.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Sunderland v Arsenal - 1:0 - Arsenal sometimes make football look an easy game to play, moving the ball with a tight level of fluency that few other teams can match. However, on occasion Arsenal also lull themselves (gently) off to sleep, as if hypnotized by their own mastery. The Gunners made some tremendous but unfruitful efforts, two of which would surely have been candidates for goal of the month. Sunderland organized themselves to defend but the one man up front, Bent, scored a good goal to give his side the game. Wenger's view? - 'A massive setback.'
Birmingham v Fulham - 1:0 - Chances at either end were not converted until Bowyer calmly tapped the ball over the keeper after 16 minutes. Fulham played positively in pouring rain but could not score. All very low key stuff, probably due, at least in part, to the weather.
Burnley v Aston Villa - 1:1- Richard Dunne is having a bad week. First he was amongst those robbed by Henri's 'main de Dieu,' in the World Cup qualifiers. Then he failed to stop Caldwell scoring in the 9th minute, giving Burnley their usual home lead. At one point Jensen came so far off his line his manager thought he'd substituted himself, but he, and Burnley, got away with it. Agbonlahor should have scored ten minutes later but with less than five minutes to spare Heskey muscled his way onto the ball to head a last gasp equalizer.
Hull v West Ham - 3:3 - West Ham started brightly, Franco scoring from a corner after 5 minutes. Collison got another a little afterwards with a quality looping header following a beautiful long cross by Franco. Hull's first goal was also a looping header, but this time by deflection (o/g Cole, off Bullard's free kick). Zayatte got Hull’s second goal two minutes before the break. A dire penalty decision allowed Bullard, who has made a huge difference to Hull, to score from the spot, giving Hull the lead at half time. Mendy was sent off for a foul on Parker with 36 minutes left. Da Costa scored a third in the 69th minute but West Ham should have made Hull pay more dearly. Stanislas should have scored twice more, or at least hit the target, but the game ended in a draw, making this the second time West Ham have gone two up and had to settle for a single point. Zola - 'We are scoring plenty of goals, we just need to focus, to defend our goal a little better.' Which is true, but is much the same as saying ‘if we score more than we let in, we'll win a few games.’
Chelsea v Wolves - 4:0 - Wolves tried, and tried hard, but if you don't have the quality, you won't (as Hansen would have it) put the ball in the back of the net. Malouda has that quality and ambled up the pitch to thump one home from 30 yards after 5 minutes. Essien headed in a corner kick a little later. Kalou might have had a brace, but even with a reduced squad Chelsea were strolling. Wolves repeatedly failed to close down Essien, who got a third. Cech saved well to deny Ebanks-Blake’s header, but that was the only bright moment for Wolves before Joe Cole scored from a well-worked Anelka-inspired lay-off to make it four. Essien nearly got a hat-trick with two nice shots, but Chelsea did need him to. Anelka came off and Kakuta, Chelsea's new (some say illegally signed) French player came on and showed what a prize he is. Worth going to court for! Mick McCarthy’s view - 'We were absolutely mullahed.' McCarthy obviously knows his urban dictionary, which states that to be ‘mullahed’ means; Getting absolutely shoe'd, almost to the point of molestation by a clearly superior force or entity. He was right, Wolves were the oysters at the seafood stall, prised apart and swallowed whole.
Man United v Everton - 3:0 - A great strike by Fletcher arrowed into the back of the net after 35 minutes to give ManU a well-deserved lead. Vidic went to war, as he often does and flattened John Heitinga, who had to go off. Rooney grazed the bar, Owen, who had a good game, was a threat on several occasions and had one or two chances. Carrick passed the ball into the back of the net half-way through the second half to put the game beyond doubt before Scholes made a good chance for Valencia, who took it in the 76th minute. This game was all ManU, with another fine performance by Ryan Giggs. David Moyes - ‘The injuries are there but a manager’s job is to try to get a winning team with whatever you’re given, and at the moment I’m struggling to find that winning team.’ Your Ear believes Everton’s season is largely over, with no Euro place on the cards.
Spurs v Wigan - 9:1 - Your Ear is not sure there’s enough paper (or even electrons) here for a full report. But to keep it brief - Spurs owned the first 35 minutes, that included the running header by Crouch to go one up. It could easily have been more, but Spurs’ failure to score another seemed to take them off the boil and the last ten minutes of the first half were not comfortable from a Spurs’ standpoint as Wigan pressed for an equalizer. As the teams left the pitch, it seemed likely that Wigan’s Martinez was probably the happier manager of the two. It is not certain what St Hal said to his disciples in the dressing room, but he must have sprinkled it with fairy dust, because a brief report of the second half reads as follows; Defoe, great goal (51st), Defoe, great goal, rubbish defending (54th), Scharner, handball à l’Henri, a bad goal (57th), Defoe, hat-trick, great goal (58th), Lennon, neat and tidy goal from a good Crouch layoff, a favour returned (64th), Defoe, (yawn) 4! (69th), Defoe, (ho-hum) 5!! (87th), Bentley, brilliant free kick, that’s 8! (given as o/g, Kirkland, but really Bentley’s) Sir Harry seemed genuinely astonished (88th). Kranjcar wrapped it up with Spurs’ ninth (and final) goal in the third minute of extra time. Given that nine of the match goals were scored in the second half that’s one about every 5 minutes, and much more fun than waiting for a bus. Results like these are rare in top-flight football but St H was honest enough to say that ‘it was a good day and everything went for us.’ He praised Martinez as ‘a fine young manager who will bounce back,’ then ‘Crouchy’, Lennon, and obviously Defoe, but mostly Kranjcar, who, the noble lord said, was ‘top, top class.’ Your Ear thought that Palacios also had a good game. All of Defoe’s goals were top drawer, and only Shearer and Andy Cole have also scored five in a Premiership game. Best of all, Gomes wasn’t tested. Wigan need to bounce back from this most severe kicking when they play Sunderland next week. As a small post script, on MoTD2, Adrian Chiles (Your Ear has listened to it several times and this is definitely what he said) asked Robbie Savage; ‘Does 9:1 flatten Tottenham?’ We think the answer to that is clearly, not! Wishful thinking by the Baggies’ supporter? Lastly, this result might make Mick McCarthy grateful he was only mullahed!
Bolton v Blackburn - 0:2 - David Dunn opened Blackburn’s account with a first time, sweeping shot across the keeper to the far post after running more or less the full length of the pitch. This was after half an hour of end-to-end stuff where Bolton, particularly, might have scored at least twice. In fact, Bolton made more chances for themselves throughout the game, but Ricketts had the misfortune to gift Blackburn their second goal half way through the second half by heading back into an open goal when his keeper, Jussi Jaaskelainen, was running out of the goal area to counter an attack Ricketts had covered. Humorous viewing for Blackburn fans, a nightmare for Bolton, although the second goal did not cause or affect the result.
Stoke v Portsmouth - 1:0 - Portsmouth (Boateng) wasted a penalty opportunity with a weak and wobbly attempt after 9 minutes. O’Hara made a good effort from 40 yards which was saved, and for much of the game Portsmouth looked the better side. Then in the 74th minute Portsmouth old-boy, Fuller, slotted the ball into the corner of the net and won Stoke the game. Despite yet another defeat Your Ear does not see Portsmouth as a poor team, and fully expects their performance to pick up as the season progresses (they have no chance now, just like Arsenal after the last report, which tipped them to win the league - before they lost to Sunderland, of course).
Forecasts Revisited - In an early report (Pub1) Your Ear forecast a couple of absolute certainties, one of which proved not to be so. But in the interests of fair and honest reporting here are the facts;
a) Forecast 1 - that in a mini-league of teams likely to finish highly in the Premiership, Spurs or Arsenal would head the table. Well, here is the table and ManU is top dog at the moment, although the next four teams have two games in hand. Spurs weakness in match play against the other top teams shows why Spurs will be fortunate to achieve a top 4 overall league placement. Arsenal are doing better, and ManU will be hoping the Gunners can stop the Chelsea train in its tracks next weekend. Everton and Liverpool are poor performers by this evaluation.
Pos Played Team Points
1 6 Man Utd 12
2 4 Chelsea 9
3 4 Aston Villa 8
4 4 Arsenal 6
5 4 Man City 5
6 5 Liverpool 4
7 4 Tottenham 3
8 3 Everton 1
b) Forecast 2 - Your Ear also forecast that this would be a high scoring year. After 127 games, a third of the way through the season, some 389 goals have been scored. This is 43 more than was scored in the same number of games last season, an increase of 12.4%, which is not to be sniffed at. Your Ear almost hesitates to point out that a fifth of that excess was scored by the Right Honourable Tottens of Ham over the weekend, but what’s done is done. Overall what does this mean - that 2009/10 will be a goal-fest season, or that from now on many fewer goals will be scored? Your Ear clings to the former view. Here are more interesting, but largely useless, statistics - of the 389 goals scored thus far, some 57% (221) have been scored by the top 8 clubs (the same clubs as in the table above, substituting Sunderland for Everton) whilst only 31% (121) have been scored against them. So, unsurprisingly, the top clubs score more goals than they concede, roughly on a 2:1 basis. At the other end of the table the bottom 8 clubs, which includes Everton, have scored 109 goals for (28%) and have suffered 187 against (48%). Finally, only the top 8 clubs currently have a positive goal difference, all other teams are in deficit. Enough of this trivia.
News Roundup - In a week when a strand of Elvis's hair sold for over £1,000 at auction, when Britain was blasted by 100mph gales, and when a crumb of bread caused the Hadron Collider to be shut down for a second time (some say the crumb was a bit of baguette dropped by a seagull, but Your Ear was told that the offending morsel was, in fact, ‘un gros pain, un gros, gros pain,’ which then became almost as true in the English sense as in the French. And, from the sceptics point of view, it was dropped by a very, very, wise owl), we turn to the orient for news.
News From Japan (to keep us in perspective) - Blues To Curb Platform Suicides - Tokyo train operators, concerned at a rise in suicides at rail stations, are bathing platforms in blue light in an attempt to calm passengers. ‘Some people thought we were going to play Blues music,’ said a spokesperson. ‘But we felt this might cause more people to jump.’ Tuna Crisis Averted - On Tuesday fisheries minister Hirotaka Akamatsu dispelled public concerns fuelled by an international tuna conservation body’s decision to cut the annual tuna catch, as the recession has provided Japan with ample stocks of frozen tuna. But if a problem arises no doubt more ‘research’ could be undertaken. Obama Bow Outrage - Recent photos of President Obama in Japan bowing deeply to Emperor Akihito have incensed Washington critics, who are weighing whether or not the president disgraced his own country. ‘Can’t see what all the hoo-hah is about,’ said a spokesperson. ‘The pres was just picking up a pin he’d dropped.’ PM In Chart Bid - Japan's hit chart could soon be topped by Yukio Hatoyama, the Japanese Prime Minster, after his 1989 album Take Heart was re-released. Tokyo Beats Paris In Food Stakes - With 11 3-star Michelin restaurant ratings Tokyo now outdoes Paris, which has only 10. The 2010 edition of the Michelin guide for Tokyo also lists 42 2-star and 144 1-star restaurant ratings, showing the high quality of food in the Japanese capital. It is rumoured that at least one crazed, patriotic Frenchman is en route east with bottled flies in his luggage (to sabotage the soup).
Japanese Story Of The Week - Solar Power To Be Beamed To Earth - Japan proposes to collect ‘free’ solar power in space before transmitting it to Earth using laser beams or microwaves. The fuel-poor island nation's government has selected researchers and companies to deliver the multi-billion yen dream of unlimited clean energy by 2030. Scare-monger stories of flocks of migrating birds foolish enough to fly through active energy fields raining down on the populace after being microwaved are ill-founded, say government sources. However, KFC are keeping a careful eye on developments. They hope to deliver chickens equipped with electro-prods and sat nav chips to customers who have ordered a takeaway by zapping fly-by-wire poultry over the appropriate front doorsteps. ‘It should save on mopeds,’ a spokesperson said. ‘And the food will be fresh.’ Chinese ‘duck-away’ restaurants are also reported to be interested.
Football Headlines – Hammerette Lingerie - Katy Perry, girlfriend of Hammers fan Russell Brand, has popularised West Ham colours and badges (and underwear) by sporting a basque in claret and blue at the MTV Europe Music Awards this month. By popular demand West Ham then offered a limited edition of the outfit, planning to sell the item as a potential Christmas present for fans’ wives. However, the men queuing up for the supportive, snug corsets (particularly those with bad backs and others wishing to get in touch with their feminine side) are looking for the larger sizes. ‘They keep you warm on the terraces,’ said a satisfied customer, ‘and at only 300 squid a go, they’re bargainous.’ Secret England Squad? - Following England’s recent 1:0 defeat by Brazil, Fabio Capello says he has another, better squad of players available to him (and England) for the World Cup, but (other than Rooney) he won’t say who they are. ‘Today we send out our little team and next time we gonna put out our big team,’ he said. Meanwhile, bookies put England at 3:1 to exit the World cup at the quarter-finals stage. Rooney To Captain England Again - England’s loss to Brazil will not prevent Wayne Rooney from leading out his side in future matches, said a spokesperson for Mr Capello. ‘As he challenges most decisions, whether they involve him or not, it’s better if Wayne is captain so he can shout at referees with less risk of being sent off.’ Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (before the match) that Everton are big girls blouses on Easy Street, what he actually said was that Everton are a bunch of losers and easy meat.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Premiership round up - Week 12
Manchester City v Burnley - 3:3 - Adebayor and Toure were back for City and before the match started most people would have put money on them to perpetuate Burnley's poor away record. Then Burnley got a penalty and went one up in the 19th minute (Alexander). City played like a 3rd class side for a few minutes and Burnley got another (Fletcher). Shortly before half time, BBC commentator John Motson, with typical insight and while the camera was on Mark Hughes, said of the 2:0 score-line; "Well, I'm sure he didn't expect this." - nice one, Motty. Hughes did not suffer for too long. Wright-Phillips started City's resurgence and in the second half Toure equalized and Bellamy got City's third. For the rest of the game Burnley were under the proverbial cosh, right up to the point where, with 3 minutes to go McDonald salvaged a point (their first away from home) for a jubilant Burnley. Fifth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.
Wolves v Arsenal - 1:4 - Wolves started in sprightly fashion and pressed the Gunners hard, but after 28 minutes fortune favoured Arsenal, who got the first goal (Zubar, o/g). Arsenal proceeded to add a second by the same route, 8 minutes later (Craddock, o/g). At the end of the first half Arsenal took Wolves apart and managed to score one on their own (Fabregas). Arshavin piled on the pressure in the second half for Arsenal's fourth, With a minute to go Craddock partially redeemed himself and scored a consolation goal for Wolves. Wolves have enthusiasm and a never-say-die spirit. Arsenal, as Wenger put it, 'have technical superiority.'
Aston Villa v Bolton - 5:1 - This game was all about John Carew. Villa started smartly, Young scoring after 5 minutes - Carew made the goal with a header the keeper was forced to deflect. Two minutes before the break Carew, after some nifty work on the line, laid one on for Agbonlahor to roll in. A minute later Elmander scored his first Premiership goal in 11 months for Bolton. Villa were not perturbed; 8 minutes into the second half Carew scored all by himself, after a very strong run into the box. He might have fallen down (or chosen to) twice, but Carew is a tough, stand-up guy (pun intended), and refused to be denied. Then he (Carew) was shoved off a potential header and a penalty was awarded. After some pinball action (Milner takes penalty, ball bounces off keeper, struck by Sidwell, ball bounces off post) Milner finally scored. In the 75th minute Cuellar scored Villa's fifth goal from an excellent cross by Milner. But if Cuellar had not scored, Carew was lurking at the far post to pick it up, and probably would have, too. Young nearly made it 6 with a free kick, but Villa were forced to settle for a winning margin of 4 goals, poor devils.
Spurs v Sunderland - 2:0 - Defoe was back from suspension and showed how much he was missed (the idiot). Keane bundled the ball in competently for Spurs to go ahead and Spurs were a trifle fortunate to survive a penalty shout and a great looping shot by Reid. But survive they did until Bent got revenge on his old club by diving to win a penalty. Providence was with the just and Gomes saved. Sunderland made more chances throughout the game but Gomes was having a good day and kept them out. Half way through the second half Spurs, nervy and far from their best, scored their second (Huddlestone's good strike from Defoe's layoff). Saint Hal praised Gomes and admitted that the luck went their way. We (or Sunderland, in this case) need video replay evidence.
Blackburn v Portsmouth – 3:1 - A good, but unlikely, hit by O'Hara put Portsmouth ahead after 15 minutes. After a poor first half performance Big Sam made some offensive changes at half time and Roberts duly equalized. Blackburn continued to go forward and were rewarded with a second goal (header by Nelson from a corner) then a third (Roberts). Too easy from set pieces for Blackburn. Portsmouth should have done better and have shaken Your Ear's faith in their ability to survive the season in the Premiership.
Chelsea v ManU - 1:0 - It was all Chelsea versus a depleted ManU (except for a Giggs half-chance) but no score in the first half. ManU started the second half better, Rooney made two good attempts on goal. The deadlock was broken by a fine Terry header in the 76th minute. There were a few moans after the game from ManU's, Mike Phelan, but he might have complained more - Terry should have been sent off for a professional foul against Valencia (and ManU should have had a penalty). On the other hand, Drogba was booked after he had been drop-kicked in the chest and kicked again in the stomach for good luck. And possibly the Chelsea goal should have been disallowed. Whole seasons turn on these decisions. We need video replay evidence.
Hull v Stoke - 2:1 - Hull did not play like a side struggling to take points and after early pressure by Stoke Hull had all the chances. But Etherington made something out of nothing in the 29th minute to score the first goal for Stoke. Hull then escaped an own goal scare early in the second half and fortune seemed to be smiling on them, particularly when ex-Stoke player, Olofinjana scored a very good equalizer in the 62nd minute. Hull really went for it for the rest of the game, although Stoke’s Shawcross nearly stole the game following a crafty free kick by Whelan. Faye was unlucky to be sent off (at the risk of being boring - we need video replay evidence) and Stoke were forced to hold on. They didn't, Bullard struck the ball hard from long range and Vennegoor of Hesselink scored from the keeper's punch out. Well, Hull had to win a game sooner or later, they did well against Stoke who had been in good form until today.
West Ham v Everton - 1:2 - West Ham's win earlier in the week against Aston Villa lifted the Hammers, no doubt boosting their confidence, while Everton have hardly been on top of their game lately. But against the run of play Everton went ahead with an accurate strike by Saha after 27 minutes. Despite more West Ham initiatives Everton doubled their lead after an hour (Gosling). A minute later West Ham were back in the game when Stanislav forced an own goal by Hibbert. Diamanti made a great creative effort and Hines nearly scored twice, but failed. West Ham deserved to win this game but Zola (as usual) was phlegmatic, and put it down to 'a difficult season' and 'more 'ard work needed'.
Wigan v Fulham - 1:1 - Nevland nearly gained the lead early on for Fulham with a nice header, which beat Kirkland, but not the post. Boyce put Wigan ahead after 13 minutes and Dempsey scored from the spot towards the end of the half. The game was fairly even after that, with both sides having good opportunities, but excellent keeping at either end held the match to a draw. Both managers were content (if managers are ever content) with the result. Unfortunately this game hosted the lowest attendance to date of the season (just over 16,000).
Liverpool v Birmingham - 2:2 - Liverpool worked hard, scored first (a N'Gog volley after 12 minutes) and kept turning the screw, but Birmingham, after three consecutive headers, beat Reina ('Chucho' Benitez) to make it one-all. The goal filled Birmingham with energy and they began to go after Liverpool. Three minutes before half time Gerrard came on for Riera to huge cheers from the faithful. But seconds before half-time Jerome held off Mascherano and unleashed a 30 yard swerver. It caught Reina unawares and the home side went in one down. Gerrard spent the next 15 minutes on the pitch continuing to warm up (he probably knew what Rafa was saying in the dressing room). Liverpool pressed Birmingham hard and had several chances, but it took a dive by N'Gog to earn a bad penalty for Liverpool to draw level. Hats off to Birmingham who withstood the remaining Liverpool attacks to draw with sad Liverpool. Oh, and we need video replays!
Top Tips - With just under a third of total matches played Your Ear believes the title race is a three horse field. Arsenal is our ‘might just do it’ tip, then Chelsea, then ManU. Chelsea have a useful lead, but having said that ManU always find their second wind after Christmas. And Arsenal look comfortable at the moment and seem to have a broad team full of talented youth, more so than other top-flight teams, especially ManU. So although other sides might try to mount a challenge it seems unlikely all of the above will falter and be beaten. You may disagree, of course.
Natural World News (to keep us in perspective) - Two-Headed Reptile Found - A two-headed snake was discovered in a rubbish filled drawer in Illinois. The couple who found the large North American water snake thought it might not be able to survive on its own and decided to keep it. The non-venomous snake has just shed its skin, so, free handbags and shoes all round. Shrimps' eyes are the best - A university study said the eyes of Great Barrier Reef mantis shrimps have the most complex visual systems known to science and could inspire next generation DVD and CD players. The shrimps can see in twelve colours (humans in only three) and can distinguish between different forms of polarised light. The unique make-up of the mantis shrimp's eye is beautifully simple; it is comprised of cell membranes rolled into tubes. This natural mechanism out-performs all synthetic designs created by humans. Future optical devices might use liquid crystals chemically engineered to mimic the properties of cells in the mantis shrimp's eye. 'We are just prawns in the game,' said a spokes-crustacean. Birds have x-ray vision - Scientists believe robins can 'see' the Earth's magnetic field at night, helping them to navigate on migrations. It is known that birds have an internal magnetic compass but there is no consensus on what form it takes. New research suggests that robins can 'see' magnetic fields, whereas there is evidence that upper beak magneto-sensors are used by pigeons. Scientists say other types of magnetic sensor may also exist in birds. 'We won’t be outdone by a bunch of sea-food candidates,' said a red-breasted spokes-avian. 'We dinosaur descendants have these sensors everywhere. Run an audio cassette tape between a parrot's legs and you'll rediscover the wonder of analogue.'
Football Headlines - The Fairer Sex? - New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert has been suspended indefinitely after engaging in rough play during a 1-0 loss to BYU in the Mountain West Conference semi-finals. Lambert apologized for her actions, saying she was "deeply and wholeheartedly regretful. I let my emotions get the best of me. I take full responsibility for my actions and accept any punishment felt necessary. This is in no way indicative of my character or the soccer player that I am." (Your Ear feels that once bitten, etc, although biting is an offence Lambert was not guilty of, on this occasion). Lambert was yellow carded towards the end of the game, apparently for tripping, but there were at least six occasions where she might have been summarily dismissed. Several Premiership managers are reputedly interested in her. 'The girl's a natural' said an anonymous football scout. 'Thanks heavens the cameras were rolling.' Not to take action during the game, of course, but so that a first rate training video could be made; see http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=4629837 for expertly executed examples of tripping off the ball, the slap to the back of the head, the kick of the ball to the face, the pony-tail pull (superb), the whack around the chops, and the forearm in the back. Selective Gravity? - Top clubs claim their players are being hit by stronger gravity effects than those experienced by other teams. 'As soon as our forwards get into the opposing box they start to feel like lead,' one said. 'They find themselves being drawn inexorably earthwards. Even the most valiant attempts on the part of the players to stay upright fail. It often seems to happen when the referee is behind them and they are close to defenders or keepers. It's weird.' Football fans agree.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Wolves v Arsenal - 1:4 - Wolves started in sprightly fashion and pressed the Gunners hard, but after 28 minutes fortune favoured Arsenal, who got the first goal (Zubar, o/g). Arsenal proceeded to add a second by the same route, 8 minutes later (Craddock, o/g). At the end of the first half Arsenal took Wolves apart and managed to score one on their own (Fabregas). Arshavin piled on the pressure in the second half for Arsenal's fourth, With a minute to go Craddock partially redeemed himself and scored a consolation goal for Wolves. Wolves have enthusiasm and a never-say-die spirit. Arsenal, as Wenger put it, 'have technical superiority.'
Aston Villa v Bolton - 5:1 - This game was all about John Carew. Villa started smartly, Young scoring after 5 minutes - Carew made the goal with a header the keeper was forced to deflect. Two minutes before the break Carew, after some nifty work on the line, laid one on for Agbonlahor to roll in. A minute later Elmander scored his first Premiership goal in 11 months for Bolton. Villa were not perturbed; 8 minutes into the second half Carew scored all by himself, after a very strong run into the box. He might have fallen down (or chosen to) twice, but Carew is a tough, stand-up guy (pun intended), and refused to be denied. Then he (Carew) was shoved off a potential header and a penalty was awarded. After some pinball action (Milner takes penalty, ball bounces off keeper, struck by Sidwell, ball bounces off post) Milner finally scored. In the 75th minute Cuellar scored Villa's fifth goal from an excellent cross by Milner. But if Cuellar had not scored, Carew was lurking at the far post to pick it up, and probably would have, too. Young nearly made it 6 with a free kick, but Villa were forced to settle for a winning margin of 4 goals, poor devils.
Spurs v Sunderland - 2:0 - Defoe was back from suspension and showed how much he was missed (the idiot). Keane bundled the ball in competently for Spurs to go ahead and Spurs were a trifle fortunate to survive a penalty shout and a great looping shot by Reid. But survive they did until Bent got revenge on his old club by diving to win a penalty. Providence was with the just and Gomes saved. Sunderland made more chances throughout the game but Gomes was having a good day and kept them out. Half way through the second half Spurs, nervy and far from their best, scored their second (Huddlestone's good strike from Defoe's layoff). Saint Hal praised Gomes and admitted that the luck went their way. We (or Sunderland, in this case) need video replay evidence.
Blackburn v Portsmouth – 3:1 - A good, but unlikely, hit by O'Hara put Portsmouth ahead after 15 minutes. After a poor first half performance Big Sam made some offensive changes at half time and Roberts duly equalized. Blackburn continued to go forward and were rewarded with a second goal (header by Nelson from a corner) then a third (Roberts). Too easy from set pieces for Blackburn. Portsmouth should have done better and have shaken Your Ear's faith in their ability to survive the season in the Premiership.
Chelsea v ManU - 1:0 - It was all Chelsea versus a depleted ManU (except for a Giggs half-chance) but no score in the first half. ManU started the second half better, Rooney made two good attempts on goal. The deadlock was broken by a fine Terry header in the 76th minute. There were a few moans after the game from ManU's, Mike Phelan, but he might have complained more - Terry should have been sent off for a professional foul against Valencia (and ManU should have had a penalty). On the other hand, Drogba was booked after he had been drop-kicked in the chest and kicked again in the stomach for good luck. And possibly the Chelsea goal should have been disallowed. Whole seasons turn on these decisions. We need video replay evidence.
Hull v Stoke - 2:1 - Hull did not play like a side struggling to take points and after early pressure by Stoke Hull had all the chances. But Etherington made something out of nothing in the 29th minute to score the first goal for Stoke. Hull then escaped an own goal scare early in the second half and fortune seemed to be smiling on them, particularly when ex-Stoke player, Olofinjana scored a very good equalizer in the 62nd minute. Hull really went for it for the rest of the game, although Stoke’s Shawcross nearly stole the game following a crafty free kick by Whelan. Faye was unlucky to be sent off (at the risk of being boring - we need video replay evidence) and Stoke were forced to hold on. They didn't, Bullard struck the ball hard from long range and Vennegoor of Hesselink scored from the keeper's punch out. Well, Hull had to win a game sooner or later, they did well against Stoke who had been in good form until today.
West Ham v Everton - 1:2 - West Ham's win earlier in the week against Aston Villa lifted the Hammers, no doubt boosting their confidence, while Everton have hardly been on top of their game lately. But against the run of play Everton went ahead with an accurate strike by Saha after 27 minutes. Despite more West Ham initiatives Everton doubled their lead after an hour (Gosling). A minute later West Ham were back in the game when Stanislav forced an own goal by Hibbert. Diamanti made a great creative effort and Hines nearly scored twice, but failed. West Ham deserved to win this game but Zola (as usual) was phlegmatic, and put it down to 'a difficult season' and 'more 'ard work needed'.
Wigan v Fulham - 1:1 - Nevland nearly gained the lead early on for Fulham with a nice header, which beat Kirkland, but not the post. Boyce put Wigan ahead after 13 minutes and Dempsey scored from the spot towards the end of the half. The game was fairly even after that, with both sides having good opportunities, but excellent keeping at either end held the match to a draw. Both managers were content (if managers are ever content) with the result. Unfortunately this game hosted the lowest attendance to date of the season (just over 16,000).
Liverpool v Birmingham - 2:2 - Liverpool worked hard, scored first (a N'Gog volley after 12 minutes) and kept turning the screw, but Birmingham, after three consecutive headers, beat Reina ('Chucho' Benitez) to make it one-all. The goal filled Birmingham with energy and they began to go after Liverpool. Three minutes before half time Gerrard came on for Riera to huge cheers from the faithful. But seconds before half-time Jerome held off Mascherano and unleashed a 30 yard swerver. It caught Reina unawares and the home side went in one down. Gerrard spent the next 15 minutes on the pitch continuing to warm up (he probably knew what Rafa was saying in the dressing room). Liverpool pressed Birmingham hard and had several chances, but it took a dive by N'Gog to earn a bad penalty for Liverpool to draw level. Hats off to Birmingham who withstood the remaining Liverpool attacks to draw with sad Liverpool. Oh, and we need video replays!
Top Tips - With just under a third of total matches played Your Ear believes the title race is a three horse field. Arsenal is our ‘might just do it’ tip, then Chelsea, then ManU. Chelsea have a useful lead, but having said that ManU always find their second wind after Christmas. And Arsenal look comfortable at the moment and seem to have a broad team full of talented youth, more so than other top-flight teams, especially ManU. So although other sides might try to mount a challenge it seems unlikely all of the above will falter and be beaten. You may disagree, of course.
Natural World News (to keep us in perspective) - Two-Headed Reptile Found - A two-headed snake was discovered in a rubbish filled drawer in Illinois. The couple who found the large North American water snake thought it might not be able to survive on its own and decided to keep it. The non-venomous snake has just shed its skin, so, free handbags and shoes all round. Shrimps' eyes are the best - A university study said the eyes of Great Barrier Reef mantis shrimps have the most complex visual systems known to science and could inspire next generation DVD and CD players. The shrimps can see in twelve colours (humans in only three) and can distinguish between different forms of polarised light. The unique make-up of the mantis shrimp's eye is beautifully simple; it is comprised of cell membranes rolled into tubes. This natural mechanism out-performs all synthetic designs created by humans. Future optical devices might use liquid crystals chemically engineered to mimic the properties of cells in the mantis shrimp's eye. 'We are just prawns in the game,' said a spokes-crustacean. Birds have x-ray vision - Scientists believe robins can 'see' the Earth's magnetic field at night, helping them to navigate on migrations. It is known that birds have an internal magnetic compass but there is no consensus on what form it takes. New research suggests that robins can 'see' magnetic fields, whereas there is evidence that upper beak magneto-sensors are used by pigeons. Scientists say other types of magnetic sensor may also exist in birds. 'We won’t be outdone by a bunch of sea-food candidates,' said a red-breasted spokes-avian. 'We dinosaur descendants have these sensors everywhere. Run an audio cassette tape between a parrot's legs and you'll rediscover the wonder of analogue.'
Football Headlines - The Fairer Sex? - New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert has been suspended indefinitely after engaging in rough play during a 1-0 loss to BYU in the Mountain West Conference semi-finals. Lambert apologized for her actions, saying she was "deeply and wholeheartedly regretful. I let my emotions get the best of me. I take full responsibility for my actions and accept any punishment felt necessary. This is in no way indicative of my character or the soccer player that I am." (Your Ear feels that once bitten, etc, although biting is an offence Lambert was not guilty of, on this occasion). Lambert was yellow carded towards the end of the game, apparently for tripping, but there were at least six occasions where she might have been summarily dismissed. Several Premiership managers are reputedly interested in her. 'The girl's a natural' said an anonymous football scout. 'Thanks heavens the cameras were rolling.' Not to take action during the game, of course, but so that a first rate training video could be made; see http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=4629837 for expertly executed examples of tripping off the ball, the slap to the back of the head, the kick of the ball to the face, the pony-tail pull (superb), the whack around the chops, and the forearm in the back. Selective Gravity? - Top clubs claim their players are being hit by stronger gravity effects than those experienced by other teams. 'As soon as our forwards get into the opposing box they start to feel like lead,' one said. 'They find themselves being drawn inexorably earthwards. Even the most valiant attempts on the part of the players to stay upright fail. It often seems to happen when the referee is behind them and they are close to defenders or keepers. It's weird.' Football fans agree.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Friday, 6 November 2009
Premiership round up - Week 11
Fulham v Liverpool - 3:1 - Zamora put Fulham ahead against the run of play and Torres equalized with a good first time reaction strike. Fulham got their noses in front again (Nevland) before Liverpool lost two players from straight red cards (Degen and Carragher). Dempsey then scored Fulham’s third. When things don't go right, they don't go right, and with a crucial Champions League game at Lyon coming up on Wednesday, Torres not fully fit and Gerrard possibly not fit at all, Rafa is under the cosh once more.
Arsenal v Spurs - 3:0 – A bad day for Gomes and Spurs generally, two goals scrambled in by Van Persie and one given away from the kick-off (Fabregas). If Spurs had not conceded the first goal there would have been no easy second goal from the kick-off, and then who knows? Sir H. might have to do something about Gomes, when he's good he's very, very good, but when he's bad, he's horrid. He reminds Your Ear of Bruce Grobbelaar, whose great natural ability often went AWOL.
Bolton v Chelsea - 0:4 - Chelsea thumped Bolton by a margin of 4 goals for the second time in a week (the Carling Cup was the other occasion). After 45 minutes Lampard scored from a penalty, but Chelsea had had many chances before that. And afterwards, as well, first Deco, then Knight (o/g) then a very nicely worked move which Drogba finished off for Chelsea’s fourth. Ancelotti, who was mainly pleased with Chelsea’s ability to concentrate, said ‘The team is very happy.’ Although consistent, he was probably not 100% right - even though he was fit Joe Cole had to sit this one out on the bench. Chelsea dominated from start to finish and are the in-form top four league side of the day.
Man Utd v Blackburn - 2:0 - Two very good goals by Berbatov and Rooney, and despite a miss by Owen and an offside decision which went in ManU’s favour, gave United a straightforward win over a depleted Blackburn. United were not as convincing as Chelsea, but this was a welcome recovery from their defeat at Anfield last week. ManU continue to dog league-leaders, Chelsea, which makes their forthcoming away tie to the Blues very interesting, and fairly critical to both. But before that ManU and Chelsea have to face CSKA Moscow and Atletico Madrid respectively.
Burnley v Hull - 2:0 - Your Ear is rarely sympathetic to Hull, but this time their luck was ‘lost in the post’, delayed by the strike, possibly. The first goal (Burnley’s Alexander) was conceded to a doubtful penalty decision. Geovanni’s well-taken free kick equalizer was disallowed and then he was sent off (also a result of at least one dubious decision). Alexander scored again to twist the knife in Hull’s bruised and bloody torso. Phil Brown is becoming philosophical about Hull’s position, performance, luck (or its absence) and debatable refereeing decisions. The captain on the bridge of a sinking ship or a resolute, determined man who can and will turn things around? Your Ear hopes he is wrong, but isn’t that the sound of waves lapping?
Sunderland v West Ham - 2:2 - West Ham went two up through Franco and Cole, but then the biters were bit. Just as they had recovered from Arsenal’s two goal lead the week before, the Hammers allowed Sunderland back into the game - Reid scored a good free kick, then histrionics on the part of Ilunga got Sunderland’s Kenwyn Jones sent off, aided and abetted by West Ham coaching staff running onto the field as if their man had been pole-axed rather than having his hair ruffled. In Your Ear’s view Jones pushed Ilunga because Ilunga had put his head into Jones's chest (not a head-butt, but not innocent either). Rugby players must double up with laughter watching professional footballers acting like big girls' blouses. It's becoming a joke, and Your Ear, who admits to a soft spot for West Ham (London club, Zola as manager, etc) felt that Richardson's equalizer for 10 man Sunderland was just deserts.
Stoke v Wolves - 2:2 - This was a point well-earned by Wolves. An own goal (Elokobi) put Stoke in front, then Etherington's excellent volley doubled their score. However, in the second half, when Milijas had come on and after much endeavour, Craddock, albeit offside, got one back, then headed home a second to square the match. Stoke were very good in the first half but ‘take ‘em when you can,’ seems to be the appropriate motto, particularly for Wolves.
Everton v Aston Villa - 1:1 - Bilyaletdinov scored a goal right on half time to put Everton ahead, but Villa are nothing if not determined and after applying much pressure Agbonlahor’s good work allowed Carew (having come on as a substitute) to score on the rebound to draw level. Bilyaletdinov had the misfortune to be shown a red card, probably for showing his studs in a tackle on Petrov. To keep the game in the balance the ref then sent off Cuellar for a second foul. Again it did not look that severe but he went, anyway, and the game limped on to finish a draw, a result more welcomed by injury-hit Everton than Villa.
Portsmouth v Wigan - 4:0 - Dindane got a hat-trick as Portsmouth broke their duck with a vengeance. Dindane scored Portsmouth’s first and Frederic Piquionne their second in the first half. Dindane wrapped things up neatly against a stunned Wigan with two more in the second half, one from a penalty decision earned by ‘old rubber feet’ Kanu. ‘We've been working hard for months without having a lot to show for it,’ said manager Paul Hart. ‘We set off like trains and kept that up for the full 90 minutes. I've been stood here every Saturday trying to explain why we haven't got the results. That was certainly a reward for our efforts.’ Portsmouth really looked good for the ticket money. And, like Chelsea’s, this victory is a repeat of a 4:0 score-line, when Portsmouth demolished Stoke in the Carling Cup. Onwards and upwards for Portsmouth, Your Ear predicts.
Birmingham v Man City - 0:0 - Birmingham always looked the more likely side, even though City players cost their owners £120m+ more. A well-taken penalty (missed by James McFadden rather than saved by Shay Given) would have won the game for Birmingham. If Birmingham work as hard as they did in this match for the rest of the season they will stay up, particularly if they get their rumoured £40m cash injection for the next transfer window. Fourth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.
With a quarter of the season gone and taking account of the recent successes of some of the newly promoted and ‘lesser’ clubs it makes one wonder who will be going down at the end of the season. Besides Hull, of course.
Brown Loses Plot As Duffen Quits - Paul Duffen resigned as Hull chairman, following the club's bad start to the season. The accounts are also in difficulty; Hull will need to raise £23m if they are relegated, £16m if they survive. Speculation over the future of both Duffen and Phil Brown led to Hull denying that Brown had been sacked ahead of the forthcoming Burnley game. Bookmakers duly stopped taking bets on Brown being the next Premier League manager to lose his job. At a news conference Brown said: ‘I think the players are a million percent behind me and hopefully that will show in the performance on Saturday.’ (Ed. - 100% would do, Phil). Asked why Duffen had quit, Brown said: ‘I don't think it was on football results, I think it was on the business of football and unfortunately that's the case. It's difficult to separate the two but one does tend to run a business as well as a football club and I run the football side of things and I remain in charge for the match on Saturday obviously.’ (Ed. - Obviously? Dean Windass, whose goal won Hull Premiership promotion, said of Brown; ‘it was time he got moved on’). In a prepared statement, Brown began by saying: ‘We’ve had tremendous, unprecedented success with Paul over the last 2½ years and I would personally like to thank him for all his support. But unfortunately the game has and always will be about change. We have a big game on Saturday to prepare for and that is my sole purpose at this moment in time. I cannot and will not respond to ridiculous speculation surrounding the business of this football club whether it be in reference to the accounts or a replacement for Paul.’ (Ed. - What about reasonable speculation? And given that it was a prepared statement why was Phil only barely coherent?). Duffen's departure came after a day after Adam Pearson quit his chairmanship of Derby County. Pearson promptly joined Hull and is reported to be ready to take an axe to the necks of under-performing highly paid players. But Brown is safe for another week, at least. Most of the foregoing took place before Hull’s loss to Burnley on Saturday. Although I'm sure they know what they are doing, if I were a bookie I'd still be taking bets on Brown to go.
International Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Thousands Queue For Last Big Mac - Icelanders lined up at McDonald's restaurants to order their final Big Macs before the US fast-food chain abandoned the crisis-hit island on Saturday as a result of soaring costs. Cabbies Can Carry On Viewing - A South Korean court has rejected an attempt to prosecute Seoul taxi drivers for one of their scariest habits - watching television while driving. (Ed. - wonder what their other scary habits are?) Firm To Pawn Luxury Handbags - A Hong Kong firm has launched a series of TV commercials offering personal loans in exchange for ladies' luxury handbags. They expect brisk business from normally wealthy women who are suffering during the economic downturn. Pilot Asks Passengers To Pray - A concerned Iranian airline pilot asked passengers to start praying after his plane suffered a technical problem, highlighting the worrying record of Tehran's aircraft once more. Man Tries To Rob Bank With Spoon - A would-be robber threatened a cashier, holding a teaspoon to her neck, pretending it was a knife. But the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin were not fooled, and frightened the man away by screaming. Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect. And of the spoon.
Football Story Of The Week - The Stoke team experienced a mid-air drama when their 50-seat private aircraft was forced to make an emergency landing at Gatwick. Returning from Portsmouth on Tuesday night, following their 4:0 thrashing in the Carling Cup by Pompey, players alerted crew to a burning smell in the cabin. Rather than continue (to East Midlands Airport) the captain chose to land at Gatwick, where they were met by fire engines. Stoke's miserable night was not improved by their journey home by coach at 1.35am. Police are investigating potential sabotage by Spurs fans, who were incensed at losing to Stoke the previous weekend. They (the boys in blue) are also considering the possibility that the burning smell was the result of a celestial lightning strike conjured up by Saint Hal. Or that it was holy smoke, blown into the noses of the Stoke players. That’ll learn ‘em.
Another Football Story Of The Week - A Vicenza player twice ordered from the field by the referee during a Serie B match away to Modena still finished the game. Michele Ferri was twice sent off by the referee before finally being recalled to the field to complete the game. Seven minutes from time the referee waved a yellow card at the 28-year-old who, believing he had been booked in the first half, departed without waiting for a red to follow. However, the referee called Ferri back onto the pitch before checking his bookings list and ordering him off again. The game then became a soap opera as the ref consulted his assistants and called Ferri back onto the field, this time to stay, although his team still lost 1:0. The confusion arose from the first half booking (for arguing) of Francesco Signori. He was wearing the number 88 shirt, Ferri the number 81.
Football Headlines - Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying he wanted to bury the hatchet ahead of the game with Chelsea, what he actually said was that he wanted to bury a hatchet in a Chelsea head before the game. (Ed. - Don’t you have that the wrong way around, Ear? Nope.) Father Rooney - ‘I haven’t a clue what else I could have done,’ [if he had not become a footballer] Rooney told The Sun. ‘I wasn’t really the best in school. I always enjoyed RE, so maybe a priest.’ Better off as a footballer and father of a different kind, perhaps, priesthood isn't the kind of employment they offer down at the job centre. And it (father of a different kind) came to be… Rooney Baby Born Wearing Football Boots - ‘Just like his dad,’ said proud grandmother, Jeanette. ‘He (the baby) gave me a good (playful) kicking while I was pregnant,’ said joyful mum, Coleen. Rooney Baby Named - Wayne and Coleen have announced the name of their new child, as Kai. The name could be a corruption of Sir Kay, a knight of the Round Table but is probably not a corruption of the Korean motor company, Kia. It is unlikely to be associated with ‘Kai’, a kind of throat singing practised in the Altai Republic, or the Japanese pronunciation of 怪 (pinyin guài) meaning ‘strange’ or ‘unusual’, or ‘Kai’, Māori cuisine or food, or ‘Kai’, the Hawaiian word for the deep sea, or the ‘Kai Ken’, an ancient and treasured Japanese dog breed of the Spitz family. Sources say that a friend of Wayne’s by the name inspired the choice. The over-the-moon new parents were going to name the child in honour of Rooney's mentor and Manchester United manager, but thought that 'Mr Ferguson' was too formal. Overall, though, congratulations are in order, and let's hope the lad becomes a footballing chip off the old block. Or a priest.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Arsenal v Spurs - 3:0 – A bad day for Gomes and Spurs generally, two goals scrambled in by Van Persie and one given away from the kick-off (Fabregas). If Spurs had not conceded the first goal there would have been no easy second goal from the kick-off, and then who knows? Sir H. might have to do something about Gomes, when he's good he's very, very good, but when he's bad, he's horrid. He reminds Your Ear of Bruce Grobbelaar, whose great natural ability often went AWOL.
Bolton v Chelsea - 0:4 - Chelsea thumped Bolton by a margin of 4 goals for the second time in a week (the Carling Cup was the other occasion). After 45 minutes Lampard scored from a penalty, but Chelsea had had many chances before that. And afterwards, as well, first Deco, then Knight (o/g) then a very nicely worked move which Drogba finished off for Chelsea’s fourth. Ancelotti, who was mainly pleased with Chelsea’s ability to concentrate, said ‘The team is very happy.’ Although consistent, he was probably not 100% right - even though he was fit Joe Cole had to sit this one out on the bench. Chelsea dominated from start to finish and are the in-form top four league side of the day.
Man Utd v Blackburn - 2:0 - Two very good goals by Berbatov and Rooney, and despite a miss by Owen and an offside decision which went in ManU’s favour, gave United a straightforward win over a depleted Blackburn. United were not as convincing as Chelsea, but this was a welcome recovery from their defeat at Anfield last week. ManU continue to dog league-leaders, Chelsea, which makes their forthcoming away tie to the Blues very interesting, and fairly critical to both. But before that ManU and Chelsea have to face CSKA Moscow and Atletico Madrid respectively.
Burnley v Hull - 2:0 - Your Ear is rarely sympathetic to Hull, but this time their luck was ‘lost in the post’, delayed by the strike, possibly. The first goal (Burnley’s Alexander) was conceded to a doubtful penalty decision. Geovanni’s well-taken free kick equalizer was disallowed and then he was sent off (also a result of at least one dubious decision). Alexander scored again to twist the knife in Hull’s bruised and bloody torso. Phil Brown is becoming philosophical about Hull’s position, performance, luck (or its absence) and debatable refereeing decisions. The captain on the bridge of a sinking ship or a resolute, determined man who can and will turn things around? Your Ear hopes he is wrong, but isn’t that the sound of waves lapping?
Sunderland v West Ham - 2:2 - West Ham went two up through Franco and Cole, but then the biters were bit. Just as they had recovered from Arsenal’s two goal lead the week before, the Hammers allowed Sunderland back into the game - Reid scored a good free kick, then histrionics on the part of Ilunga got Sunderland’s Kenwyn Jones sent off, aided and abetted by West Ham coaching staff running onto the field as if their man had been pole-axed rather than having his hair ruffled. In Your Ear’s view Jones pushed Ilunga because Ilunga had put his head into Jones's chest (not a head-butt, but not innocent either). Rugby players must double up with laughter watching professional footballers acting like big girls' blouses. It's becoming a joke, and Your Ear, who admits to a soft spot for West Ham (London club, Zola as manager, etc) felt that Richardson's equalizer for 10 man Sunderland was just deserts.
Stoke v Wolves - 2:2 - This was a point well-earned by Wolves. An own goal (Elokobi) put Stoke in front, then Etherington's excellent volley doubled their score. However, in the second half, when Milijas had come on and after much endeavour, Craddock, albeit offside, got one back, then headed home a second to square the match. Stoke were very good in the first half but ‘take ‘em when you can,’ seems to be the appropriate motto, particularly for Wolves.
Everton v Aston Villa - 1:1 - Bilyaletdinov scored a goal right on half time to put Everton ahead, but Villa are nothing if not determined and after applying much pressure Agbonlahor’s good work allowed Carew (having come on as a substitute) to score on the rebound to draw level. Bilyaletdinov had the misfortune to be shown a red card, probably for showing his studs in a tackle on Petrov. To keep the game in the balance the ref then sent off Cuellar for a second foul. Again it did not look that severe but he went, anyway, and the game limped on to finish a draw, a result more welcomed by injury-hit Everton than Villa.
Portsmouth v Wigan - 4:0 - Dindane got a hat-trick as Portsmouth broke their duck with a vengeance. Dindane scored Portsmouth’s first and Frederic Piquionne their second in the first half. Dindane wrapped things up neatly against a stunned Wigan with two more in the second half, one from a penalty decision earned by ‘old rubber feet’ Kanu. ‘We've been working hard for months without having a lot to show for it,’ said manager Paul Hart. ‘We set off like trains and kept that up for the full 90 minutes. I've been stood here every Saturday trying to explain why we haven't got the results. That was certainly a reward for our efforts.’ Portsmouth really looked good for the ticket money. And, like Chelsea’s, this victory is a repeat of a 4:0 score-line, when Portsmouth demolished Stoke in the Carling Cup. Onwards and upwards for Portsmouth, Your Ear predicts.
Birmingham v Man City - 0:0 - Birmingham always looked the more likely side, even though City players cost their owners £120m+ more. A well-taken penalty (missed by James McFadden rather than saved by Shay Given) would have won the game for Birmingham. If Birmingham work as hard as they did in this match for the rest of the season they will stay up, particularly if they get their rumoured £40m cash injection for the next transfer window. Fourth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.
With a quarter of the season gone and taking account of the recent successes of some of the newly promoted and ‘lesser’ clubs it makes one wonder who will be going down at the end of the season. Besides Hull, of course.
Brown Loses Plot As Duffen Quits - Paul Duffen resigned as Hull chairman, following the club's bad start to the season. The accounts are also in difficulty; Hull will need to raise £23m if they are relegated, £16m if they survive. Speculation over the future of both Duffen and Phil Brown led to Hull denying that Brown had been sacked ahead of the forthcoming Burnley game. Bookmakers duly stopped taking bets on Brown being the next Premier League manager to lose his job. At a news conference Brown said: ‘I think the players are a million percent behind me and hopefully that will show in the performance on Saturday.’ (Ed. - 100% would do, Phil). Asked why Duffen had quit, Brown said: ‘I don't think it was on football results, I think it was on the business of football and unfortunately that's the case. It's difficult to separate the two but one does tend to run a business as well as a football club and I run the football side of things and I remain in charge for the match on Saturday obviously.’ (Ed. - Obviously? Dean Windass, whose goal won Hull Premiership promotion, said of Brown; ‘it was time he got moved on’). In a prepared statement, Brown began by saying: ‘We’ve had tremendous, unprecedented success with Paul over the last 2½ years and I would personally like to thank him for all his support. But unfortunately the game has and always will be about change. We have a big game on Saturday to prepare for and that is my sole purpose at this moment in time. I cannot and will not respond to ridiculous speculation surrounding the business of this football club whether it be in reference to the accounts or a replacement for Paul.’ (Ed. - What about reasonable speculation? And given that it was a prepared statement why was Phil only barely coherent?). Duffen's departure came after a day after Adam Pearson quit his chairmanship of Derby County. Pearson promptly joined Hull and is reported to be ready to take an axe to the necks of under-performing highly paid players. But Brown is safe for another week, at least. Most of the foregoing took place before Hull’s loss to Burnley on Saturday. Although I'm sure they know what they are doing, if I were a bookie I'd still be taking bets on Brown to go.
International Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Thousands Queue For Last Big Mac - Icelanders lined up at McDonald's restaurants to order their final Big Macs before the US fast-food chain abandoned the crisis-hit island on Saturday as a result of soaring costs. Cabbies Can Carry On Viewing - A South Korean court has rejected an attempt to prosecute Seoul taxi drivers for one of their scariest habits - watching television while driving. (Ed. - wonder what their other scary habits are?) Firm To Pawn Luxury Handbags - A Hong Kong firm has launched a series of TV commercials offering personal loans in exchange for ladies' luxury handbags. They expect brisk business from normally wealthy women who are suffering during the economic downturn. Pilot Asks Passengers To Pray - A concerned Iranian airline pilot asked passengers to start praying after his plane suffered a technical problem, highlighting the worrying record of Tehran's aircraft once more. Man Tries To Rob Bank With Spoon - A would-be robber threatened a cashier, holding a teaspoon to her neck, pretending it was a knife. But the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin were not fooled, and frightened the man away by screaming. Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect. And of the spoon.
Football Story Of The Week - The Stoke team experienced a mid-air drama when their 50-seat private aircraft was forced to make an emergency landing at Gatwick. Returning from Portsmouth on Tuesday night, following their 4:0 thrashing in the Carling Cup by Pompey, players alerted crew to a burning smell in the cabin. Rather than continue (to East Midlands Airport) the captain chose to land at Gatwick, where they were met by fire engines. Stoke's miserable night was not improved by their journey home by coach at 1.35am. Police are investigating potential sabotage by Spurs fans, who were incensed at losing to Stoke the previous weekend. They (the boys in blue) are also considering the possibility that the burning smell was the result of a celestial lightning strike conjured up by Saint Hal. Or that it was holy smoke, blown into the noses of the Stoke players. That’ll learn ‘em.
Another Football Story Of The Week - A Vicenza player twice ordered from the field by the referee during a Serie B match away to Modena still finished the game. Michele Ferri was twice sent off by the referee before finally being recalled to the field to complete the game. Seven minutes from time the referee waved a yellow card at the 28-year-old who, believing he had been booked in the first half, departed without waiting for a red to follow. However, the referee called Ferri back onto the pitch before checking his bookings list and ordering him off again. The game then became a soap opera as the ref consulted his assistants and called Ferri back onto the field, this time to stay, although his team still lost 1:0. The confusion arose from the first half booking (for arguing) of Francesco Signori. He was wearing the number 88 shirt, Ferri the number 81.
Football Headlines - Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying he wanted to bury the hatchet ahead of the game with Chelsea, what he actually said was that he wanted to bury a hatchet in a Chelsea head before the game. (Ed. - Don’t you have that the wrong way around, Ear? Nope.) Father Rooney - ‘I haven’t a clue what else I could have done,’ [if he had not become a footballer] Rooney told The Sun. ‘I wasn’t really the best in school. I always enjoyed RE, so maybe a priest.’ Better off as a footballer and father of a different kind, perhaps, priesthood isn't the kind of employment they offer down at the job centre. And it (father of a different kind) came to be… Rooney Baby Born Wearing Football Boots - ‘Just like his dad,’ said proud grandmother, Jeanette. ‘He (the baby) gave me a good (playful) kicking while I was pregnant,’ said joyful mum, Coleen. Rooney Baby Named - Wayne and Coleen have announced the name of their new child, as Kai. The name could be a corruption of Sir Kay, a knight of the Round Table but is probably not a corruption of the Korean motor company, Kia. It is unlikely to be associated with ‘Kai’, a kind of throat singing practised in the Altai Republic, or the Japanese pronunciation of 怪 (pinyin guài) meaning ‘strange’ or ‘unusual’, or ‘Kai’, Māori cuisine or food, or ‘Kai’, the Hawaiian word for the deep sea, or the ‘Kai Ken’, an ancient and treasured Japanese dog breed of the Spitz family. Sources say that a friend of Wayne’s by the name inspired the choice. The over-the-moon new parents were going to name the child in honour of Rooney's mentor and Manchester United manager, but thought that 'Mr Ferguson' was too formal. Overall, though, congratulations are in order, and let's hope the lad becomes a footballing chip off the old block. Or a priest.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Premiership round up - Week 10
Spurs v Stoke - 0:1 - Stoke ruined Spurs best start to a season since 1961 by winning the game - the spoilsports! Stoke got stuck in straight away and Woodgate kept them out, injuring himself (again) in the process. The rest of the game was all Spurs. They had their chances in the first half, and good ones at that but by a combination of good defending and luck Stoke kept the sheet clean. The second half started the same, all Spurs but no goal. Lennon (Spurs best player) was fouled and injured and came off, reducing Spurs to 10 men (all 3 subs having been used). Stoke (Whelan) scored in the last 5 minutes and Spurs were then denied a fair penalty decision and the game was over. I blame Defoe, who is absent for 3 matches due to the idiotic red card stamping incident last week. St Hal said Spurs missed their (many) chances but did not moan (saints don't moan) about the penalty decision, so… well done, Stoke.
Birmingham v Sunderland - 2:1 - Birmingham were by far the quickest team off the mark and after applying fair pressure got their first goal (Ridgewell) after 37 minutes, even though it was offside. Early in the second half McFadden made it two. Sunderland (Dann) got one back from a free kick with 9 minutes to go. Bent should have equalized but failed to, leaving Birmingham with a very decently earned home win.
Wolves v Aston Villa - 1:1 - another midlands derby. Wolves came off the blocks quickly but Villa soaked up everything Wolves threw at them. The second half was a reversal of the first, Villa making the running but after 34 minutes Agbonlahor scored the opening goal for Villa. Wolves, however, refused to lie down and were awarded a penalty, taken by Sylvan Ebanks-Blake in the 83rd minute and (as the commentator said) he almost took off the back of the net. A slightly better draw for Wolves than for Villa, overall, in Your Ear's opinion.
Chelsea v Blackburn - 5:0 - Ashely Cole was injured, but Joe Cole returned, so still (a) Cole in the hole for Chelsea. Cole should have scored after 30 seconds but must be a bit rusty and missed a sitter. Instead Chelsea forced an own goal by Givet (Drogba would have scored it otherwise). Many Chelsea efforts in the rest of the half yielded no fruit, but 2½ minutes into the second half Lampard got Chelsea's second. Essien banged one in from distance for their third. Drogba was awarded a penalty and Lampard duly rifled in their fourth. Drogba headed in their fifth (the last 4 goals coming within the first 18 minutes of half time). The gulf in standard reduced swine-flu stricken Blackburn to fish in a barrel. Big Sam was philosophical, but he had Hobson's choice. Ancelotti was 'very happy' (we await an increase in Ancelotti's vocabulary with baited breath).
Burnley v Wigan - 1:3 - great start for Burnley (Fletcher) who scored after 4 minutes. Wigan might have equalized twice but Jensen blocked two good shots. Then he slipped, injured himself, and Rodallega rolled the ball over the goal line after 11 minutes. Soon after the second half began Rodallega banged one in, making a chance out of nothing. Boyce made it three and Burnley's perfect home wins record was history. Wigan look more and more like a good, capable side.
Hull v Portsmouth - 0:0 - A quiet (boring) first half ended with honours even. The second half held more promise for Portsmouth, who had many more opportunities, but the game ended in a goal-less draw. The most interesting player story was Myhill's (the Hull keeper), who first needlessly gave away a dangerous (but profitless) free kick to Portsmouth, then seemed to get so annoyed (possibly with himself) that he injured himself by kicking the ball up-field. Maybe one or other of these sides will be relegated, but Paul Hart looks less drawn and hunted than Phil Brown.
Bolton v Everton - 3:2 - South Korean, Lee scored a very tidy goal for Bolton's first, and Gary Cahill (not Tim on the other side) got their second 11 minutes later, both gifted to them by a lacklustre Everton defence. Saha scored a great long range shot 5 minutes after, to give Everton some hope and Fellaini equalized 10 minutes into the 2nd half. After a sterling run up-field 19 year old Dan Gosling should have won the game for Everton by passing the ball, but he went for glory and failed to score. At this point in the game it seemed like Everton would win it, the only question being when. Double kidney transplantee, Croatian, Ivan Klasnic was knocked cold and might have left the field, but he stayed on and scored a very good goal to win the game for Bolton with 4 minutes to go. Gary Megson, vilified by the press and supporters so heavily earlier in the season, is now the club's top man, following Bolton's first home win of the season.
Liverpool v Man Utd - 2:0 - Before the game Liverpool were 7 points behind United and following Liverpool's run of 4 successive defeats, including 2 in the league (their worst run in 22 years) Rafael Benitez was overwhelmed with management messages of support; "Benitez job safe" says Reds chief. Pressure had been mounting on Benitez, but the Spaniard was handed long term job assurances by the club's managing director just 3 hours before the match. Rafa looked suitably terrified as he stepped out onto the touchline. Had Liverpool lost this tie their dismal 22 year record would have stretched to 'worst in 56' and Liverpool's hopes of winning a first league title since 1990 might have seemed doomed. But what are they saying now? In a terrific end to end game Liverpool, even without Gerrard, came out on top after a magnificent 65th minute goal by Torres and another in extra time by N'Gog. Man of the match was Benayoun, who played brilliantly. Rooney, who is not known to be the most cheerful player in defeat, shook hands with every Liverpool player after the game and Ferguson, after the statutory minute of ranting at referee's decisions, was magnanimous, saying that Liverpool were the better side on the day. Your Ear believes that United may come to feel that £80m was a poor price to achieve for Ronaldo.
Manchester City v Fulham - 2:2 - City were unlucky to have a goal disallowed in a featureless first half, but Zamora was guilty of a 'miss of the season' after the break. A scrappy goal by Lescott put City ahead and Pertrov made it two with a fine strike within 6 minutes. But Fulham like playing away to City and minutes later Duff and Dempsey scored a brace of goals for Fulham in quick succession. A great result for Fulham while City wobbled.
West Ham v Arsenal - 2:2 - Arsenal looked as though they were in no mood to mess about and simple, workmanlike goals by Van Persie and Gallas put the Gunners 2 ahead by half time. And up until the last 10 minutes of the game you'd have thought the biggest smile of the weekend would have been plastered across Arsene Wenger's face, and that Zola would go off to find himself a nice place to hibernate for the rest of the winter and forget it all. But West Ham, through Cole, got one back on the rebound from a Diamanti free kick and from then on Arsenal looked nervous. A soft(ish) penalty decision went in the Hammer's favour and they were level (Diamanti). Scott Parker seemed unfortunate to be sent off (2 yellows) but he is volatile, falls over easily, and gets on the wrong side of referees. West Ham have been playing better than their results show and Zola is 'appy again. Wenger miffed, but uncomplaining.
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - James Dyson Launches Bladeless Fan - which he hopes will be a healthy and environmentally-friendly alternative to air conditioning. The 62-year-old designer, who gave his name to the bagless vacuum cleaner, said the bladeless fan stops the unpleasant "turbulent buffeting" of traditional desk fans, creating a smooth, constant air flow "like a breeze". Peeved Trader Plans Shocking Punishment For Yobs - Businessman John O'Connor, having spent around €3,000 on cameras and other security devices seeking to deter a stream of late-night partygoers who use his premises as an outdoor toilet, is now installing live wires across the pavement immediately in front of his music shop in County Clare. An angry Mr O'Connor said offenders should zip up or face the consequences. "If anybody persists with this anti-social behaviour they'll get a shock, they'll know all about it. The wires are on the ground where I'm greeted every Monday morning with pools of their urine, mounds of their faeces," he said. "You can see it (the device), it's pretty obvious what's there. There are signs everywhere. You come to a certain stage when you just say 'Enough is enough'." Mr O'Connor could be open to prosecution for assault under Ireland's Non-Fatal Offences Against The Person Act 1997, which carries a maximum fine of €1,500 and a prison sentence of up to five years. A Gardai spokesman said: "If somebody was to injure themselves he might have a few questions to answer. If it was reported we would investigate." Who would report it, Your Ear wonders. Polanski resists deportation - The Swiss justice ministry said Polanski had admitted to unlawful sex with a minor: "He is wanted by the US authorities with a view to passing sentence for this offence," it said. Polanski had pleaded guilty to a single count of having sex with a minor and spent 42 days in prison undergoing psychiatric tests. He fled the United States before the case ended believing that a judge would sentence him to up to 50 years behind bars despite a plea agreement for time already served. However US law changed in 1977, reducing the maximum sentence Polanski could face to 2 years. Only 2 years? Your Ear wonders what all the fuss is about, if Mr Polanski fights extradition for long enough and is remanded in custody meanwhile, he might choose to do that time (which would probably be counted as 'time served' against his sentence) in Switzerland. Unless he can’t stand the yodelling, of course.
Football Headlines - Fulham Football Club owner to become president of Scotland? - Fulham and Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed told The Sunday Times "You Scots have been living in a coma for too long, Whatever help is needed for Scotland to regain its independence, I will provide it. When you Scots regain your freedom I'm ready to be your president." Al Fayed is urging his "fellow Scots" to detach themselves from "the English and their terrible politicians". But he is not enjoying much rapport with Scotland's First Minister and SNP leader, Alex Salmond. "I will do anything for Scotland but I don't want this Alex Salmond," he said. "I asked to meet him but he refused. I wanted to give him some help and advice, but he didn't want to know. I believe in Scotland but he still won't see me." Wonder why. Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (regarding the Liverpool match) that ManU had just had a total balls-up, what he actually said was that ManU just had to tot the bills up (for the disastrous result).
Sports’ Richest - Who are the five top earners in sport? As Your Ear does not have the resources to run a quiz you will find the answers below;
1 Cristiano Ronaldo will become the first billionaire footballer. The former ManU star is to be offered £1.5 million a game to take part in a series of friendlies in the Middle East (according to the Daily Star). Ronaldo already earns £12m a year at Real Madrid, while pocketing loadsamoney from a number of endorsement deals and his three clothing boutiques.
2 Tiger Woods, with 14 Majors and 71 PGA Tour titles, became the first $ billionaire sportsman on gaining a $10m bonus in this year's FedEx Cup. In 2000 Woods signed a five-year $105 million contract with Nike and also has deals with Amex, Buick, TAG Heuer and EA Sports. Together with Roger Federer and Thierry Henry he is also the face of Gillette, another $10m-$20m deal.
3 Roger Federer, with 14 Grand Slam titles, banked $36m in the last 12 months and became the first tennis player to surpass $50m in career earnings on the court at this year's US Open. Besides lucrative sponsorship deals with Nike, Rolex, Wilson and Gillette, appearance fees and sponsorship deals have added another $28m. His Nike deal alone is worth $10m annually.
4 Michael Schumacher earned a handsome $40m a year as driver at his peak in 2003, when he won his sixth (out of seven) F1 world title. This was doubled by sponsorship endorsements and championship bonuses. Schumacher has amassed an estimated $700m since his F1 debut in 1991 and continues to earn big bucks as an adviser for Ferrari, as well as for various media roles.
5 Michael Jordan retired for the third time six years ago but still pulls in $45m annually, thanks to a clothing deal with Nike. At his peak (with the Chicago Bulls in 1998/99) Jordan earned $69m a year from his salary and endorsement deals. Now the Charlotte Bobcats head of basketball operations, Jordan has earned an estimated total of $800m.
“Football? It's the beautiful game,” said Pele. Many would agree, but not all; Thomas Elyot’s 16th century account was not favourable: "Football, wherein is nothing but beastly fury, and extreme violence, whereof proceedeth hurt, and consequently rancour and malice do remain with them that be wounded." But J. B. Priestley, in his 1929 novel The Good Companions, offered a considered view on what football gives its fans: "To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink. For a shilling the Bruddersford United AFC offered you Conflict and Art." Priestley would probably have agreed with Bill Shankly; "Some people think football is a matter of life and death… I can assure them it is much more serious than that." And perhaps even with Delia Smith who, on being appointed a director of Norwich City FC in 1997, said: "Football and cookery are the two most important subjects in the country." Having dinner at Delia's would doubtless score highly on both counts.
Post Script - I always like listening to Marcel Desailly, who, when commenting on Chelsea v Athletico Madrid, said ‘Any mistake you make, you pay cash, straight away,’ That's good graphic use of his second (and possibly third) language. They should have him on the box more often.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Birmingham v Sunderland - 2:1 - Birmingham were by far the quickest team off the mark and after applying fair pressure got their first goal (Ridgewell) after 37 minutes, even though it was offside. Early in the second half McFadden made it two. Sunderland (Dann) got one back from a free kick with 9 minutes to go. Bent should have equalized but failed to, leaving Birmingham with a very decently earned home win.
Wolves v Aston Villa - 1:1 - another midlands derby. Wolves came off the blocks quickly but Villa soaked up everything Wolves threw at them. The second half was a reversal of the first, Villa making the running but after 34 minutes Agbonlahor scored the opening goal for Villa. Wolves, however, refused to lie down and were awarded a penalty, taken by Sylvan Ebanks-Blake in the 83rd minute and (as the commentator said) he almost took off the back of the net. A slightly better draw for Wolves than for Villa, overall, in Your Ear's opinion.
Chelsea v Blackburn - 5:0 - Ashely Cole was injured, but Joe Cole returned, so still (a) Cole in the hole for Chelsea. Cole should have scored after 30 seconds but must be a bit rusty and missed a sitter. Instead Chelsea forced an own goal by Givet (Drogba would have scored it otherwise). Many Chelsea efforts in the rest of the half yielded no fruit, but 2½ minutes into the second half Lampard got Chelsea's second. Essien banged one in from distance for their third. Drogba was awarded a penalty and Lampard duly rifled in their fourth. Drogba headed in their fifth (the last 4 goals coming within the first 18 minutes of half time). The gulf in standard reduced swine-flu stricken Blackburn to fish in a barrel. Big Sam was philosophical, but he had Hobson's choice. Ancelotti was 'very happy' (we await an increase in Ancelotti's vocabulary with baited breath).
Burnley v Wigan - 1:3 - great start for Burnley (Fletcher) who scored after 4 minutes. Wigan might have equalized twice but Jensen blocked two good shots. Then he slipped, injured himself, and Rodallega rolled the ball over the goal line after 11 minutes. Soon after the second half began Rodallega banged one in, making a chance out of nothing. Boyce made it three and Burnley's perfect home wins record was history. Wigan look more and more like a good, capable side.
Hull v Portsmouth - 0:0 - A quiet (boring) first half ended with honours even. The second half held more promise for Portsmouth, who had many more opportunities, but the game ended in a goal-less draw. The most interesting player story was Myhill's (the Hull keeper), who first needlessly gave away a dangerous (but profitless) free kick to Portsmouth, then seemed to get so annoyed (possibly with himself) that he injured himself by kicking the ball up-field. Maybe one or other of these sides will be relegated, but Paul Hart looks less drawn and hunted than Phil Brown.
Bolton v Everton - 3:2 - South Korean, Lee scored a very tidy goal for Bolton's first, and Gary Cahill (not Tim on the other side) got their second 11 minutes later, both gifted to them by a lacklustre Everton defence. Saha scored a great long range shot 5 minutes after, to give Everton some hope and Fellaini equalized 10 minutes into the 2nd half. After a sterling run up-field 19 year old Dan Gosling should have won the game for Everton by passing the ball, but he went for glory and failed to score. At this point in the game it seemed like Everton would win it, the only question being when. Double kidney transplantee, Croatian, Ivan Klasnic was knocked cold and might have left the field, but he stayed on and scored a very good goal to win the game for Bolton with 4 minutes to go. Gary Megson, vilified by the press and supporters so heavily earlier in the season, is now the club's top man, following Bolton's first home win of the season.
Liverpool v Man Utd - 2:0 - Before the game Liverpool were 7 points behind United and following Liverpool's run of 4 successive defeats, including 2 in the league (their worst run in 22 years) Rafael Benitez was overwhelmed with management messages of support; "Benitez job safe" says Reds chief. Pressure had been mounting on Benitez, but the Spaniard was handed long term job assurances by the club's managing director just 3 hours before the match. Rafa looked suitably terrified as he stepped out onto the touchline. Had Liverpool lost this tie their dismal 22 year record would have stretched to 'worst in 56' and Liverpool's hopes of winning a first league title since 1990 might have seemed doomed. But what are they saying now? In a terrific end to end game Liverpool, even without Gerrard, came out on top after a magnificent 65th minute goal by Torres and another in extra time by N'Gog. Man of the match was Benayoun, who played brilliantly. Rooney, who is not known to be the most cheerful player in defeat, shook hands with every Liverpool player after the game and Ferguson, after the statutory minute of ranting at referee's decisions, was magnanimous, saying that Liverpool were the better side on the day. Your Ear believes that United may come to feel that £80m was a poor price to achieve for Ronaldo.
Manchester City v Fulham - 2:2 - City were unlucky to have a goal disallowed in a featureless first half, but Zamora was guilty of a 'miss of the season' after the break. A scrappy goal by Lescott put City ahead and Pertrov made it two with a fine strike within 6 minutes. But Fulham like playing away to City and minutes later Duff and Dempsey scored a brace of goals for Fulham in quick succession. A great result for Fulham while City wobbled.
West Ham v Arsenal - 2:2 - Arsenal looked as though they were in no mood to mess about and simple, workmanlike goals by Van Persie and Gallas put the Gunners 2 ahead by half time. And up until the last 10 minutes of the game you'd have thought the biggest smile of the weekend would have been plastered across Arsene Wenger's face, and that Zola would go off to find himself a nice place to hibernate for the rest of the winter and forget it all. But West Ham, through Cole, got one back on the rebound from a Diamanti free kick and from then on Arsenal looked nervous. A soft(ish) penalty decision went in the Hammer's favour and they were level (Diamanti). Scott Parker seemed unfortunate to be sent off (2 yellows) but he is volatile, falls over easily, and gets on the wrong side of referees. West Ham have been playing better than their results show and Zola is 'appy again. Wenger miffed, but uncomplaining.
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - James Dyson Launches Bladeless Fan - which he hopes will be a healthy and environmentally-friendly alternative to air conditioning. The 62-year-old designer, who gave his name to the bagless vacuum cleaner, said the bladeless fan stops the unpleasant "turbulent buffeting" of traditional desk fans, creating a smooth, constant air flow "like a breeze". Peeved Trader Plans Shocking Punishment For Yobs - Businessman John O'Connor, having spent around €3,000 on cameras and other security devices seeking to deter a stream of late-night partygoers who use his premises as an outdoor toilet, is now installing live wires across the pavement immediately in front of his music shop in County Clare. An angry Mr O'Connor said offenders should zip up or face the consequences. "If anybody persists with this anti-social behaviour they'll get a shock, they'll know all about it. The wires are on the ground where I'm greeted every Monday morning with pools of their urine, mounds of their faeces," he said. "You can see it (the device), it's pretty obvious what's there. There are signs everywhere. You come to a certain stage when you just say 'Enough is enough'." Mr O'Connor could be open to prosecution for assault under Ireland's Non-Fatal Offences Against The Person Act 1997, which carries a maximum fine of €1,500 and a prison sentence of up to five years. A Gardai spokesman said: "If somebody was to injure themselves he might have a few questions to answer. If it was reported we would investigate." Who would report it, Your Ear wonders. Polanski resists deportation - The Swiss justice ministry said Polanski had admitted to unlawful sex with a minor: "He is wanted by the US authorities with a view to passing sentence for this offence," it said. Polanski had pleaded guilty to a single count of having sex with a minor and spent 42 days in prison undergoing psychiatric tests. He fled the United States before the case ended believing that a judge would sentence him to up to 50 years behind bars despite a plea agreement for time already served. However US law changed in 1977, reducing the maximum sentence Polanski could face to 2 years. Only 2 years? Your Ear wonders what all the fuss is about, if Mr Polanski fights extradition for long enough and is remanded in custody meanwhile, he might choose to do that time (which would probably be counted as 'time served' against his sentence) in Switzerland. Unless he can’t stand the yodelling, of course.
Football Headlines - Fulham Football Club owner to become president of Scotland? - Fulham and Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed told The Sunday Times "You Scots have been living in a coma for too long, Whatever help is needed for Scotland to regain its independence, I will provide it. When you Scots regain your freedom I'm ready to be your president." Al Fayed is urging his "fellow Scots" to detach themselves from "the English and their terrible politicians". But he is not enjoying much rapport with Scotland's First Minister and SNP leader, Alex Salmond. "I will do anything for Scotland but I don't want this Alex Salmond," he said. "I asked to meet him but he refused. I wanted to give him some help and advice, but he didn't want to know. I believe in Scotland but he still won't see me." Wonder why. Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (regarding the Liverpool match) that ManU had just had a total balls-up, what he actually said was that ManU just had to tot the bills up (for the disastrous result).
Sports’ Richest - Who are the five top earners in sport? As Your Ear does not have the resources to run a quiz you will find the answers below;
1 Cristiano Ronaldo will become the first billionaire footballer. The former ManU star is to be offered £1.5 million a game to take part in a series of friendlies in the Middle East (according to the Daily Star). Ronaldo already earns £12m a year at Real Madrid, while pocketing loadsamoney from a number of endorsement deals and his three clothing boutiques.
2 Tiger Woods, with 14 Majors and 71 PGA Tour titles, became the first $ billionaire sportsman on gaining a $10m bonus in this year's FedEx Cup. In 2000 Woods signed a five-year $105 million contract with Nike and also has deals with Amex, Buick, TAG Heuer and EA Sports. Together with Roger Federer and Thierry Henry he is also the face of Gillette, another $10m-$20m deal.
3 Roger Federer, with 14 Grand Slam titles, banked $36m in the last 12 months and became the first tennis player to surpass $50m in career earnings on the court at this year's US Open. Besides lucrative sponsorship deals with Nike, Rolex, Wilson and Gillette, appearance fees and sponsorship deals have added another $28m. His Nike deal alone is worth $10m annually.
4 Michael Schumacher earned a handsome $40m a year as driver at his peak in 2003, when he won his sixth (out of seven) F1 world title. This was doubled by sponsorship endorsements and championship bonuses. Schumacher has amassed an estimated $700m since his F1 debut in 1991 and continues to earn big bucks as an adviser for Ferrari, as well as for various media roles.
5 Michael Jordan retired for the third time six years ago but still pulls in $45m annually, thanks to a clothing deal with Nike. At his peak (with the Chicago Bulls in 1998/99) Jordan earned $69m a year from his salary and endorsement deals. Now the Charlotte Bobcats head of basketball operations, Jordan has earned an estimated total of $800m.
“Football? It's the beautiful game,” said Pele. Many would agree, but not all; Thomas Elyot’s 16th century account was not favourable: "Football, wherein is nothing but beastly fury, and extreme violence, whereof proceedeth hurt, and consequently rancour and malice do remain with them that be wounded." But J. B. Priestley, in his 1929 novel The Good Companions, offered a considered view on what football gives its fans: "To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink. For a shilling the Bruddersford United AFC offered you Conflict and Art." Priestley would probably have agreed with Bill Shankly; "Some people think football is a matter of life and death… I can assure them it is much more serious than that." And perhaps even with Delia Smith who, on being appointed a director of Norwich City FC in 1997, said: "Football and cookery are the two most important subjects in the country." Having dinner at Delia's would doubtless score highly on both counts.
Post Script - I always like listening to Marcel Desailly, who, when commenting on Chelsea v Athletico Madrid, said ‘Any mistake you make, you pay cash, straight away,’ That's good graphic use of his second (and possibly third) language. They should have him on the box more often.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Thursday, 22 October 2009
Premiership round up - Week 9
Aston Villa v Chelsea - 2:1 - A great long range strike by Drogba against the run of play put Chelsea ahead. Dunne equalized from a corner (off an unfortunate Lampard). This was followed by much pacing up and down the sideline by O'Neil. Villa and Chelsea have the toughest defences to crack in the Premiership. Today Villa's was the more organized. Brad Freidel also had a good game. Chelsea were undone (again) by a set piece, and Collins put Villa ahead, while Terry fumed (again). Carew should have made it three. There is a strong sense of resilience and determination about Villa and Agbonlahor is beginning to look more like a senior player than a junior. After the game O'Neil claimed that Villa should have had a penalty, but was smugly content with the result. Ancelotti said; ‘I'm not angry, I'm disappointed we lost the game.’ Given that on average about a quarter of all games end in a draw about 3 managers in 8 say that every week.
Sunderland v Liverpool - 1:0 - Liverpool were sporting their faintly ridiculous semi-flesh-coloured away strip. It did not augur well. Sunderland (celebrating their 130th anniversary) had not scored against Liverpool for over 9 hours, but they soon put this right when Bent got a good goal, in-off a giant red balloon lying on the pitch! Liverpool should have no complaints, the balloon was put there by one of their fans. (Ed. - It should have been a drop ball, not a goal). Boring. In any case, Bent should have had at least two more. Rafael Benitez did his usual off-pitch mime act (that no one understands, but it seems to include a ball, at least it might be a ball…). Sunderland fans were apoplectic at the 7 minutes of extra time, but their team held on. There were sideline handbags between Rafa and Steve Bruce over alleged time wasting towards the end but they shook hands after the game. As Your Ear has said before - no Gerrard or Torres = no result. Like Ancelotti, Rafa was also ‘disappointed’. I imagine Sunderland had a good night out.
Man Utd v Bolton - 2:1 - Owen forced an own goal (Knight) after 5 minutes and Berbatov should have made it two, then three for United. Both Davies and Taylor might have equalized (but didn't). Valencia competently scored his first for ManU without any fuss just before half time. Bolton were only in it for the last 15 minutes, but when Taylor halved the gap his team woke up and applied good pressure for the rest of the game. For once ManU were not so happy with time added (4 minutes), but although Bolton came close Van de Saar secured United's victory. Giggs commented afterwards that '2:0 is always dangerous score,' Not as dangerous as 1:0 or 0:0, Ryan!
Portsmouth v Spurs - 1:2 - St Hal’s reception, on returning to his old club, was mild. Gomez was preferred to Cudicini, which, as usual where Gomez is concerned, is risky business. However, he made several good saves, including one from a deflected free kick he had helped give away in the first place. Defoe missed (off the post) within minutes of the start, then Dindane missed a golden opportunity. Ledley King, of all people, scored a solid header for Spurs in the 29th minute. Defoe poked a very good Jenas cross into the net to make it two just before half time. An amazed Dindane missed another sitter before Boateng, who had been making huge efforts, got one back for the home side. Two players were sent off, Defoe, the daft idiot, for stamping, and Portsmouth's Brown (both playing against their former employers). Oh well, maybe Crouch will get a start, for a change. Portsmouth were bloody but unbowed. Your Ear still thinks they will survive demotion. Afterwards we were privileged to hear the words of St Hal; 'It was a good day, the crowd were fantastic, I thought. And Portsmouth played well, we was 'angin on for grim life. They pummelled us, and kept coming, and kept making attack after attack, but we rode our luck a bit and managed to survive and ‘ang on for the win.' Some have ridiculed Sir Harry for his choice of words, he should have said ‘hanging on for dear life,’ or ‘hung on like grim death,’ they say. What do ‘they’ know? Such wisdom is rarely heard elsewhere.
Arsenal v Birmingham - 3:1 - This was the first start of the season for Walcott, but a crunching tackle brought him down right at the start of the game. No problem, shortly after he nearly scored the goal of the year, but it was Van Persie's masterful control and finishing that opened Arsenal's account. Within two minutes Arsenal (Diaby) had scored again, Bowyer grabbed one back 7 minutes before half time. Arsenal failed to make the most of a dubious 'pass back to the keeper'' decision and Birmingham should have scored at the other end. Arshavin calmed Arsenal's nerves, and passed the ball into the corner of the net to restore Arsenal's two goal lead, Diaby might have made Arsenal’s total four, but the game ended on a flat note, at least for Birmingham. Arsene was obviously pleased with the result and commented (with a big grin) that the league is perhaps more open than some people thought. He might be right, too.
Stoke v West Ham - 2:1 - The Hammers gave away a stupid penalty (and a goal to Beattie) in the 11th minute. Twenty minutes or so later Upson equalized. But Beattie scored a very calm goal (considering he was sliding along the ground in two-man bobsleigh fashion with a defender at the time) for the winner. Another loss for West Ham and Zola was ‘not 'appy.’ There seems to be lots going on behind closed doors at Boleyn Ground (aka Upton Park) but Your Ear predicts that Thames Ironworks FC, sorry, caught in a time-warp, West Ham FC will still finish the season in the top half of the table.
Wigan v Man City - 1:1 - Wigan last lost at home to Man City over 11 years ago and have kept that going for another year. Wigan have beaten Chelsea and should have had a depleted Man City in this game – they are well organized, and play well going forward or defending, and are generally beginning to look like giant killers. Rodallega can certainly hit them and can also provide, as he did for N'Zogbia who scored right on half time. Petrov levelled it as soon as the 2nd half started and it began to look like City's day, but then a rather constipated-looking Mark Hughes watched with a pained expression as City were reduced to 10 men (Zabaleta, two yellows). Roberto Martinez, Wigan's manager, did not feel City losing a man helped Wigan. Sparky disagreed. City should have had a penalty but Your Ear feels City's best tactic would have been to hypnotize Adebayor, suggesting to him that he was playing against Arsenal again. That would have got him going.
Everton v Wolves - 1:1 - All the early chances fell to Everton. None were taken. In the second half Wolves (Doyle) sneaked a goal to go ahead. An unmarked Russian with a long name, Bilyaletdinov, scored his first goal for Everton. And he'll never get an easier one, Wolves' defence was non-existent. Despite chances at either end the game ended even-stevens. Wolves' Maierhofer - a 6'7" former chef, known as 'the neck', was sent off for a second yellow having run across Howard, Everton's goalkeeper. He was a little unlucky and Howard was fortunate only to receive a yellow for his retaliation (he grabbed ‘the neck’s’ neck).
Blackburn v Burnley - 3:2 - A midlands derby, some 43 years have elapsed since the last top-flight meeting between these two bitter enemies. It was all go. Blake scored a great goal for Burnley in the first 5 minutes, and Dunn balanced the scales within 4 minutes. Diouf missed one, but Di Santo scored Blackburn's second goal 12 minutes later following a keeping cock-up - after many good ones Jensen had a bad day for Burnley today. Chimbonda scored for Blackburn again just before half time. The second half was goal-less but frenetic until the 2nd minute of injury time, when Eagles got Burnley's second goal. There followed a nervous minute or two for Blackburn. But Burnley just can't get it together when not at home - that's 17 away goals conceded now. Big Sam's ‘listen with mother’ post-match analysis was; 'It didn't look comfortable after 5 minutes, certainly got a little more comfortable after it went to 1:1, and then got excited to 2:1, then ecstatic at 3:1, and I calmed the players down at half time and said, y'know, the bottom line, lads, is if Burnley don't score we've won this game!' He wasn't quite right - Burnley did score but Blackburn were 2 up, so they won anyway. Managers who can’t count to 3 - what if it was cricket!
Fulham v Hull - 2:0 - This was the first real 'winter' game of the year, with supporters wrapped in scarves. Hull have conceded 10 goals in their last two Premiership matches. And they have won just one away game in 2009 - at Fulham in March! They could not repeat that effort tonight. It was slow stuff for the first 35 minutes, then a shot on goal, then more slow stuff (except for a couple of bookings). Zamora scored just before the half ended. The Tigers claws were drawn 20 minutes into the second half when Zamora's cross was touched in at the far post by Diomansy Kamara for his first league goal of the season. Hull thought Kamara was offside, but the goal was given. Fulham dominated most of the rest of the game and can now also start to celebrate their 130th anniversary.
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Poles Sign Lisbon Treaty - Leaving the Czech Republic the sole country yet to ratify the controversial European Union reform plan. Rumour has it that Tory strategists hope the Czechs will sign up quickly. This would save the Tories from having to hold a UK referendum (as promised) if the treaty remains unratified when (and if) the Tories are elected. Cartoon Character Makes November Cover Of Playboy - ‘The Simpsons’ 20th anniversary was honoured earlier this year with a set of US postal stamps. Now Scott Flanders, recently-recruited Playboy Enterprises’ chief executive, said that his magazine’s cover and centrefold of Marge Simpson, blue bee-hived matriarch of America's beloved dysfunctional family, was 'somewhat tongue-in-cheek.' 'We thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual,' he added, underlining through his choice of language how un-hip, warm and banal the ailing magazine has become. But the outstanding question is whether young Scott is related to god-fearing Simpson neighbour, Ned Flanders. The black sheep of the family, perhaps? Boxer Makes Strange Discovery - Francia Elena Bravo had a big surprise at the weigh-in for her world title clash against WBC super flyweight world champion, Ana Maria Torres, when a mandatory pregnancy test found she was pregnant. The WBC wishes Bravo the best of luck on ‘her beautiful motherhood journey’, a statement read. Gordon Brown has hospital eye tests - Following examinations at Moorfields Eye Hospital, surgeons found that Mr Brown's retina had two minor tears. They were anxious to explain that these were small rents and not, as reported by some observers, that Gordon had shed one tear for the economy, and the other for his political future. Berlusconi's Daughter Says Fine Hurts Holding Co. - Marina Berlusconi, head of her father’s holding company Fininvest, said a court order to pay €750m (£680m) in damages to a rival (for bribing a judge to make a ruling in Berlusconi's favour) put the company at risk. In 2007 Berlusconi (73), was cleared of criminal responsibility in the case, the charges having elapsed under Italy's statute of limitations. 'Viva Italia, viva Berlusconi,' said Italy's finest. Embezzler Wins Lottery - Paul Lyle, a 53 year old from Kansas, won the state lottery whilst awaiting trial. Mr Lyle eventually pleaded guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his employer to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. His $96,000 prize will be used to repay the stolen money. Now, that’s providence in action for you.
National Headline of the Week - Government Tries To Suppress Gray Defence Report - which said that 'incompetence is helping enemies who are unlikely to wait for our sclerotic acquisition systems to catch up.’ 'We understand 'incompetence' only too well, but we don't know what 'sclerotic' means,' said a government spokesperson. 'It's not fair, using words only one in a hundred (unless they are of a medical bent) would understand.' Sclerotic (adjective) definition: palsied or crippled, synonyms: arthritic, atonic, debilitated, disabled, diseased, helpless, neurasthenic, paralytic, paralysed, rheumatic, shaky, sick, trembling, weak. Antonyms: healthy, steady. Seems like Britain's defence procurement is on its last legs, and trembly, palsied, atonic ones at that.
Football Headlines - Unborn Baby To Be Nominated As Footballer Of The Year - 'Well, it might be, one day,' said proud dad. 'If it's a boy, of course. After all, if President Obama can be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five minutes after being elected I think it's sensible to get my boy's name down on the list early.' Pope To Fast-track Canonization Of Redknapp - 'I am persuaded that this man has led a holy, blameless life, that he can work miracles and that he already walks on water. Come on, you Spurs,' says Pontiff. Hull Manager To Keep Players In Detention - Phil Brown banned his players from the club restaurant and took the plug off the coffee machine after they lost 6-1 at Anfield. Despite the win at Wigan Brown now says Hull is playing so badly he will make his team stay behind after any matches they lose. 'No going home to mum for their tea,' he added, 'they will remain at the ground, home or away, and write out 1000 times, 'we will stay up, we will stay up,' or words to that effect.' Arsene Wenger Dons New Spectacles - 'Everything has suddenly become clear. I did not know we played in red,' admits Frenchman.
Football Story Of The Week - FA To Reform Premiership On Regional Basis - A spokesperson said; 'Soccer has been criticized for contributing to global warming. As a result we first examined London, where there are plenty of high-standard clubs. A London-based league would enable supporters to go to every match, home or away, using the bus or tube, thus reducing football's consumption of fossil fuels.' When asked about non-London leagues the spokesperson added; 'We also looked hard at other parts of the country. So far we have found the quality of football to be so diluted we cannot see the point in continuing.' When pressed by Your Faithful Ear on whether this dissolution would exclude Premiership champions, Manchester United, the spokesperson commented; 'In particular, we have decided to ban Manchester United. As none of its fans live locally this club is particularly likely to contribute to the planet's destruction.' Amen to that.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Sunderland v Liverpool - 1:0 - Liverpool were sporting their faintly ridiculous semi-flesh-coloured away strip. It did not augur well. Sunderland (celebrating their 130th anniversary) had not scored against Liverpool for over 9 hours, but they soon put this right when Bent got a good goal, in-off a giant red balloon lying on the pitch! Liverpool should have no complaints, the balloon was put there by one of their fans. (Ed. - It should have been a drop ball, not a goal). Boring. In any case, Bent should have had at least two more. Rafael Benitez did his usual off-pitch mime act (that no one understands, but it seems to include a ball, at least it might be a ball…). Sunderland fans were apoplectic at the 7 minutes of extra time, but their team held on. There were sideline handbags between Rafa and Steve Bruce over alleged time wasting towards the end but they shook hands after the game. As Your Ear has said before - no Gerrard or Torres = no result. Like Ancelotti, Rafa was also ‘disappointed’. I imagine Sunderland had a good night out.
Man Utd v Bolton - 2:1 - Owen forced an own goal (Knight) after 5 minutes and Berbatov should have made it two, then three for United. Both Davies and Taylor might have equalized (but didn't). Valencia competently scored his first for ManU without any fuss just before half time. Bolton were only in it for the last 15 minutes, but when Taylor halved the gap his team woke up and applied good pressure for the rest of the game. For once ManU were not so happy with time added (4 minutes), but although Bolton came close Van de Saar secured United's victory. Giggs commented afterwards that '2:0 is always dangerous score,' Not as dangerous as 1:0 or 0:0, Ryan!
Portsmouth v Spurs - 1:2 - St Hal’s reception, on returning to his old club, was mild. Gomez was preferred to Cudicini, which, as usual where Gomez is concerned, is risky business. However, he made several good saves, including one from a deflected free kick he had helped give away in the first place. Defoe missed (off the post) within minutes of the start, then Dindane missed a golden opportunity. Ledley King, of all people, scored a solid header for Spurs in the 29th minute. Defoe poked a very good Jenas cross into the net to make it two just before half time. An amazed Dindane missed another sitter before Boateng, who had been making huge efforts, got one back for the home side. Two players were sent off, Defoe, the daft idiot, for stamping, and Portsmouth's Brown (both playing against their former employers). Oh well, maybe Crouch will get a start, for a change. Portsmouth were bloody but unbowed. Your Ear still thinks they will survive demotion. Afterwards we were privileged to hear the words of St Hal; 'It was a good day, the crowd were fantastic, I thought. And Portsmouth played well, we was 'angin on for grim life. They pummelled us, and kept coming, and kept making attack after attack, but we rode our luck a bit and managed to survive and ‘ang on for the win.' Some have ridiculed Sir Harry for his choice of words, he should have said ‘hanging on for dear life,’ or ‘hung on like grim death,’ they say. What do ‘they’ know? Such wisdom is rarely heard elsewhere.
Arsenal v Birmingham - 3:1 - This was the first start of the season for Walcott, but a crunching tackle brought him down right at the start of the game. No problem, shortly after he nearly scored the goal of the year, but it was Van Persie's masterful control and finishing that opened Arsenal's account. Within two minutes Arsenal (Diaby) had scored again, Bowyer grabbed one back 7 minutes before half time. Arsenal failed to make the most of a dubious 'pass back to the keeper'' decision and Birmingham should have scored at the other end. Arshavin calmed Arsenal's nerves, and passed the ball into the corner of the net to restore Arsenal's two goal lead, Diaby might have made Arsenal’s total four, but the game ended on a flat note, at least for Birmingham. Arsene was obviously pleased with the result and commented (with a big grin) that the league is perhaps more open than some people thought. He might be right, too.
Stoke v West Ham - 2:1 - The Hammers gave away a stupid penalty (and a goal to Beattie) in the 11th minute. Twenty minutes or so later Upson equalized. But Beattie scored a very calm goal (considering he was sliding along the ground in two-man bobsleigh fashion with a defender at the time) for the winner. Another loss for West Ham and Zola was ‘not 'appy.’ There seems to be lots going on behind closed doors at Boleyn Ground (aka Upton Park) but Your Ear predicts that Thames Ironworks FC, sorry, caught in a time-warp, West Ham FC will still finish the season in the top half of the table.
Wigan v Man City - 1:1 - Wigan last lost at home to Man City over 11 years ago and have kept that going for another year. Wigan have beaten Chelsea and should have had a depleted Man City in this game – they are well organized, and play well going forward or defending, and are generally beginning to look like giant killers. Rodallega can certainly hit them and can also provide, as he did for N'Zogbia who scored right on half time. Petrov levelled it as soon as the 2nd half started and it began to look like City's day, but then a rather constipated-looking Mark Hughes watched with a pained expression as City were reduced to 10 men (Zabaleta, two yellows). Roberto Martinez, Wigan's manager, did not feel City losing a man helped Wigan. Sparky disagreed. City should have had a penalty but Your Ear feels City's best tactic would have been to hypnotize Adebayor, suggesting to him that he was playing against Arsenal again. That would have got him going.
Everton v Wolves - 1:1 - All the early chances fell to Everton. None were taken. In the second half Wolves (Doyle) sneaked a goal to go ahead. An unmarked Russian with a long name, Bilyaletdinov, scored his first goal for Everton. And he'll never get an easier one, Wolves' defence was non-existent. Despite chances at either end the game ended even-stevens. Wolves' Maierhofer - a 6'7" former chef, known as 'the neck', was sent off for a second yellow having run across Howard, Everton's goalkeeper. He was a little unlucky and Howard was fortunate only to receive a yellow for his retaliation (he grabbed ‘the neck’s’ neck).
Blackburn v Burnley - 3:2 - A midlands derby, some 43 years have elapsed since the last top-flight meeting between these two bitter enemies. It was all go. Blake scored a great goal for Burnley in the first 5 minutes, and Dunn balanced the scales within 4 minutes. Diouf missed one, but Di Santo scored Blackburn's second goal 12 minutes later following a keeping cock-up - after many good ones Jensen had a bad day for Burnley today. Chimbonda scored for Blackburn again just before half time. The second half was goal-less but frenetic until the 2nd minute of injury time, when Eagles got Burnley's second goal. There followed a nervous minute or two for Blackburn. But Burnley just can't get it together when not at home - that's 17 away goals conceded now. Big Sam's ‘listen with mother’ post-match analysis was; 'It didn't look comfortable after 5 minutes, certainly got a little more comfortable after it went to 1:1, and then got excited to 2:1, then ecstatic at 3:1, and I calmed the players down at half time and said, y'know, the bottom line, lads, is if Burnley don't score we've won this game!' He wasn't quite right - Burnley did score but Blackburn were 2 up, so they won anyway. Managers who can’t count to 3 - what if it was cricket!
Fulham v Hull - 2:0 - This was the first real 'winter' game of the year, with supporters wrapped in scarves. Hull have conceded 10 goals in their last two Premiership matches. And they have won just one away game in 2009 - at Fulham in March! They could not repeat that effort tonight. It was slow stuff for the first 35 minutes, then a shot on goal, then more slow stuff (except for a couple of bookings). Zamora scored just before the half ended. The Tigers claws were drawn 20 minutes into the second half when Zamora's cross was touched in at the far post by Diomansy Kamara for his first league goal of the season. Hull thought Kamara was offside, but the goal was given. Fulham dominated most of the rest of the game and can now also start to celebrate their 130th anniversary.
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Poles Sign Lisbon Treaty - Leaving the Czech Republic the sole country yet to ratify the controversial European Union reform plan. Rumour has it that Tory strategists hope the Czechs will sign up quickly. This would save the Tories from having to hold a UK referendum (as promised) if the treaty remains unratified when (and if) the Tories are elected. Cartoon Character Makes November Cover Of Playboy - ‘The Simpsons’ 20th anniversary was honoured earlier this year with a set of US postal stamps. Now Scott Flanders, recently-recruited Playboy Enterprises’ chief executive, said that his magazine’s cover and centrefold of Marge Simpson, blue bee-hived matriarch of America's beloved dysfunctional family, was 'somewhat tongue-in-cheek.' 'We thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual,' he added, underlining through his choice of language how un-hip, warm and banal the ailing magazine has become. But the outstanding question is whether young Scott is related to god-fearing Simpson neighbour, Ned Flanders. The black sheep of the family, perhaps? Boxer Makes Strange Discovery - Francia Elena Bravo had a big surprise at the weigh-in for her world title clash against WBC super flyweight world champion, Ana Maria Torres, when a mandatory pregnancy test found she was pregnant. The WBC wishes Bravo the best of luck on ‘her beautiful motherhood journey’, a statement read. Gordon Brown has hospital eye tests - Following examinations at Moorfields Eye Hospital, surgeons found that Mr Brown's retina had two minor tears. They were anxious to explain that these were small rents and not, as reported by some observers, that Gordon had shed one tear for the economy, and the other for his political future. Berlusconi's Daughter Says Fine Hurts Holding Co. - Marina Berlusconi, head of her father’s holding company Fininvest, said a court order to pay €750m (£680m) in damages to a rival (for bribing a judge to make a ruling in Berlusconi's favour) put the company at risk. In 2007 Berlusconi (73), was cleared of criminal responsibility in the case, the charges having elapsed under Italy's statute of limitations. 'Viva Italia, viva Berlusconi,' said Italy's finest. Embezzler Wins Lottery - Paul Lyle, a 53 year old from Kansas, won the state lottery whilst awaiting trial. Mr Lyle eventually pleaded guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his employer to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. His $96,000 prize will be used to repay the stolen money. Now, that’s providence in action for you.
National Headline of the Week - Government Tries To Suppress Gray Defence Report - which said that 'incompetence is helping enemies who are unlikely to wait for our sclerotic acquisition systems to catch up.’ 'We understand 'incompetence' only too well, but we don't know what 'sclerotic' means,' said a government spokesperson. 'It's not fair, using words only one in a hundred (unless they are of a medical bent) would understand.' Sclerotic (adjective) definition: palsied or crippled, synonyms: arthritic, atonic, debilitated, disabled, diseased, helpless, neurasthenic, paralytic, paralysed, rheumatic, shaky, sick, trembling, weak. Antonyms: healthy, steady. Seems like Britain's defence procurement is on its last legs, and trembly, palsied, atonic ones at that.
Football Headlines - Unborn Baby To Be Nominated As Footballer Of The Year - 'Well, it might be, one day,' said proud dad. 'If it's a boy, of course. After all, if President Obama can be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five minutes after being elected I think it's sensible to get my boy's name down on the list early.' Pope To Fast-track Canonization Of Redknapp - 'I am persuaded that this man has led a holy, blameless life, that he can work miracles and that he already walks on water. Come on, you Spurs,' says Pontiff. Hull Manager To Keep Players In Detention - Phil Brown banned his players from the club restaurant and took the plug off the coffee machine after they lost 6-1 at Anfield. Despite the win at Wigan Brown now says Hull is playing so badly he will make his team stay behind after any matches they lose. 'No going home to mum for their tea,' he added, 'they will remain at the ground, home or away, and write out 1000 times, 'we will stay up, we will stay up,' or words to that effect.' Arsene Wenger Dons New Spectacles - 'Everything has suddenly become clear. I did not know we played in red,' admits Frenchman.
Football Story Of The Week - FA To Reform Premiership On Regional Basis - A spokesperson said; 'Soccer has been criticized for contributing to global warming. As a result we first examined London, where there are plenty of high-standard clubs. A London-based league would enable supporters to go to every match, home or away, using the bus or tube, thus reducing football's consumption of fossil fuels.' When asked about non-London leagues the spokesperson added; 'We also looked hard at other parts of the country. So far we have found the quality of football to be so diluted we cannot see the point in continuing.' When pressed by Your Faithful Ear on whether this dissolution would exclude Premiership champions, Manchester United, the spokesperson commented; 'In particular, we have decided to ban Manchester United. As none of its fans live locally this club is particularly likely to contribute to the planet's destruction.' Amen to that.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Premiership round up - Week 8
Bolton v Spurs - 2:2 - Spurs had never beaten Bolton at their home ground before, and also failed at this attempt. The game did not start well for Spurs, Gardner scored for Bolton in the 4th minute and Spurs hardly saw the ball, let alone had it, for the first half hour. But Kranjcar levelled the score in the 34th minute with Spurs' first attempt on goal. Bolton looked confident and in control but as the game wore on Spurs became more lively and threatening, Crouch missed an opportunity and Davies snatched Bolton's second goal in the 69th minute, almost walking the ball into the net. Defoe came on (despite his dislocated fingers) and Crouch should have scored (but didn't) from a Defoe attempt. Corluka saved Crouch from too much embarrassment by scoring Spurs' second goal with a decent header with 17 minutes to go, in the process becoming the 12th person to score for Spurs this season (they've only played 8 games!). Crouch had another chance and showed fine control, as usual, but to no avail due to good goal-keeping. Bolton are tough at home but Spurs would probably not have earned the draw last season. So, a good game with honours even, but Spurs need to do better in such games if they are to demonstrate top 6 credentials.
Man Utd v Sunderland - 2:2 - Owen and Ferdinand were injured or resting, but ManU can afford to sideline a few players without weakening their side to any great extent. Nevertheless, after 6 minutes Bent did what seems to come naturally to him these days and rocked ManU with a fine strike into the corner of the net. Berbatov's goal was even better (50 minutes later), with a half bicycle kick (a unicycle kick, perhaps?). Kenwyne Jones had a good game that got even better when he out-muscled everyone in Utd's box to score Sunderland's second. Deep into stoppage time ManU got their equalizer (o/g, Ferdinand). Despite significant further ManU effort the game ended in a draw. Your Ear likes Jones, and the style of play that follows from having a solid centre forward to lay off balls and trouble defenders merely with his presence. Sunderland's Richardson was sent off (two yellows) with 5 minutes to go (plus 4 minutes of extra time). Your Ear thinks he was unfortunate and it is time referees started differentiating between the important and unimportant things in the game. Richardson certainly kicked the ball away, but it was in the direction the free kick given against him was to be taken from. Officialdom should get to grips with the dangerous play that can cost footballers injury or even their careers before making silly decisions like this one. A wagged finger would have done. The sending-off changed the face, and possibly the course, of the last few minutes of the game. And inevitably posed a question - would a ManU defender have been sent off in similar circumstances? Your Ear would hope so, but a niggling doubt remains.
Wolves v Portsmouth - 0:1 - Intense Portsmouth pressure eventually broke through Wolves' defence to take the lead (Yebda, 15 mins from a good cross). It took this goal against to get Wolves going, which they did, but a gritty Pompey defence kept them out. Wolves were denied a stone cold handball penalty and David James was busy for the rest of the game. But Portsmouth held it together for their first win of the season. AT LAST.
Hull v Wigan - 2:1 - chances, some better than others, were missed at either end, but Hull fired in a strong header (Vennegoor of Hesselink, 60th minute). Geovanni made it two with Hull in the ascendancy (68th minute), the first time since January Hull have scored more than one goal in a league game. Wigan almost got back in the game with 4 minutes to play (Sinclair, header) but could not catch Hull. A bad game for Wigan, overall. Hope for Hull? Your Ear thinks not.
Burnley v Birmingham - 2:1 - Burnley started well but it was Bowyer who missed an early sitter for Birmingham. After 53 minutes Fletcher broke the deadlock, scoring with a coolly taken effort from 30 yards and was unlucky not to double his tally a few minutes later (off the post). But it was the big centre-back, Bikey, who got Burnley's second with a good stand-up effort in the 62nd minute. Larsson got one back for Birmingham with the last kick of the game, but Birmingham never really looked in it. Burnley are doing exactly what the pundits say is necessary for the weaker teams - shore up your position and future by winning home games and hope for the best (ie try to nick a few) away. Birmingham might profit from taking such advice themselves. Birmingham's manager, Alex McLeish, said this was the worst Birmingham have played in any game this season, failing to react on going one (and then two) down. As MoTD pointed out, Burnley are a Jekyll and Hyde team when it comes to home and away performances. At home they have played 4, won 4, scoring 7 goals and conceding only 2. Away they have played 4, lost 4, scoring no goals at all and conceding 14! Quite a difference and something for either a) the sports psychologists to get their teeth into or b) the statisticians to explain away. Or maybe they have one talismanic supporter who can only attend home games…
Chelsea v Liverpool - 2:0 - the home side got the metal to the pedal earliest but Riera nearly scored from a long range free kick in the last minute of the first half. Chelsea moved the ball around better and after an hour's play, having dispossessed Liverpool, Anelka's pace gave him the space to score an uncomplicated goal from Drogba's cross. An opportunity was missed by Gerrard who was given a yellow card shortly after (foul on Lampard) and Drogba nearly scored from the resulting free kick. At the other end Torres scuffed a shot off target. Liverpool tried to keep their attack going but Malouda scrambled Chelsea's second goal in the first minute of extra time, again from a cross by Drogba. Today Drogba won the Drogba/Torres 'who is the best Premiership striker' competition comfortably. Chelsea are 5:1 up in terms of managers over the past 5 years - Rafa has seen them all come and go. Reflecting on the match he said 'When you go behind and you want to change things you have to score a goal.' Perfect football logic. Like last season, Liverpool look as though they will be in big doo-dahs (relatively speaking) if they lose Gerrard or Torres.
Everton v Stoke - 1:1 - Stoke have not beaten Everton in 27 years, and things have not changed. Everton old boy Beattie had the first attempt on goal but got no power behind his header. Stoke preferred to play deep and to defend, and kept out several half chances for Everton. Stoke's patience was rewarded when Huth scored his first Stoke goal (header, 50th minute). Everton continued to press up-field and 5 minutes later captain Leo Osman's accurate shot into the top left corner of the net scored the equalizer. Cahill nearly scored a header and Yakubu nearly laid off the ball for Saha. But the game ended in a draw.
Arsenal v Blackburn - 6:2 - Last season Arsenal beat Blackburn 4:0 twice, but Blackburn looked ominous (to Arsenal fans) from the outset and squeaked a header over Mannone to go ahead after 4 minutes (Nzonzi). In reply Fabregas nearly did the same thing at the other end from Arshavin's cross, but the ball went over. Matters became a little tense for anyone sporting a red shirt but Arsenal needn't have worried, Vermaelen thundered in a cracking shot in the 17th minute (that's 5 goals in 11 games and most of them crackers). For a while it was all Arsenal but after half an hour Diouf cleared, almost from his goal line, and Blackburn (Dunn) scored a good, although deflected, breakaway goal to regain the lead. Arsenal were only behind for 2 minutes - Van Persie scored emphatically to level the game again and only 5 minutes later Arsenal went ahead (Arshavin - no defender can relish seeing that little man running at them). Blackburn did not give up, though - Dunn should have been given a penalty (A rsenal should also have had one later) and Olsen struck the ball harder than most people would believe possible from 40 yards, forcing a fine save from Mannone. But eventually the weight of attack applied by Arsenal told and Fabregas cooly scored Arsenal's 4th goal in the 57th minute. Theo Walcott came on for first time this season with 20 minutes to play (absent though back injury) and 5 minutes later became the 15th person to score for Arsenal this season after Arsenal penetrated Blackburn's defence with ease. Bendtner made it 6 in the 89th minute with a fine shot. Blackburn played well, but were outclassed. Thierri Henry was in the stands to see his old club play - he probably remains a good luck charm, as he nearly always was when he played for them. Once again, a margin of 4 goals.
West Ham v Fulham - 2:2 - Both of these teams were in the bottom 3 (only Portsmouth below them) at the start of this game and West Ham still is, which shows (Your Ear believes) that the league has a lot of settling down to do before we begin to see who might be this year's winners and losers. Carlton Cole likes playing against Fulham (apparently) and tried to get his revenge in early, but his power shot missed. He did not miss his header from Diamanti's whipped in free kick, though (following a heavy challenge on Flaubert) - an excellent take. West ham kept the initiative and Fulham's defence looked rocky, but they kept the Hammers out. Then an unfortunate altercation occurred between Scott Parker, who was incensed to get a yellow card, and recent South African transferee, Kagisho Dikgacoi, who was dumbfounded to get a red one (following linesman's comments). Not a nice way to end your first game for your new club and it looked nothing more than 'handbags at 3.32' to Your Ear, but officialdom knows best. On the other hand, when the odds are against you, sometimes providence takes a hand and Fulham soon won a penalty (stupid shirt-pull by Upson). Murphy duly scored (47th minute). Koncheski nearly rolled in a long free kick which went just wide. Zoltan Gera thought he had settled matters with a well-taken volley in the 57th minute but a wicked deflection (downright diabolical, according to Roy Hodgson) allowed Stanislas to equalize in the 2nd minute of extra time. Some of you will remember that last season Your Ear revealed Zoltan Gera (a clumsy anagram of Gerant Zola) to be (possibly) the illegitimate offspring of one Gianfranco Zola, sitting on the opposite bench. 'Dad' was not best pleased! Fulham should try playing with 10 men more often.
Aston Villa v Man City - 1:1 - An important match - Villa trying to remain a top six club, City anxious to prove themselves a top four side. Plus two players facing their old employers, Gareth Barry, former Villa captain, a City player since his £12m move in the summer, and Richard Dunne, former City captain, now a Villa stalwart. And Adebayor, back from suspension, with nothing but humility in his heart and love for his opponents, as long as they don't make him see red. But fact often surpasses fiction, and in true Boy's Own style after 15 minutes Dunne, later named as man of the match, rose above Barry to pump a header past Shay Given. He didn't celebrate (just like Adebayor!), and some City fans applauded their former skipper. It took City half an hour to get going but Tevez 'put himself about a bit' to no avail - a text comment to the Beeb suggested that the busiest people in the ground were those throwing Tevez' missed shots back onto the field. Villa led at half time and for half of the 2nd half (quite a lot of halves, in all), but City upped the pace and managed to equalize with a well-worked goal (Ireland - Adebayor - Bellamy). Villa managed to retain their title to meanest defence in the Premiership (only one per game conceded) and the match ended in a draw. The conclusion drawn by Your Ear? Villa are a top six club, City are not a top four side.
Unlucky For Some? - Neil Warnock in The Independent on Arsene Wenger's 13 Years in the job - Wenger recently became Arsenal's longest serving manager, having clocked up a baker’s dozen in service. Warnock believes Wenger has changed the face of English football and that his influence reaches as far as League Two. He has made even the 'dinosaur managers' realize that they must take new things on board, such as technology, fitness regimes, fitness coaches and psychologists. Wenger has extended footballers' careers by two or three years; thirteen years ago players would never have looked after themselves as they do now. It's not so long since players would have steak for a pre-match meal. Now their diet is designed for the purpose. Well done, Mr Wenger. Wonder what diet Giggs is on. Carrot juice, no doubt. Warnock concluded that he would 'like to see Arsenal toughen up a little when they play the top sides, because I really don't think there's much between them, and Chelsea and United.' And Liverpool?
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - I'm A Little Teapot, Here's My Spout - Tim Montgomery, a Tory blogger commenting on the difficulty in determining what David Cameron is all about; "I liken it to a tea-bag - until it's in the water you can't tell what kind of tea you're going to get." If current polls are correct it seems likely that said tea-bag (Cameron) will get thrown in at the deep end. Wonder whether he'll find the water too hot. Network Lawyers Up All Night After Letterman Blackmail Denial - '48 Hour' TV producer, Robert ‘Joe’ Halderman, pleaded not guilty to trying to blackmail chat show host David Letterman over sexual relationships with female staff. Letterman responded by admitting to most of the allegations on air (ratings for the show went through the roof). Letterman was quoted as saying: "This whole thing has been quite scary," as though this puts an end to the affair. But while he seems to be in no immediate risk of losing his family or his job, either Letterman or CBS may be open to sexual-harassment lawsuits. Carnival Starts As Rio de Janeiro Wins Olympics Vote - Barack Obama's dash to Copenhagen and last-minute rhetoric failed to win over the IOC. 'No, we won't.' said official. The Chicago Tribune (Chicago came 4th) declared the result a "serious loss of face" for the president, while the conservative-leaning Drudge Report's banner headline gloated: "The ego has landed, world rejects Obama." Ireland Ratifies Lisbon Treaty - Turnout high on crucial referendum - Taoiseach welcomes 2:1 ‘for’ result - 'They bored us into submission,' said ex-'no' voter. ‘Si d'abord vous ne réussissez pas, essayez, essayez et essayez de nouveau,’ a Brussels spokesperson was reported as saying. ‘Deux fois, ça suffit, un morceau de gâteau,’ she added. London Evening Standard To Become A Free Newspaper - Russian billionaire owner, Alexander Lebedev, is unconcerned at potential lost revenues and believes circulation will double. Your Ear will now be forced to stop using it as toilet paper, one can only have expensive newsprint hanging in the smallest room. England Humiliated In Champions Trophy - England won the toss, but Australia won the game, beating England by nine wickets. However, cries of 'Give us our Ashes, yer pommie bastards!' fell on deaf ears.
Football Headlines - Berbatov Promises To Run Faster - Manchester United star Dimitar Berbatov today undertook to run faster during matches to dismiss home fan claims that he 'just strolls about'. Adebayor To Return To Arsenal? - After being let off with a £25k fine (about 2 hours pay) for 'improper conduct' Emmanuel Adebayor confirmed his determination to return to play for Arsenal. The Togo star says it is 'the least he can do' and that he might as well play for his 'dear old club' whenever he is suspended from Manchester City. 'It was all a big mistake,' he added. Fans are expected to welcome him back with open arms. Allardyce Jaws Fused For 24 Hours - Fire brigade summoned to prise Big Sam's mandible from his maxilla. which were welded together by excessive use of chewing gum. 'It was touch and go,' says veteran firefighter, 'one of the toughest jobs we've been faced with lately. Luckily, we had a lorry jack with us.' Mr Allardyce was not available for comment. Government To Nationalize Cash-Strapped Pompey - 'We can't have national institutions like this fine club going under purely because of a few rash management decisions and a total lack of funds,' says No 10 spokesperson. 'Portsmouth players are really suffering, just two of them are owed £3m - the British taxpayer cannot stand by and look on such hardship without taking action.' Ferguson Misquoted - When he was reported as saying (before the match) that Sunderland were 'nothing but a lousy load of crap', he actually said they were 'not about to lose without a scrap'. Ancelotti insists Abramovich Happy With Chelsea’s Start To Season - After 10 out of 11 wins and despite poor form in two recent games Carlo Ancelotti insists Roman Abramovich is satisfied with Chelsea's progress this season. 'Nuff said.
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Man Utd v Sunderland - 2:2 - Owen and Ferdinand were injured or resting, but ManU can afford to sideline a few players without weakening their side to any great extent. Nevertheless, after 6 minutes Bent did what seems to come naturally to him these days and rocked ManU with a fine strike into the corner of the net. Berbatov's goal was even better (50 minutes later), with a half bicycle kick (a unicycle kick, perhaps?). Kenwyne Jones had a good game that got even better when he out-muscled everyone in Utd's box to score Sunderland's second. Deep into stoppage time ManU got their equalizer (o/g, Ferdinand). Despite significant further ManU effort the game ended in a draw. Your Ear likes Jones, and the style of play that follows from having a solid centre forward to lay off balls and trouble defenders merely with his presence. Sunderland's Richardson was sent off (two yellows) with 5 minutes to go (plus 4 minutes of extra time). Your Ear thinks he was unfortunate and it is time referees started differentiating between the important and unimportant things in the game. Richardson certainly kicked the ball away, but it was in the direction the free kick given against him was to be taken from. Officialdom should get to grips with the dangerous play that can cost footballers injury or even their careers before making silly decisions like this one. A wagged finger would have done. The sending-off changed the face, and possibly the course, of the last few minutes of the game. And inevitably posed a question - would a ManU defender have been sent off in similar circumstances? Your Ear would hope so, but a niggling doubt remains.
Wolves v Portsmouth - 0:1 - Intense Portsmouth pressure eventually broke through Wolves' defence to take the lead (Yebda, 15 mins from a good cross). It took this goal against to get Wolves going, which they did, but a gritty Pompey defence kept them out. Wolves were denied a stone cold handball penalty and David James was busy for the rest of the game. But Portsmouth held it together for their first win of the season. AT LAST.
Hull v Wigan - 2:1 - chances, some better than others, were missed at either end, but Hull fired in a strong header (Vennegoor of Hesselink, 60th minute). Geovanni made it two with Hull in the ascendancy (68th minute), the first time since January Hull have scored more than one goal in a league game. Wigan almost got back in the game with 4 minutes to play (Sinclair, header) but could not catch Hull. A bad game for Wigan, overall. Hope for Hull? Your Ear thinks not.
Burnley v Birmingham - 2:1 - Burnley started well but it was Bowyer who missed an early sitter for Birmingham. After 53 minutes Fletcher broke the deadlock, scoring with a coolly taken effort from 30 yards and was unlucky not to double his tally a few minutes later (off the post). But it was the big centre-back, Bikey, who got Burnley's second with a good stand-up effort in the 62nd minute. Larsson got one back for Birmingham with the last kick of the game, but Birmingham never really looked in it. Burnley are doing exactly what the pundits say is necessary for the weaker teams - shore up your position and future by winning home games and hope for the best (ie try to nick a few) away. Birmingham might profit from taking such advice themselves. Birmingham's manager, Alex McLeish, said this was the worst Birmingham have played in any game this season, failing to react on going one (and then two) down. As MoTD pointed out, Burnley are a Jekyll and Hyde team when it comes to home and away performances. At home they have played 4, won 4, scoring 7 goals and conceding only 2. Away they have played 4, lost 4, scoring no goals at all and conceding 14! Quite a difference and something for either a) the sports psychologists to get their teeth into or b) the statisticians to explain away. Or maybe they have one talismanic supporter who can only attend home games…
Chelsea v Liverpool - 2:0 - the home side got the metal to the pedal earliest but Riera nearly scored from a long range free kick in the last minute of the first half. Chelsea moved the ball around better and after an hour's play, having dispossessed Liverpool, Anelka's pace gave him the space to score an uncomplicated goal from Drogba's cross. An opportunity was missed by Gerrard who was given a yellow card shortly after (foul on Lampard) and Drogba nearly scored from the resulting free kick. At the other end Torres scuffed a shot off target. Liverpool tried to keep their attack going but Malouda scrambled Chelsea's second goal in the first minute of extra time, again from a cross by Drogba. Today Drogba won the Drogba/Torres 'who is the best Premiership striker' competition comfortably. Chelsea are 5:1 up in terms of managers over the past 5 years - Rafa has seen them all come and go. Reflecting on the match he said 'When you go behind and you want to change things you have to score a goal.' Perfect football logic. Like last season, Liverpool look as though they will be in big doo-dahs (relatively speaking) if they lose Gerrard or Torres.
Everton v Stoke - 1:1 - Stoke have not beaten Everton in 27 years, and things have not changed. Everton old boy Beattie had the first attempt on goal but got no power behind his header. Stoke preferred to play deep and to defend, and kept out several half chances for Everton. Stoke's patience was rewarded when Huth scored his first Stoke goal (header, 50th minute). Everton continued to press up-field and 5 minutes later captain Leo Osman's accurate shot into the top left corner of the net scored the equalizer. Cahill nearly scored a header and Yakubu nearly laid off the ball for Saha. But the game ended in a draw.
Arsenal v Blackburn - 6:2 - Last season Arsenal beat Blackburn 4:0 twice, but Blackburn looked ominous (to Arsenal fans) from the outset and squeaked a header over Mannone to go ahead after 4 minutes (Nzonzi). In reply Fabregas nearly did the same thing at the other end from Arshavin's cross, but the ball went over. Matters became a little tense for anyone sporting a red shirt but Arsenal needn't have worried, Vermaelen thundered in a cracking shot in the 17th minute (that's 5 goals in 11 games and most of them crackers). For a while it was all Arsenal but after half an hour Diouf cleared, almost from his goal line, and Blackburn (Dunn) scored a good, although deflected, breakaway goal to regain the lead. Arsenal were only behind for 2 minutes - Van Persie scored emphatically to level the game again and only 5 minutes later Arsenal went ahead (Arshavin - no defender can relish seeing that little man running at them). Blackburn did not give up, though - Dunn should have been given a penalty (A rsenal should also have had one later) and Olsen struck the ball harder than most people would believe possible from 40 yards, forcing a fine save from Mannone. But eventually the weight of attack applied by Arsenal told and Fabregas cooly scored Arsenal's 4th goal in the 57th minute. Theo Walcott came on for first time this season with 20 minutes to play (absent though back injury) and 5 minutes later became the 15th person to score for Arsenal this season after Arsenal penetrated Blackburn's defence with ease. Bendtner made it 6 in the 89th minute with a fine shot. Blackburn played well, but were outclassed. Thierri Henry was in the stands to see his old club play - he probably remains a good luck charm, as he nearly always was when he played for them. Once again, a margin of 4 goals.
West Ham v Fulham - 2:2 - Both of these teams were in the bottom 3 (only Portsmouth below them) at the start of this game and West Ham still is, which shows (Your Ear believes) that the league has a lot of settling down to do before we begin to see who might be this year's winners and losers. Carlton Cole likes playing against Fulham (apparently) and tried to get his revenge in early, but his power shot missed. He did not miss his header from Diamanti's whipped in free kick, though (following a heavy challenge on Flaubert) - an excellent take. West ham kept the initiative and Fulham's defence looked rocky, but they kept the Hammers out. Then an unfortunate altercation occurred between Scott Parker, who was incensed to get a yellow card, and recent South African transferee, Kagisho Dikgacoi, who was dumbfounded to get a red one (following linesman's comments). Not a nice way to end your first game for your new club and it looked nothing more than 'handbags at 3.32' to Your Ear, but officialdom knows best. On the other hand, when the odds are against you, sometimes providence takes a hand and Fulham soon won a penalty (stupid shirt-pull by Upson). Murphy duly scored (47th minute). Koncheski nearly rolled in a long free kick which went just wide. Zoltan Gera thought he had settled matters with a well-taken volley in the 57th minute but a wicked deflection (downright diabolical, according to Roy Hodgson) allowed Stanislas to equalize in the 2nd minute of extra time. Some of you will remember that last season Your Ear revealed Zoltan Gera (a clumsy anagram of Gerant Zola) to be (possibly) the illegitimate offspring of one Gianfranco Zola, sitting on the opposite bench. 'Dad' was not best pleased! Fulham should try playing with 10 men more often.
Aston Villa v Man City - 1:1 - An important match - Villa trying to remain a top six club, City anxious to prove themselves a top four side. Plus two players facing their old employers, Gareth Barry, former Villa captain, a City player since his £12m move in the summer, and Richard Dunne, former City captain, now a Villa stalwart. And Adebayor, back from suspension, with nothing but humility in his heart and love for his opponents, as long as they don't make him see red. But fact often surpasses fiction, and in true Boy's Own style after 15 minutes Dunne, later named as man of the match, rose above Barry to pump a header past Shay Given. He didn't celebrate (just like Adebayor!), and some City fans applauded their former skipper. It took City half an hour to get going but Tevez 'put himself about a bit' to no avail - a text comment to the Beeb suggested that the busiest people in the ground were those throwing Tevez' missed shots back onto the field. Villa led at half time and for half of the 2nd half (quite a lot of halves, in all), but City upped the pace and managed to equalize with a well-worked goal (Ireland - Adebayor - Bellamy). Villa managed to retain their title to meanest defence in the Premiership (only one per game conceded) and the match ended in a draw. The conclusion drawn by Your Ear? Villa are a top six club, City are not a top four side.
Unlucky For Some? - Neil Warnock in The Independent on Arsene Wenger's 13 Years in the job - Wenger recently became Arsenal's longest serving manager, having clocked up a baker’s dozen in service. Warnock believes Wenger has changed the face of English football and that his influence reaches as far as League Two. He has made even the 'dinosaur managers' realize that they must take new things on board, such as technology, fitness regimes, fitness coaches and psychologists. Wenger has extended footballers' careers by two or three years; thirteen years ago players would never have looked after themselves as they do now. It's not so long since players would have steak for a pre-match meal. Now their diet is designed for the purpose. Well done, Mr Wenger. Wonder what diet Giggs is on. Carrot juice, no doubt. Warnock concluded that he would 'like to see Arsenal toughen up a little when they play the top sides, because I really don't think there's much between them, and Chelsea and United.' And Liverpool?
National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - I'm A Little Teapot, Here's My Spout - Tim Montgomery, a Tory blogger commenting on the difficulty in determining what David Cameron is all about; "I liken it to a tea-bag - until it's in the water you can't tell what kind of tea you're going to get." If current polls are correct it seems likely that said tea-bag (Cameron) will get thrown in at the deep end. Wonder whether he'll find the water too hot. Network Lawyers Up All Night After Letterman Blackmail Denial - '48 Hour' TV producer, Robert ‘Joe’ Halderman, pleaded not guilty to trying to blackmail chat show host David Letterman over sexual relationships with female staff. Letterman responded by admitting to most of the allegations on air (ratings for the show went through the roof). Letterman was quoted as saying: "This whole thing has been quite scary," as though this puts an end to the affair. But while he seems to be in no immediate risk of losing his family or his job, either Letterman or CBS may be open to sexual-harassment lawsuits. Carnival Starts As Rio de Janeiro Wins Olympics Vote - Barack Obama's dash to Copenhagen and last-minute rhetoric failed to win over the IOC. 'No, we won't.' said official. The Chicago Tribune (Chicago came 4th) declared the result a "serious loss of face" for the president, while the conservative-leaning Drudge Report's banner headline gloated: "The ego has landed, world rejects Obama." Ireland Ratifies Lisbon Treaty - Turnout high on crucial referendum - Taoiseach welcomes 2:1 ‘for’ result - 'They bored us into submission,' said ex-'no' voter. ‘Si d'abord vous ne réussissez pas, essayez, essayez et essayez de nouveau,’ a Brussels spokesperson was reported as saying. ‘Deux fois, ça suffit, un morceau de gâteau,’ she added. London Evening Standard To Become A Free Newspaper - Russian billionaire owner, Alexander Lebedev, is unconcerned at potential lost revenues and believes circulation will double. Your Ear will now be forced to stop using it as toilet paper, one can only have expensive newsprint hanging in the smallest room. England Humiliated In Champions Trophy - England won the toss, but Australia won the game, beating England by nine wickets. However, cries of 'Give us our Ashes, yer pommie bastards!' fell on deaf ears.
Football Headlines - Berbatov Promises To Run Faster - Manchester United star Dimitar Berbatov today undertook to run faster during matches to dismiss home fan claims that he 'just strolls about'. Adebayor To Return To Arsenal? - After being let off with a £25k fine (about 2 hours pay) for 'improper conduct' Emmanuel Adebayor confirmed his determination to return to play for Arsenal. The Togo star says it is 'the least he can do' and that he might as well play for his 'dear old club' whenever he is suspended from Manchester City. 'It was all a big mistake,' he added. Fans are expected to welcome him back with open arms. Allardyce Jaws Fused For 24 Hours - Fire brigade summoned to prise Big Sam's mandible from his maxilla. which were welded together by excessive use of chewing gum. 'It was touch and go,' says veteran firefighter, 'one of the toughest jobs we've been faced with lately. Luckily, we had a lorry jack with us.' Mr Allardyce was not available for comment. Government To Nationalize Cash-Strapped Pompey - 'We can't have national institutions like this fine club going under purely because of a few rash management decisions and a total lack of funds,' says No 10 spokesperson. 'Portsmouth players are really suffering, just two of them are owed £3m - the British taxpayer cannot stand by and look on such hardship without taking action.' Ferguson Misquoted - When he was reported as saying (before the match) that Sunderland were 'nothing but a lousy load of crap', he actually said they were 'not about to lose without a scrap'. Ancelotti insists Abramovich Happy With Chelsea’s Start To Season - After 10 out of 11 wins and despite poor form in two recent games Carlo Ancelotti insists Roman Abramovich is satisfied with Chelsea's progress this season. 'Nuff said.
Advertisement - Manager Required - Central London Location. Applicant must know what a football is (round type, not pointy) and like the colour blue. Salary negotiable. Short term contract.
The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.
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