The Premiership Ear

Premiership round up - Week 38

2010-05-14T13:01:00.002+01:00

Well here they are, the last ten round-ups of the season. A pretty good day to finish on, with the title at least still in doubt (although not for long).

Chelsea v Wigan - 8:0 - Chelsea looked a little nervous from the off, but Anelka settled his side with a well-taken shot into the ground from Malouda’s chest, although Malouda may have been offside (6). Shortly after Lampard went down in the box and scored the resulting penalty (32). Caldwell, who had fouled Lampard, was sent off. Drogba, in competition with Rooney for top scorer, was miffed that he was not allowed to take the penalty but Ancelotti had decided that Lampard should take the first one, the win being more important than Drogba’s seasonal total. Kalou scored Chelsea’s third with a nifty bit of footwork after a good one-two with Lampard (54). Anelka got the next with a great volley that looked very similar to his first goal (57). Drogba nearly scored a goal but then got his first with a great header off Lampard’s cross (63). His second came from a penalty after Cole slipped over and was deemed to have been fouled (68) and his third by being in the right place at the right time to poke it in (80). A good save by Cech kept Chelsea’s slate clean and finally a superb volley from Cole ended the game (90). So, Chelsea steal seal the title with a crushing victory by eight. It seems almost churlish to point out they only needed one!

Man United v Stoke - 4:0 - Fletcher put United ahead after 31 minutes with a competent opportunistic strike against poor defending and Giggs doubled the score with a simple tap-in off a strong run and cross by Berbatov (38), all to muted applause as the news over the mobile networks confirmed Chelsea’s growing lead at the Bridge. Higginbotham scored an unfortunate own goal when Rooney drove the ball hard across the goal-mouth (54). Van de Saar hardly had any work to do but made a great save to keep Stoke out. Park got the score to four with a good header near the end of the game (84). Rooney tweaked his groin and came off at his own request but his manager said England need not fear for his summer fitness. Phew! A good season for United but obviously not the one they were hoping for. So, selling Ronaldo (in Your Ear’s view) might have gained them £70m, but cost them the title. And then there was the tale and sale of Tevez…

Burnley v Tottenham - 4:2 - Bale had plenty of time and space to pick his spot and hammer the ball away from just inside the box (3). Modric scored an even better goal after a neat step-over (32) and Spurs seemed to be in complete control of the game. But football is a… well, we know what football is, and from then on it was all Burnley. First Elliott retrieved a goal just before half time with a well-taken chance from a back-heel (42). Cork equalized with an excellent header following a good build-up (54). So, two-all, but Burnley got their noses in front when Paterson coolly smacked the ball in from a wide angle on the edge of the box (71) . Then Burnley got another through substitute Thompson’s delicate touch (88), forcing Spurs to settle for 4th place overall. If only Burnley could have delivered this sort of performance during the last few months. And how can Spurs beat the likes of Arsenal, Man City and Chelsea, as they have recently, and then lose to poor old Burnley? St Hal was not available for comment.

Arsenal v Fulham - 4:0 - A complete cods-up in the Fulham defence with an unnecessary back-pass led to a mistake by Schwarzer, who lost control of the ball. Arshavin made no mistake, rounding the keeper twice and scoring from a narrow angle (21). Shortly after Van Persie scored from a Walcott pass (26), taking two goes to punt the ball in. This was followed by more disaster for Fulham, an own goal by Baird, who sliced a cross into his own net (37). Finally, Vela chipped the goalkeeper for Arsenal’s fourth (84). He may have been offside, but the result was beyond doubt by then. Wenger was happy with qualifying for Europe but generally unhappy with Arsenal’s season. Your Ear thinks more players/strength in depth is required at the Emirates.

Aston Villa v Blackburn - 0:1- In a tight game Milner might have scored from a free kick but his tricky little shot was saved. Villa were rightly denied a couple of penalties and it was Blackburn who broke the deadlock (and achieved the double over Villa) when Hoilett appeared to have scored with a good header but in fact forced an own goal by Dunne (84). Allardyce - ‘A very satisfying 1:0 win.’ O’Neill - ‘I think if I filibuster long enough you could just disappear.’

Hull v Liverpool - 0:0 - Liverpool have not looked their old selves this season and their final game was no exception against a relegated Hull. Both sides should have scored but missed good, if not golden, opportunities. One of the few notable spots in the game was when 16 year old Jack Robinson came on as Liverpool’s youngest ever player. A win would have taken Liverpool to sixth place in the league - nevertheless, the unmemorable game ended in a goal-less draw, resulting in Liverpool’s worst finish in 11 seasons. Could his 350th game in charge of Liverpool be the last one for Benitez? He still has four years left on his contract, so it would be an expensive payoff for a club looking for new financiers.

West Ham v Man City - 1:1 - Boa Morte got West Ham off to a good start off Diamanti’s superb stabbed pass (17). Wright-Phillips equalized with what the trade call a ‘cushioned header’, showing great control (21). Throughout the rest of the game West Ham seemed the more likely side, and Diamanti hit the post, although City also had chances and Tevez was prevented from scoring near the end of the match. After the game Zola and Mancini sang each other’s praises at length, bolstering the English League’s IMC (Italian Managers’ Club). But the word on the day was that Zola’s days were numbered, and he is now sacked. He might well be grateful, in the long run. Owners, what do they know?

Wolves v Sunderland - 2:1 - Jones was a little fortunate (8) to see the ball bounce off a defender’s foot to lob the keeper and then go in-off the post. A minute or so later Doyle restored parity after Wolves were awarded a penalty (10). Wolves were lucky to survive a Sunderland onslaught, including an athletic scissors kick by Malbranque, but they weathered the storm, got the lead and won the game through a fine strike by Guedioura (78). Turner was dismissed for a second bookable (for what in the olden days would have been deemed a fair shoulder challenge), reducing Sunderland to ten men. Then Colback was dismissed (on his debut game) for a more dangerous-looking challenge in the last minute. Bruce - ‘Second half I was totally disappointed with the way we codsed-up ourselves, in terms of being sloppy and giving the ball away.’ McCarthy - ‘Steve will be disappointed with his, I’m delighted with mine. We’ve had a great season.’

Bolton v Birmingham - 2:1 - Bolton gained the lead through a fine header by Davies (33). McFadden thought he had scored but it was disallowed for handball and he was quite rightly cautioned. Jaaskelainen kept Birmingham out with at least two good saves and Bolton got their second with a well placed shot by a totally unmarked Klasnic (60). McFadden finally got one back after Benitez, who had been shut down and fouled in the box by Robinson, took a penalty that was saved once, then twice by Jaaskelainen before Birmingham finally got the ball into the net (76).

Everton v Portsmouth - 1:0 - After much mayhem in the Everton box Portsmouth scored a good goal which was wrongly disallowed, Piquionne almost scored and O’Hara did score a goal which was totally on-side (but given off) before Bilyaletdinov rounded off a miserable season for Portsmouth when he stroked in a very good first time effort to gain the winner for Everton in the last minute of the game (90+4). Grant - ‘This has happened to us many times in the season.’ Will Grant be the next manager of the Hammers? Only time will tell.

Here ends the season.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 37

2010-05-06T18:39:00.001+01:00

Man City v Aston Villa - 3:1 - City nearly got an early lead with a deflected cross but it was saved. Villa took the lead through Carew with a short run and simple pass into the net, making the City defence look foolish (16). City applied a tourniquet on Villa but Villa are a hard side to break down and nearly went two up but their shot was saved. City players went down in Villa’s box a couple of times and the referee rightly saw no infringements until the third time, when Warnock slipped and clipped Johnson. Tevez converted from the spot and levelled the game (41). Carew almost got the lead back immediately but hit the post and City responded with a slightly lucky combination of circumstances (and passes) to end the half ahead (Adebayor, 43). Villa are a great second half side and came out with all guns firing. Bellamy had a good chance, nevertheless, but his shot was saved and in the 89th minute his fine strike into the top right hand corner of the net secured City’s victory.

Spurs v Bolton - 1:0 - Spurs needed this victory to remain in the driving seat in contention for fourth place. Bale looked threatening, as usual, but it was Huddlestone who hammered home a stupendous strike to get the first and only goal from 25 yards (38, Huddlestone’s second in the league this season). Huddlestone and Defoe both had subsequent good looking shots which went wide and Pavlyuchenko had a good opportunity for a header but missed. At the other end Spurs had to hang on grimly against a couple of Bolton attempts whilst Crouch nearly put the result beyond Bolton’s reach near the end of the game. Bolton pressed for three minutes of extra time but failed to score. Owen; ‘It was a wonder goal that separated the teams.’ Harry (regarding a late injury to Gomes); ‘Well, he felt his groin go a little bit.’ All eyes on Spurs v Man City mid-week for the fourth place spot.

Portsmouth v Wolves - 3:1 - James, sporting an even more elaborate hair-do than usual (mock-Elizabethan, Your Ear thinks), saved a good Wolves’ free kick before Dindane put Portsmouth ahead with a simple header (20). Piquionne nearly got a second goal soon after, but Doyle equalized after James saved two headers in quick succession with a tap-in (35). Utaka regained Portsmouth’s lead soon after (39) and despite valiant Wolves’ attempts Brown got another (67). McCarthy - ‘We need more players.’

Everton v Stoke - 0:0 - Cahill won an early corner as Everton started brightly. Fuller might have scored at the other end but Everton always looked stronger and more aggressive. Having said that Delap missed an easy opportunity for Stoke. Everton finally scored but, Anichebe was ruled offside. Everton fans were not best pleased and further clarification of the offside rule is required if there is to be any consistency in decisions.

Birmingham v Burnley - 2:1 - If Fulham win the Europa Cup final Burnley (despite their relegation) will play in Europe next year due to their ‘fair play’ record. Blimey, Your Ear is sure the rest of Europe is quaking in its collective football boots. Birmingham might have conceded an early penalty, but got away with it and pushed up-field. Birmingham finally squeaked ahead before half time when the ball went in-off Jensen (o/g, 30). Birmingham got their second when Johnson strained every sinew to head a cross and Chucho Benitez chested it in (41). Both Benitez and Larsson might have had another and Burnley had chances until Thompson got one back (87).

Liverpool v Chelsea - 0:2 - As the game progressed Liverpool appeared to have the upper hand at home and were more frequently on the offence until a simple misplaced back pass by Gerrard was pounced on and put away by Drogba (33). Lampard might have doubled Chelsea’s tally but his shot was saved. And a good shout for a Chelsea penalty was denied, all in the first half. Nine minutes into the second half Anelka put in a perfect cross which Lampard slid in and Chelsea celebrated as though the season was ended, and they had won it. And they might have.

Sunderland v Man United - 0:1 - Sunderland looked as though they were well in the game until ManU started playing ‘pass the parcel’ in Sunderland’s box and Nani scored with an easy shot (28). Berbatov, a player who looks good but sometimes fails to deliver (he should have stayed at Spurs where that sort of thing is more easily forgiven) should have taken at least one of three almost cast iron opportunities, but missed again and again (and again) from point-blank range. Berbatov was substituted and ManU came on strongly, but the score remained the same.

Fulham v West Ham - 3:2 - Having hit the bar and been kept out once or twice Davis put Dempsey through for a good first half goal (45). A freak in-off Carlton Cole gifted Fulham their second (59). Cole redeemed himself two minutes later with a glancing header (61). Fulham restored their two goal advantage after another West Ham defensive error (Okaka, 80) and Franco took it away again with a simple goal in extra time (90+2). Zola - ‘I don’t want to make any comments any more…’

Wigan v Hull - 2:2 - Wigan were on top for the opening half-hour but failed to take advantage until Moses put them ahead, running in from the left flank (30). Atkinson equalized on his debut, heading in Kilbane's cross (42, the Wigan defence had hesitated when the linesman flagged for offside). Cullen headed in Boateng's cross to give Hull the lead (64), but Gohouri cracked in an acrobatic overhead kick from close range to make it a draw (90+3). The result confirms Hull's relegation and there are rumours that the club’s estimated debts of about £35m may force them into administration. Dowie's future as Hull manager is also uncertain. Martinez - ‘It's a performance which leaves me with mixed feelings. They were well-organised and working hard and I thought for spells, we showed very good moments. I felt we would kick on after scoring first but we conceded two soft goals and that is a clear area that we have to improve for next season. But what we don't lack is character and the desire to carry on doing the right things until the end. The second goal was the reward we deserved.’ Wigan, who travel to the Bridge on Saturday, now hold ManU’s only hope of denying Chelsea the league title.

Blackburn v Arsenal - 2:1 - Blackburn came from behind to beat Arsenal, whose third place in the Premiership is looking more shaky by the day. Van Persie put Arsenal ahead with a header from six yards (13) but Blackburn drew level when Dunn tapped home after a corner was poorly defended (44). Fabianski saved from Pedersen and Hoilett, but Blackburn continuously challenged Arsenal’s keeper with high balls, and Samba headed the winner from a corner (68). While it was a frustrating afternoon for Wenger, who had his normal problems in coming to terms with the refereeing decisions, the win lifts Blackburn from 13th to 10th in the table.

Fulham v Stoke - 0:1 - Not an exciting match throughout, and Etherington's fine strike was one of few Stoke shots on target (83). As a result Stoke overtake Fulham, moving into the top half of the table. Hodgson (on his side's injury problems) - ‘We think one of Damien Duff's muscles was cramping up. That was a blow of course. We hope it's not too serious. I hope he'll be fit for the final. The medical staff don't think it's a muscle tear or anything like that. Bobby Zamora stands a chance of making it but he's not making vast amounts of progress on a daily basis so it could be touch and go. It's very disappointing to lose, especially seeing as the evidence showed it was handball which deflected the ball over for the goal.’ Pulis (on Stoke beating last season's points total) - ‘We're only the second club to have beaten their points tally in their second season, so so much for second-season syndrome. That's a fantastic achievement for everyone at the club. We got beaten 7-0 at Chelsea two games ago and we have played a top team in Everton and we have won here tonight. We have had two clean sheets now so that shows our spirit of togetherness. Roy picked his best side tonight but we showed great resilience and spirit. I think it's been a great response from the players.’

Manchester City v Spurs - 0:1 - What can one say? As a Spurs supporter Your Ear has generally been happy if, over the past few seasons, Spurs finished higher than Newcastle. Then The Magpies were relegated (good job Spurs finished higher than them last year) and Your Ear had to look for another candidate. This season Man City filled the spot and Your Ear is delighted, from a number of standpoints, that Spurs have now vanquished City, at the same time ensuring Champions’ League football at White Hart Lane next season. Deep, deep joy. As for the match - In brief, City were the more dangerous in the goal-less first half but Spurs were clearly the better side in the second half and Crouch squandered a few chances before he finally headed the winner late in the game (82). The result is a very ‘appy, ‘Arry whilst Mancini left the field to stony owners’ faces. Could Hughes have done as well? Who knows (and many would say, who cares?) but Your Ear thinks that the squad Mancini inherited has a lot to do with it. A big summer clear-out is now forecast. Meanwhile St Hal needs only tweak his side a little here and there to push for greater glory next year (if he buys Berbatov back from United, at a reduced price, of course, you read it here first). On the other had Adebayor is unlikely to return to Arsenal, despite the fans (all two of them) who want him back.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 36

2010-04-26T18:38:00.000+01:00

Man United v Spurs - 3:1 - ManU had the better of the first half but Gomes stood up well and United could not convert any of their chances (and they had one or two). In the second half Berbatov engineered a penalty from a back pass and finally ManU got a goal (Giggs, 58). This seemed to free Spurs to play their own game until King equalized with a header from a corner (70). Nani did very well to put United back in front with a toe-poke to leave the defenders for dead, and a chip to beat the keeper (81). Five minutes later Evra was bundled over by Palacios and Giggs competently scored his second penalty to put the game beyond Spurs’ reach (86).

Hull v Sunderland - 0:1 - Hull started nervously but they looked like relegation-fodder from the off. Bent got Sunderland’s first with a simple tap-in from Jones looping header (7). Hull had a good chance but the keeper chested the ball away (strangely, as he might have used his hands). Hull earned a ridiculous penalty (not that the player was fouled, but Hull had previously committed a couple of fouls of their own and got away with them). Justice was served and Bullard missed. Altidore and Hutton were both sent off, Hutton for provocation, Your Ear thinks, and Altidore for reacting. Hull continued to push forward but could not get back on terms.

West Ham v Wigan - 3:2 - West Ham needed this win to ensure their survival in the Premiership but an unfortunate own goal by Spector early on put Wigan ahead (4). Cole might have equalized having ‘rounded’ the keeper (and flattened Kirkland as well - 5 stitches in his lower lip and 4 in his cheek) but Cole’s shot was saved on the line. West Ham saved narrowly from another Wigan attack by McCarthy but then Ilan drew the Hammers level with an easy strike from Coles’ short pass (31). West Ham moved ahead on the stroke of half time with a determined header by Kovac (45+5). Wigan played well and in resolute fashion but could not get back on terms until Rodallega ‘stomached’ the ball in from close range (52). Wigan had other chances but West Ham finally got their noses in front when Parker hammered one (no pun intended) from 40 yards out, a beautiful strike (77). Other than mathematical improbabilities West Ham (and hopefully Zola) are now safe.

Arsenal v Man City - 0:0 - Van Persie was back but Adebayor was on the bench (and unwelcome) for this fixture at the Emirates. It was honours even at half time after strenuous efforts by both sides, with Arsenal having the better of it. When Adebayor came on in the second half he was booed as roundly as Viera (who he replaced), another ex-Arsenal player, this time a favourite, was cheered. Given was stretchered off with a badly dislocated shoulder and and the game soldiered on to a goal-less draw, a better result for City than for Arsenal.

Wolves v Blackburn - 1:1 - Blackburn nearly took the lead with a header off the post but Blackburn eventually took the lead when Nelsen tucked the ball away from a good cross (28). Wolves nearly equalized from a free kick but Robinson palmed the ball away. Wolves missed several other chances (saved, off the line, etc) until with his first touch of the ball substitute Ebanks-Blake scored with a clever header (81). Blackburn nearly regained the lead when Andrews hit the post, but the game ended in a draw. A point looks enough to keep Wolves up, with Burnley having it all to do.

Bolton v Portsmouth - 2:2 - James had no chance (twice in two minutes), first to keep out Klasnic’s well-aimed header, then to save Davies’ well-placed shot (26, 28). Dindane got one back for Portsmouth in the second half (54) with a good shot then got another in style after good work by Utaka (68) to earn the draw.

Chelsea v Stoke - 7:0 - Chelsea got their teeth into Stoke like a terrier into a rat from the outset, narrowly missing chances right and left. Kalou got the Blues’ first after masterly control and a cross by Drogba (24). Kalou got the second after another fine pass by Drogba which Lampard hammered at the keeper who failed to hold it (31). Kalou earned the third goal by staggering into the box whilst being held by Huth to get a penalty decision which Lampard converted (44). So, the match was stone cold by half time. Kalou ran the ball into the box and followed up to pass it into the net for his hat-trick (68). Chelsea might have had a couple more before Lampard tucked the ball away off the side of his foot to make it five (81). Substitute Sturridge ran round the keeper to score his first goal for Chelsea (87) and Malouda finished the goal-fest with an off-side goal which was allowed to stand (89).

Burnley v Liverpool - 0:4 - Burnley started needing to win all three of their remaining games to avoid relegation. They duly applied early pressure in greater measure than Liverpool and the best first half chances fell to the claret and blues. The half ended goal-less, but Gerrard made the first breakthrough with a deflected shot (52). He doubled his score seven minutes later with a cracking strike from distance and Maxi piled on the agony for Burnley with a third for Liverpool with a well-placed shot from a difficult angle (74). Burnley continued to try but could not show any finishing quality. Babel got the fourth goal from an off-side position to put the result beyond any possible doubt (90+4). So Burnley join Portsmouth on their way out of the Premiership, only the third relegation place (Hull’s) remains to be determined.

Aston Villa v Birmingham - 1:0 - A great derby game with good attacking initiatives by both sides - the sort of match which delights the crowd without a goal being scored, although, in the end, one was. Both keepers (Friedel and Hart) were in good form and made many excellent saves as the play roared from end to end until Agbonlahor was fouled in the box and Milner scored from the spot (83). McLeish was very unhappy with the penalty decision (due to the ref’s distance from the incident), O’Neill was in no doubt. Surprise, surprise, but McLeish was right, Johnson (the defender) won the ball.

Everton v Fulham - 2:1 - Fulham squeaked into the lead against the run of play when a careless back-pass by Baines allowed Nevland to pounce and tuck the ball away (36). In the second half a slo-mo header was touched in for an own goal by Smalling (50). Cahill nearly scored with his head (again) and Fulham failed to convert a relatively easy chance. Everton always looked the more determined until Cahill went down in the box and Arteta scored a last gasp penalty to get the result (90+4).

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 35

2010-04-22T18:37:00.000+01:00

Man City v Man United - 0:1 - One of the last few crucial derbies of the season. Although the chances were lacklustre and not taken well it was end to end stuff, but the United stuff proved to be sterner - in the final minute the deadlock was broken by a vintage strike with his head by Paul Scholes off Nani’s cross (90+3).

Spurs v Chelsea - 2:1 - Spurs pressed Chelsea hard for the first 15 minutes of the game (now, why can’t they play like that against the lesser sides?) and eventually the ball kicked up unkindly into Terry who was judged to have handled it - Defoe duly converted from the spot (15). Chelsea looked extremely uncomfortable for most of the rest of the first half with Spurs creating chance after chance. Quite right too, as things turned out, as Bale showed tremendous pace and good accuracy to tuck the ball into the bottom left hand corner of the net (44). Gomes saved brilliantly in the in the 45th minute to send Chelsea in two down. Drogba came on as a substitute and seemed to become injured before the ball was kicked off the spot at the start of the second half. Defoe could have made it three, so could Bale, so could one or two others, and Chelsea had Cech to thank for plugging a leaking Chelsea defence. Terry was sent off for a second yellow for late but unmalicious challenges and Chelsea were on the back foot thereafter. In the second minute of stoppage time Lampard got one back but it was too little, too late. Bale is in tremendous form, as are most of the Tottenham players at the moment - pity about the FA Cup. Deep joy.

Sunderland v Burnley - 2:1 - Sunderland turned the screw continually in the opening stages of the game and were rewarded when Campbell scored off Hutton’s cross (15). Campbell became provider with a good header into Bent’s path for an easy strike (40). The second half saw Burnley turn a corner (if not the screw) and substitute Thompson managed to retrieve a goal late in the game (82).

Blackburn v Everton - 2:3 - Blackburn unbeaten in eight at home, Everton unbeaten in seven games, home or away, so this was a tough fixture for both sides. Everton got their noses in front with an early penalty (Arteta, 4) following a clumsy challenge on him by Nelsen. N'Zonzi levelled it with a truly great strike in the second half (69). Yakubu came on and seconds later, with his first touch, restored Everton's lead (79). However, Roberts scored as good a goal as N'Zonzi's to level the match again (81). Yakubu was obviously not about to be upstaged so he set the ball up nicely for Cahill to tap in the winner (90), Cahill ‘s first goal with his feet in over 12 months.

Stoke v Bolton - 1:2 - This should have been Stoke’s game after Kitson put Stoke in front with a good run, and a tap around the keeper (13). Bolton’s Klasnic nearly equalized early in the second half, but swept the ball wide. Stoke nearly had a second shortly after but Kitson missed at point blank range. Bolton drew level from a debatable free kick (Taylor, 85). Then Bolton nicked it two minutes later with a cheeky flick in (Taylor again, 88). Stoke should have got a point but Faye also missed an open goal. Pulis - ‘It's disappointing - we missed so many chances, and the game really should have been out of sight by the time they scored their first. The free-kick was frustrating, but it was just one of those games. It was Bolton's day and you just have to take it on the chin.’ Coyle - ‘It's a huge three points. I certainly felt it was a free-kick, and I was delighted we got it. We're not safe yet, there are still some good teams fighting for their lives, just as we are. We've got to keep picking up points, because there will be a few twists and turns yet.’

Birmingham v Hull - 0:0 - Both sides had opportunities but the first half proved profitless for both teams. Hull were the more determined side in the second half but had to settle for a goal-less draw.

Fulham v Wolves - 0:0 - Early on Zamora tried to score his 20th goal of the season but missed a half-decent chance with his head. Wolves pressed hard on occasion but Fulham always seemed more dangerous, particularly when Zamora cracked one against the post in the second half. In the end another no-score result from two tired-looking sides.

Wigan v Arsenal - 3:2 - Must be difficult for Arsenal fans to know that Spurs all but ended Arsenal’s title hopes in the previous match. Maybe Spurs can/will do the same for other league-leaders. After an anxious start Walcott, showing his normal blistering speed, made a breakthrough for Arsenal just before half time, almost walking the ball into the net (41). Arsenal seemed to have put the game beyond Wigan’s reach with their second goal, a free header for Sylvester from a corner (48). Wigan might have got one back through various solid attempts but could not convert their chances until Watson put the ball away neatly from a good cross (80). The last ten minutes were all Wigan with Arsenal’s frazzled nerves showing clearly as they defended corner after corner. Eventually Arsenal snapped and Bramble seized a soft chance when Almunia mishandled and dropped the ball from a corner, allowing Bramble to head home from less than two yards. Arsenal’s miserable day was concluded by N’Zogbia (90+1). No excuses from Mr Wenger for once, a bad day at the office.

Portsmouth v Aston Villa - 1:2 - Portsmouth went ahead when Brown finished precisely from a cross, possibly from an offside position (9). Carew should have equalized twice, but James got lucky (again). Carew did not miss his third opportunity when he was also offside (16). After a comedy of lost possession errors in the Portsmouth box Carew won and missed a penalty (James saved). Villa were denied a good penalty shout and finally Delfouneso chose a good moment to score his first Premiership goal from a flick-on by Heskey (82).

Liverpool v West Ham - 3:0 - A cheering win for Liverpool that leaves West Ham one place off the drop. Benayoun put Liverpool ahead from Gerrard’s cross in off his stomach (19). Ngog added a second with a fierce shot from a Rodriguez pass (29). After half time Kyrgiakos headed off the post and the ball went home in-off Green’s leg (o/g 59). Benitez - ‘We have to keep doing our job. It will be more difficult now [to qualify for the Champions League] because Tottenham won [against Chelsea], normally you would not expect them to win [Your Ear thinks he means Chelsea]. But we have to be in a good position if they make a mistake. West Ham started the game pushing but as soon as we scored the first goal it was easier, we had more chances and we scored the second goal and the third one killed the game.’ Zola - ‘We started well. We were quite comfortable on the pitch. We suffered on dead balls - normally we are very good defending against them but not today. The first goal was a killer, I felt we were on top of the game. The second was a distraction, that was a killer. (That makes a double murder - Your Ear). After 2:0 it was difficult for us. (???) In the second half we tried to have a go and press them hard but they scored on a dead ball.’

Hull v Aston Villa - 0:2 - Agbonlahor got Villa into a well-deserved lead against a sorry-looking Hull with a good finish against poor defending (13). Kilbane had a shot cleared off the line whilst Vennegoor of Hesselink suffered a head injury following a clash of heads with Dunne which added 10 minutes of extra time. Finally Milner scored from the spot after being tripped by Boateng (76). O'Neill - ‘We're in the mix. We're going for everything and guaranteed nothing. We're not even guaranteed to finish eighth in the league at this minute. We've gone above Liverpool with three games to go and that's pretty exceptional. But where I've been pleased with the team is they've responded fantastically to the defeat at Stamford Bridge. We've come back and taken 10 out of the last 12 points. I think the team has shown a great deal of character all season and I think that was epitomised tonight. It was a very professional performance, and I thought we played very well, but at 1-0 the game's still in the balance and it was good to get the second goal, and we saw it through reasonably comfortably.’

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 34

2010-04-15T18:36:00.001+01:00

Hull v Burnley - 1:4 - A relegation candidates’ derby. Hull went ahead in just 3 minutes when Kilbane nodded in a simple header from a cross. Burnley came back strongly, showing good spirit. Hull also began to press, challenging an uncertain Jensen repeatedly, but without gain. After much too-ing and fro-ing Paterson equalized after a fine piece of control and turn in the box (35) and the first half ended with Burnley in the ascendancy. Burnley had an open goal to go at early in the second half, but Duff failed to put it away, possibly due to near concussion from a collision of heads with his own team mate, Cory. Duff’s head was split open while Cory’s was swollen like an egg. Later Alexander scored from the spot after an unclear decision for a foul on Duff (64). Burnley’s second penalty was less unclear and Alexander buried it in the same area of the net for the second time (70). Hull might have got back into the game twice, once when Vennegoor of Hesselink crossed the ball (or was it a shot) but no one could get on the end of it, and then when Bullard shot wide. Burnley improved their goal difference stats with a great fourth goal from a free kick By Elliott (90+6).

West Ham v Sunderland - 1:0 - Many chances at either end went begging, Bent possibly having the best of them with what would have been a fine lob. West Ham were unlucky not to be awarded a penalty and the half ended without score. The Hammers got their noses in front when Cole won an aerial challenge and Ilan slid the ball in (51). Cattermole had a good shot which went wide and Bent had a great opportunity but slipped over. Sunderland pressed a nervy West Ham harder and almost scored from a free kick, which was well saved and the Hammers nearly replied from a free kick of their own. Cole might have finished the game in the 90th minute but missed and 4 minutes of anxious extra time were played. Franco thought he had scored but was judged to have handled the ball. The action moved to the West Ham end for a final corner kick which Zenden took. West Ham cleared the ball, the game was over and Zola’s face almost split in two he was smiling so hard. A good win for the Hammers that will greatly help their chances of avoiding relegation.

Blackburn v Man United - 0:0 - Blackburn have only lost twice at home all season, so from the off a depleted, deflated United knew they were in for a hard time. Robinson made a couple of good saves early on but throughout the whole 90 minutes United were unable to convert their aggressive play. No Rooney, no score. No goals, a draw.

Man City v Birmingham - 5:1- Adebayor missed an early opportunity but it was City’s day nonetheless. Late in the first half Adebayor was challenged and knocked over in the box and Tevez buried the spot kick (38). Two minutes later Onuoha headed the ball well and Tevez deflected it in with the slightest (unaware) touch for his second, showing how unfair the awarding of goals in football can be. Two minutes later (again) Jerome got one back for Birmingham, heading home from a suspected offside position. A minute later (43) Adebayor scored from a good cross by Bellamy. So, four goals in 5 minutes, not bad for the ticket money, and the crowd had to wait another 29 minutes for the next goal. Tevez nearly scored from a free kick but it was Onuoha who did (74) with a good run through the middle and a one-two off a defender. Then Adebayor did much the same thing at twice the speed (88) to make it five.

Liverpool v Fulham - 0:0 - Liverpool and Fulham are the remaining two English teams still playing in European competitions but it seems unlikely that either of them will enjoy that privilege next season, unless, of course they win the cup the Euro competition concerned. Liverpool had all the possession but Schwarzer made several good saves to keep a clean sheet. Fulham, on the other hand, only warmed Reina’s hands once and never caused him to move his feet.

Wolves v Stoke - 0:0 - Good play at either end went unrewarded in the first half. Early in the second Sidibe thrashed the ball skyward when he had a clear shot on goal and the crowd then had to wait until the end of the game for some excitement when Sorensen saved from a free kick. A good point for Wolves who now look safe.

Chelsea v Bolton - 1:0 - Chelsea were under par, Bolton defended well and the hosts were slightly fortunate to come away with all three points from the game. Anelka headed home Drogba’s cross near the end of the first half (43), but the Blues might have conceded two penalties from handballs by Terry and Drogba. On the other hand, Lampard hit the post and Terry shot wide. Then again, Elmander should have equalized but missed a header. All in all an unsatisfactory match from a spectator’s standpoint and Sir Alex’s suggestion that the game was an ‘easy’ three points for the As (Abramovich and Ancelotti) proved unfounded.

Aston Villa v Everton - 2:2 - Nip and tuck for two close rivals. Cahill made space in the six-yard box to head home Baines' cross after Bilyaletdinov nearly scored (23). Agbonlahor's glancing header levelled the game for barely a minute before Cahill scored again (72, 74). Jagielka’s unfortunate own goal in extra time under pressure from Carew (90+1) got Villa off the hook. O'Neill - ‘Maybe a point did not suit either team in terms of our respective aspirations, Everton in terms of European football and ourselves in terms of something higher. I would say we have to win the whole lot from here. It is not impossible but it will be tough. We will just give it all that we can.’ That puts Everton in their place, Your Ear thinks. Moyes - ‘I am really pleased with how well we played, I thought we played some really good football, but I was disappointed that we only got a point in the end. But they had opportunities as well. Tim Howard made a couple of really good saves in the first half but I think he, like us, will be disappointed he did not save the second one.’ So Moyes was both pleased and disappointed at the same time…

Wigan v Portsmouth - 0:0 - Wigan should have won this game many times over but could not capitalize on their opportunities. The visitors had early chances when Ritchie twice missed with headers. Wigan took control but rarely tested Ashdown and Scharner, Scotland and Rodallega all squandered chances allowing Pompey to hold on for an unlikely point. Martinez - ‘It's frustrating because we had all the possession but Pompey had a game-plan, they got behind the ball and made it very difficult. It was one of those situations where you can get punished if you don't concentrate, and the lads did well in that respect. We were brave but we tried to win with the heart rather than the head - but we've got a point. There's a bit of disappointment and if decisions had gone our way it could have been different, but there are no easy games.’ Grant - ‘We have many players who were injured so we used some players from the academy and I was very pleased with them. We needed to do it because we have a very small squad.’ It will be smaller soon.

Tottenham v Arsenal - 2:1 - With this result Tottenham might have squashed any Arsenal plans to win the Premiership, whilst boosting their own chances of qualifying for the Champions League. Rose whacked a magnificent 30-yard volley past Almunia early on (10 - a 'wonder goal' according to Redknapp) and everywhere-man, Bale, tapped in Spurs' second from six yards after a pass by Defoe just after half-time (47). Gomes made three heroic saves to keep out Arsenal before Bendtner got a goal back (85). This was Tottenham’s first league win over Arsenal in 20 games. Spurs’ supporters are hoping they don’t have to wait another 11 years for a repeat performance. Before the match both clubs’ managers had said that anything other than victory would end their hopes of achieving their respective targets this season. Your Ear has assumed that Arsene is drowning his sorrows while ‘Arry is having a (small) beer with ‘the boys’.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 33

2010-04-05T18:35:00.001+01:00

Man United v Chelsea - 1:2 - United were missing Rooney while Chelsea lacked Drogba, although Cech was back. Malouda was hard to cope with from the start and eventually put in a clever cross which Joe Cole back-heeled into the net (20). Two good penalty shouts were not given, one at either end. Chelsea nearly added another early in the second half when Ferreira went on a run but Anelka could not reach his cross. United started to apply more pressure and Park had a chance but missed. Berbatov also missed with a header, and after 60 minutes Chelsea seemed to be firmly in front. United continued to push up-field and Macheda and Nani came on for Park and Scholes. Finally Drogba came on and scored, more or less on his first attack, from a clear offside position (78). Then Macheda scored with his arm (81), cancelling the offside goal at the other end. Rooney is too important for United, just like Gerrard or Torres for Liverpool.

Arsenal v Wolves - 1:0 - Wolves have not beaten the Gunners for 31 years and could have been three or four down by half time, despite the absence of Fabregas, another big player for his club. Henry, Wolves captain , charged through Rosicky, who might have made a bit of a meal of it and Wolves were unfortunately reduced to ten men. Arsenal then piled on the pressure but could not convert any of their manifold opportunities until the last minute of extra time when Bendtner solidly headed the ball home (90+4), keeping Arsenal’s title hopes alive. Arsenal should have made it 2:0 when they had a late four on one attack opportunity, but in the end Wolves were a little unlucky.

Sunderland v Spurs - 3:1 - Sunderland grabbed an early lead when a very happy Bent thumped in a pile-driver in the first 60 seconds. Bent got his second from the spot (29) after Malbranque’s cross brushed Walker’s arm. Bent might have got his third from another penalty when Modric failed to pull out of a tackle on Campbell, but Gomes made a huge save, diving to his left. The second half was a different story - Bale nearly had a header and Defoe might have scored, but Sunderland got their third penalty and Gomes again denied Bent his hat-trick after Palacios failed to get the ball and fouled Meyler. Later Ferdinand thought he had scored but Gomes (lying on the floor at the time) was ruled to have been fouled. Spurs began a comeback with a Crouch header (72), but Zenden finally put the issue beyond doubt with a cracking left foot volley (86).

Burnley v Man City - 1:6 - Adebayor got City off the blocks quickly with a well taken control and volley from a corner (4). A minute later Bellamy walked through Burnley’s defence and got City’s second (5). Tevez got the third 90 seconds later when the keeper failed to hold the ball (7). Viera nearly knocked himself out with his first goal since his return to the Premiership, a thunderous header from a cross (20), and Burnley were well and truly on the rack. Tevez hit the post, Adebayor strolled one home for an easy fifth (45) and all in the first half! Kompany headed home another (58) before Fletcher finally got a good goal for Burnley (71). Everything seemed to go City’s way, but it might have been ten goals rather than six. How long can Laws last?

Bolton v Aston Villa - 0:1 - Bolton started brightly with a couple of good attempts on goal but the first goal came from a brilliant strike across the goal by Young (11). The game was well-contested but there was no further score.

Stoke v Hull - 2:0 - Fuller started strongly and got an early goal with a strong run and strike (6). Hull responded well but Stoke managed to soak up the pressure. Boateng was stretchered off when he suffered a head injury from an overhead kick and Hull, having used all their subs, were reduced to ten men. Lawrence got the clincher late when Hull were exposed in defence (90).

Portsmouth v Blackburn - 0:0 - Both sides might have had an early goal but could not finish and despite further chances the half ended evenly balanced and goal-less. Portsmouth’s Vanden Borre was sent off for a second bookable offence but Blackburn failed to take advantage and the game fizzled out to a boring draw.

Birmingham v Liverpool - 1:1 - In the first half Rodriguez hit the bar, while Johnson headed over at the other end. Liverpool took the lead when Gerrard got past Bowyer and curled a trade mark shot after Johnson miss-hit a pass (47). Birmingham hit back as Ridgewell bundled the ball in off McFadden's cross (56) and subsequently survived three N'Gog chances. There were times when Liverpool dictated and they really needed to win this game to keep their fourth spot aspirations afloat, but they seem to lack their old resilience and Torres looks fatigued to the point of exhaustion.

Fulham v Wigan - 2:1 - Scotland powered in the opener for Wigan after Moreno took down an N'Zogbia cross (34). Fulham came back strongly after the break, when substitute Okaka tapped in a centre by Gera (47). Finally Hangeland headed in Duff's corner to take the victory (58). A good win for Fulham while Wigan remain four points adrift of safety.

Everton v West Ham - 2:2 - Bilyaletdinov won Everton a first-half lead with a good header (24). Howard preserved it, saving Mido’s penalty after a foul on Cole. West Ham worked hard and Da Costa managed to bundle the ball in from a corner to level the match (60). A late header by Yakubu seemed to have won it for Everton (85), but two minutes later Ilan equalized (87). The hard-won draw for the Hammers was fully deserved, but whilst Zola was well pleased with his point, Moyes was frustrated.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 32

2010-03-31T18:35:00.000+01:00

Birmingham v Arsenal - 1:1 - The first hour and more was very slow but things livened up when Arsenal took the lead through Nasri, who fired into the far corner from the edge of the area (81). But Birmingham equalized late on, through a fortunate ricochet off Phillips’ face (90+2), dampening Gooner hopes of staying in the title race.

Chelsea v Aston Villa - 7:1 - It took a little while but in the end Chelsea took Villa apart at the Bridge and staked a firm claim for the Premiership title with a pretty awesome display, even without Drogba. Lampard gave Chelsea the lead when he converted Malouda's cross at the far post (15), but Carew quickly drew Villa level after good work by Young (29). Lampard put Chelsea back in front with a penalty kick after Zhirkov was brought down by Collins (44). But if the game was fairly close in the first half this was not the case in the second when Villa, normally good for the money throughout the full 90 minutes, were effectively hung, drawn and quartered. Malouda made good after more excellent work by Zhirkov (57) and Lampard got his hat-trick with another penalty (62). Malouda piled on the pressure after being set up by Lampard (68) and substitute Kalou made it six when he shot low past Friedel (83). Finally Lampard got his fourth goal in the dying seconds (90+2) passing the 150 mark in his career total. O'Neill was angered by what he saw as Villa’s ‘capitulation’ whilst Wilkins commented that it was the ‘desire to win that motivates Chelsea.’ This seems to be almost fatuous comment in top flight sport, but perhaps that’s just sour grapes.

Bolton v Man United - 0:4 - A good game, despite the eventual score. Rooney, nursing a knee injury ahead of United’s Euro match the following week, was not even on the bench. Bolton had the better early chances but ManU went ahead on the back of an unfortunate own goal by Samuel (38). This was all that separated the teams for the next half an hour of play, but then Berbatov struck twice (69, 78) to secure the victory and Gibson finished a good day at the office for United late in the game (82).

Hull v Fulham - 2:0 - Fulham had a couple of half-decent chances before they gave away the most stupid of penalties to allow Bullard to score from the spot (17). Bullard nearly nicked a second goal from a free kick later in the half but Schwarzer saved. Hull got their second from an unlikely lobbed header early in the second half (Fagan, 49). Fulham were denied two penalty shouts for handball and, not surprisingly, Iain Dowie was the happier manager by far with today’s result.

West Ham v Stoke - 0:1 - Fuller had only been on the pitch for two minutes when he danced through three West Ham defenders and slammed a shot past Green. The result left West Ham level with Hull in 18th place and Hull also have a game in hand over the Londoners. Pulis - ‘It was a fantastic goal. Ric can do that. As a player, if he gets in that position he is so strong and his feet are so quick he can do that. It was a special goal.’ Meanwhile a withdrawn and silent Zola is rumoured to be making a decision on his future overnight.

Spurs v Portsmouth - 2:0 - Prequel to the FA Cup semi-final these sides seem to be meeting too often of late. Portsmouth nearly got their noses in front but it was Crouch who nodded Spurs ahead from a cross by Bale (27) and then Huddlestone then hit the woodwork. Kranjcar tapped home a second (41) but the hosts easily cruised to their victory.

Liverpool v Sunderland - 3:0 - All Liverpool in one of their best displays of the season. Torres seems to be back to near his best form and might have had a brace of hat-tricks, let alone the two goals he got. Torres opened the scoring within the first three minutes (3) with a great curling shot beyond the reach of the keeper into the top right corner of the net. Johnson got the second with a good touch to make space for a left foot shot that deflected off the knee of Turner (32). Finally it was Torres again (60) from an assist by Johnson, who seemed to be everywhere.

Wolves v Everton - 0:0 - Everton should have won this game but Wolves took a point at Molineux through their determination and effort. McCarthy - ‘I'm a little bit relieved because we had to weather a fair old storm. Moyesie (Moyes) had injuries to start with but they've come good and they're as good as anything that's come down here. We played some great football at West Ham and got a win but we're not suddenly Barcelona.’ Never thought you were, Mick! Moyes - ‘I'm disappointed we didn't take all three points because we had a host of chances.’

Burnley v Blackburn - 0:1 - As West Ham lost on Saturday to leave them in joint 18th with Hull, Burnley knew a win would take them level on points with both West Ham and Hull, although with a poorer goal difference. However, when Olsson was deemed to have been brought down by Jensen in the box, Dunn’s penalty kick in the 20th minute settled the match, as, despite various chances, Burnley were unable to get back on terms.

Man City v Wigan - 3:0 - Tevez settled this match in the space of twelve minutes scoring three goals in quick succession (72, 74, 84). City were poor in the first half but once Caldwell had been sent off for a tackle on Tevez, City took full advantage of their extra man. Tevez’ first goal seized upon poor keeping by Stojkovic for a tap in. Two minutes later Tevez doubled the lead, sliding in at the far post to convert Garrido’s cross. Finally the Argentine struck again, waltzing past two players before beating Stojkovic easily from just outside the box.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 31

2010-03-26T10:44:00.001Z

Arsenal v West Ham - 2:0 - The Gunners went ahead within 5 minutes when Denilson pushed the ball past Green after a strong Arsenal build-up. He might have had a second goal minutes later but failed to connect. West Ham did not take the early onslaught lying down and made a couple of forays into Gunner territory but could not make them pay off. The game was shaken up when Vermaelen was sent off as last defender for a mild looking challenge on Franco. However Diamanti’s penalty was saved by Almunia. The first half ended with Arsenal a goal up and a man down, but they looked comfortable in play, nonetheless. Cole nearly cracked in a shot but the post got in his way. Then Arsenal got a penalty when Upson handled the ball. Fabregas made no mistake and sealed the win (83). Wenger - ‘There is very little room for error, we just try to win the next game.’ Arsenal looking good.

Portsmouth v Hull - 3:2 - Hull, having finally ditched Phil Brown, walked onto the pitch under the stewardship of Iain Dowie. Portsmouth, meanwhile, started the game nine points lighter, having had them docked for going into administration. This was a dour match between two relegation candidates and it was Hull who struck first with a little luck on their side by way of a deflection (Folan, 27). Portsmouth got back into the game a few minutes later when the ball was almost walked into the net by Smith (37) and the first half ended with the sides level. More luck entered into the game when the ball fell to Folan off the referee (Oi, Ref!) and he (Folan, not the ref) competently slid the ball past James (73). O’Hara scored a magnificent long range goal (not in keeping with the rest of the game) from a short ball after a free kick (88). Finally, old rubber-feet (Kanu) showed great awareness to wang in Portsmouth’s third (89). Grant - ‘It’s always good to win, even if it doesn’t help us to stay in the league.’ Dowie - ‘Crucial game, unfortunately we lost it, we’ll crack on next week.’ It’s good to have Iain Dowie’s plain talking cracker-barrel horse sense with us once more.

Aston Villa v Wolves - 2:2 - The first two thirds of the high tempo first half was largely owned by Villa. Carew put them ahead from what might have been a marginally offside position with a simple tap in (16) but Wolves got something from almost nothing a few minutes later when, having hardly seen the ball except from their own goal-mouth, Craddock had an equally simple tap in at the other end (23). The normally resilient Villa were rattled, and became more so when Milner scored an own goal trying to cut out a cross (38). Villa regrouped during the break and came out firing on all cylinders (what does O’Neill puts in their orange juice at half time?). Villa had various opportunities but could not convert them until Carew managed to guide the ball in, again from a tight position, to get a draw (82). Villa should have won this game at a canter, but all credit to Wolves for the draw. After the game (on Carew’s goals, particularly the first one); McCarthy - ‘You can analyse it till it comes out your backside, he is still in an offside position.’ Carew (with wide grin) - ‘I’m sure both of them were on the limit, but the trick is to be just slightly onside, isn’t it?’ O’Neill - ‘You’re asking the wrong man about referees’ and linesmen’s decisions. Have you seen the Carling Cup final? Have you?’

Wigan v Burnley - 1:0 - Wigan came close to scoring first, but Burnley were saved by the post and later had a good penalty shout turned down. Jensen kept out a couple more for Burnley, particularly a great shot by Diame. Finally Rodallega, who had had a quiet game for him until extra time, snatched the winner with a powerful header (90+3) just as the referee was raising the whistle to his lips to end the game (well, almost). Laws - ‘Football can be really cruel, and it was really, really cruel today.’

Stoke v Spurs -1:2 - Crouch started as Defoe was injured, needing a goal to end his nine match drought. Stoke had one or two chances in the first half and Gomes seemed unable to hold the wet ball (although sometimes he has no better luck with a dry one). Gudjohnsen came on for Pavlyuchenko and made an immediate impact when he made a strong run into the Stoke 18 yard area to power home a shot (46), his first goal for Spurs (and his first in the Premiership for four years). Whitehead was sent off for a second bookable offence and from then on Spurs dominated the match. However, Stoke scored from a penalty when Assou-Ekotto climbed all over Kitson, Etherington calmly putting the ball passed Gomes (64). Fuller should have scored a second but missed an open goal. Assou-Ekotto made amends for conceding the penalty when he crossed the ball, Gudjohnsen let it run and Kranjcar whacked it in (77). Sidibe nearly equalized but Spurs stumbled through to a win against the 10 men.

Sunderland v Birmingham - 3:1 - Bent has the knack of being in the right place at the right time, his 18 league goals this season is testament to that. He was fortunate to be in the right place again early on for a rebound that he tapped in (5). Six minutes later he scored a good goal, beating a defender and the keeper with consummate ease (11). Birmingham had their moments but Sunderland’s flying start seemed to demoralize them and they missed four good chances late in the first and early in the second halves. Jerome revitalized his team, scoring an excellent goal following a canter down the left wing (60) and Birmingham were then all over Sunderland. But Campbell put the game beyond Birmingham’s reach with a well timed run and lunge at a cross which was fairly unstoppable (88). Bent - ‘I always knew if I came to Sunderland and got regular football I’d get the goals.’ So it seems.

Everton v Bolton - 2:0 - Bolton were playing well and holding Everton at bay with ease until Steinsson was judged to have fouled Yakubu by running across him and was sent off. Arteta duly scored from the resulting free kick (72). From then on the result was not in much doubt and Arteta provided a good cross which Pienaar comfortably placed in the back of the net (89). Seven successive home wins for Everton. Coyle - ‘Yakubu took a great touch across Steinsson and invited Steinsson to come onto him. If there's a collision there's not a lot of contact, but Mr Wiley deemed it a red card. To rub salt into the wound, because I believe it was a contentious decision, Mikel Arteta was allowed to take the free-kick four yards closer than he should have been. I don't agree with the decision and with then allowing Arteta to bring the ball forward to the arc, with the quality he's got.’ That’s it, only let them get closer to the goal on free kicks when they’re not much good at taking them, that seems fair.

Man Utd v Liverpool - 2:1 - United came from behind to beat Liverpool at Old Trafford, and regained top spot in the league. Torres headed Kuyt's cross home after only five minutes, recalling Liverpool's 4:1 victory here last season, but United were not in the mood for trifling. United got an opportunity to draw level by a penalty awarded when Valencia was pulled back by Mascherano as the pair ran into the area. Rooney missed his penalty, saved by Reina, but was the first to react and turn in the rebound (12). United dominated the rest of the match and got the winner on the hour when Fletcher's deep cross was headed in by Park.

Fulham v Man City - 1:2 - Fulham went behind early on as Santa Cruz tapped in after Bellamy’s shot came off the post (7). Tevez barrelled in City’s second from close range just before half-time (36). Barry handled the ball and Murphy scored from the spot (75) but Fulham could not get an equalizer. City are now two points behind Spurs with a game in hand, but two thirds of their remaining nine games are to be played at home. Hodgson - ‘It’s disappointing after such a good win on Thursday night to be brought back down to earth today.’ Mancini - ‘We must think game after game. We have won this but on Wednesday we have a hard match against Everton. There will be a fight until the end of the season.’ A right old punch-up, probably.

Blackburn v Chelsea - 1:1 - Having led for much of the game Chelsea dropped two points in drawing with hard-working Blackburn. Blackburn must like playing against Chelsea - three months ago Blackburn beat them in their Carling Cup penalty shoot-out. Anelka’s run on the right wing and pull back allowed Drogba to slot home (6). Samba went close with a header and Chelsea had many other chances but the second goal came from a tireless Blackburn effort when Diouf out-jumped Ferreira to head the ball in (70). The Blues have earned only seven points out of a possible 15 recently and their title hopes are on the wobble again. Does the fault lie at Terry’s door? Hard to say, but Chelsea seem fragile and edgy and needs to win its next game to regain second place in the league. Your Ear feels that third might be their final league position as Man United and Arsenal forge ahead. Ancelotti - ‘We have to improve.’ Allardyce - ‘They scored a quality goal just after a few minutes, but we’ve come fighting back.’

West Ham v Wolves - 1:3 - Wolves took a giant step forward to avoid relegation, imposing a heavy defeat on the Hammers. Foley hit the bar before Doyle squeezed a shot in-off the post (28). Zubar whacked in the second goal (58) and later put Jarvis through to thump home a very good third (61). Franco’s chip provided a late consolation goal for the Hammers (90+3). But it was too little, too late for a sorry West Ham who appear to have no idea where they are going or what they are doing, despite occasional initiatives by Cole around the box.

Aston Villa v Sunderland - 1:1 - Sunderland earned a good point and dented Villa's hopes of a top four finish. Halfway through the first half Campbell got Sunderland’s noses in front beating Friedel with a competent finish off Richardson’s pass (22). Carew put Villa back on terms eight minutes later, volleying a shot off a cross by Young (30). Both sides continued to press for a winning goal but neither side could capitalize on their chances. Bent ran the ball into the back of the net, but was ruled offside. O'Neill - ‘While we've been unbeaten for a considerable time, you'd be hoping that with two consecutive home games we'd have taken four points. But it's easier said than done, and we're still in there fighting. I think there will be plenty more twists to come in the race for fourth, but our away record is very good and I still think we're in the race.’ Bruce- ‘Will 38 points be enough? I would think so but the one thing we can't do is take anything for granted. Possibly one more win will be enough… but we have lost only one of the last nine games, against Arsenal, and we have hit a bit of form.’

Man City v Everton - 0:2 - Man City were well beaten by a tough Everton performance at Eastlands. Cahill scored, with his head as usual, following a good build-up by Arteta and Baines, who made the cross (33). City raised their game in the second half but could not impose their will on Everton. Having soaked up the City pressure Rodwell went on a good run and Arteta scored a fine second to rubber-stamp Everton’s victory (85). Towards the end of the game both managers were sent off (to the stands) as tempers frayed and Mancini jostled Moyes while trying to retrieve the ball. Moyes had the last laugh - he has now turned Mancini over twice. Mancini, on the incident with Moyes - ‘I've spoken now with David and if I made a mistake I am sorry. I wanted to get the ball because there was another five minutes at the end. This can happen sometimes in a game but it is finished now. I was frustrated for the players.’ Moyes: ‘I wasn't the one waving my hand for bookings. I was very surprised, I didn't know what I had done wrong. I shouldn't have been sent off, simple as. I held the ball longer than I should have but I was trying to make a change. He showed his passion for his team and his club and I can accept that.’

Portsmouth v Chelsea - 0:5 - No contest as Chelsea move into 2nd place in the league and to within a point of Man United, level on goal difference, crushing an underpowered Pompey with ease. Drogba got the ball rolling when he rolled the ball (sorry) into an empty net after James missed a clearance (32). Malouda got the second (50) and the third (60), walloping in the first, then passing the ball into the net after a Lampard shot was saved. Drogba got another, chesting down from Mikel’s long ball to fire in at the near post (77). Chelsea might have had more but Lampard completed a good day for the Blues in extra time (90+4), heading in after Drogba nodded down a high cross from Cole. The game was somewhat bad-tempered, Rocha was stretchered off with a suspected cheekbone fracture after an aerial challenge by Malouda and a trailing arm by Sturridge left Smith with a bloody nose. Ancelotti - ‘We are involved in the Premier League and the FA Cup, so maybe eight or nine games until the end of the season, so we need to maintain this period and this spirit to play. We have to prepare for these remaining games like they are finals.’ Assistant manager Perry Groves on Ricardo Rocha - ‘Ricardo has gone to hospital and Avram has gone with him. Ricardo may not play again this season. I thought the challenge merited a yellow card but I only had half an eye on the incident. There's not too many fit players left in our squad. There's always been a fantastic spirit amongst them and they'll always grind out results for you.’ It may be a very hard grind till the end of the season for Pompey, despite the fact that they may now sell players outside the normal transfer windows. Which players can they sell, and who will buy?

Blackburn v Birmingham - 2:1 - Dunn landed Blackburn a good win over their midland rivals. To begin with he smashed a fifth-minute shot past Hart once Birmingham failed to clear (5) and had another disallowed in the first half. And although Birmingham equalized early in the second half when McFadden scored a glorious left-footed free-kick (55). Blackburn would not be denied and Dunn later strongly headed home a corner delivered to the near post. Allardyce - ‘I'm proud to say we’re in the top four of the Premier League with home results. David Dunn turned the game in our favour and it was a shame he was denied a hat-trick - there was nothing wrong with that goal that was ruled out in the first-half. We must remember we have some terrific young players who have made massive contributions. Steven N'Zonzi is my player of the season. He's played every Premier League match. He is a major find.’ McLeish - ‘We totally dominated. I thought there was only going to be one winner after James (McFadden) equalized. We shipped in a soft goal but what annoyed me about it was the foul on Roger Johnson for the flick on that lead to the corner. Samba climbed all over the top of him and how can the referee not see that?’ Denied by the whistle again - how many times have we heard that this season?

Football News - On Fulham’s exit from the FA Cup - ‘It is a great loss,’ said St Hal of Totten and Ham. ‘Only the mighty Pompey now stands between us and our destiny, the Cup Final, for we were ever a cup side.’

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 30

2010-03-18T11:12:00.000Z

Chelsea v West Ham - 4:1 - Despite the score this game never really got going. West Ham missed the first real chance of the match but Alex made no mistake when he headed home the first goal without being challenged (16). The first half jogged along at the gallop of a snail’s pace until Parker tucked in a nice shot over Turnbull’s head (30) to a silent crowd, even the West Ham supporters were surprised and incredulous. Chelsea pressed ahead for the rest of the half but without making any real impression. Terry made his mark by falling over unassisted in the Hammers’ box. Somehow this seemed to put off the West Ham defence and Drogba scored Chelsea's second in the same way and as easily as Alex got their first (56). Malouda had an excellent game and scored Chelsea’s third with a good solo effort (77). Anelka also had a good game and was cheered off, but Joe Cole came on for him and lifted Chelsea’s performance. Chelsea finished in style when Lampard shot hard at the keeper and Green failed to hold it, allowing Drogba a tap in for his second and Chelsea’s fourth (90). Chelsea finished well in this game but West Ham lost the match in the midfield, where they failed to make any mark. And although Parker scored his goal he made a half dozen bad passes or more. Ancelotti - ‘It’s important for us to stay at the top of the list…’ How true. Zola - ‘After the second Chelsea goal we went flat and conceded too much space. Chelsea took advantage of that space.’ Even more true.

Hull v Arsenal - 1:2 - Hull started well enough but Arshavin did the first damage by slipping through the Hull defences and poking a shot low past the keeper (14). Arsenal continued to attack, but Hull made a breakthrough when Vennegoor of Hesselink was bundled over by Campbell. The man was offside (not given) and fell over a tad easily (although Campbell is a big bloke) but Bullard scored from the spot (29). Boateng was sent off for a second yellow for a high tackle. Why Boateng poked Bendtner in the face to earn his first yellow is a mystery, but the second might have been a straight red. Finally Bendtner scored on a rebound from Denilson (90+3). Wenger - ‘In the end we got the three points through our desire and our mental strengths.’ Brown - ‘If the linesman’s flag doesn’t go up, he (Vennegoor of H) is not offside and Campbell should have been sent off.’ Sorry, don’t like your logic, Phil.

Burnley v Wolves - 1:2 - Other than a goal the most memorable incident in the first half was the sight of Jensen outside his area, heading an opponent in the buttocks. What was he trying to do? You get scrum-pox for that sort of thing in rugby (Your Ear has it on good authority). Back to the game - Jarvis walked round the keeper to score the first (26). They doubled their lead two minutes after half-time when Guedioura's angled shot took a decisive deflection off Carlisle and beat Jensen (o/g, 47). Burnley pulled one back with a headed goal (substitute Thompson, 73). McCarthy - ‘We’re not staying up on that result, but I feel a hell of a lot better than I did last week.’ Laws - ‘It was a poor mistake which gave them the first goal but nobody goes out there and deliberately makes a mistake - sometimes a judgement call can cost you. It's a huge knock but the season doesn't end today and there are still eight games to go.’ Your Ear wonders whether Laws will survive those eight games.

Spurs v Blackburn - 3:1 - Bale ran Zelgardo ragged down the left wing and provided all the early chances. Pavlyuchenko wasted most of them. Finally Defoe got Spurs off the mark with a tap in off Corluka’s flick from a corner (45+1). Pavlyuchenko made good in the second half, with a long-range shot which bounced underneath the keeper (55). Samba got one back for Blackburn with an open header (80), but Pavlyuchenko scored again late in the game with a simple tap-in (85). Kalinic seemed to have pulled a goal back with a great turn and shot into the top corner, but the referee disallowed it for a foul on Dawson in the build-up. Redknapp - ‘I felt coming here was going to be a very difficult game, people expect you to win and it doesn't always work out that way. They're a difficult side, they're in good form so to pick up three points is great for us. Gareth Bale is such an outstanding player. People forget he's only a boy. When I came here I felt he needed to learn the game, I didn't feel he'd really been taught the game. He had natural ability, but there was so much of his game that needed working on. I feel he's matured, he's progressed, he's got stronger and he just looks a fantastic player.’ He certainly does. Allardyce - ‘We've been very generous to Tottenham and unfortunately that generosity has cost us getting anything out of this game. It really was disappointing because overall we had the lion's share of the play. When we review the game and review the decisions, we have to work as hard as we can to make them right because it's committing hara-kiri almost. It's gifting them the goals rather than them using their ability and their talents to get the ball in the back of the net.’

Bolton v Wigan - 4:0 - Wigan normally look a resilient side, especially against the big teams, but today was not one of those days. Elmander got Bolton ahead early on (10) after defensive errors let him through for a simple push shot. Davies got their second with his first ever Premiership penalty take (48) after a foolish challenge by Caldwell on Cohen. Muamba slid a nice shot across the keeper for his first goal in two years (53) to make it three and Taylor got Bolton’s fourth from a similar position as Muamba (69). Job done. Coyle - ‘When I took the job I believed I could keep Bolton in the league. The short-term aim was to do that. We have taken a step along that road.’ Martinez - ‘It was a huge, huge shock because the nature of the goals were really soft. That is the top and bottom. You can't win football games if you concede the nature of the goals we did.’

Birmingham v Everton - 2:2 - Pienaar looked dangerous early on but failed to capitalize. Anichebe slapped home his opportunity (19) and Yakubu got another three minutes later with a simple header. Far from being fazed Birmingham came back at Everton and Jerome scored an unlikely goal, rolled in from distance to everyone’s surprise, probably including his own (26). Everton pressed more strongly and had close misses and a good handball penalty shout denied, but Birmingham scored the equalizer with a route one goal (Hart - Jerome - Gardner, 52). Cahill almost got Everton’s noses back in front but shot too straight. Birmingham did well but Everton should have got the result.

Stoke v Aston Villa - 0:0 - Stoke have lost only one game, and Villa none, in 2010. Watching this game one can see why, with resilient, strong defences in both teams. But it was a boring game. Villa was the more threatening side but the first half produced no goals. The second half saw strong attempts on goal at either end but to little avail and the game ended in a goal-less draw. Pulis - ‘It was two honest, committed teams who went at it right from the start. We've had a three-game week and when you catch one of the top teams in the league as your third game, it is hard.’ O'Neill - ‘We would love to have won the game but it was never going to be easy. There weren't many chances in the game and the wind didn't help matters. I was hoping we would get the ball down, but that is easier said than done.’ Stop feeding your players so much roughage, Martin.

Man United v Fulham - 3:0 - United, seeking revenge for their loss 3:0 to Fulham last time out, nearly sliced Fulham open early on, but the ball did not fall well for Rooney, who missed, and Rooney was then denied a good penalty shout for being held. Berbatov also missed one, and an opportunity he laid on for Rooney might have been handball (but was not judged so). The breakthrough came 31 seconds into the second half (Rooney, a placement shot off Nani’s cross, 46). That’s 23 Rooney goals in 23 games, excellent by any standard. He made it 24 with six minutes to go, after Berbatov coshed a pair of Fulham defenders, walking through them to lay off a cross, the sort of pass from which Rooney rarely misses. Berbatov got the third after Rooney passed the ball 50-60 yards to Park who crossed the ball for Berbatov to head home (89).

Sunderland v Man City - 1:1 - Sunderland set their stall out early when Kenwyne Jones placed a nice header over the City keeper after good midfield work by Meyler and Malbranque (9). For most of the rest of the game City entirely failed to look like the side that won at Stamford Bridge, despite a close effort by Barry. Sunderland continued to advance for the rest of the first half but seemed to run out of steam in the second. Various City players began to threaten (Wright-Phillips, Bellamy, Tevez) in pouring rain, but City had to wait until extra time to get their equalizer, which came when Johnson curled the ball tidily into the top left hand corner of the net (90+1). After their good victory over Chelsea, City look their old, unconvincing selves once more. Mancini - ‘I was frustrated at half time because we didn't play like we did against Chelsea. Sunderland played well but if you want to reach fourth spot you have to win these games. The race for fourth is still the same, though. We have one game in hand, we must play Tottenham, Aston Villa and Arsenal, so we have many important games. We have a chance.’ Not playing like this you don’t.

Liverpool v Portsmouth - 4:1 - Liverpool stay in touch with fourth place in the League after thumping struggling Pompey. It was never really a contest after Liverpool scored three times in quick succession. Torres got the opener, side-footing the ball in after a mistake by Ashdown (26), Babel got the second , shooting into the corner of the net (28), and Aquilani swept in the third for his first Liverpool goal (32). In the second half Torres scored again, powering the ball into the corner of net (77). Portsmouth finally got a consolation goal through Belhadj (88). Liverpool go fifth on 51 points from 30 games, a point behind Spurs, who have a game in hand on them. Liverpool face Manchester United in their next Premiership game on Sunday.

Wigan v Aston Villa - 1:2 - McCarthy gifted Villa the lead with a strange own goal (25) when he volleyed into his own net without seeming to be under pressure. Soon after Caldwell equalized with a header (27), but Milner’s well-taken shot in the second half won the game (63). Villa are the only unbeaten side in the Premiership in 2010, while Wigan remain just four points shy of the relegation zone. Martinez - ‘We wanted a reaction after our defeat to Bolton and we got that. Both sides had good chances, and I thought it was very even. I'm just disappointed for the players that their effort, work-rate and determination has gone unrewarded - a draw would've been the fair result.’ O'Neill - ‘It was a very important win for us, away from home and against opposition who only a week ago beat Liverpool, so I'm pleased. We're hanging in there for the chase for fourth spot. It's a difficult run-in for us but we're excited by it, we're going for it and we're going to try to achieve it. We knew our runs in the cups would lead to a packed schedule come the end of the season, but we'll face the challenges as they come.’

Premiership round up - Week 29

2010-03-12T11:11:00.000Z

Arsenal v Burnley - 3:1 - A four goal margin would have put Arsenal at the top of the table, and they should have had at least twelve, but Bendtner was having a bad hair day and missed most of the open goals he was presented with. In the end the Gunners only managed three. The first goal was training ground stuff. Fabregas (who at the end left the field with a hamstring injury) passed the ball sideways to Nasri and ran forwards to receive the chip return, which he slipped through the keeper’s legs first time (34). Having suffered almost total one-way traffic the most surprised people at the Emirates were the Burnley team when a rare through ball was headed over the keeper by Nugent (50). Walcott finally tired of trying to put Bendtner in and went inside and scored a good solo effort across Jensen (60). In the last few minutes the match became tense, with Burnley threatening to pull off a rare away draw. Arshavin settled it with a crisp shot in the last minute of the game (90+4). Wenger - ‘When we had our chances they (Burnley) were sometimes in our way…’ It’s called ‘defending’, Arsene.

Wolves v Man United - 0:1 - Rooney was not on the bench and United missed him sorely, even against a Wolves side labouring under a poor run since Christmas. The better chances fell to Wolves in the first half, with Doyle much to the fore. United pressed much harder in the second half and at last Scholes wriggled his way into space in the box to shoot across the keeper for his 100th Premier League goal (73). Diouf missed a sitter, then a long range shot on the break, then failed to pick up a loose ball in the box. Vokes missed the ‘gaping goal-mouth of the month’ chance as United lurched to a narrow victory. McCarthy - ‘We played well but I’m sick of saying that. If we maintain those standards, I firmly believe our luck will change. Sam (Vokes) would expect to score that chance at the end, but it’s the story of our season. There was a mistake at one end and a miss at the other. But we’ll never give up, as long as there is breath in our bodies.’ Ferguson (generous in victory, as always) - ‘We deserved the win, no question. They had an outstanding chance at the end but the lad didn’t take it.’

West Ham v Bolton - 1:2 - West Ham had lost their last five games against Bolton - and now six. The scoring was off to an early start when Davies used his head wisely, and well, to put the ball away (10). Diamanti nearly made a good free kick response but grazed the bar. Minutes later 18-year old Jack Wilshire, on loan from Arsenal, finished smartly to double Bolton’s lead (16). Jaaskelainen made two good saves to keep West Ham out and The Hammers had several other near misses in what remained of the first half. Cohen was sent off for a second yellow which left Bolton a man down for the last twenty minutes or so. West Ham tried to take full advantage of this and finally Diamanti showed some class with a curled shot from the edge of the box (88). With five minutes of added time West Ham drove forward and Stanislas hit the bar, but they failed to equalize. West Ham, who did not look up for it on the day, were booed off the pitch. Zola - ‘It was a poor performance today.’ Not many, Benny.

Everton v Hull - 5:1 - Hull had early chances but Yakubu had the best (missed) one. However, Yakubu soon put in a searching cross which Arteta scored on the volley (17). Shortly after, in the action yet again, Yakubu won a penalty. The penalty was doubtful, and, fortunately for Hull, was saved, although Yakubu’s shot did not show his best form. On the other hand 19 year old Tom Cairney brought the ball down well off his chest from a defensive header and whacked it first time across the keeper into the net (32). But Everton would not be denied, and Arteta picked his spot from a roll back by Pienaar, making it look easy (39). In the second half things went generally downhill for Hull, especially after Garcia scored an own goal following Arteta’s chip, which completely beat Myhill (51). Everton might have had another three or four, half of the chances falling to Yakubu, but Donovan got Everton’s fourth, lashing in a shot from a poorly defended cross (82). Rodwell got the fifth, completing Hull’s misery. Hull look like a ship adrift at sea (no pun intended).

Wigan v Liverpool - 1:0 - Liverpool were out-of-sorts, with four misses from Torres and five yellow cards. And Kuyt’s mistake led to Wigan's goal, with Boyce crossing and Rodallega volleying the ball into the net (35). N'Zogbia, who harried the Liverpool defence throughout, almost got a second for Wigan and the home side held on for a well-earned win. Fourth place in the league for the scousers looks less achievable now than before.

Portsmouth v Birmingham - 1:2 - Birmingham won revenge for their exit from the FA Cup on Saturday and brought Pompey back to earth with this victory at Fratton Park. Jerome gave the Blues an early lead from a Benitez ball he fired under James (16). He drove a second under James before the break off a nice back-heel (Benitez again, 42). Substitute Kanu headed home a cross by O'Hara (90+2) to take the game to a close finish but Portsmouth could not snatch an equalizer. McLeish - ‘We spoke before the game about how Pompey might have thought our confidence has dropped and that we didn't have much more to play for this season and we responded brilliantly. I was relieved at the final whistle as there was a bit of an onslaught. But we should have been out of sight by then. It was a disappointing goal to concede and the defenders are actually gutted because they're so proud of their clean sheets.’ So nice to go to bed in. Grant - ‘I think there was a physical effect because players had to play because we are short in the squad. But the players did a great job on Saturday and they tried to do it again. It's a very difficult situation. It's just become more and more difficult. We try to do everything to keep the spirit of the club. But many things happen off the pitch. It's not a secret that the financial situation is not good. We fight for the club. I hope we will not be docked the points.’ Dream on.

Sunderland v Bolton - 4:0 - Bent’s hat-trick put Bolton to the sword as Sunderland claimed their first league win of 2010. Campbell side-footed Sunderland ahead in the first minute and Bolton never recovered. Although it took some time Bolton fell further behind in the second half when Bent ran through and finished well (64). Ricketts was sent off for the foul that led to Bent's second from the spot (74) before he struck again late on (88). Prior to this game Sunderland had played 14 league matches without a win, moving them close to the relegation zone. But the victory lifts Sunderland above Bolton into 13th place in the league table. Bruce - ‘I’ve had a bad enough time trying to pick a team for the last three months, so I am not going to tell Fabio Capello how to do it. All I can say is he (Darren Bent) must be in his thoughts, he has to be because of his goal-scoring exploits. No disrespect to us, but to be at a team in the bottom half of the table and get what he has got, it's fantastic.’ Coyle - ‘We came in good form and looking to win a game, and when you concede a goal within 44 seconds it gives you a bit to do to get back into the game. Having said that, I thought the first half was even, but at the start of the second half we were the team in the ascendancy. We maybe could have worked Craig Gordon a little bit harder given the possession in the dangerous areas we were in, and ultimately, we paid a heavy price.’ Sorry, this is what the two managers said, Your Ear has only a vague idea what they meant.

Burnley v Stoke City - 1:1 – Burnley got their first point in five games in a scrappy match at Turf Moor. Delap's long throw was flicked on by Sidibe for Tuncay to head in from six yards to gain the lead for Stoke (23). Nugent equalized when he leapt higher than Huth to head in Paterson's deep and penetrating cross (52), but neither side could not find the winner. Laws - ‘ Everyone expects Burnley not to be in the Premier League next year but we believe it.’ Again, it’s what he said, probably not exactly what he meant, as he went on to say; ‘We have goals in us. We just have to keep it tight at the back. Nugent's goal was terrific, it was great ball in by Paterson. It set the tone and I am disappointed we didn't go on and win the game.’ Pulis - ‘We've had a lot of games lately against the bigger clubs and it takes a bit out of you. I thought we started the second half really flat. Give Burnley credit they had a right go and had the crowd behind them. We were down to the bare bones. We are still wearing nappies when the comes to the Premiership and we won't take any team lightly, certainly not a team near the foot of the league.’ What are these guys talking about?

Premiership round up - Week 28

2010-03-07T23:06:00.000Z

Chelsea v Man City - 2:4 - Not a happy day for Terry’s 300th Premiership appearance. To begin with Bridge would not shake his hand (at the Bridge!). Your Ear, who has not been reading the gutter press lately, wonders why. Chelsea pressed City hard throughout the first half and were rewarded by a goal in the forty-second minute when Joe Cole’s weighted through ball let in Lampard, who shot across the keeper, putting the ball in-off the post. Three minutes later Chelsea conceded the softest of goals after Tevez got hold of a long punt up-field that Mikel failed to control. Tevez almost tripped in the 18 yard area but managed to trickle the ball gently past an amazed Hilario (Cech would have been too tall). From then on Chelsea looked edgy and City exposed Hilario’s frailties with a typical Bellamy run on the wing from which he scored from a difficult angle and from some distance (51). Things got worse for Chelsea when Belletti ran through the back of Barry in the box to get himself sent off and give away a penalty which Tevez duly buried (76). Ballack must also have wanted an early shower. He got one by charging needlessly through Tevez for a second yellow with a few minutes to go. With only nine men in defence Wright-Phillips made a simple cross to Bellamy to tap in for his second of the day (87). Barry, having won the penalty at the Chelsea end, fouled Anelka in extra time and Lampard converted (90+1). So, after a decade of failing to score at Stamford Bridge, City walked away with four, resulting in Chelsea’s first home defeat in 15 months.

Stoke v Arsenal - 1:3 - Stoke started the game having put together a run of 11 games without loss, including eliminating Arsenal and Manchester City from the FA Cup. Prior to this game Arsenal had not won at the Potteries since 1982 and to begin with they seemed unlikely to overcome a typically physical Stoke performance, especially after Pugh put Stoke ahead when Arsenal failed to defend Delap’s long throw-in (8). However, Arsenal persevered and got the equalizer when Bendtner placed a perfect header past Sorensen from a pinpoint cross by Fabregas (32). Ramsey was denied an obvious penalty (no offence ref, but you need a bit of laser treatment) before Shawcross was sent off for a very clumsy tackle that unfortunately broke Ramsey’s leg in two places. In the final minute Bendtner made a pass into the area and the ball struck Pugh on the hand. Fabregas passed the kick confidently into the right hand bottom corner of the net (90+1). Shortly after Vermaelen bundled the ball into the net (90+4). Wenger - ‘That tackle is not acceptable.’ Pulis - ‘He doesn’t know my player.’ Arsenal are back in the title hunt.

Burnley v Portsmouth - 1:2 - James was sporting a new hair-do. It was difficult to describe, but for those of you with long memories it brought back memories of Jason Lee; ♬he’s got a pineapple on his head♬. Perhaps James wore it to protest about Portsmouth being docked 9 points, or maybe it was to put off the opposition. If so, it worked. Piquionne scored Portsmouth’s first post ‘oh dear, we’re in administration’ goal (25). Shortly after Piquionne was fouled in the box, only for Jensen to save from O’Hara’s spot-kick. Burnley levelled the match with a fine lob by Paterson who beat James all ends up (31). But Pompey did not miss their second penalty, handed to them on a plate by Countdown specialist, Carlisle (Yebda, 76). Grant - ‘I’m very proud of the players, they showed character, is important.’ Burnley have now achieved only one win in 16 matches. Laws - ‘We have shot ourselves in the foot today. We gave two really poor penalties away and the second one in particular was inexplicable.’

Bolton v Wolves - 1:0 - Bolton started quickly and had several chances from good build-ups, but could not put any of them away whilst Wolves clung on grimly. Finally the pressure paid off when, from close range off Lee’s cross, Knight scored Bolton’s first goal from 550 mins of play (45+1). In the second half Wolves twice hit the post as they pushed forward, once from a free kick, then again from open play. On the other hand Bolton should have had a handball penalty decision. In the end Bolton held on for a vital win to move above their opponents. Coyle - ‘It was terrific to get the three points. Our performance was of a high standard as well. There were moments in the second half when we rode our luck. But we should have put the game to bed by that time.’ McCarthy - ‘Playing well doesn’t always get you points, does it? We switched off just before half-time. We made mistakes and it cost us the game. The goal we conceded wasn’t bad luck it was bad defending. It still remains the same. We need a certain amount of points with 11 games left to stay in this league. Can we get those points? That remains to be seen.’

Birmingham v Wigan - 1:0 - Wigan turned out in their orange away strip looking suspiciously like the Dutch national side. Unfortunately they could not play like the low-landers and Birmingham showed them the way home after McFadden scored a dubious penalty at the end of the first half (45+2). Rodallega missed one or two opportunities but the most interesting part of the game was the referee’s assistant being stretchered off with a head injury having been injured by the corner flag. He has since made a full recovery but cannot remember a thing about this unmemorable match. A tale of two cities (well, one city and a town, Birmingham and Wigan); McLeish - ‘The penalty was a bit fortunate because Fahey was running away from goal, but it was a careless tackle. Melchiot put his foot in and when you don’t get the ball you are always risking it as a defender. Keith Fahey is not a guy who goes down easily, so he’s been hit. He must have been hit.’ Martinez - ‘I don’t think there was any contact and, if there was, it was not enough for it to be a penalty. The referee was only five yards away but at the moment we are not getting the luck with decisions. Our player is trying to clear the ball and I would say their player should have been given a yellow card.’ Total unanimity, as usual.

Spurs v Everton - 2:1 - Palyuvchenko got Spurs off to a quick start (11), sliding in after some great ball control and a fine cross by Defoe. Modric went on to make it two, with an accurately placed lob shot (28). By the end of the first half there was only one team in it and Spurs were cruising. Moyes must have shouted at his team quite hard in the dressing room because the second half was a reversal of the first, with Spurs on the back foot and Everton looking aggressive. Yakubu got Everton back into the race with an untidy, scrambled goal, but they all count (55). Everton had many more chances, particularly through Pienaar and Donovan who put it wide, the miss of the season. In the end Spurs were lucky. Redknapp - ‘Overall I thought we played well and we were terrific at times in the first half. David (Moyes) obviously got into Everton at half time and they raised their game. At 2:1 we got edgy and we were defending for our lives at times.’ Moyes - ‘It was a game of two halves. Tottenham were better in the first and we were much better in the second. At half time we were dead and buried but I have to give the players credit for making a game of it.’

Liverpool v Blackburn - 2:1 - Torres stepped onto the field for the first time in 2010. The game was slow to begin with but Liverpool scored in their first real move on Blackburn (a Gerrard chip, 20). Carragher handled the ball to concede a penalty and a goal (Andrews, 40) the first goal conceded by Liverpool in five matches. Four minutes later Liverpool were back in front following a Torres effort in which he competently swept in the ball from a cross (44). This was a fractious games with six or seven bookings. Blackburn pressed Liverpool hard throughout, but Liverpool came away with the points, possibly thanks to Reina’s keeping. Rafa - ‘We need the points and we won.’ Allardyce - ‘Our problem is that we haven’t had a goal-scorer here today.’

Sunderland v Fulham - 0:0 - Zamora nearly got an early goal with a cheeky header, but missed. Sunderland, however, had the better opportunities in both halves, possibly Fulham were tired from their successful European efforts, but the game ended with no score. Bruce - ‘”We huffed and puffed and I couldn’t fault the players’ effort, but some are trying too hard to make it happen. At the death Campbell looked like he was sliding in a goal to win a horrible game 1:0, but it didn’t happen and the longer it goes the harder it becomes.’ Hodgson - ‘It has been a month to remember for the club, but this was our eighth game in a short month and so I had my fears. But I was proud of my players for limiting them to long range shots. I’m sure Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger and Rafa Benitez would laugh at me, because they have been doing it year after year, but coping with that amount of games is a difficult situation for Fulham. Our European campaign started early and we have a limited squad, but while January was a bad month February has been fantastic. We are back on track and this an important point.’

Premiership round up - Week 27

2010-02-27T22:00:00.000Z

Everton v Man United - 3:1 - The game was a little slow to start with and Everton looked the more ambitious side early on, before Berbatov made something out of very little and scored with a decisive strike (16). Within three minutes, unfazed by this ill-fortune, Bilyaletdinov had whacked the ball past Van de Saar to equalize (19). There followed good chances for Rooney and Donovan, but both missed. In the second half Fletcher missed narrowly with a good strike as ManU began to take more of the initiative. Then Everton’s two super-subs stepped forward; first Gosling steered the ball into the net, profiting from a defensive error (76) and finally Rodwell went through on his own to seal it (90). Everton seem be be back at their best, with Pienaar at the heart of most Evertonian moves, whilst Rooney was not firing on all cylinders (only 5 or so).

Wolves v Chelsea - 0:2 - Wolves made all the early chances but Drogba slid home the first goal with a tidy tap-in from a good cross by Zhirkov (40). Wolves were not deterred and continued to press hard but Drogba turned Wolves over again, following a long punt up-field by Cech, which Drogba nodded down and past the keeper before passing the ball into the net (67). Anelka might have had another but could not beat all three defenders he was facing. McCarthy - ‘I had a bit of a chew at the lads. We had our chances… We let ‘em off the hook.’ Ancelotti - ‘There’s eleven games to go… Nothing is decided at this point.’ But there is that 4 point lead, Mr Ancelotti.

Arsenal v Sunderland - 2:0 - Walcott’s pace was telling, allowing him to skin Sunderland’s defenders with ease. Bendtner nearly got a goal which was blocked and bounced up and over the bar. Eboue made a great run into the box and Bendtner tapped it in (27). Jones missed a sitter at the other end shortly after. Walcott went on a run of his own and nearly scored, as did Bent, but both keepers did well. Eboue cut back gloriously but Ramsey missed, then Nasri missed, then missed again, but Fabregas earned and scored a penalty in the dying moments of the game (90+3). Sunderland might have got into the game at only one down but Arsenal were at a clay pigeon shoot and were lining them up. Fortunately for Sunderland Arsenal could not knock off most of their chances. Wenger - ‘We had good rhythm in the first half, less in the second.’ Bruce - ‘When you come here you don’t get many (chances). We had one or two good ones, and missed them, but overall I’m delighted with our performance.’

West Ham v Hull - 3:0 - All West Ham who delivered their best performance of the season by far - Diamanti's fine free kick in the first minute was met with a good save, but the Hammers had set out their store from the off. Two minutes later Behrami let fly with Swiss precision for West Ham’s first (3). Behrami thumped another close range shot soon after which was saved and was denied on his third attempt following a great cross by Diamanti. Finally Green was forced to do a bit of work at the West Ham end, but saved at full stretch. Fagan’s second yellow, pulling back on Diamanti, reduced Hull to 10 men. The Hammers took full advantage and before long Carlton Cole had scored competently from an inch-perfect Faubert forward pass (59). Diamanti was having a very good day and chanced his arm with a shot from inside his own half, almost clearing the keeper - one for the photo album had it gone in. In extra time Gardner was stretchered off after what looked like an awkward fall reducing Hull to nine men and Faubert ran up the pitch and scored well from range across the goal-mouth (90+3). Zola - ‘It was good, I think we can do better. The difference was the way we started, we started very well.’ Games like this demonstrate why managers (and players) can become frustrated - without wishing to second guess Zola Your Ear can’t help but wonder whether ‘Why can’t they always play like that?’ ran through his mind.

Portsmouth v Stoke - 1:2 - Stoke remain unbeaten in 2010, but whatever their financial troubles off the pitch Portsmouth came to this game well-prepared and took the initiative from the outset. First Piquionne was given offside (wrongly) for what would otherwise have been neat meat. Belhadj then had a go from range but his shot went over. Finally, Owusu-Abeyie did some sterling work on the left wing, ran in, had his forward pass laid off back to him by O’Hara, let loose a fierce shot which the keeper blocked but failed to hold and Piquionne scored his fourth of the season from a narrow angle (35). All very good work by Portsmouth, but things turned sour for them in the second half. Stoke’s Tuncay shot directly at James, which he saved easily but shortly after a Wheelan corner delivered Huth with a free header from which he scored Stoke’s equalizer (50). Wilkinson was sent off for a second yellow and Portsmouth seemed to have the edge over Stoke’s ten men, but Fuller ran the ball deep into the Portsmouth 6 yard box, James dived at his feet and Fuller managed to cross the ball for Diao to push home (90+1), taking all three points. Poor ol’ Portsmouth, when you’re down, you’re down.

Aston villa v Burnley - 5:2 - To begin with Burnley thought they might lay the ghost of their poor away form to rest, having gone one up by merit early in the game (Fletcher, 10). It took Villa twenty minutes to make their reply when Young got a goal, possibly after two deflections (32). but at half time the game looked fairly even. The second half proved to be more interesting. Downing got his first Villa goal with an accurate strike across the face of the goal (56). Then Downing turned on a sixpence and pounded another low strike deflected in off Fox for Villa’s third (58). Heskey made no mistake for their fourth from Agbonlahor’s cross (61) Agbonlahor got the next one, sliding in from Heskey’s accurate lay-off, returning the favour. Paterson got one back (90+2) from a good cross, but it was too little, too late. Overall, Burnley had no answer to Villa’s pace.

Man City v Liverpool - 0:0 - A fairly quiet first half produced a few errors but not many opportunities to score. The best chance of the match fell to Adebayor after an hour, who drove a low shot, straight and true, but Reina saved well. Towards the end Liverpool seemed to have the upper hand, but the match fizzled out to a goal-less draw.

Wigan v Spurs - 0:3 - After their appalin’ maulin’ last time around at White Hart Lane, Wigan looked good from the off with crisp chances falling particularly to Rodallega. Defoe equalled his season’s best (22 goals) with Spurs’ first goal, an easy take from a good cross by Bale (27). Wigan were unlucky, Defoe was miles offside, but the goal stood and it was one nil at half time. There followed chances at either end but Defoe was very lively and cracked in a couple of shots which were saved. Modric struck one off the post into Kirkland’s grateful arms. Palyuvchenko got his first Premiership goal of the season, then his second in quick succession. The first was a good clipped finish from an excellent Modric pass (84), the second an opportunist strike after Boyce failed to clear (90+3). Three goals for Spurs and Modric had a very good game. Understandably, Martinez was not a happy bunny, particularly with the first goal and then one or two Defoe challenges, but mainly with the referee’s decisions - ‘I think from small decisions to big decisions the referee made the game impossible for us.’

Fulham v Birmingham - 2:1 - An unfocussed Baird forgot which end of the pitch he was at, and he headed in the first goal for his opponents with great accuracy (o/g, 3). Duff scored a brilliant goal with his left foot in-off the post to equalize (59). Fulham won the game when Zamora curled in a wonderful free kick in the late stages (90+1). Hodgson - ‘We got off to the worst possible start with the own goal after three minutes. But to come in at half-time 1-0 down after the way we had played was harsh on the players. We had more shots, more opportunities and more of the play - we had to dig deep and score two great goals to win it, but we got there in the end.’ McLeish - ‘We lost because of two pieces of inspiration from Fulham, the finishes were brilliant. That’s the difference in quality we have to aspire to. And Bobby Zamora was the big difference. Today my players had a hard game against one of the best strikers in the league. If they are going to step up to the next level they have to overcome players like him.’ Praise indeed - does England beckon?

Blackburn v Bolton - 3:0 - Heavy snow did not deter the determination of either side and both teams went at it hammer and tongs from the outset. Blackburn nearly went ahead and Bolton had chances as well, but neither side took the advantage until Kalinic got a a deflection off Knight (41). Roberts got Blackburn’s second with an overhead kick (73) and Givet their third with a glancing header (84) earning a precious three points for the home side. Allardyce (smug against his old club) - ‘It's our biggest win of the season. We're making everyone sit up and think what a game they're going to get here - and they certainly are. The second goal knocked the stuffing out of Bolton and we just opened them up if and when we saw fit.’ Coyle - ‘It's no excuse to say you've played a lot of games, we still expect better than what we offered today. The goals we lost, I wouldn't expect to lose those in the school playground. That was really disappointing.’

Man Utd v West Ham - 3:0 - Rooney’s seasonal tally rises to 27 as United beat West Ham soundly. Although the first half was evenly contested Rooney made no mistake with a firm header from Valencia's top volleyed cross (38). Twenty minutes later in the game another Valencia cross was headed home by Rooney for United’s' second (55) before Owen clipped a late third from a Scholes' pass (80). West Ham battled throughout, but were outclassed. Ferguson - ‘We had to win and we did that. In the second half, especially, we played some really good football and it could have been more. But we're happy with the three points. Wayne Rooney was magnificent again. They were two excellent headers, although there was also some good play from Antonio Valencia.’ Zola - ‘We played some good football and looked like we were in the game for most of the first half, but after that we did not play as well. Manchester United are a fantastic team and we could not live with them. We probably played them at the wrong time after their defeat on Saturday and, in Rooney, they have a player who turns everything to gold. He is one of the most complete strikers in the world. Now we look ahead to the game against Bolton, which is absolutely massive for us.’

Premiership round up - Week 26

2010-02-19T22:02:00.002Z

Everton v Chelsea - 2:1 - A long ball forward, helped on by Drogba's backward header, gave Malouda a golden chance to score which he grabbed gratefully with both hands (or with one of his feet, anyway, 17). Everton woke up and began to take the game to Chelsea, and following a well-taken corner Saha scored a glancing header (33). Shortly after Everton won a penalty (Donovan leaving Carvalho for dead) but Cech saved Saha's poor penalty kick. However, Saha did not miss his next opportunity, using great chest control, allowing the ball one bounce, and slapping it into the net with his left boot (75). Everton were on fire for their first win over Chelsea for 12 years, but what and where for Chelsea now in the league?

Aston Villa v Man United - 1:1 - Cuellar required two attempts to get his eye in but on the second scored a fine header to put Villa ahead (19). Coilins was then unfortunate to score an own goal after Giggs had driven the ball hard into the Villa box, possibly just to see what would happen. Later Nani was sent off, having got the ball but with studs showing. This ensuing 3 match ban rules him out of the Carling Cup Final against Villa. Friedel made a competent save after Rooney had run 40-50 yards and Milner was denied at the other end of the field. In the second half Berbatov came on for Giggs and ManU continued to press Villa hard, and a great Rooney shot from outside the box was saved by equally good keeper effort. Villa showed their typically staunch defensive attitude and ManU were fortunate towards the end when Villa might have had a penalty awarded in their favour. Unusually, United's Mike Phelan was happy with the Nani decision.

Arsenal v Liverpool - 1:0 - Considering the quality of the sides this proved to be a slow, tense game with few chances until the last twenty minutes, when an unmarked Diaby had little difficulty in finishing a good cross with his head (72). Arsenal got the win but were lucky, Fabregas handled the ball after a Liverpool free kick on the edge of the box. Wenger - ‘We are just trying now to win our next game and if they slip up let's us be consistent… I believe there's a chance (to win the league) because it shows that everybody drops points everywhere, so in the end the most consistent team will win it…' Benitez - ‘It was a pity because in the last 20 minutes we were pushing hard and had chances. It was just quality in final third that made the big difference. The second half was much better and we could have got something. It's important for us to have a good run of results. There's a long way to go and we need to keep on going.’

Wolves v Spurs - 1:0 - A woeful night for Tottenham and their fans - Spurs never seemed up for this game, which allowed Wolves to complete the double over Spurs, lifting Wolves out of the relegation zone. Slack defending allowed Jones to side-foot the ball easily past Gomes (27) and Wolves' lead was rarely threatened in the second half, a shot by Palacios the only effort on target by Spurs. Harry - 'I'm very disappointed. It was probably our worst performance of the season!' McCarthy - ‘Teamwork was the key. We've got a terrific team of lads and they've worked hard and deserved that victory. It's been proved this season that teams like us can get points off the big teams. We've got Chelsea and Manchester United coming up, who's to say we won't take points off them?’ Your Ear thinks Mr Ancelotti and Sir Alex might have something to say about that.

Portsmouth v Sunderland - 1:1 - Pompey went one behind when Rocha, as last man, saw red for tripping Bent. The striker scored from the spot (12), but the penalty should never have been given. Conversely Cattermole and Meyler were sent off for Sunderland. At one point Grant became so incensed he remonstrated too much with the officials and was sent into the stands. However Dindane equalized as the final sands hit the bottom of the egg-timer (90+6) to earn cash-strapped Portsmouth a draw. Grant - ‘In the last 10 days too many decisions have gone against us. Against Manchester City there was a clear penalty and a goal from offside. Against Fulham there was a clear offside against Bobby Zamora. Against Manchester United it was 1-0 and there was no penalty when Evra used two hands. Against Sunderland, two clear penalties against us. I can fight against everything but sometimes it is too much. Maybe it is too easy to do things against us.’ Bruce - ‘Our own stupidity, two rash challenges, have cost us the game. To go down to 9 men when we're 1:0 up is not acceptable. They're young and genuine players and I hope they learn from it but they've badly let us down today. There's a huge frustration there over our lack of professionalism and discipline. To concede in the last 10 seconds is another kick in the teeth.’

West Ham v Birmingham - 2:0 - The new Hammers’ owners, David and Sullivan Gold were pitted against their former club for the first time. The first half saw few chances at either end. A good Diamanti shot early on was saved but a strong run by Parker resulted in a free kick on the edge of the box which Diamanti scored from, dipping the ball over the wall into the corner of the net. (45+2). The Hammers' second goal came from Carlton Cole, following a cross whipped in by Faubert (67). Despite their recent good form and a penalty shout they were denied, Birmingham managed only a couple of half-chances from Jerome throughout the game. Zola - It was a massive game… our first goal came at just the right moment.’ McLeish - ‘The timing of the first goal hurt us…’ Crumbs, at last - two managers who agree on something! But largely it was a massive win for Zola, and on the first goal the home crowd went wild and most of the West Ham players went to celebrate with Zola in a show of unity.

Blackburn v Hull - 1:0 - Hull, who seem to be a better side when playing against the big clubs, appear quite vulnerable when playing against their peers, and suffered the consequences versus a well-organized Blackburn. A good Myhill save from Nelsen's close-range header kept Hull out of trouble for a while, but Olsson’s sheer determination was rewarded when he nut-megged the keeper (16). Hull made life easier for Blackburn when Boateng was red-carded for leading with his elbow on Pedersen just before half time. Allardyce - ‘It's three home wins on the trot and that's a very pleasing thing. That's top-eight form, and here at Ewood Park we're a force to be reckoned with. Olsson's goal was a piece of outstanding ability, so I think it would be a shame if it was taken off him. Technically, Boateng's offence was a red, but, for me, it wasn't intentional.’ Brown (on George Boateng's dismissal) - ‘For me, it was a poor decision. I'm not saying the game hinged on it, but the referee reacted too quickly. It was a clash of heads with two players going for the ball. George can't believe it, I can't believe it, and hopefully Lee Probert will look at it and he won't be able to believe it either.’

Man City v Bolton - 2:0 - On the face of it a good win for City, but an uninspired match, overall. A good run by Johnson resulted in a penalty after being brought down by Robinson. Tevez duly powered the ball into the net off Jaaskelainen (31). Meanwhile Bolton should have had a penalty of their own when Toure fouled Elmander. Later Tevez hit the crossbar from a free-kick before Emmanuel Adebayor struck a beautiful volley to secure the points (73). Mancini - ‘I feel good after a victory but if we want to arrive at our targets we must improve. We must win at home, we must win away and we must play better. Coyle was delighted with Bolton despite the loss - ‘City have a squad that cost over £200m and we made them look ordinary. If they are honest they will admit they were fortunate. The first five minutes belonged to Man City but I thought that we really took the game to them after that.’ Your Ear has been saying that City look ordinary since the season began, but they now lie fifth in the table, nonetheless.

Fulham v Burnley - 3:0 - Burnley's dismal away form continued at Craven Cottage. But the visitors were hard done by - two offside goals put Fulham ahead (Murphy (23) and Elm (31). Although Burnley had their chances (one off the bar) Zamora clinched Fulham's victory with a precision (but debatable) free-kick (54) to give Fulham a comfortable win. Hodgson - ‘We made the win comfortable with the quality of our play, particularly our defending. We were good value for our two goals at half-time and Burnley will be grateful their keeper was in good form. We've lost a lot of quality players through injury, all at the same time, so I'm pleased that February has started well.’ Laws - ‘It's been clearly shown that the first two goals were offside, but we've contributed to that too with our defending. Even though we didn't play particularly well, you want consistency from the referee and the linesman. We know we have to change things away from home, whether it's the personnel or the formation.’

Wigan v Stoke - 1:1 - Scharner put Wigan ahead early on with a great first-half header from just inside the box (14) and Rodallega almost extended Wigan’s lead with an overhead kick that nicked the bar. But after a great deal of nip and tuck Stoke's Tuncay equalized with an equally well-taken header late in the game (74). From then it was all Stoke and they were unfortunate not to take all three points through efforts by Sidibe and Beattie. Wigan have now drawn after being ahead in eight games, which ranks with Bolton as the worst record in the league. Pulis - ‘The longer the game went on I thought there was only one side that was going to win it. They were the better team in the first half hour but in the second half we were really disappointed we didn't put more chances away.’ Martinez - ‘It's always disappointing when you take the lead and can't get the three points but it's another point, that's the way we're thinking. In the second half Stoke came out with a lot of pressure and momentum. They put bodies forward, and to be honest the pitch didn't help us to get through that pressure.’

Stoke v Man City - 1:1 - City failed to convince once again as they struggled to draw with ten man Stoke. Mr Mancini was wearing his trade mark blue and white scarf, but this did not match the colour of his face as his blood pressure rose on the sidelines. The first half was dominated by the home side, but produced no goals. The second started in the same vein but in the 53rd minute Faye was shown a straight red card as last man, having been judged to have fouled Adebayor. The loss of Faye did not dent Stoke’s willingness to go forward and Whelan scored first from some distance with a low, driving shot (72). City were fortunate to be rescued by Barry close to the end of the game when he hooked the ball in from close range (85). The point lifts City to 4th place in the league, displacing Liverpool, who they must face at Anfield next Sunday.

Wigan v Bolton - 0:0 - Two relegation candidates produced a nervous draw in difficult conditions (snow, hail and rain at times) to earn a point each and leave the table largely unchanged, although Bolton have overtaken Burnley. Wigan produced more chances; N'Zobgia hit the post early on with a good left-foot shot, and Rodallega headed one effort wide and missed over the bar with an overhead kick. Bolton could have snatched the result towards the end but Taylor missed another of several chances that had fallen to him. Martinez - ‘It's the same pitch for both sides. We must adapt and be ourselves and not use it as an excuse. I felt we did everything apart from score. We looked a threat and we have a great platform for our next game.’ Coyle - ‘It was a very hard-fought game and we both tried to win it. We showed desire and hunger and felt we had the better goal-scoring chances. We feel we should have got more than a point, but it could be important.’ It’s as well to make the best of it, these managers are as tricky as politicians. In fact, they are politicians.

Football News - Arsenal exit FA Cup - 'It is a great loss,' said Alex Ferguson.

Potential Player Fire Sale - Portsmouth, with debts of roughly £60m, face a winding-up order on 1 March. The club has asked to be allowed to sell players outside of the transfer window, desperate to raise more cash by offloading other players (it sold three in the last window). The FA will consult the other 19 Premier clubs before making their decision, but if the request were granted it is likely any players sold would only be permitted to play in the Premier league. If Portsmouth is wound up the season might be forced to continue with only 19 clubs. All very upsetting and Your Ear, for one, wishes Portsmouth well and takes no pleasure in their current difficulties. On the plus side, it would simplify the relegation battle. But there are other ways to look at Portsmouth’s debt; at £60m it represents just over 0.034% of Britain’s annual deficit (170bn), and just over 0.007% of our total debt (£0.8485tn - that’s trillion, folks, or the old billion). If a generous soul were to rescue Portsmouth by covering its debts this might value the club at the £60m it owes. So if the UK could find just under 3000 things like Portsmouth FC to sell it would cover the annual debt, just over 14000 would clear the lot. Your Ear wonders what the whole town of Portsmouth might be worth? We could start with that. Or sell the Elgin Marbles to Greece (no, cancel that, they can’t afford them). Or the Falklands to Argentina? Perhaps not, thar’s oil in them thar Antarctic wastes. Your Ear would suggest selling Gibraltar, but the Spanish are as stoney broke as we are. However, I wonder what the Isle of Wight might fetch on the open market? Or Wales? Failing the sale of real estate we could look for high-cost projects to cancel - apparently the go-ahead for a high-speed Scotland to London rail line is 'only a few weeks away'. Now such a rail link probably costs more than several football clubs, and as many Scots want independence we could grant it, cancel the project and with only a few bricks needed in the wall to make us safe again, save a few bob. While we are it perhaps we should close the channel tunnel (it seems to be closed much of the time anyway) forcing people into the air in order to travel. Then we could whack a huge tax on air fuel, making a mint and/or benefiting the planet in one. Football teaches us everything and all you need do, Mr Chancellor, is use your imagination.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 25

2010-02-08T22:00:00.001Z

Man United v Portsmouth - 5:0 - For forty minutes or so it seemed as likely that Bolton would take the lead, although the clearest missed chance fell to Berbatov. But Rooney started to build a good win for ManU with a fine header five minutes before half time. ManU's second goal was fortunate, Nani's shot trickled over the line by deflection off Vanden Borre (o/g, 45+1). Carrick got the third with another deflection (59). Berbatov. Berbatov was allowed far too much room and scored the fourth, slotting the ball into the far corner of the net (62) and finally Bolton finished the game with another own goal (Wilson, 69, off a cross by Evra). Grant - 'We need to concentrate…'

Hull v Man City - 2:1 - An easy fixture for City (with Viera on the pitch for the first time) on the face of it, top six club against relegation candidates. But Hull are proving to be difficult opponents for the top teams and from the off Hull were positive and aggressive. Hull might have scored twice early on whilst City could hardly clear the half-way line. Finally the pressure told when Vennegoor of Hesselink laid off the ball for Altidore to pass tidily into the back of the net (31). City tried to make an immediate reply but ended the half one down. Early in the second half (54), Boateng struck the ball mightily and lo, it passed into the back of the net, unimpeded, a mighty strike, indeed. City got back into the game through Adebayor's opportunism during an untidy scramble in the Hull goal-mouth (59) but they failed to make any further impression on the game. Drawn with Chelsea, win against City, Hull look on course to stay in the Premiership.

Liverpool v Everton - 1:0 - Not much football, but a lively derby game, and not, as they say, for the faint-hearted. Pienaar was booked early for a challenge on Kuyt and might have had a second card for a challenge in which two players went in hard, but Kyrgiakos was sent off. The few half-chances in the first half led to nothing but Liverpool did not look like the side minus a man and Kuyt (55) scored the only goal of the match with his head from a corner. Yakubu might have scored an equalizer but his fine long-range shot was saved by Reina. Finally Pienaar collected a second yellow for a challenge on Gerrard, who had had moments of his own. So, 2 red cards but only one goal settled it.) - Liverpool are back in the race for fourth place. Rafa - 'I will not speak about the referee…'

Burnley v West Ham - 2:1 - A simple lob earned Burnley the lead (Nugent, 14). West Ham failed to score at least twice from good positions but Burnley were fortunate and dug in well. Then Danny Fox (on his debut) sent a curling, looping free kick sailing over Green's head for Burnley's second (55). West Ham almost retrieved a goal three times (disallowed, off the line, off the bar) before Ilan, West Ham's new boy, (80) threw the Hammers a lifeline. Mido almost won a draw with an outstretched leg but hit the post. Zola - 'We can't afford to start games the way we started today.' Carlton Cole - 'I'm getting bored of it (losing).' Join the club.

Spurs v Aston Villa - 0:0 - A typical Spurs game these days, many chances made and none taken. Besides one determined effort by Agbonlahor, Villa hardly saw Gomes at close range. A happier point for Villa than for Spurs. St Hal - 'They got some good blocks in, every time we pulled the trigger it seemed to take a deflection or hit somebody, but overall I was pleased how we played.' O'Neill - 'At times in the second half it was every man to the pumps… Man United on Wednesday, there's no respite.'

Stoke v Blackburn - 3:0 - A n early roundhouse left-footed strike by Higginbotham (8) put Stoke in front and Sidibe made it two just before half-time (45+2). Samba was sent off, reducing Blackburn to 10 men (2nd yellow) and Robinson stopped the ball well twice or it would have been two more before Etherington finally got Stoke's third (67). Stoke looked comfortable and competent at home in this, their best win of the season, whilst Blackburn seemed bereft of ideas.

Sunderland v Wigan - 1:1 - Two struggling sides met at the Stadium of Light, although Diame, in scoring his first goal for Wigan, did not seem at all stressed when he muscled his way through Sunderland's defence and pounded the ball into the goal from fifteen yards (20). Soon after Kenwyne Jones nearly got Sunderland back on terms in much the same way, but his shot was deflected wide. However, it was Jones who got the equalizer, with a well-taken header in the second half (64). Bent nearly won the game for Sunderland but his shot was blocked by his own player - Jones, again.

Bolton v Fulham - 0:0 - Schwarzer pulled off 'save of the month' without knowing much about it to deny Davies and Bolton. Bolton were on the offensive for much of the game but could not put the ball away. At the death Davies scored but was judged to have shoved a defender and the goal was disallowed. The managers, understandably, did not agree, one was fully behind the referee, one was not. Readers are invited to guess which way the managers voted.

Chelsea v Arsenal - 2:0 - Drogba started the game in awesome form and cracked in one wonderful individual goal (8) before poaching another from a corner (23). He might have had a hat-trick from a free kick as well (Almunia, obligingly, never moved). In reply Arsenal had the greater possession, struggled hard and Arshavin had one or two opportunities but Chelsea had the finishing power and walked away with the points.

Birmingham v Wolves - 2:1 - Chances went begging at either end but Wolves should have grabbed the lead with a Zubar header which went wide. Doyle opened the scoring for Wolves (42) after a deflection and a rebound off the keeper. Phillips levelled the game with a crafty take in front of goal (80) and won the game five minutes later with superb control off his chest to shoot on the volley. McCarthy - 'This is as bad as I've ever felt…'

Premiership round up - Week 24

2010-02-04T21:30:00.001Z

Birmingham v Spurs - 1:1 - Birmingham are a well organized team and Spurs allowed them more possession and room than Chelsea had three days beforehand. The action was fairly evenly shared in the first half but the second produced more chances for Spurs until Crouch delivered a strange-looking headed assist for Defoe to wallop into the corner of the net (69). Thereafter Birmingham threatened to level the match several times, but had to wait until injury time (90+1) for Ridgewell to score from point-blank range for honours even. St Hal put the Birmingham goal down to 'pretty horrendous defending from a team that had defended well all day.' McLeish (given the disparity in club wealth and squad quality) - 'a marvellous result on a not very fantastic performance by us.'

Fulham v Aston Villa - 0:2 - Schwarzer made couple of good saves to keep Villa out in the first half and Fulham had opportunities to score of their own. Finally Agbonlahor put Villa ahead with a well-placed header (40). Agbonlahor got his second goal four minutes later with a quality precision pass curled round the keeper. Fulham's low-strength team pushed hard to get back on terms, missed a couple of chances and had a goal disallowed for offside, but Villa were largely too good for them on the day. Fulham are at a low ebb at the moment and need a win soon to restore their confidence.

Liverpool v Bolton - 2:0 - Bolton made a good start but could not take advantage from it, despite forcing a couple of near desperation saves by Liverpool. However, Liverpool responded and Aquilani did well to lay off a header for Kuyt to stab home (37). Bolton's Chung-Yong was carded for diving (he won't be in contention for any Oscars, but on the replay his foot did appear to have been trodden on). Liverpool could have scored more in the second half. Gerrard had a good game and thumped a couple of decent-looking shots, one of which N'Gog should have put away from a rebound, but he missed. Liverpool had more long-range opportunities and their second goal came from what the trade calls a 'cruel' deflection (o/g, Davies, 70). The final ten minutes were all Liverpool, Lucas might have headed one in from a Gerrard cross and Maxi nearly got one at full stretch but the game ended at 2:0.

Wigan v Everton - 0:1 - Everton, in full black away strip, had two early near misses on goal and Saha might have won a penalty, whilst Wigan's Scotland also had a sniff or two on goal. Rodallega pushed the ball too far for his own good and over-ran it, and at the other end Fellaini had a goal denied. So, end to end stuff, with Everton just edging it until the 84th minute when Cahill got away from Figueroa, leapt a full head-height over all other Wigan defenders, and scored a great header. From the jump he achieved Your Ear thinks Cahill's boots might have provided him with spring-loaded assistance. N'Zogbia nearly equalized but it was Everton’s result. Martinez - 'The only thing we were missing was a goal…' Not as silly a comment as might first seem.

Hull v Wolves - 2:2 - This was a big game for both low-lying clubs. Hull got their noses in front first after 11 minutes with a powerful strike from the edge of the box by Vennegoor of Hesselink. Hull gifted Wolves their first with an unlikely slice in an attempt to clear the ball (o/g Gardner, 48). Wolves returned the favour soon after (52), conceding a foolish penalty which Hunt converted against his old club. The game flowed well from end to end until Jarvis equalized with help from a slight in-off (67). At the end Wolves looked the more likely side, but could not win the laurels. Brown - 'Everyone said it was going to be drab nil-nil affair, but how wrong they can be…' McCarthy 'Double-decker buses, two (goals) come along… I don't care who scores for us, I don't care whether we play well, I don't care what people think of us, I just want to score points and stay in the league.' Fair enough, but he might have given some credit to Hull for scoring on Wolves' behalf.

West Ham v Blackburn - 0:0 - West Ham looked good from the off, pressurizing well and missing a couple of chances. Having said that the closest effort and highlight of the first half was Pederson's free kick, which hit the bar. Blackburn had several near misses in the second half but squandered some good opportunities and Green performed well in goal. Diamanti's free kick was the equal of Pederson's but was well saved by Robinson. Zola - 'It hasn't been our best game.' Allardyce - 'Unfortunately for us a mixture of poor finishing and a couple of good saves… and the fact that we think there's a handball on the line which stopped a certain goal, an absolute certain goal, so that should have been a penalty… my assistant asked him (the linesman) but they unfortunately didn't see it, and that's a big problem for us, because, when you do see it, it's stopped an absolute certain, blatant goal, and that would have been 1:0 for us and probably would have been the winner…' Let it all out, Sam, no hard feelings.

Burnley v Chelsea - 1:2 - a stiff test for Burnley's first home game under Brian Laws, and one at which, not surprisingly, they failed. After chances at both ends Cech threw the ball out hard to Joe Cole who did not touch it until it was three quarters up the pitch. Cole nudged it forward twice, crossed to Malouda who whipped it first time across the goal-mouth to Anelka, who had the simplest tap in for Chelsea's first (27) - six in six for Anelka. Bad boy Terry, under heavy barracking from the home crowd for misdemeanours reported off the pitch, was booked for obstruction before Fletcher's determination to go forward scored a fine equalizer for Burnley, beating two defenders and Cech in the process. Joe Cole might have scored from a Burnley goal-mouth melee from Anelka's cross but was given offside, a marginal decision. Chelsea pressed hard and might have scored several times but Burnley defended well and rode their luck. Finally, Terry scored a powerful header from a corner to break the deadlock (82).

Arsenal v Man Utd - 1:3 - ManU started the brighter of the two and had several near misses. Eventually great skill by Nani beat three defenders, allowing him to chip the goalkeeper. The chip may have been intended as a cross, but it forced an own goal from Almunia (33), who palmed the ball over his head, but unfortunately not over the bar. Rooney scored the second (his 100th goal in the Premiership), passing the ball forward to Nani and running over half the length of the pitch to collect the return pass and score by shooting across the goal mouth (37). In the second half United maintained the pressure and Park made it three with a good aggressive solo run and shot (52). Late in the game Vermaelen got one back with a deflected volley from the edge of the box (80). Gallas might have had another but lost his bearings, facing away from the net. Rooney nearly got another but his shot squeaked wide of the left hand post. A huge win in the title race for a dominant Man United, and although there were many fine players on the pitch Nani and Rooney showed great quality. Wenger - 'It's unusual for us to be as poor as we have been today. Everywhere, in every area, we have been really poor.' Sometimes you can only play as well as you are allowed to play, Arsene.

Man City v Portsmouth - 2:0 - Portsmouth are selling players left, right and centre. Meanwhile, Robinho has flown to Brazil, on loan to Santos, but he was not missed. Having said that the nearest early miss went to Portsmouth, who hit the bar. City appeared to be jumpy but Ireland passed forward into central space made by awful Portsmouth defending and Adebayor finished well for City to take the lead (40). Tevez was busy, as usual, and made several chances, finally wining a corner. Petrov smacked the ball across the goal with pace allowing Kompany to head the ball home with the sort of power that would render ordinary mortals insensible, a great goal (45+1). Portsmouth had their chances, Webber had one of them, but fell over his own feet. City also had further opportunities and Tevez hit the post. Despite the defeat Grant should have been pleased with the spirit and effort shown by his players. Mancini - 'Satisfied for the victory, yes, but the play - so-so. But probably after the Wednesday match against United we were so tired.' Ahhh, shame. Grant (always positive) - 'We need points, but, er, you know, I believe that if you do the things right you have the points. We have many games until the end, not too many, but also many games that we can turn things around, but we need to do the right things. I think today we did the right things but the result was not good… Nobody likes the situation but there is two ways, or to give up or to fight, I always choose the second way.' I think we'd all agree with him, if we could only work out what Avram is trying to say.

Sunderland v Stoke - 0:0 - Stoke are unbeaten in five matches after this tedious draw against Sunderland. Whitehead missed a good chance to put Stoke in front in the third minute after a clever back-heel by Tuncay, but his shot was saved. Whitehead and Cattermole were both shown yellow cards as the tension began to rise. Jones cleared a goal-mouth scramble which Sidibe missed narrowly early in the second half, but Campbell squandered Sunderland's best chance when he missed a cross by Zenden in the 77th minute. Bruce - ‘There was a resilience about us. It was never a classic, in fact it was a horror story, but it was a point on the board and a little springboard that we need.’ Pulis - ‘We are pleased. That (team) is as good as Steve has had for a long time. We knew it was going to be difficult tonight, we've got great respect for everybody in this league.’

Hull v Chelsea - 1:1 - Hull held a lacklustre Chelsea to a surprise draw with their hard-fought, never-say-die approach. Hull took the lead when unmarked Mouyokolo headed in Hunt's corner from six yards (30). Drogba, on his return from Africa Cup duty, equalized from a free-kick (42), but Hull continued to trouble Chelsea with a high-octane performance and held on for a draw. Brown - ‘We went 1:0 up and I was disappointed with the goal we conceded. Then you've got the second half and you've got to defend valiantly, which we did. But we played some great football too, we put them under pressure - no doubt about it. We fully deserved a point and maybe even all three.’ Meanwhile Ancelotti was happy to send an unfocussed Terry on holiday.

Fulham v Portsmouth - 1:0 - Jonathan Greening's debut goal for Fulham heaped more pressure on cash-strapped, bottom-of-the-heap Portsmouth. Portsmouth dominated the opening half-hour, but missed a few first-half chances whilst Fulham's Okaka headed an easy chance wide. But Fulham took the lead and won the game in the 74th minute when Greening slotted in a cross from the right by Damien Duff. Once again Portsmouth looked and played like a side that should not be propping up the league, but again their industry and endeavour failed to deliver a result. Grant - ‘We played very good football, created a lot of chances and were by far the better team. They did not even deserve a draw. There was also a mistake by the referee in the goal, because Zamora was offside… As long as we have a chance, we will fight. With the situation of the club, I am trying to do my best for the team. I love this club and when all of the city is supporting the team, I feel committed. I am trying to do my best in these circumstances.’ He’s a good man, Avram Grant.

Premiership round up - Week 23

2010-01-28T21:29:00.000Z

Man Utd v Hull - 4:0 - Rooney got United off to an early start (8), scoring off the rebound. Although there were further chances for both sides the game seemed to be moving towards a single goal result until the last few minutes, when Rooney got another three in quick succession (82, 86, 90+3), the first time he has scored four goals in a Premiership game. Rooney’s second goal was a power strike, his third a header from Nani’s, cross and the fourth a low hard drive. Rooney is in full flow at the moment, let’s hope he can maintain this form (injury-free, of course) for England.

Portsmouth v West Ham - 1:1 - West Ham should have won this game, they made far more openings early on, but Portsmouth’s keeper, Begovic, kept a clean sheet until Upson fortuitously chested the ball home (52). Portsmouth were the more adventurous side in the second half, whilst the Hammers seemed to have run out of steam, and Webber finally saved a point for Portsmouth, nut-megging Green for his first Pompey goal (76). Grant - ‘I was pleased (to get a point) because we were 1:0 down but I thought we could have had more.’ Zola - ‘It feels like two points dropped.’

Wolverhampton v Liverpool - 0:0 - To say that Liverpool should have won this game would ignore the fact that Wolves were resolute and defended well. Despite Gerrard’s return Liverpool could not take their chances although Wolves had few of their own. Neither group of fans were happy, but Wolves were the least unhappy. Benitez - ‘It was a tough game, overall… but the most positive thing is that it was another game without losing. In football you have good moments and bad moments, but the thing is to keep doing your best.’ McCarthy (on striker Kevin Doyle) - ‘If you see a better performance from a centre-forward than Doyle showed, I would like to see it. If he had just managed a goal, it would have been one of the best all-round performances.’ Now, how many centre-forwards could we say that about?

Bolton v Burnley - 1:0 - Coyle was abused by the Burnley fans, but was probably happy enough to take it in his stride as Bolton’s victory thrust struggling Burnley into the relegation red zone. This was Coyle’s first win as Bolton’s manager, leaving his successor at Burnley, Brian Laws, still awaiting his. The only goal was scored by Chung-Yong Lee, off the underside of the bar (35). Coyle insensitively strode on to the pitch after the game concluded. His attempts to sympathise with his former players and to applaud the Burnley fans was not appreciated. Coyle (on the Burnley fans’ reaction to him) - ‘I can't complain, they wanted to come and vent their anger. But if we're going to get biblical, then maybe it should be Moses (rather than Judas), because we led them from the wilderness.’ Laws (on Burnley’s injuries) - ‘While we need to defend better, the players are suffering. We could do with some new faces by the end of week.’

Tottenham v Fulham - 2:0 - A comfortable win by Spurs who dominated most of the match, although Zamora forced one good save from Gomes. Crouch got the first goal, poking the ball in past a dozing Chris Smalling from a Modric cross. Bentley, making his first league start since October, got the second (60), curling a free-kick which deflected off Riise past the hapless Schwarzer. Redknapp - ‘The main thing was for us to get the win. We have been playing well recently but have come up against a couple of keepers who have been in great form. I'm pleased with David Bentley's performance, he's got great ability and he showed that tonight. He's been unlucky not to have had more chances because of Aaron Lennon's form but all we can ask is that when he gets his chance he takes it and he did that tonight.’ Hodgson - ‘We were a little unlucky with the goals, the second one in particular because that was a cruel deflection.’ All goals against seem unlucky to the victims, Roy, even cruel.

Everton v Sunderland - 2:0 - Sunderland appear to be on a downward slippery slope as their defensive approach proved to have little effect against a resurgent Everton. Cahill put Everton ahead early with a header (7) from a well-weighted Fellaini cross. Twelve minutes later Donovan
sealed the result with his first Premier League goal, bursting into the area and ramming the ball home after Cahill won the ball in the air once more. Sunderland, without a win in nine league games, have a few home games coming up, but if they fail to take the opportunity to put their season back on course they could soon find themselves in serious relegation trouble. Bruce - ‘We haven’t started the game in the right manner, we didn't defend properly and we have to show a better attitude.’ Moyes (synopsis) - ‘The further up the league we go the more I like the way we are playing.’ (not quite what he said, but what Your Ear thinks he meant to say, nonetheless).

Chelsea v Birmingham - 3:0 - After 35 home games unbeaten and their 11th clean sheet of the season Chelsea returned to the top of the Premiership, having ended Birmingham's 15-match unbeaten run. Malouda got Chelsea off the mark early on with a simple header after good work by Joe Cole down the right wing (5). Lampard snatched the second with an accurate shot from 20 yards (32) and scored late (90) to wrap up a straightforward victory. Meanwhile, Birmingham were outclassed, and had only two shots on goal, which Cech dealt with competently. Chelsea, having scored 17 goals in the four matches without him, do not seem to have missed Drogba. Ancelotti - ‘It's good we are back at the top. We have one more point with a game in hand on United and two points more than Arsenal.’ McLeish - ‘I don't think anyone has won here this season and they have battered better teams than us. Chelsea are a good side, they have the foreign flavour, the keep-ball and movement is excellent. They are one of the favourites for the Champions League, let alone the Premier League. We have kept the ball better than that and were wasteful in possession, but I'll forgive the players this one. There's no disgrace losing here.’

Blackburn v Wigan - 2:1 - Defensive errors were responsible for all three goals in a nervy and uninspiring match. Wigan's defence was severely tested throughout the first half. Pedersen profited from one of Wigan keeper Stojkovic’s many errors (20) before Caldwell’s second-half header made it 1:1 (58). Pedersen headed against the crossbar before his corner kick was headed home by Kalinic (76). Allardyce - ‘We put enormous pressure on Wigan with the quality of our football, pressing them in their own box and it looked like it was going to be a case of dominating the play without scoring. Then all of a sudden Morten came up with an outstanding goal. You’d have to go a long way to see a better goal than that in the Premier League this season.’ Martinez - ‘In the first half we didn't get going… we weren't ourselves and couldn't get two or three passes together and found it difficult. The second half was different. We got the goal, but lapses in concentration meant we lost a football game we needed to get something out of.’

Aston Villa v Arsenal - 0:0 - Arsenal hit the woodwork twice, but failed to return to the top of the League as they were held to a draw by Villa. This was a dour struggle rather than exciting stuff, both sides tried to score but lacked any edge. Agbonlahor saw an early effort saved and Fabregas hit the post. And in the second half Downing headed wide and Rosicky’s close-range strike came off the crossbar. Villa remain in seventh place while Arsenal stay third. O'Neill - ‘We haven't had the points on board we probably deserve from our last four games. We haven't won or scored in four matches but we've had umpteen chances and I'm not concerned. Not just our effort but our play was terrific.’ Wenger - ‘We wanted three points, we got one. Maybe we dropped two. Villa made it difficult. We don't usually miss the chances we missed tonight. We know when we come here what we get and we were not disappointed. They play a very efficient English game with long balls and it is very physical. They are a good side at counter-attacking…’ O'Neill’s response to Wenger's comments - ‘He has made a few ridiculous statements in his time here and that is as good as any. That is an appalling insult. I thought we played splendidly in the game. Their keeper made a great save from Gabby (Agbonlahor) early on and Ashley Young produced some incredible balls into the box that just needed a touch on them.’ Handbags at the ready, gentlemen.

Premiership round up - Week 22

2010-01-21T10:54:00.001Z

Chelsea v Sunderland - 7:2 - Sunderland were totally outclassed from start to finish. Chelsea looked hungry from the outset and relentless pressure in the first half saw four good Chelsea goals before Sunderland had more than a sniff at a chance. Anelka, (8) settled Chelsea's nerves almost walking the ball into the net having 'rounded' the keeper. Ten minutes later Malouda scored an excellent goal, shrugging off two physical challenges and running a third the length of the pitch to slot the ball in across the keeper. Ashley Cole's goal (22) was possibly even better, with great control and a perfect finish from a pin-point Terry forward pass. Lampard got the fourth (34) with an outstretched leg on an Ashley Cole pass following Anelka's through ball. So Chelsea went in 4:0 up at half time and making the game look simple. They proceeded to carry on regardless in the second half with no signs of complacency. Ballack scored with his head from a text book Joe Cole cross (52) and not too much defence in evidence. Zenden (56) scored a tidy goal for Sunderland, his first goal on returning to England from Marseilles. But Anelka got his second and Chelsea's sixth goal less than ten minutes later, making any odd goal scored by Sunderland academic. Lampard got his second goal in the 90th minute and finally Bent scored Sunderland's second (the least celebrated goal of the season) in the second minute of extra time. There were many more chances; Anelka might have scored four and laid off at least a half dozen chances for others and the final tally might have been in double figures, but the Blues were very well pleased with this result. Bruce - 'From the first minute to the ninetieth it was one of them horrible ones… Chelsea were fantastic, we couldn't get anywhere near them. Sometimes you just to hold your hands up and say we've had our backsides well and truly kicked…' Ouch, indeed. Ancelotti 'We played very well… Also, always the people, journalists they are talking about the African players, but I think we did very well also without the African players.' Exhibition stuff.

Man United v Burnley - 3:0 - The score-line belies the first 50 minutes of the game, where United were more than a little lucky not to go one, or even two, behind. In the second half ManU began to apply ever more pressure until finally Rooney put Berbatov through to score a good goal (64). Berbatov had another shot saved, but the ball came out to Rooney who took his time and picked his spot for his 16th goal of the season (69). The game was made safe by Diouf with a nicely timed header in extra time (90+1), his first goal for the club. New Burnley manager, Brian Laws - 'When you come to places like this there's key moments in games and you've got to take those key moments…' Unfortunately for them, Burnley didn't today, producing another dismal away result.

Everton v Man City - 2:0 - Spring-boarding from their good performance at Arsenal the week before, Everton looked good from start to finish, and despite early opportunities for City Everton took the lead with an accurate free kick (Pienaar, 36), the first time Mancini has seen City go behind. It almost loosened his tightly bound supporters scarf, which was not around his neck when he was interviewed later. Saha made it two from a penalty (45+4), having had his shirt pulled in the box by Richards (stupid boy!). Embarrassingly for Robinho he was substituted twice, once to bring him on, then to take him off again. Fellaini, on the other hand, had a very good game, nearly scoring on a couple of occasions and denying Bellamy with some nifty footwork. As Everton steadily climb the table David Moyes is certainly looking happier these days. Not so sure about Mancini; currently Man City have 2 points more than where they stood at the same relative point in time last season, when they finished 9th in the Premiership. Wonder where they will finish.

Stoke v Liverpool - 1:1 - A totally uninspiring game, but after 57 minutes Liverpool's Kyrgiakos managed to bundle the ball home following a free kick Liverpool might not have been given on another day. The match continued in scrappy fashion until Huth finished in almost equally untidy way just before the game ended (90). Both sides might have won the game in extra time but the result was drawn. Rafa - 'The game was very tough, very physical, very difficult… I think the players on the pitch did a very good job. It was very clear we should have had two penalties.' Pulis - 'It was a fair result, it was scrappy… to be fair, Liverpool came at us and were dogged…' As usual for Liverpool, no Gerrard, no Torres = no result and for the first time Rafa answered a question with the words; 'If I am still here…' admitting the possibility that he might not be, soon. But it's not a new manager Liverpool needs, it's a couple of players.

Wolves v Wigan - 0:2 - Wolves should have gone ahead but missed, then Wigan repaid the favour and missed at the other end. Stearman was sent off for a stupid shirt pull when there was no danger of Wigan scoring, reducing Wolves to ten men. But the penalty was saved and the rebound missed. So honours were even at half time. Wigan scored first (McCarthy, 60) after a Wolves defender was blocked from challenging the scorer by the referee (you have to run round them, apparently, treat refs as if they aren't on the pitch, for once). Wolves were given some hope when Hendry Thomas was sent off for a lunging tackle (second yellow) but Wigan kept going forwards until N'Zogbia cooly scored Wigan's second in the 73rd minute. Further chances at either end produced nothing more. McCarthy (on Dave Jones being blocked by the ref) - ' What on Earth could he have done to make an issue of it? He did ask the referee and he said he was trying to get into the best possible position to block him, no sorry, to have a view of N'Zogbia if there'd been a penalty.' Benitez - 'We started strong and got stronger.'

Spurs v Hull - 0:0 - Hull won this fixture last season so it's possible Spurs were lucky to get away with a draw. Maybe they should have done better but Hull's keeper, Myhill, did more than well to keep out early (and late) shots by Palacios, Keane and Defoe. In the second half Keane should have buried a chance, but failed to and Modric missed two, whilst Hull had a couple of near misses themselves. Finally man-of-the-match Myhill stopped a header, then a shot from Crouch, both in extra time. Possession stats were 60% Spurs, 40% Hull but pressure unconverted is no result. Brown - 'When you look at the strength of Tottenham's squad that was a magnificent clean sheet.' St Hal - 'I'm disappointed not to have won, obviously, but we gave everything today… but their keeper today turned in one of the finest performances I've seen in years, He was incredible today.' Myhill - 'I'm quite fortunate I've got a big head - for one of them (saves), I didn't even know nothing about that and to be quite honest with you the game was a bit of a blur…' Humour apart that was quite modest of Myhill, he had a great game.

Bolton v Arsenal - 0:2 - Coyle's first match in charge of Bolton was less than happy. Arsenal were unlucky to be denied a penalty for a challenge on Fabregas, but he scored a good goal in the 28th minute anyway, after some fine close control by the Gunners. He might have scored a couple more in the first half but his touch deserted him. Merida scored Arsenal's second goal (78) with a workmanlike finish. Bolton had their chances throughout the game but Almunia was up to the job, making several good saves. The Bolton faithful are clearly much happier under Coyle's leadership, but they lost anyway. Coyle - 'I think anyone who was here that watched the game would have seen that on a different day that could have been a very different result.' Maybe, but Your Ear doubts it.

Aston Villa v West Ham - 0:0 - West Ham beat Villa last November but were unable to do better than a draw this time out. Villa were more dominant but the Hammers’ dour defending paid off and they kept a clean sheet. Nouble made a fine surging run from his own half but lacked finishing skill. At the other end Agbonlahor turned well and shot but Green made a fine save. Carew was given offside whilst Agbonlahor missed another opportunity. A better result for West Ham than Villa. O'Neil - 'Disappointed with the result but not the effort of the team.' Zola - 'I am really proud, I am fortunate to have players like them.' Nouble - 'I felt good out there, I knew if I was playing up front by myself I had to run about and make sure the defenders never had the time to settle, just be a pest really. I done that.' He did, too, which was not bad for an 18 year-old - he could have a bright England future.

Blackburn v Fulham - 2:0 - Blackburn made early inroads and scored the first goal from a corner (Samba, 25). Fulham do not seem to be on their game at the moment, despite having rested for some 12 days since their last match. Nevertheless, Dempsey made a fine effort with an overhead kick and hit the bar and had another bright moment minutes later in the box, but his shot was saved. Later he was unfortunate to become injured. Nelsen got Blackburn's second (54), with a header from McCarthy's free kick. Allardyce (as both goals were scored by central defenders) - 'We don't mind where we get the goals as long as we get them.' Wise words. Fulham were unlucky today, firstly not to get at least one goal from a penalty decision which failed to go their way, and Blackburn's second goal was probably offside, but not given.

Liverpool v Tottenham - 2:0 - In a game Liverpool could hardly afford to lose Dirk Kuyt did the business for a hungry Liverpool. Liverpool are now only one point behind Spurs, which takes some of the pressure off Rafa Benitez. Kuyt got off to an early start (6) when he picked up a loose ball on the edge of the box and rammed it past Gomes. Spurs were rarely convincing at any time during the match although a goal by Defoe was disallowed. Kuyt’s twice-taken penalty (90+3) sealed Spurs’ fate, after Bassong floored substitute N’Gog in the area. Spurs have not won a league game against any of the ‘big four’ teams for over 16 years, and on the face of it seem unlikely to break their duck this season. A the end of the game The Kop rang to the sound of the fans singing the name of Benitez. You have to admire Liverpool - their fans must be amongst the most faithful of any club.

Arsenal v Bolton - 4:2 - Just to make life interesting Arsenal allowed Bolton to go two up without reply until close to the end of the first half. First Cahill volleyed in a shot (7), then Taylor scored from the penalty spot following a foul by Denilson (28). In reply Rosicky scored from 20 yards (43) and Fabregas slid home a controversial equalizer (52). Vermaelen got the third with his left foot (65) before Arshavin scored from Eduardo’s pass (85). Arsenal needed to win by two clear goals to top the table and they achieved it, demonstrating the hunger and determination Mr Wenger has referred to frequently of late. Bolton were not happy, following a foul not given in the build-up to Arsenal's second goal. Coyle, apparently, was ‘incensed’ by the Gallas challenge on Davies, when play was allowed to continue and Arsenal scored before his striker was stretchered off. Interviewed after the game Wenger responded to Coyle's criticism, saying it was for the referee to stop the game if he thought it necessary and that he would be happy to sit down and go through replays of all challenges made by both sides over their last two games. For once Your Ear would agree - Bolton are a physical side and should have no complaint. Meanwhile, Arsenal move above Chelsea on goals scored whilst Chelsea have a game in hand.

Football News - Players To Be Given ‘Stage Names’ - Newscasters and commentators alike have demanded that footballers, particularly Premiership footballers, should adopt ‘stage names’ to avoid confusion. ‘There are many occasions when there is more than one Cahill, and sometimes several Coles on the field of play, to say nothing of sundry McCarthys, Taylors, and Benitezes - the list is (almost) endless. This can be confusing to spectators, commentators, viewers and particularly listeners.’ said a self-proclaimed official FA source. “The solution is that players should adopt ‘pitch’ names, or nicknames if they prefer, like ‘Chucho’ Benitez.’ Fans will be asked to offer suggestions on what names their favourite players should go by. Understandably Wayne Rooney is said to prefer ‘the Priest’, ‘Roo’ ‘The Boy Wonder’ or even ‘Roonaldo’ to ‘Spudface’. Real Bid For Rooney - Rumours that Real Madrid are pursuing Rooney for £60m and £170k per week have been confirmed. This values him at three quarters the price Real paid United for Ronaldo. Sources say that Ronaldo has been asked to sweet-talk Rooney into agreeing the move. Your Ear cannot see these old pals coming together again on the back of that conversation. Ferguson's view (as repeated by a minion) - ‘United won’t sell Rooney before the summer, particularly on his current form. The lad can leave when we’ve signed his son.’ Manchester United Out Of The Cup! One of the few big teams to take non-league and non-Euro games seriously, ManU have been knocked out of the FA Cup, losing 1:0 to lowly Leeds United. ‘It is a great loss,’ said Arsene Wenger.

An open question to ManU supporters - would you see last season's sale of Ronaldo as;
a) £80m in the kitty, a deal well done, or;
b) the 2009/10 season sold down the river?
Answers on a postcard please.

Managers’ New Year Resolutions;
Allardyce - I will lose at least one pound in weight, from my jaws.
Ancelotti - I'm gonna do better than that Portuguese guy.
Benitez - See you next year, probably.
Brown - I agree with Rafa.
Bruce - Mumble, mumble, mumble.
Coyle (at Burnley) - We will win an away game, soon - I am fully committed to this club.
Coyle (at Bolton) - This looks like a nice place - I am fully committed to this club.
Ferguson - I shall nae speak to the BBC, nevermore.
Grant - I will smile three times a week, even if it hurts.
Hodgson - Mr Fayed is happy, so we are all happy.
Hughes - I shall stop counting my severance pay.
Mancini - We're gonna lift the Premiership title this year (dream on!)
Martinez - Wigan - a great place to raise a family.
McCarthy - We shall not be mullahed again.
McLeish - I hope nothing happens to Sir Alex, but I can hardly wait to get to Manchester.
Megson - I shall empathize with the fans, and I will not count Mark Hughes' severance pay.
Moyes - I fully intend to play eleven players in our next match… probably.
O'Neil - I will talk about something other than football, at least once in the next 12 months.
Pulis - I will use my head in an emergency - no, I WON'T use my head in an emergency.
St Hal of Totten Ham - It’s time we made a bit more dosh out of Robbie Keane.
Wenger - I did not see the New Year in, I saw nothing.
Zola - I’m so ‘appy!

One year ago - Fulham owner, Mohamed Al-Fayed was demanding that the Premier League should introduce a cap on transfers and salaries following Manchester City's rumoured £100m-plus pursuit of Kaka. City had been flexing new-found financial muscles, having been taken over by Sheikh Mansour and were willing (apparently) to smash the world transfer record to bring Brazil star Kaka to Eastlands on a salary reputed to be £500,000 a week. Al-Fayed believed such a deal would be detrimental to football, 'It's madness,' he told the BBC, and added he would not pay more than a mere £15 million for any player. Meanwhile, Mark Hughes was 'in a hurry to reinforce Manchester City.' One year on, Hughes has gone, City could hardly be described as 'reinforced', the FA have not introduced any transfer caps, but it has to be said that Fulham are having another pretty good year, nonetheless.

Being There - Your Ear was lucky enough to be gifted a free ticket to watch the last Chelsea match (v Sunderland), and had no problem in supporting the Blues on the day. And what a match to be lucky enough to see (7:2 if you need a reminder). But besides going for the football on the pitch, which was of the highest quality, there is always the supporters’ songs and banter. Frankly some of it is mindless, racist nonsense, but much of it is almost poetic, albeit in the form of lyrics and chants, and beats the hell out of the new wave poetry championed by BBC Radio 4. Most of it, if not all, is good humoured and seems to come out of the crowd spontaneously. Some of it is a little unfriendly, but meant in a friendly way, like when a Chelsea fan shouted; 'Come on, you German bastard!' at Ballack in encouraging fashion. I heard another Chelsea supporter behind me say; 'That shouldn't be funny, but somehow it is.' Then the crowd (after Chelsea were 4 or 5 up, began to sing to Sunderland how ♫we'd love you to stay but we know you have to go♫. But the one which got the most laughs was the lone voice in front of me which, to what sounded like the tune to the scout's fireside song 'The Quartermaster's Store', piped up with; ♫He's here, he's there, he's every-f#¢king-where! Joey Cole, Joey Cole!♫ Scarlet Pimpernel stuff, and accurate too - Cole was playing well and was everywhere. But, (from the transfer rumours) ‘everywhere’ might soon include Tottenham, where, along with John Carew, he will be welcomed. After St Hal has shifted Keane, of course.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 21

2010-01-11T23:09:00.000Z

Stoke City v Fulham - 3:2 - Stoke held off a late Fulham rally to secure a first league win in six games at the Britannia. Awful defending gifted Stoke three goals by half-time. Tuncay started with a neat header (12). Faye slid in from close range (34) and Sidibe half-volleyed the third 3 minutes later. Despite Duff's deflected shot (61) and Dempsey's dipping long-range shot (85) Stoke held on. Pulis - ‘We've played better than today and not got a result. But the longer you go without a win, you get nervous and very uptight.’ Hodgson - ‘We were determined to give a better performance in the second half, and I think we did. In the second half, we showed we are a good football team, but unfortunately there aren't many teams that come back from three down in 45 minutes.’ Spot on.

Arsenal v Everton - 2:2 - Everton started well, and, having been beaten so solidly by Arsenal last time around (6:1), did well to take the lead (Osman, 12). The shock of going behind seemed to wake up the Gunners who pressed forward hard until they equalized (Denilson, 28). Everton, however, would not be kept down and had several chances of their own in heavy snow conditions. With nine minutes to go Pienaar scored with a confident cheeky chip. Rosicksy salvaged a draw for Arsenal in extra time with a deflected shot (90+2). This was a tough game in tough conditions. Arsenal suffered more problems, notably Denilson, who collapsed unchallenged in the second half and was stretchered off with a mystery injury, which is as yet not diagnosed. Arsene Wenger was complimentary to his opponents - 'It was closer to 3:1 (to Everton) than to 2:2.'

Birmingham v Man United - 1:1 - It was -6°C on the pitch but the game went ahead. Fletcher's missed shot sounded an early warning to Birmingham that ManU were well up for this game. Only a good save by Hart kept out Rooney. Nevertheless on their first sight of goal Birmingham put the ball away tidily (Jerome, 39) to gain the lead for the home side. The goal gave Birmingham heart but United levelled the game, forcing an own goal (Dann, 63). The game was end to end stuff thereafter, Fletcher was sent off and Kusack made a great save to make the game a draw for United. Twelve games unbeaten, nine games unchanged for Birmingham - a Premiership record.

Manchester City v Blackburn Rovers - 4:1 - A Tevez hat-trick winched City up to fourth place in the league following an emphatic win over Blackburn. Tevez put City in front from close range in the seventh minute before Richards doubled the lead after a strong 50-yard run (39). Tevez extended City’s lead after the break with a good 20-yard finish (49). Pedersen pulled a goal back for Blackburn (71) before Tevez got his third with a superb finish in extra time (90+1). Tevez looks good for the money now, and is homing in on Rooney’s seasonal tally of goals. Mancini - ‘We don't watch the table. We watch the table (in) two months. Now it is not important. There are 17 games to the end. Now it's important that we continue this way, we continue to play well and we continue to improve.’ Allardyce - ‘I have no complaints that Manchester City have beaten us, but we could have defended properly to stop some of those goals.’

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 20

2009-12-30T23:07:00.001Z

Chelsea v Fulham - 2:1 - José Mourinho was in the stands to watch this game. It does not seem that long, but Ancelotti is the fourth manager since the departure of ‘the special one’. Ancelotti made six changes to his previous line-up and Zhirkov, the £18m Russian, made his first start in blue. Gera took advantage of Chelsea’s fragile defence and scored within the first five minutes. In reply Drogba got his 19th goal of the season with a good header (73), largely against the run of play. Fulham lost the game with a most unfortunate own goal by Smalling (75). Chelsea were not at their best but Fulham, as they did in this match, take the game to all their opponents. They also defend well and were unlucky to lose this fixture. After the early Chelsea defensive cock-up, John Motson, commentating for the Beeb, observed; ‘I wonder what Mourinho thinks about that. Those sort of errors did not happen too often when he was manager. ’ Don’t we all wonder, Motty? And it poses the question on whether Mr Abramovich (if he watches them at all) reviews replays of his team’s performances with the commentary turned down, or off. Luckily for Chelsea, with several players about to leave for the Africa Cup of Nations, Anelka is due to make his return shortly.

Wolves v Man City - 0:3 - City home in on the top four as Mancini notches up six points after two games (and two clean sheets) in charge, City's first away win for three months, played in fog at Molineux. Mancini (still sporting his scarf) started Bellamy rather than Robinho. Wolves came off the blocks quickest but do not have the finishing quality of the wealthier teams and could not convert any of their chances. Bellamy missed, unusually, at point blank range, but soon made up for it, his pace and sharp cross allowed Tevez to score by deflection (33). Bellamy missed another sitter in the second half, and Wolves had further good chances which were saved. Tevez sized up a free kick and took attention away from Garrido, who scored City’s second goal (69) infuriating Mr McCarthy, who objected to the free kick being awarded (Bellamy should have been given offside just beforehand). Then it was Tevez’ turn to miss an opportunity after a good City build-up, but he got his second goal (86) after Robinho (on for Bellamy) fired in a long-range low cross. McCarthy - 'I'm not going to comment on it (City's second goal). It might cost me a few quid if I do… But in terms of our performance, I thought the final score-line was very harsh.' Mancini - 'To play like that just two days after beating Stoke makes me very happy because we played very well. In Italy it is impossible to play two games in three days, but this is England and this was a fantastic performance.' Can't play two games in three days? That's why you have so many Bank Holidays over there, Roberto.

Tottenham v West Ham - 2:0 - The last time the Hammers beat Spurs St Hal was their manager. Well, he isn’t now and much as this column respects Zola there was a clear gulf in quality, West Ham, particularly being hit with injuries. Modric opened the account for Spurs (11) after Lennon’s pace sliced through West Ham’s defence like a super-heated knife through easy-spread butter. Crouch might have had another, Defoe a third, Lennon a fourth, Huddlestone a fifth and Crouch a sixth. Finally, after so many missed chances and with some edginess creeping into their game, Defoe settled the outcome with a thudding strike following a save to his first shot (81). St Hal denied rumours that Parker (or any other player) is on his way to White Hart Lane - ‘We’ve got a good squad here.’ He’s right. Zola - ‘I got players out, but, as long as the players give me performance like today, I’m going to be all right.’ Your Ear hopes so.

Stoke City v Birmingham - 0:1 - Beattie started for the first time in five weeks. No doubt his boss was in a good mood. Jerome scrambled in Birmingham’s only goal (50), but Paul Hart made at least three superb saves from good Stoke efforts to keep a clean sheet, Gordon Banks, England’s legendary goal-keeper, was watching this game and would no doubt have approved of Hart’s performance, even though he supports Stoke. Stoke were unfortunate overall to lose this game but were most unlucky to have been denied a good penalty shout. It’s sometimes hard to understand how referees, who are paid to watch the game, after all, can miss the bleedin’ obvious.

Blackburn v Sunderland - 2:2 - Bent opened the scoring from a close range opportunity (52) only for Pedersen to level the match a minute later with Blackburn’s first home goal in five hours of match play. Blackburn missed chances to take the lead, but Bent got his and Sunderland’s second goal in the 65th minute. Big Sam made three substitutions to shake things up and bad boy Diouf came on and scored the equalizer for Blackburn (77). Good saves by Sunderland prevented Blackburn from snatching the winner late in the game. Steve Bruce, almost admiringly, - ‘Blackburn always ask you questions.’

Everton v Burnley - 2:0 - Nugent, a long term Everton supporter, nearly scored an early goal for Burnley nonetheless. Yakubu hit the post before the first half concluded, goal-less. At the start of the second half Nugent again missed, off the post, and his team-mate Jordan was sent off for a second (silly) yellow. A Yakubu header was saved by Jensen and Yakubu had another shot saved before he missed a cross entirely, fortuitously allowing Vaughan (only on the pitch for seconds) to drive the ball home (83). Yakubu provided the second goal for Everton, his through pass being snapped up by Pienaar in extra time (90+2). David Moyes was happy with his ‘edgy’ result. Owen Coyle was less happy, believing Yakubu to be offside for one of the Everton goals. He was wrong, and had obviously forgotten that Burnley were playing away.

Aston Villa v Liverpool - 0:1 - Well, you can't leave it much later than this - Torres scored the only goal in extra time (90+3) to give Liverpool a dramatic victory over Aston Villa. Villa were spirited and dour throughout and Liverpool were unconvincing in snowy conditions, although their recently suspect defence held up well. Both sides had chances but the goalies at either end earned their keep (a small New Year pun). As the match wore on a draw seemed more than likely but Torres pounced on a ricochet and scored. In doing so he set a record for reaching 50 league goals for Liverpool in the fewest appearances. A good last gasp win for Liverpool but very frustrating for the industrious Villa side, who now drop to sixth place, having scored fewer goals than Man City.

Bolton v Hull City - 2:2 - Stephen Hunt scored twice as Hull battled back from 2:0 down to deny fellow strugglers Bolton victory. Klasnic put the hosts ahead on 20 minutes, the lone highlight in a dire first half. A keeper error allowed Davies to head home a second from Robinson's free-kick (61). 10 minutes later Hunt began the comeback when he headed in Fagan's cross and 7 minutes after that Hunt’s acute shot crossed the line to square the match. A point each keeps both sides in the relegation zone, but Phil Brown was certainly the happier of the two managers. In fact this was the match that did for Megson, the fans having had enough. Phil Brown - ‘At 2:0 down you are not staring into the abyss you are staring at ways of getting back into the game.’ Brown, of course, is more expert in being 2 down than 2 up in the Premiership.

Portsmouth v Arsenal - 1:4 - Arsenal increased Portsmouth's demotion difficulties with a comprehensive win. They took the lead when Eduardo's free-kick deflected in off Kaboul (28). Nasri fired in a second 14 minutes later. Ramsey made it 3:0 with a great solo goal, hammered in from 20 yards (69), before Belhadj's close-range strike gave Pompey some hope (74). However, Song headed in a Nasri cross to clinch it for Arsenal (81). The Gunners maintain pressure at the top, moving to within 4 points of Chelsea and staying 2 behind Man United with a game in hand on each. An interesting aside, this last but one league game of the year was a Premiership first in that there was no Englishman in either starting line-up. A sorry state of affairs for any league.

Man Utd v Wigan - 5:0 - Man United’s easy win over Wigan moved them back to within 2 points of league leaders Chelsea. A dominant Rooney performance throughout was rewarded with the first goal (28), a clipped finish from da Silva's cross. Carrick got the second (32) and Rafael the third (45) with a left-footed shot. Just after the break Berbatov tapped in the fourth (50) and Valencia rounded off a terrific performance with a fine chipped fifth (75). It could have been a lot more as Wigan crumbled, leaving the Latics only a point off the relegation zone. But this was more a case of the hosts being good than the visitors being bad.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 19

2009-12-27T23:05:00.001Z

Man City v Stoke - 2:0 - Mr Mancini’s first game, and in case the fans (or anyone else) fails to recognize him Roberto always seems to wear a supporter’s light blue and white scarf wrapped tightly around his neck (unsurprisingly), tied in a large knot. Your Ear thinks we will all know him from now on. Petrov got City’s first goal on Mancini’s behalf when he tapped the ball home after a determined City attack (28), although Stoke were unfortunate not to have been in the lead at this point, Given having made a good save from Tuncay. Tevez got City’s second with a fine stretch at shoulder height off Barry’s header to ease the ball past the keeper (45+3). Bellamy replaced Robinho and was unlucky not to have scored or been awarded a penalty. Robinho was first choice over Bellamy in this game. Whether this was because Mancini prefers Robinho’s style or because Bellamy was vocal about his unhappiness at Hughes’ departure is not known. Bellamy is reputedly considering a move, and Spurs might figure in his plans (and St Hal’s of course). When Bellamy was brought on the crowd roared its approval, showing that English football fans appear (as was the case in the Man United Tevez/Berbatov debate) to like honest endeavour and persistence more than flair and even genius. This is an issue for Mancini, although if he follows Sir Alec’s way of thinking Bellamy might be on his way shortly.

West Ham v Portsmouth - 2:0 - Once Portsmouth had conceded a penalty to West Ham after a goal-mouth scramble Diamanti converted it to give the Hammers the lead (23). Collison should have made it two at the end of the half but dragged the ball wide. Portsmouth did not start to threaten until mid-way through the second half but West Ham defended well and had chances of their own. The game was nervy for both sides until Kovac buried a header from a free kick in the 89th minute. Zola - ‘When you play these games there’s a lot of pressure, a lot of tension, you have to suffer until the end.’ Grant - ‘We played well in the second half but football is a game of goals and we did not score.’ There is great footballing wisdom in that statement.

Birmingham v Chelsea - 0:0 - Birmingham have been in good form recently but Chelsea provided all the early initiative and might have gone three or four ahead before Birmingham (Benitez) was denied the first goal by a debatable offside decision. The half ended goal-less. Cech kept Birmingham at bay early in the second half and collided painfully with the post for his trouble. Chelsea might have scored four or five in the second half, but could not put the ball away. Malouda was sent off (two yellows for sliding tackles) but a good league point, in the end, for both sides. Birmingham, who look by far and away the strongest of the three teams promoted last season, should credit their keeper, Paul Hart, for the draw.

Liverpool v Wolves - 2:0 - Liverpool gave Wolves a hard time in pouring rain and sleet in the first half but Wolves kept out good attempts on goal by Gerrard and Torres and had chances of their own. After mistaken identity nearly resulted in the wrong man being warned, Ward was sent off (two yellows), reducing Wolves to ten men. A few minutes later Gerrard scored emphatically with the back of his neck, a great power goal (62). Liverpool continued to harass Wolves and Benayoun duly scored a second (70). Although the scousers’ victory looked comfortable Wolves might have won this game. Mick McCarthy - ‘Liverpool needed a break, and they got one.’

Sunderland v Everton - 1:1 - Everton started slowly and paid the penalty when Bent put Sunderland ahead with a simple header (17) from a good cross. But going behind roused Everton and they dominated the second half until finally Fellaini buried a shot from close range (85). Bruce - ‘You're always disappointed to concede when you get so close to full time… but if someone asked me at the start of the season that we would be 10th at Christmas, I would have taken that.’ Moyes - ‘I thought near enough from the start we just about completely dominated the game. They scored a very good goal and put us back. If we hadn't got anything out of the game it would have been a travesty.’

Wigan v Blackburn - 1:1 - a nervous start nearly produced own goals at either end but McCarthy settled Blackburn by putting them ahead (30) with his first goal of the season. Robinson did well on more than one occasion to deny Wigan but eventually Rodallega scored the equalizer (53) with a very well taken header. The home side always looked more likely to score thereafter, although Kirkland made a fantastic reaction save from a strong overhead kick attempt by McCarthy. Both managers were dissatisfied with the draw - one of them must be wrong.

Burnley v Bolton - 1:1 - This midlands derby was the first meeting between the two teams in top-flight football for 45 years. Honours were fairly even until Taylor scored a fine free kick from distance for Bolton (29). Narrowly missed chances at both ends kept the crowd on edge but it was Burnley, seeking to protect their admirable home record, who were on target (Nugent, header, 56) with the second goal of the match. Burnley had the initiative from then on and missed a few decent chances.

Fulham v Tottenham - 0:0 Another derby, another draw. Gera almost scored a trick goal with a back-heel but Gomes swept it up easily enough and saved a couple more from an aggressive Fulham. Spurs’ best chance was when Crouch put the ball into the net, which did not count as the referee had already blown for a foul on Kranjcar. Fulham hit the bar and had several more chances but Gomes was on great form and made a number of fine saves. Schwarzer did much the same thing at the other end, although he was forced to do so by Spurs on fewer occasions. Spurs kept their defensive shape well in this game, but clearly do not like being pressurized to the extent that Fulham put them under. Both managers were complimentary about their opponents and (separately) agreed that the result was fair. A good day for the keepers.

Arsenal v Aston Villa - 3:0 - After typically dour Villa defending for the first hour or so, Fabregas (brought on after 57 minutes despite a hamstring problem) curled in a 25-yard free kick (65) after being fouled by Dunne. Friedel had previously denied Gallas from point-blank range and saved a shot by Arshavin. Arshavin made the game safe for Arsenal with a quick finish from a Walcott pass (81). A Diaby strike wrapped up the win for Arsenal in extra time (90+1). Although Arsenal won the game it may come at some cost - Fabregas had to be replaced on 84 minutes, having aggravated his injury. Arsenal are closing in on Chelsea and Man United, nonetheless. O'Neil - 'Villa will bounce back… We are up there in the league because we deserve to be. Now it is down to us to see if we can maintain the form which put us there in the first place.' O'Neil is no fool, and what he said applied equally last year, when Villa failed to achieve their target of top four status.

Hull City v Man Utd - 1:3 - Although Hull came prepared for a busy and physical game, Rooney scored first for United on the stroke of half-time. Later he made a bad back-pass which led to a Hull penalty. Fagan levelled from the spot (60), but Rooney’s low cross, which caused Andy Dawson to score an own goal (73), made amends. Berbatov sealed the win following a top-drawer pass from Rooney. This is just the start of the second half of the season when United traditionally begin to hit their stride. However, ManU were not at their best and Hull were unlucky to be denied an early penalty after a strong Vidic challenge on Garcia. As a small aside the penalty shout was denied by Alan Wiley, the referee whose ‘fitness’ was questioned by Ferguson after United drew against Sunderland earlier this season. Well done, ref. Manchester United are now within two points of Chelsea in the race for the Premiership title. Phelan - ‘We're well positioned for title bid.’ Brown - ‘We had Man United rocking.’ Maybe he should have added ‘We could have been a contender.’ Perhaps not.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 18

2009-12-24T07:53:00.001Z

Fulham v Man United - 3:0 - Fulham started well against a United defence plagued with injuries. Zamora chested a fine lay-off for Gera whose brilliant strike was stopped by a top-draw save by Kuszczak, standing in for the injured Van de Saar. After playing so well recently Scholes nodded off in mid-field and was robbed by Danny Murphy who scored a soft goal (22). Zamora nearly stole a second and missed, but was right on target in the first twenty seconds of the second half to get his 10th goal of the season. Duff got Fulham’s third (75) by the same route as they almost got their first, good body control and a lay-off by Zamora. ‘We want four,’ shouted Fulham’s fans, but they were happy with the margin they won by. Not what we expect from United in the run-up to the busy Christmas period; they need to rebuild their defence, fast.

Man City v Sunderland - 4:3 - The burning question before the game started (other than the manager’s fate) was ‘by how many goals do City need to lead before they can consider a game safe?’ Today’s answer was ‘more than two’. Slick passing by Tevez to Bellamy, followed by his fine cross, delivered City’s first; a tap-in for Santa Cruz (4). Five minutes or so later Bellamy was challenged in the box by Nosworthy and fell, rolling in agony. It’s hard to tell, but the challenge did not seem that severe. Bellamy recovered after Tevez put the penalty away (12). Marvellous tonic, a goal. Sunderland (unlike Bellamy) refused to lie down and came back at City four minutes later with a brilliant header (Mensah, 16) and may have had a couple more before Henderson drew Sunderland level, nearly breaking the net with a thumping shot from ten yards after City failed to clear the ball (24). So, four goals in the first half of the first half, more or less. But there was lots more to come. Bellamy (fully recovered) put City back in front with a very well-placed shot across the goal ten minutes later. The fans then had to wait a full 26 minutes for the next goal, a well-worked but poorly defended manoeuvre that Jones used his head to conclude, levelling the match once more. Although there were more chances and a sending off (Turner, 90+2) Santa Cruz had already finished the game off with another tap-in (69).

Portsmouth v Liverpool - 2:0 - Liverpool went to work early and produced a few half-chances but it was Portsmouth who got the advantage with a superb volley from a difficult angle by Belhadj (33). The ground was slippery and Liverpool’s nerves are easily twitched these days, so it was no great surprise when Mascherano went in too heavily on Ben-Haim, did his own knee a nasty, but was sent off nonetheless. Further chances at either end were not taken until Piquionne tapped the ball into the air from a cross and delivered much the same finish as Belhadj, a well-aimed volley from an oblique angle. Not Liverpool’s day, and certainly not their season, although possibly the start of Portsmouth’s, and a great win for Avram Grant, who almost smiled. Rafa Benitez was less happy and said (with the least hint of a tic in his left eye) - ‘The referee was perfect!’

Arsenal v Hull - 3:0 - Hull turned Arsenal over in this fixture last season, but no-one expected a repeat this time out. Quite right too, this was a bad-tempered, spiteful game which Arsenal always dominated. Nasri was stupid enough to step on Hunt’s foot and Hunt was stupid enough to roll about as if an elephant had trodden on him. After lots of pushing and shoving both players were carded. Denilson broke the deadlock even whilst the referee was drawing his breath to blow up for half time with a perfectly placed free kick (45+4). Eduardo nearly scored a second for Arsenal before a ludicrous penalty decision went Hull’s way when Fagan fell over (‘he pushed me, he pushed me’ was what Your Ear thought was on his lips, but the referee awarded the penalty for shirt-pulling). The penalty was saved (twice, first Geovanni’s shot was saved, then Hunt, poetic justice, headed wide). Crisis over, Eduardo walked in Arsenal’s second (59, although he might have missed it) before Diaby buried a third goal after a good pass forward by Arshavin (80). Walcott might have made it four with a chip but just missed. Arsenal are chipping away at second spot in the league and would take it if they played and won their game in hand.

Blackburn v Spurs - 0:2 - Reindeer weather seemed to suit Blackburn, who applied all the early pressure. Then it stopped snowing and Defoe almost scored. In stoppage time to the first half (45+2) Crouch, against the run of play, got Spurs the lead. The defender jumped but Crouch stood his ground, with his head still higher than the man next to him. He is a very tall lad, and hardly bothered to get on tip-toe for the header that went in off the underside of the crossbar. Gomes was having one of those ‘sometimes’ days (sometimes they go in, sometimes they don’t) and McCarthy was denied what looked like a drop dead certain opportunity by the back of Gomes’ leg and the post. Blackburn’s eagerness to get forward finally did for them at the back. Crouch found himself in free space and smacked home Spurs second goal (82). Blackburn continued to attack and were unfortunate not to get a draw, at least. Sam Allardyce was understandably disappointed - ‘We were unlucky to come up against Peter Crouch in top, top form… We’re lacking in the final third, but we don’t have £20-30 million to put that right so we have to keep making more chances than the teams at the top…’ St Harold took his players’ booze-up jaunt to Ireland philosophically and with apparent good humour - ‘I told ‘em I didn’t want ‘em to have a party and that’s the only part that disappoints me… but I suppose it’s all part of growing up and we’ll sort ‘em out on Monday.’ Hair-shirts all round, we think.

Aston Villa v Stoke - 1:0 - A dour struggle developed over the course of an hour or so, with Villa having slightly more possession, but no more scoring opportunities, than their opponents. Then Carew, who is incredibly strong in the box, headed in to win Villa the lead and the game (61). Stoke had their chances but their finishing was not of the highest quality, whilst Sidwell missed a clear shooting chance late in the game. Nevertheless, this was a good, hard-fought midlands derby, with both sides fully committed.

West Ham v Chelsea - 1:1 - Chelsea created all the chances in the first half, took none, then Collison was brought down in the box by Cole and Diamante scored from the spot (45). Shortly after the start of the second half Lampard was asked to take the same penalty three times (due to encroachment) in order to equalize (61). It was a poor penalty decision - the man did not have the ball under control, he was not fouled and the defender got the ball, so making Lampard take the penalty three times seems fair (almost). Later another bad decision occurred, a penalty that should have gone the Hammer’s way. Referees’ decisions are getting worse as the year progresses. After the match Zola greeted Ancelotti in a surprisingly friendly way (Ancelotti unloaded Zola from Parma to Chelsea) and said - ‘Maybe one goal less from the other side would have been perfect…’

Everton v Birmingham - 1:1 -The perfect start for Everton - Bilyaletdinov drilled in the opening goal from Saha’s pass at the end of five minutes. Saha was given offside early on (and had a goal disallowed) and Everton had many more of the chances, but it was Birmingham who scored next (Larsson, 22) from a poorly defended cross. In the second half Carr handled the ball (but was not seen) denying Everton another chance on goal. This was a draw Everton should have won, their failure to do so was mainly due to poor refereeing decisions.

Wolves v Burnley - 2:0- Milijas opened the account for Wolves (15) after Jensen failed to hold the ball from a shot. Jensen redeemed himself later, stopping three shots at point blank range (he is a very big man). Doyle was yellow-carded for ‘shirt removal’ after scoring Wolves’ second (50). Mick McCarthy’s strategy to play his ‘B’ team against ManU earlier in the week seems to have been vindicated by this victory.

News of the Week (to keep us in perspective) - In a week when Christmas looms large and a surreal TV advert involving Sven Goran Eriksson selling Kleenex (thus are the mighty fallen) was shown on the box for the first time, we turn to those who might be more in need of a hankie or two for something to keep us awake.

Football Manager News - Hughes Blues - By the long, grim wave he gave the fans after the game ended Mark Hughes knew he had been sacked before he left the field by way of the tunnel. Later City’s chairman said ‘A return of two wins in eleven Premier games is clearly not in line with the targets that were agreed and set…’ He did not say ‘especially after we had spent over £240m.’ Roberto Mancini (who watched the match) takes over immediately with Brian Kidd as his assistant. Mancini won two Italian Cups, two Italian Super Cups and three league titles with Inter Milan between 2005 and 2008, making him the most successful Inter manager for 30 years. He was less successful at the European level. Should we feel sorry for Hughes? Probably not, given the size of his payoff - of double-B (Banker’s Bonus) proportions, we hear. What about City’s squad? We will see what Mancini does with them, although the next three are relatively soft league games for City. But if you are not a City supporter which, if any, of them would you want in your team? Tevez? Bellamy? Not Adebayor, surely, who has done what Mr Wenger suspected he would - played as if on fire for a few matches, then put his feet up. Sylvinho looks a little past his best, Wright-Phillips is a fine player, but never commanding. Maybe they would do better in other teams, but this squad, for all its cost, is (in Your Ear’s opinion) unlikely to lift much silverware.

The Ear - all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 17

2009-12-17T22:15:00.002Z

Man United v Wolves - 3:0 - Mick McCarthy made ten changes to the team that beat Spurs by a goal last time out. It's hard to understand why - intense United pressure eventually paid off in the form of a penalty for handball, which Rooney duly converted (30). Vidic scored with his head to make it 2 in the first half (43). United's third goal was a beauty (Valencia, 66) after a great build-up. Mick McCarthy seems more concerned to get a few wins against the low-flying clubs than the big boys. Just another day at the office for ManU.

Sunderland v Aston Villa - 0:2 - Although Sunderland started the more brightly of the two sides Heskey put Villa ahead with a well-taken poacher's goal (24). Villa might have scored several more but woodwork, goal saves and slight inaccuracy kept them at bay until England hopeful, Milner, got Villa's second (61) with a powerball from way outside the box. Towards the end of the game Cana was sent off for a second yellow, a foul on Milner. The referee’s name was Mr Friend, but Your Ear refuses to make any cheap jokes about him not being very pally with Cana (etc). Until Arsenal displaced them the following day Villa were third in the table and are looking strong.

Birmingham v Blackburn - 2:1 - Jerome got Birmingham off the mark (12) and also scored their second (48). Blackburn scored third (Nelsen, 69) to get themselves back into contention but Birmingham were strong and kept pushing forward. Blackburn might have got completely back into the game (or at least achieved a draw) with some last ditch efforts in extra time but a good reaction saved denied them. Birmingham then nearly scored a comedy goal at the death, as Blackburn's keeper Robinson, who had come up-field to try for an equalizer, was forced to run the full length of the pitch to stop Birmingham scoring their third. He just about had the puff to do it and made a good save from Larsson’s shot.

Bolton v West Ham - 3:1 - The Hammers poor away form continues. A dour first half yielded nothing for either side and most of the action took place in the second. Lee opened the account for Bolton (64) only for Diamanti to equalize 5 minutes later. At that point the game seemed to hang in the balance, but it was Bolton's day. Another England hopeful, Hammer' keeper, Green, did himself no international favours as he failed to hold the ball, allowing Klasnic to tap in Birmingham's second (77). Despite frantic West Ham efforts Cahill scored Birmingham's third (88). West Ham definitely now look more than a bit fragile and potential relegation candidates. Meanwhile, while Bolton climb out of the bottom three, West Ham fall back in.

Chelsea v Portsmouth - 2:1 - Avram Grant, on his return to Stamford Bridge, was given a warm welcome by both the Chelsea faithful and his ex-players. He looked genuinely pleased to be there, as well. Chelsea applied the early pressure and Kalou nearly scored. Then Anelka was fortunate to be in the path of a deflected cross to get Chelsea's first (23). Portsmouth (Hreidarsson) almost got back at them before the break with a half-chance. But Pompey’s ‘never say die’ approach got them level with a good goal by Piquionne (51) and almost put them in front on more than one occasion. Unfortunately for Portsmouth Wilson made a rash challenge on Ivanovic and Lampard scored from the spot (79) to win the game. Chelsea look a little static while Pompey are very good in attack. In in watching this match you would never think this was top of the league versus the bottom. When they play like this Your Ear refuses to believe that Portsmouth cannot wriggle out of the relegation hole they find themselves in.

Spurs v Man City - 3:0 - Spurs (for once) seemed the more confident side in the early stages. Their aggressive play paid off - Lennon’s speed got him past Sylvinho and a good cross was snapped up and converted by Kranjcar (37). Spurs should have scored more, but ended the first half just one ahead. After half-time Crouch rose (as only he can) to head to Defoe who tapped the ball home for Spurs' second (54). City tried but their best efforts were denied, as was a penalty claim that should have been awarded in their favour. Two bad misses by Adebayor summed up City's miserable evening before Kranjcar scored a great solo effort (90+3). This was a crucial game for Spurs, and a convincing win over their main top 4 rival (although Villa are in that frame as well, now). St Hal - ‘they’re a good side, they’re going to be bang there at the end of the year, and in years to come, I’m sure, with the resources they’ve got… they could end up doing anything in the next couple of years, but tonight we were the better side, there’s no disputing that… everyone worked, we passed well… I told Kranjcar if he don't get man-of-the-match for that tonight he'll never get it…” (he did get it). Mark Hughes - ‘The second goal killed us…’ Your Ear believes it was the first, then the second, then the third, a death by three cuts.

Burnley v Arsenal - 1:1 - Vermaelen nearly scored an early own goal for Burnley but the game was mostly all Arsenal's. Lots of pussyfooting in the goal area allowed Fabregas to pass the ball into the net (7). Fabregas and Arshavin both nearly scored before Bikey was fouled by Vermaelen after a neat Burnley build-up and Alexander’s penalty levelled the game (28). Burnley grew in confidence and Arsenal seemed half asleep whilst Burnley attacked them repeatedly, but to no profit. Fabregas came off (with a potential back injury) and although Arsenal gradually turned the game around and made a few chances they could gain no further advantage. In the second half Burnley started better, with many chances (off the post, offside, a good shout for handball denied, deemed to be outside the box) and preserved their good home record. Arsenal look a much blunter instrument now than was evident earlier in the season and Burnley deserved the draw. Wenger agrees that his side has problems maintaining momentum if/when they go ahead, something he will need to address if Arsenal’s title challenge is to be maintained. From an Arsenal fan’s point of view this game was frustrating, it looked more like a friendly or a training match.

Liverpool v Wigan - 2:1 - Lively early play by Liverpool presented several chances and after 9 minutes gave them the lead (N'Gog, glancing header from a good cross). Wigan may not be as skilful a side as Liverpool but they are physically imposing and almost retrieved the deficit 4 minutes later. N'Gog might have had a second, but missed narrowly. Kuyt almost scored a blaster but it was saved. N'Gog made way for Torres, who was quiet for a while, but shortly after Scotland should have scored for Wigan (hitting the bar), Torres settled the game, scrambling the ball in after 'rounding' the keeper and almost giving the ball to Bramble (79). This was Torres’ 61st goal in 100 appearances. N'Zogbia got one back in extra time (90+2) but it was too little, too late. This was a good result to help settle frazzled Liverpool nerves.

Premiership round up - Week 16

2009-12-17T22:14:00.002Z

Chelsea v Everton - 3:3 - The home crowd fell silent at the Bridge after 12 minutes when Saha hit the post for an o/g to bounce in off Cech. They weren’t quiet for long - six minutes later Drogba equalized and five minutes after that Anelka placed the ball nicely in the top right hand corner of the net, following a good lay-off by Ivanovic. But poor Blues’ defending allowed Yakubu to score on the stroke of half time. Much good it did Everton - Drogba got his second (59, another Ivanovic pass) and it looked like Chelsea would go on to score one or two more. But frailty in defence against set pieces let Everton in for their third, cruelly headed out by Drogba to strike an unsuspecting Saha, which lobbed a helpless Ivanovic. Gor blimey, guv, I do not believe Mr Ancelotti was best pleased! But on the sidelines Mr A looked calm and collected, whereas David Moyes was best described as animated. Ballack missed a couple of chances but the game ended in a draw, which, as Moyes said; ‘was a top-notch result, given the team we came to play with today’. Ancelotti (with a small shrug) - ‘football is strange.’ You’re right there, mate.

Spurs v Wolves - 0:1 - Modric was back on the Spurs’ bench after his leg break some months ago, but he was no talisman - after three minutes an implausible free kick awarded against Huddlestone enabled Doyle to open the scoring for Wolves. The half time talk in the Spurs’ dressing room must have been dire, but whatever St Harold said had little effect, and the second half was a repeat of the first, with Wolves digging in and Spurs making little impact, the best chances falling to Huddlestone. After the match Sir H said that Spurs lacked a ‘cutting edge’ and that Wolves ‘defended for their lives’. But that’s what’s needed in the Premiership, a bit of trench warfare mentality. No Christmas party for Spurs this ear, we are told. As an aside, is it Your Ear’s imagination, or is the protection on Defoe’s broken fingers getting larger every week? On Saturday he was sporting what looked like a pair of very fat, white-wrapped frankfurters. If those bandages continue to expand he could end up looking like Mr Michelin.

Man Utd v Aston Villa - 0:1 - Agbonlahor edged Villa in front with a well-taken header (21). United waited for some thirty minutes of this game for their first shot on goal but Friedel saved it well. Shortly after Rooney was cautioned for ‘simulation’ which means taking a dive. Rooney subsequently saw several valiant attempts come to nothing, one off the crossbar, as ManU applied much pressure and shouts of ‘who are ya?’ from Villa seemed more than a little optimistic. But Villa’s defence is dour and on occasion lucky, and Villa took the honours for the first time at
Old Trafford since November 1983. Sir Alex duly shook Martin O’Neill’s hand and with more grace than he berated the linesman for (as he saw it) the lack of extra time allowed.

Bolton v Man City - 3:3 - This match, as Leslie Phillips might have said, was a real ding-dong.
Klasnic (although probably offside) opened the scoring for Bolton (11). Tevez, City’s best player on the day, got the goal back with a neat flick (28). Gary Cahill scored a great goal (43) to put Bolton ahead again but Richards, after a good build-up, levelled the match again in stoppage time at the end of the half. Klasnic got his second goal with a superb strike (53) before Bellamy was sent off (for a second yellow, the first was for dissent, the second, for diving, was completely in error). But even reduced to 10 men City looked the more aggressive side and man-of-the-match Tevez duly earned City a draw with a brilliant long range shot (77). City had to keep coming from behind in this game, but they did; better than conceding a draw from the front and (other than Hughes’ annoyance at Bellamy’s red card) both managers seemed relatively happy with the result.

Stoke v Wigan - 2:2 - The Pulis/Beattie debacle seems to have abated, although Beattie did not start. Boyce’s strong header put Wigan ahead (16) but Tuncay levelled it (37) before the toe of Scharner at full stretch denied the Turkish international what would have been a fine second goal. Then, an extraordinary moment by Wigan’s Figueroa, possibly the goal of the year, when he scored from a quickly taken free kick in his own half (72). You don’t get many of those to the pound, but within two minutes Shawcross had brought Stoke level again. In the 89th minute Huth won a bad penalty decision (he was both offside and not fouled) which Sorenson saved from Rodallega.

Birmingham v West Ham - 1:0 -The first half was fairly even and most of the action was saved for the second. Bowyer scored for Birmingham (52) due to poor defending (although they all have to be put away) and although The Hammers had a few chances they could not get back on terms.
Noble was wrongly sent off for a challenge, a decision which was more than harsh. Afterwards Zola, normally Mr Politeness-Itself - ‘my view is that the referee took the day off’. He was right.

Sunderland v Portsmouth v Burnley - 1:1 – Bent, who always looks formidable on the attack, took a chance well to put Sunderland ahead (23). The game was nip and tuck from then on, but Sunderland let their guard down at the death (90+3) and Kaboul scored, removed his shirt and was promptly sent off, just before the final whistle was blown. Still, a very good point for Pompey.

Burnley v Fulham - 1:1 – This game was mostly Fulham’s but it was 50 minutes before Zamora opened the scoring, (and looked almost looked happy at doing so this week). But a good volley by Elliot off a cross by Jordan earned Burnley another point at home.

Hull v Blackburn - 0:0 -There were few opportunities at either end in a fairly scrappy game. This was the third goal-less draw on the trot for Blackburn. Phil Brown, grinning - ‘a point’s a point!’

Liverpool v Arsenal - 1:2 - The runes did not read well for either side going into this match - in League and Cup Liverpool had won only 3 out of 14 games, while Arsenal had lost 4 of their last 6. And it was, in the fullest sense of the hackneyed phrase, a game of two halves. From the off Liverpool were all over Arsenal and the first half saw a great chance for Torres squandered (lack of fitness and/or match practice?). Meanwhile Gallas got away with two bad challenges that might have led to penalties, until the pressure paid off and Kuyt scored four minutes before half time. In the dressing room Mr Wenger apparently became mildly annoyed, and it’s said he might have thrown a few plastic cups around. It worked, and Arsenal largely owned the second half, with Liverpool running out of steam and ideas. However, Liverpool also got the second goal, a very unfortunate o/g by Glen Johnson (50). Arshavin's star shone briefly (but for long enough) to bury a shot in an instant in the top left hand corner of the net (58) to win Arsenal the match. These games turn on the finest of pivot points, two penalties that might have been and one or two other important decisions, all of which went in Arsenal’s favour. After the game Benitez agreed that it had been ‘an opportunity missed’ whilst Wenger said (of The Gunners’ poor first half) ‘I believe it was a mixture of desire to do well and fear of a big game, they had the first half, we had the second.’ In answer to the question; ‘Are you back in the title hunt?’ the reply was; ‘Mathematically yes, and mentally, certainly.’ Well done, Arsenal, this season gets more interesting by the week - ManU are being forced to look behind themselves now, as well as ahead.

News of the Week (to keep us in perspective) - In a week when Ryan Giggs won the Sports Personality of the Year award in Sheffield and all that Mr Berlusconi wants for Christmas is his two front teeth (the tooth fairy left him €1 per tooth, we are told), we turn to football to lighten both our hearts and the daily load.

Football Headlines of the Week- Watford Fans Stranded - Rumour has it that a group of travelling Watford fans have been stranded abroad by the Globespan travel company collapse. So, an insolvency renders them unable to be at home in time for… their favourite football team to go bust. What a bummer! New Job For Paul Hart - Former Portsmouth boss Paul Hart has been named as the new manager of Queens Park Rangers. Congratulations, and let’s hope he is given a fair run at it. He replaces Jim Magilton who, with his assistant John Gorman, left QPR by mutual consent. This follows an ‘an incident’ on 7 December at Vicarage Road, where QPR lost 3-1 to Watford. Apparently Magilton had a ‘difference of opinion’ with midfielder Akos Buzsaky after the match, but he has denied any wrong-doing. Pulis and Beattie, Magilton and Buzaky, what’s the world coming to? Let’s keep the violence (allegedly) on the pitch! Otherwise we will need referees (maybe boxing referees) in the dressing rooms. QPR currently stand at 12th place in the Championship table. They, along with at least another ten teams, will benefit if Watford are docked the 10 points they will lose for going under financially. It would be good to see QPR (another London club, bless ‘em) back in the top flight, it has been a long time, but this year it’s probably beyond them.

Premiership round up - Week 15

2009-12-10T19:44:00.001Z

Arsenal v Stoke - 2:0 - Arsene Wenger will remember his 500th Premier League game as Arsenal manager (and Arsenal's 100th game at the Emirates - unbelievable, isn't it?) with some fondness as it ends a three match losing streak and (perhaps belatedly) puts the Gunners back on the title-hunt path. And he has Arshavin to thank for it, as the Russian tore Stoke apart with ease to open the scoring (26), although other players might also have scored for Arsenal. Stoke gave the Gunners a few worrying moments, but Arsenal sealed their victory when Aaron Ramsey thumped one home from the edge of the box (79). The win, according to Wenger, helps Arsenal 'start again,' although Arsenal's squad suffered more injuries to Eboue, Gallas and Rosicky. As an aside, Arshavin was quoted as saying that Arsenal need some taller players (they should have kept Adebayor, then). What is he talking about? According to the web, Arshavin himself is somewhere between 1.69-1.72m (around 5'6"-5'8" for those unable to cope with metric). Your Ear thinks he is probably about 4'8", but who cares? - Arshavin is the perfect advertisement for the smaller player.

Aston Villa v Hull - 3:0 - Early Villa pressure finally led to Milner providing for Dunne, who hammered the ball into the roof of the net (13). Unfortunately, shortly after, Hull's Jimmy Bullard limped off with a painful and possibly serious knee injury. Milner doubled Villa's lead with an opportunistic goal, lobbing the Tigers' keeper from 25 yards (29) and substitute John Carew finished off the Villa score line from the spot after Duke brought down Ashley Young (88). The victory was only Villa's second win in seven league matches and Martin O'Neill was very satisfied with his team's performance, which rekindles top 4 aspirations. Hull's defeat ends their run of four unbeaten matches and brings the relegation zone within just 3 points (again). Despite Phil Brown's protestations, the Bullard injury is a great blow to Hull, who Your Ear now forecasts will experience a reversal in fortunes.

Blackburn v Liverpool - 0:0 - Dour, resolute Blackburn defending kept Liverpool at bay for the entire match. Both sides had their chances but Blackburn’s were possibly the better ones. None were taken. To say this is not proving to be Liverpool's season would be a gross understatement, Rafa's side is seventh in the table and it's hard to see how they might finish higher than fifth, even though they might go on one of their famous '20 matches in a row without a defeat' runs. Although Benitez was understandably frustrated with a draw the result delighted Sam Allardyce on his second day back at work after heart surgery. Gerrard played well (on his 500th appearance for the club) but Liverpool also need Torres, and badly!

Man City v Chelsea - 2:1 - After so many uninspiring performances recently City finally came up trumps with this deserved win against Chelsea. It brings the season back to life, and is the best Christmas present City could have given Premiership fans (except, of course, to those who support the Blues). Chelsea got the first goal (o/g, Adebayor, 8) but Adebayor equalized off a Wright-Phillips' shot which was half-blocked by Richards (37). Tevez literally put the boot in with a 20-yard free-kick after 56 minutes to gain the lead for City. Chelsea might have earned a draw from a late penalty but Given was the hero of the day, saving from Lampard. This huge result means that Mark Hughes can breathe a sigh of management relief. Ancelotti is a fan, anyway - he thinks Hughes is 'a good coach'. Wonder if coach means manager, in Ancelotti-speak.

Portsmouth v Burnley - 2:0 - Avram Grant got his first victory with Pompey following a difficult week off the pitch, with Portsmouth's players paid their latest wages only after the club took a loan. Portsmouth were awarded a bad penalty in the 31st minute but Dindane's feeble miss (to Grant's total frustration, as Boateng should have taken it) was fair justice. Other than that Burnley bossed the first hour but their abysmal away record continued when Pompey went in front (Hreidarsson, left foot, 65). Dindane made amends for his penalty attempt and secured victory with a header (84). It's easy to congratulate the goal scorers, but Portsmouth should really thank Kanu, who came on as substitute (and goal creator ) and their Bosnian keeper, Asmir Begovic, for this win.

West Ham v Man Utd - 0:4 - ManU have obviously decided to celebrate Christmas early, and overpowered the Hammers in the second half to keep the pressure on Chelsea. West Ham might have scored (Collison) after a slapdash back-pass by Giggs (must be feeling his age, after so many fine performances recently). But after an indifferent first half, with West Ham defending well, Scholes started the rout when he crashed the ball home (Ferguson - 'a wonderful hit') with the last kick of the half. Giggs set up Gibson to crack in a second (61) then Rooney assisted Valencia for ManU's third (71), before Valencia crossed a minute later for Rooney to finish off the Hammers. Sir Alex is now having to deal with multiple injuries, forcing some of his team to play outside their usual position, particularly Carrick. But one of United's strengths over the years has been an ability to do just that. Zola - 'The first goal changed the story of the game. We were defending well and they didn't create much. We have no complaints - our players gave everything. When you play the champions it's always difficult and if you give them something they will exploit it. The second goal killed us.'

Wigan v Birmingham - 2:3 - A good second-half comeback gave Birmingham their first away win and stretched their unbeaten league run to six games. N'Zogbia's curling effort after good service from Scotland put Wigan ahead (33), but Birmingham came back after half time and Larsson converted a pair of free-kicks (61 & 72) either side of a breakaway goal by Benitez (66). Substitute Jordi Gomez pulled one back for Wigan (89) with a late free-kick. Birmingham's third successive win promotes them to eighth in the Premiership. Manager Alex McLeish - 'We're showing we belong in the Premier League, the players are entitled to feel massively confident because they've earned it.' Your Ear wonders how many of these players will still be there at the end of January if Birmingham go on a transfer spending spree. Martinez - 'It is difficult to explain how we lost the game, we created chance after chance and dominated the first half.' Your Ear would helpfully advise Roberto that Wigan lost the game because Birmingham got more goals.

Wolves v Bolton - 2:1 - Craddock put Wolves ahead with an early volley (3) although he was offside. Milijas got a second after the break with a great 30-yard strike (63). Elmander pulled a goal back when he bundled the ball in from a corner (79), but Wolves survived a tense last few minutes to earn a deserved victory. Wolves' third league win this season leapfrogs them above Bolton in the table. McCarthy was delighted with his 'massive' win, and honestly admitted 'The goal was offside but it was my turn for a bit of luck.' Bolton’s manager Gary Megson, annoyed that his team have yet to keep a clean sheet this season, said 'We have talked about the fact that nine of their 11 goals have come from set-pieces so it's soul-destroying when they score after three minutes from a set-piece. Defending that first set-piece we were poor but nowhere near as poor as the linesman. It was a poor, poor decision. In the last 20 minutes you've seen the away team take the game to the home team. We created a lot of problems, created a lot of chances and they couldn't get out of their half yet we left it too late.' Which was also honest.

Fulham v Sunderland - 1:0 - Zamora's header in the seventh minute put Fulham ahead and it could fairly be said that Fulham owned the first half, although they could not increase their lead. Sunderland, who have only picked up four points away all season, were the better side and made it a good contest in the second period, but could not get back on terms, Bent particularly missing a couple of good chances. Roy Hodgson (on Zamora's unexplained and apparent annoyance at having scored) - 'He can be as aggravated and as angry as he likes, as long as he keeps putting the ball in the back of the net he can rail at the world for all I care.' Steve Bruce - 'We're too easy away from home… we've got to get the monkey off our back.'

Everton v Spurs - 2:2 - Spurs looked the business early on, but they seem to need a lead of at least 3 goals in order not to succumb to nerves. In the early part of the game Crouch could not capitalize on a Lennon pass and Defoe also missed a couple of chances, although Everton had squandered their own opportunities. Spurs (Defoe) broke through in the 2nd minute of the second half and Dawson (59) got a second with a good plunging header. Kranjcar nearly scored a third from a free kick and Crouch might also have added to Spurs' total but missed. Then the heebie-jeebies crept in. Saha gained a foothold for Everton (78) and nearly got another from a great overhead kick attempt. Spurs definitely looked skittish and unsettled, and proved to be so when Cahill equalized with 4 minutes to go. Fate extended Spurs a lifeline when Palacios was flattened in the box and stretchered off in extra time. But Defoe (unusually given his recent form) missed from the penalty spot ('It wasn't to be,' said St Hal, shrugging his saintly shoulders). Spurs should have won this game but Everton’s perseverance served them well for their point.

Boring But Not Completely Uninteresting Trivia - Defoe was not alone in missing a penalty this week, and was in good company. Five penalties were awarded in the last ten Premiership matches. John Carew scored his for Aston Villa, but, besides Defoe, Lampard, Fabregas and Dindane all missed. So, 4:1 in favour of the 'missed penalty fairy'. Conversely, a good week for keepers.

News of the Week (to keep us in perspective) - Royal Harpist Convicted - Although found not guilty of burglary a former royal harpist battling a drug addiction has been convicted of handling stolen goods. Possibly not the right instrument to play, given her potential future in the hereafter.

Football Story of the Week - Viagra For England At World Cup? - A sports scientist says giving England players Viagra at next year's World Cup in South Africa would help them cope with altitude by boosting lung capacity. He said: ‘It's scientifically proven that the process of how Viagra works in the body, by enlarging the blood vessels (Ed. - Oh, is that what it does!), can improve performance of some athletes. Also known as sildenafil, it's been used by football teams in South America and some cyclists because it's not a banned substance.’ Your Ear (who, as soon as he reads the words ‘scientifically proven’ starts rooting around for the emails which might show otherwise) would question why, if it enhances performance, the substance is not banned. However, given the nature of the drug, here are some other questions:
a) will it only be lungs that are ‘boosted’?
b) and will those taking the drug do so purely to boost their lung capacity? (pull the other one)
c) when would players take it? (surely not the night before a match)
d) will it help out-of form strikers to score more? (Ed. - please, readers, this is a serious issue)
e) will it affect post-goal celebrations? (let’s hope not, things could get ugly)
f) if Viagra were to sponsor a team what would their logo be? (Ed. - answers on a postcard please).

Second Best Football Story of the Week – Season Of Goodwill? - James Beattie's future at Stoke is in doubt following a bust-up with potentially potty Potters’ manager, Tony Pulis at Arsenal. Pulis is alleged to have tried to head-butt Beattie after an argument. The story goes (allegedly) that after Saturday’s 2-0 defeat Pulis told his players to report for training on Monday. Beattie reminded Pulis that he had given them the day off (Monday being the day after the team’s Christmas party in London) and protested when Pulis would not change his mind. At which point, witnesses say, Pulis unsuccessfully tried to butt Beattie, who defended himself. The club refused to comment but confirmed that players were expected to report for training. The failed attempts by Pulis to hit Beattie show he is not a seasoned professional Premiership manager. He needs to attend Sir Alex's classes on 'how to hit a world class footballer with a well-aimed boot'.

Funny Football Story of the Week - Goalkeeper Strikers – It’s well known that goalkeepers often score goals. Go here for a few videos on goal-scoring keepers, particularly the first one on ex-Hamburg and Bayer Leverkusen keeper Hans-Jorg Butt. This shows him scoring from the penalty spot, then taking too long in celebrating on returning to his own goal, during which time the opposition kick off and lob him. http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/football/early-doors/article/217715/

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 14

2009-12-01T12:57:00.003Z

Portsmouth v Man Utd - 1:4 - Avram Grant (ex-Chelsea) took over from managerial casualty, Paul Hart - no chance for Portsmouth now, thought Your Ear. However, Pompey got the bit between their teeth early on; Dindane missed three chances before United scored from a penalty (Rooney, 25). Within 7 minutes Vidic engaged in a bit of shirt-pulling and Boateng scored from a penalty at the other end. Rooney got his second from open play near the start of the second half and his hat-trick from another penalty (54). Giggs made it four from a free kick (87), scoring his 100th Premier league goal for ManU the day before his 36th birthday. An example to us all. Portsmouth (Utaka) nearly scored a spectacular goal in extra time, but this was not an auspicious debut match for Portsmouth’s new manager. On the other hand had Pompey taken one of their opportunities in the first half it might have led to a different result. No, that’s wrong, it wouldn’t!

West Ham v Burnley - 5:3 - There were early chances at either end but West Ham began to score freely after 18 minutes (Collison from Parker’s quickly taken free kick). Junior Stanislas squeezed the ball home for West Ham’s second (34). Then Cole scored from a penalty (43). In the second half Franco gave Jensen no chance to save his header from a free kick (51). Finally Jiminez scored from a penalty (64) after Jensen overcommitted himself. At which point, 5:0 up and cruising, West Ham fell fast asleep. Fletcher retrieved one for Burnley (68) with a simple tap home from a cross that sliced the Hammers’ defence in two. Instead of waking up West Ham started to snore more deeply and Burnley did exactly the same again (Fletcher, 74). Burnley’s Caldwell was sent off, but Burnley still got a third goal (Eagles, 90+5). West Ham score many goals (9th best ‘goals for’ in the Premiership) but they also bleed them. Fortunately for the Hammers, so do Burnley, particularly away. Zola celebrates a 3 pointer, at last.

Aston Villa v Spurs - 1:1 - Agbonlahor bundled the ball home after 10 minutes after Spurs missed several attempts. Villa hung on for an hour or so under severe pressure before Dawson equalized (77). St Hal seemed less pleased with a point than Martin O’Neil - ‘We should have won the game, we had 14 shots to their 1,’ (actually it was 15 to Villa’s 9, so St Hal was not infallible on this occasion). Spurs are a stronger side than Villa going forwards, but their defence remains questionable, whereas Villa’s strengths are the reverse. So, a point was well won by both sides.

Man City v Hull - 1:1 - Robinho put himself about a lot with some good looking but fruitless moves. Finally, after many attempts, Wright-Phillips got City ahead by a deflected shot at the end of the half. Bullard crashed home a disputed penalty with 9 minutes to go, then extracted the Michael from his manager in the celebration (the Hull players sat in a circle, mimicking the telling-off Phil Brown gave his players the last time they played away to City). This was the 7th draw in a row for an unconvincing City (and this last sentence is becoming a familiar cut and paste job for Your Ear). City are failing badly in that they have gone ahead in their last four games only to concede a draw. Mark Hughes is beginning to exhibit that look of haunted fatigue that soon-to-be ex-managers often display.

Wigan v Sunderland - 1:0 - Wigan did not look or play like a side that had been thumped right royally the week before. Having said that, Bent nearly nicked an early goal, and (in Your Ear’s view) should at least have won a free kick near the goal line by having forced a pass back to the keeper by Boyce. This game could hardly be described as lively, although Wigan’s Scotland was denied by the post. But after much to-ing and fro-ing, Rodallega broke the deadlock with 14 mins to go. Well done, Wigan, after last week's hammering.

Fulham v Bolton - 1:1 - Bolton went ahead after 35 mins (Klasnic), then withstood everything Fulham threw at them until finally Duff equalized (75). Bit of a yawn, this match.

Blackburn v Stoke - 0:0 - Stoke had the better chances in the first half but there was no score. Sitters were missed at either end and the game ended in a goal-less draw. Neither this nor the Fulham v Bolton game proved to be inspiring matches, but then, they can’t all be 9:1, can they?

Arsenal v Chelsea - 0:3 - Arsenal started the game below full strength, Van Persie is injured and out for several months, Diaby and Bendtner were also missing. The Gunners failed to take a couple of early chances but Chelsea looked strong from the outset. An excellent Ashley Cole pass was seized upon by Drogba, who scored a very good, flicked-on goal (41). A little later, following another piece of cleverness, Chelsea pushed the ball forward awkwardly into Arsenal’s box, forcing an o/g by Vermaelen (45). Arshavin had a goal disallowed and the game was wrapped up by a great free kick by Drogba (86). Chelsea were too good for Arsenal today. They have the most parsimonious (some would say stingy) defence in the Premiership (only 8 goals conceded, 4 better than the next stingiest, ManU on 12). And they were far better than the Gunners up front. Drogba and Anelka are both immensely strong, in any way you like to see it, either on a physical or skill basis. Wenger was quietly incensed, with some justice, on the subject of the disallowed Arshavin goal. Arsene thought the linesman called it rather than the referee, but in any event on being told that the goal was judged to be unfair play (Eduardo’s foot up on Cech’s hand) commented that he had reviewed it and - ‘what is wrong (sic), because I’ve watched that four times and he (the referee) cannot say that (it was unfair) because it’s not true… …you can’t believe referees any more if they tell you things like that.’ He had a point, but on the other hand Anelka was fouled and should have had a penalty early on, so the 3 goal margin might still have applied. Ancelotti seems to be supremely confident, without (to his credit) the least trace of smugness. So, Arsenal failed to do ManU the favour of beating Chelsea before Christmas. Now, as pundit Mark Lawrenson says, January becomes important, with several Chelsea players away for the Africa Cup.

Everton v Liverpool - 0:2 - Mascherano got a lucky deflection early on (o/g, Yobo, 12). Everton looked aggressive and intent but Bilyaletdinov’s miss of a fairly easy chance was typical of their poor fortune. Jo scored, and was given offside, but even though Everton were making all the plays (Jo given offside again) they could not break down Liverpool’s defence-orientated strategy. The second half saw lots of rash challenges by both sides and Reina made a couple of fine saves to deny Everton. It was not Yobo’s day, after a defensive error (by Yobo) Kuyt scored to clinch the game (80). Moyes comment - ‘The difference between the teams was a bit of luck,’ was a fair synopsis. A bad season thus far in scouse-land, though, for both clubs, particularly those in blue.

Wolves v Birmingham – 0:1 - Bowyer scored a cheeky goal with a very well-placed shot after just 3 minutes in this derby. Wolves exerted themselves manfully but to no avail and the following 87 minutes presented relatively routine stuff. Bowyer stood out as the best player on the pitch with one or two other efforts which did not quite deliver. Watching such games shows the gulf in quality between the lower-ranked sides and the top three or four clubs, which is huge. Birmingham are going to need a very large purse to bridge the gap. Wolves just have to grit their teeth, gird their loins, and get on with it. Or maybe they should gird their teeth and grit their loins…

Motoring News Roundup - In a week when Tiger Woods is under investigation for ramming a tree, a German motorist who had just seen the latest Harry Potter movie mistook an underground train tunnel for a road and drove 200 metres along the tracks before realizing what he had done, we turn to the following driver story of the week - Police 'Tase' Great-Grandma - According to the BBC great-grandma Kathryn Winkfein was stopped by deputy sheriff Chris Bieze for driving at 60mph in a 45mph zone in her white pick-up while shopping in Austin, Texas. She resisted arrest and became argumentative. A police video then shows Mr Bieze push Mrs Winkfein before pointing the taser gun at her. ‘If you don't step back, you're going to get tased,’ Mr Bieze said. ‘Go ahead, tase me. I dare you,’ she replied. He did, and the video shows Mrs Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning in pain. This is what gets Americans a bad name, great-grandmas who speed whilst out shopping. Your Ear congratulates the Texas constabulary and their 'zero tolerance' policy to stamp out such anti-social behaviour. This is how the west was won.

Story of the Week (to keep us in perspective) - Vatican Grooves - Pop Pope - The Vatican reacted swiftly to last week’s report (Japan’s PM In Chart Bid), with news that ‘top of the popes’ Benedict XVI could be the big banana in music this Christmas through recordings of his speeches and songs set to original classical music compositions. The music’s three composers, a British agnostic, an Italian Catholic, and a Moroccan born Muslim, say the album's purpose is to promote a communal, worldwide experience, rather than to spread a Catholic message. Albums by acts like The Priests and Monks have sold well over the years and even if a small percentage of the world’s one billion Catholics buy the CD it will be a massive hit. The album will be released on Geffen Records, which has published work by Guns N' Roses, Aerosmith, Joan Rivers, Manowar (Louder Than Hell), Madness, Death Angel, Gutterboy, The Simpsons, Pariah, Eagles (Hell Freezes Over), Snoop Dog, The Cure, Kardinal Offishall, but not The Damned. Geffen Records boss Colin Barlow told Sky News: ‘The beauty of this is people first hear this and say 'no way'. Then it actually starts to dawn on people that it's a really amazing record. I think people will be really blown away when they listen to it.’ Not literally, Your Ear hopes.

Football Headlines – Shirt-Pulling Solution - ‘Why allow this crazy practice?,’ says top fashion designer. ‘It is sooo silly and unnecessary. I have designed special paper-based clothing. It looks good but tears easily, so when a shirt is grabbed a handful comes away and sticks to the offender’s fingers. The evidence of foul play will be clear for all to see, and as the shirts are disposable they will save on laundry bills. And they are recyclable. Voila!’ Several namby-pamby, whinging clubs are known to be interested. Meanwhile, the FA continues to fail to answer why they appear to condone shirt-pulling as part of the sport. If they wanted to eradicate it they could - players get an automatic yellow for taking their shirts off to celebrate, why not reward a handful of shirt with the same? Ferguson Misquoted – When he said (discussing Pompey’s position in the league a week before the match) ‘that Portsmouth’s all heart and it seems nothing can be odder,’ what he actually said was ‘that Portsmouth’s Paul Hart and his team are nothing but cannon fodder.’

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 13

2009-11-24T11:36:00.001Z

Liverpool v Man City - 2:2 - Both sides took to the field of play hoping to finish in the league’s top 4, but lately both have faltered. Liverpool, who nearly scored early on, maintained the initiative but the Kop had to wait until the second half, when Skrtel beat Adebayor (defending in his own box for once). Adebayor got his own back 19 minutes later, scoring with a free header. Ireland put City ahead after some good work by Tevez, but Benayoun levelled the match a minute later. It was all Liverpool until the end but they could not clinch a winner. Sixth draw in a row for an unconvincing City, although Liverpool at home were never going to be easy opponents for them.

Sunderland v Arsenal - 1:0 - Arsenal sometimes make football look an easy game to play, moving the ball with a tight level of fluency that few other teams can match. However, on occasion Arsenal also lull themselves (gently) off to sleep, as if hypnotized by their own mastery. The Gunners made some tremendous but unfruitful efforts, two of which would surely have been candidates for goal of the month. Sunderland organized themselves to defend but the one man up front, Bent, scored a good goal to give his side the game. Wenger's view? - 'A massive setback.'

Birmingham v Fulham - 1:0 - Chances at either end were not converted until Bowyer calmly tapped the ball over the keeper after 16 minutes. Fulham played positively in pouring rain but could not score. All very low key stuff, probably due, at least in part, to the weather.

Burnley v Aston Villa - 1:1- Richard Dunne is having a bad week. First he was amongst those robbed by Henri's 'main de Dieu,' in the World Cup qualifiers. Then he failed to stop Caldwell scoring in the 9th minute, giving Burnley their usual home lead. At one point Jensen came so far off his line his manager thought he'd substituted himself, but he, and Burnley, got away with it. Agbonlahor should have scored ten minutes later but with less than five minutes to spare Heskey muscled his way onto the ball to head a last gasp equalizer.

Hull v West Ham - 3:3 - West Ham started brightly, Franco scoring from a corner after 5 minutes. Collison got another a little afterwards with a quality looping header following a beautiful long cross by Franco. Hull's first goal was also a looping header, but this time by deflection (o/g Cole, off Bullard's free kick). Zayatte got Hull’s second goal two minutes before the break. A dire penalty decision allowed Bullard, who has made a huge difference to Hull, to score from the spot, giving Hull the lead at half time. Mendy was sent off for a foul on Parker with 36 minutes left. Da Costa scored a third in the 69th minute but West Ham should have made Hull pay more dearly. Stanislas should have scored twice more, or at least hit the target, but the game ended in a draw, making this the second time West Ham have gone two up and had to settle for a single point. Zola - 'We are scoring plenty of goals, we just need to focus, to defend our goal a little better.' Which is true, but is much the same as saying ‘if we score more than we let in, we'll win a few games.’

Chelsea v Wolves - 4:0 - Wolves tried, and tried hard, but if you don't have the quality, you won't (as Hansen would have it) put the ball in the back of the net. Malouda has that quality and ambled up the pitch to thump one home from 30 yards after 5 minutes. Essien headed in a corner kick a little later. Kalou might have had a brace, but even with a reduced squad Chelsea were strolling. Wolves repeatedly failed to close down Essien, who got a third. Cech saved well to deny Ebanks-Blake’s header, but that was the only bright moment for Wolves before Joe Cole scored from a well-worked Anelka-inspired lay-off to make it four. Essien nearly got a hat-trick with two nice shots, but Chelsea did need him to. Anelka came off and Kakuta, Chelsea's new (some say illegally signed) French player came on and showed what a prize he is. Worth going to court for! Mick McCarthy’s view - 'We were absolutely mullahed.' McCarthy obviously knows his urban dictionary, which states that to be ‘mullahed’ means; Getting absolutely shoe'd, almost to the point of molestation by a clearly superior force or entity. He was right, Wolves were the oysters at the seafood stall, prised apart and swallowed whole.

Man United v Everton - 3:0 - A great strike by Fletcher arrowed into the back of the net after 35 minutes to give ManU a well-deserved lead. Vidic went to war, as he often does and flattened John Heitinga, who had to go off. Rooney grazed the bar, Owen, who had a good game, was a threat on several occasions and had one or two chances. Carrick passed the ball into the back of the net half-way through the second half to put the game beyond doubt before Scholes made a good chance for Valencia, who took it in the 76th minute. This game was all ManU, with another fine performance by Ryan Giggs. David Moyes - ‘The injuries are there but a manager’s job is to try to get a winning team with whatever you’re given, and at the moment I’m struggling to find that winning team.’ Your Ear believes Everton’s season is largely over, with no Euro place on the cards.

Spurs v Wigan - 9:1 - Your Ear is not sure there’s enough paper (or even electrons) here for a full report. But to keep it brief - Spurs owned the first 35 minutes, that included the running header by Crouch to go one up. It could easily have been more, but Spurs’ failure to score another seemed to take them off the boil and the last ten minutes of the first half were not comfortable from a Spurs’ standpoint as Wigan pressed for an equalizer. As the teams left the pitch, it seemed likely that Wigan’s Martinez was probably the happier manager of the two. It is not certain what St Hal said to his disciples in the dressing room, but he must have sprinkled it with fairy dust, because a brief report of the second half reads as follows; Defoe, great goal (51st), Defoe, great goal, rubbish defending (54th), Scharner, handball à l’Henri, a bad goal (57th), Defoe, hat-trick, great goal (58th), Lennon, neat and tidy goal from a good Crouch layoff, a favour returned (64th), Defoe, (yawn) 4! (69th), Defoe, (ho-hum) 5!! (87th), Bentley, brilliant free kick, that’s 8! (given as o/g, Kirkland, but really Bentley’s) Sir Harry seemed genuinely astonished (88th). Kranjcar wrapped it up with Spurs’ ninth (and final) goal in the third minute of extra time. Given that nine of the match goals were scored in the second half that’s one about every 5 minutes, and much more fun than waiting for a bus. Results like these are rare in top-flight football but St H was honest enough to say that ‘it was a good day and everything went for us.’ He praised Martinez as ‘a fine young manager who will bounce back,’ then ‘Crouchy’, Lennon, and obviously Defoe, but mostly Kranjcar, who, the noble lord said, was ‘top, top class.’ Your Ear thought that Palacios also had a good game. All of Defoe’s goals were top drawer, and only Shearer and Andy Cole have also scored five in a Premiership game. Best of all, Gomes wasn’t tested. Wigan need to bounce back from this most severe kicking when they play Sunderland next week. As a small post script, on MoTD2, Adrian Chiles (Your Ear has listened to it several times and this is definitely what he said) asked Robbie Savage; ‘Does 9:1 flatten Tottenham?’ We think the answer to that is clearly, not! Wishful thinking by the Baggies’ supporter? Lastly, this result might make Mick McCarthy grateful he was only mullahed!

Bolton v Blackburn - 0:2 - David Dunn opened Blackburn’s account with a first time, sweeping shot across the keeper to the far post after running more or less the full length of the pitch. This was after half an hour of end-to-end stuff where Bolton, particularly, might have scored at least twice. In fact, Bolton made more chances for themselves throughout the game, but Ricketts had the misfortune to gift Blackburn their second goal half way through the second half by heading back into an open goal when his keeper, Jussi Jaaskelainen, was running out of the goal area to counter an attack Ricketts had covered. Humorous viewing for Blackburn fans, a nightmare for Bolton, although the second goal did not cause or affect the result.

Stoke v Portsmouth - 1:0 - Portsmouth (Boateng) wasted a penalty opportunity with a weak and wobbly attempt after 9 minutes. O’Hara made a good effort from 40 yards which was saved, and for much of the game Portsmouth looked the better side. Then in the 74th minute Portsmouth old-boy, Fuller, slotted the ball into the corner of the net and won Stoke the game. Despite yet another defeat Your Ear does not see Portsmouth as a poor team, and fully expects their performance to pick up as the season progresses (they have no chance now, just like Arsenal after the last report, which tipped them to win the league - before they lost to Sunderland, of course).

Forecasts Revisited - In an early report (Pub1) Your Ear forecast a couple of absolute certainties, one of which proved not to be so. But in the interests of fair and honest reporting here are the facts;
a) Forecast 1 - that in a mini-league of teams likely to finish highly in the Premiership, Spurs or Arsenal would head the table. Well, here is the table and ManU is top dog at the moment, although the next four teams have two games in hand. Spurs weakness in match play against the other top teams shows why Spurs will be fortunate to achieve a top 4 overall league placement. Arsenal are doing better, and ManU will be hoping the Gunners can stop the Chelsea train in its tracks next weekend. Everton and Liverpool are poor performers by this evaluation.
Pos Played Team Points
1 6 Man Utd 12
2 4 Chelsea 9
3 4 Aston Villa 8
4 4 Arsenal 6
5 4 Man City 5
6 5 Liverpool 4
7 4 Tottenham 3
8 3 Everton 1
b) Forecast 2 - Your Ear also forecast that this would be a high scoring year. After 127 games, a third of the way through the season, some 389 goals have been scored. This is 43 more than was scored in the same number of games last season, an increase of 12.4%, which is not to be sniffed at. Your Ear almost hesitates to point out that a fifth of that excess was scored by the Right Honourable Tottens of Ham over the weekend, but what’s done is done. Overall what does this mean - that 2009/10 will be a goal-fest season, or that from now on many fewer goals will be scored? Your Ear clings to the former view. Here are more interesting, but largely useless, statistics - of the 389 goals scored thus far, some 57% (221) have been scored by the top 8 clubs (the same clubs as in the table above, substituting Sunderland for Everton) whilst only 31% (121) have been scored against them. So, unsurprisingly, the top clubs score more goals than they concede, roughly on a 2:1 basis. At the other end of the table the bottom 8 clubs, which includes Everton, have scored 109 goals for (28%) and have suffered 187 against (48%). Finally, only the top 8 clubs currently have a positive goal difference, all other teams are in deficit. Enough of this trivia.

News Roundup - In a week when a strand of Elvis's hair sold for over £1,000 at auction, when Britain was blasted by 100mph gales, and when a crumb of bread caused the Hadron Collider to be shut down for a second time (some say the crumb was a bit of baguette dropped by a seagull, but Your Ear was told that the offending morsel was, in fact, ‘un gros pain, un gros, gros pain,’ which then became almost as true in the English sense as in the French. And, from the sceptics point of view, it was dropped by a very, very, wise owl), we turn to the orient for news.

News From Japan (to keep us in perspective) - Blues To Curb Platform Suicides - Tokyo train operators, concerned at a rise in suicides at rail stations, are bathing platforms in blue light in an attempt to calm passengers. ‘Some people thought we were going to play Blues music,’ said a spokesperson. ‘But we felt this might cause more people to jump.’ Tuna Crisis Averted - On Tuesday fisheries minister Hirotaka Akamatsu dispelled public concerns fuelled by an international tuna conservation body’s decision to cut the annual tuna catch, as the recession has provided Japan with ample stocks of frozen tuna. But if a problem arises no doubt more ‘research’ could be undertaken. Obama Bow Outrage - Recent photos of President Obama in Japan bowing deeply to Emperor Akihito have incensed Washington critics, who are weighing whether or not the president disgraced his own country. ‘Can’t see what all the hoo-hah is about,’ said a spokesperson. ‘The pres was just picking up a pin he’d dropped.’ PM In Chart Bid - Japan's hit chart could soon be topped by Yukio Hatoyama, the Japanese Prime Minster, after his 1989 album Take Heart was re-released. Tokyo Beats Paris In Food Stakes - With 11 3-star Michelin restaurant ratings Tokyo now outdoes Paris, which has only 10. The 2010 edition of the Michelin guide for Tokyo also lists 42 2-star and 144 1-star restaurant ratings, showing the high quality of food in the Japanese capital. It is rumoured that at least one crazed, patriotic Frenchman is en route east with bottled flies in his luggage (to sabotage the soup).

Japanese Story Of The Week - Solar Power To Be Beamed To Earth - Japan proposes to collect ‘free’ solar power in space before transmitting it to Earth using laser beams or microwaves. The fuel-poor island nation's government has selected researchers and companies to deliver the multi-billion yen dream of unlimited clean energy by 2030. Scare-monger stories of flocks of migrating birds foolish enough to fly through active energy fields raining down on the populace after being microwaved are ill-founded, say government sources. However, KFC are keeping a careful eye on developments. They hope to deliver chickens equipped with electro-prods and sat nav chips to customers who have ordered a takeaway by zapping fly-by-wire poultry over the appropriate front doorsteps. ‘It should save on mopeds,’ a spokesperson said. ‘And the food will be fresh.’ Chinese ‘duck-away’ restaurants are also reported to be interested.

Football Headlines – Hammerette Lingerie - Katy Perry, girlfriend of Hammers fan Russell Brand, has popularised West Ham colours and badges (and underwear) by sporting a basque in claret and blue at the MTV Europe Music Awards this month. By popular demand West Ham then offered a limited edition of the outfit, planning to sell the item as a potential Christmas present for fans’ wives. However, the men queuing up for the supportive, snug corsets (particularly those with bad backs and others wishing to get in touch with their feminine side) are looking for the larger sizes. ‘They keep you warm on the terraces,’ said a satisfied customer, ‘and at only 300 squid a go, they’re bargainous.’ Secret England Squad? - Following England’s recent 1:0 defeat by Brazil, Fabio Capello says he has another, better squad of players available to him (and England) for the World Cup, but (other than Rooney) he won’t say who they are. ‘Today we send out our little team and next time we gonna put out our big team,’ he said. Meanwhile, bookies put England at 3:1 to exit the World cup at the quarter-finals stage. Rooney To Captain England Again - England’s loss to Brazil will not prevent Wayne Rooney from leading out his side in future matches, said a spokesperson for Mr Capello. ‘As he challenges most decisions, whether they involve him or not, it’s better if Wayne is captain so he can shout at referees with less risk of being sent off.’ Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (before the match) that Everton are big girls blouses on Easy Street, what he actually said was that Everton are a bunch of losers and easy meat.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 12

2009-11-10T18:48:00.002Z

Manchester City v Burnley - 3:3 - Adebayor and Toure were back for City and before the match started most people would have put money on them to perpetuate Burnley's poor away record. Then Burnley got a penalty and went one up in the 19th minute (Alexander). City played like a 3rd class side for a few minutes and Burnley got another (Fletcher). Shortly before half time, BBC commentator John Motson, with typical insight and while the camera was on Mark Hughes, said of the 2:0 score-line; "Well, I'm sure he didn't expect this." - nice one, Motty. Hughes did not suffer for too long. Wright-Phillips started City's resurgence and in the second half Toure equalized and Bellamy got City's third. For the rest of the game Burnley were under the proverbial cosh, right up to the point where, with 3 minutes to go McDonald salvaged a point (their first away from home) for a jubilant Burnley. Fifth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.

Wolves v Arsenal - 1:4 - Wolves started in sprightly fashion and pressed the Gunners hard, but after 28 minutes fortune favoured Arsenal, who got the first goal (Zubar, o/g). Arsenal proceeded to add a second by the same route, 8 minutes later (Craddock, o/g). At the end of the first half Arsenal took Wolves apart and managed to score one on their own (Fabregas). Arshavin piled on the pressure in the second half for Arsenal's fourth, With a minute to go Craddock partially redeemed himself and scored a consolation goal for Wolves. Wolves have enthusiasm and a never-say-die spirit. Arsenal, as Wenger put it, 'have technical superiority.'

Aston Villa v Bolton - 5:1 - This game was all about John Carew. Villa started smartly, Young scoring after 5 minutes - Carew made the goal with a header the keeper was forced to deflect. Two minutes before the break Carew, after some nifty work on the line, laid one on for Agbonlahor to roll in. A minute later Elmander scored his first Premiership goal in 11 months for Bolton. Villa were not perturbed; 8 minutes into the second half Carew scored all by himself, after a very strong run into the box. He might have fallen down (or chosen to) twice, but Carew is a tough, stand-up guy (pun intended), and refused to be denied. Then he (Carew) was shoved off a potential header and a penalty was awarded. After some pinball action (Milner takes penalty, ball bounces off keeper, struck by Sidwell, ball bounces off post) Milner finally scored. In the 75th minute Cuellar scored Villa's fifth goal from an excellent cross by Milner. But if Cuellar had not scored, Carew was lurking at the far post to pick it up, and probably would have, too. Young nearly made it 6 with a free kick, but Villa were forced to settle for a winning margin of 4 goals, poor devils.

Spurs v Sunderland - 2:0 - Defoe was back from suspension and showed how much he was missed (the idiot). Keane bundled the ball in competently for Spurs to go ahead and Spurs were a trifle fortunate to survive a penalty shout and a great looping shot by Reid. But survive they did until Bent got revenge on his old club by diving to win a penalty. Providence was with the just and Gomes saved. Sunderland made more chances throughout the game but Gomes was having a good day and kept them out. Half way through the second half Spurs, nervy and far from their best, scored their second (Huddlestone's good strike from Defoe's layoff). Saint Hal praised Gomes and admitted that the luck went their way. We (or Sunderland, in this case) need video replay evidence.

Blackburn v Portsmouth – 3:1 - A good, but unlikely, hit by O'Hara put Portsmouth ahead after 15 minutes. After a poor first half performance Big Sam made some offensive changes at half time and Roberts duly equalized. Blackburn continued to go forward and were rewarded with a second goal (header by Nelson from a corner) then a third (Roberts). Too easy from set pieces for Blackburn. Portsmouth should have done better and have shaken Your Ear's faith in their ability to survive the season in the Premiership.

Chelsea v ManU - 1:0 - It was all Chelsea versus a depleted ManU (except for a Giggs half-chance) but no score in the first half. ManU started the second half better, Rooney made two good attempts on goal. The deadlock was broken by a fine Terry header in the 76th minute. There were a few moans after the game from ManU's, Mike Phelan, but he might have complained more - Terry should have been sent off for a professional foul against Valencia (and ManU should have had a penalty). On the other hand, Drogba was booked after he had been drop-kicked in the chest and kicked again in the stomach for good luck. And possibly the Chelsea goal should have been disallowed. Whole seasons turn on these decisions. We need video replay evidence.

Hull v Stoke - 2:1 - Hull did not play like a side struggling to take points and after early pressure by Stoke Hull had all the chances. But Etherington made something out of nothing in the 29th minute to score the first goal for Stoke. Hull then escaped an own goal scare early in the second half and fortune seemed to be smiling on them, particularly when ex-Stoke player, Olofinjana scored a very good equalizer in the 62nd minute. Hull really went for it for the rest of the game, although Stoke’s Shawcross nearly stole the game following a crafty free kick by Whelan. Faye was unlucky to be sent off (at the risk of being boring - we need video replay evidence) and Stoke were forced to hold on. They didn't, Bullard struck the ball hard from long range and Vennegoor of Hesselink scored from the keeper's punch out. Well, Hull had to win a game sooner or later, they did well against Stoke who had been in good form until today.

West Ham v Everton - 1:2 - West Ham's win earlier in the week against Aston Villa lifted the Hammers, no doubt boosting their confidence, while Everton have hardly been on top of their game lately. But against the run of play Everton went ahead with an accurate strike by Saha after 27 minutes. Despite more West Ham initiatives Everton doubled their lead after an hour (Gosling). A minute later West Ham were back in the game when Stanislav forced an own goal by Hibbert. Diamanti made a great creative effort and Hines nearly scored twice, but failed. West Ham deserved to win this game but Zola (as usual) was phlegmatic, and put it down to 'a difficult season' and 'more 'ard work needed'.

Wigan v Fulham - 1:1 - Nevland nearly gained the lead early on for Fulham with a nice header, which beat Kirkland, but not the post. Boyce put Wigan ahead after 13 minutes and Dempsey scored from the spot towards the end of the half. The game was fairly even after that, with both sides having good opportunities, but excellent keeping at either end held the match to a draw. Both managers were content (if managers are ever content) with the result. Unfortunately this game hosted the lowest attendance to date of the season (just over 16,000).

Liverpool v Birmingham - 2:2 - Liverpool worked hard, scored first (a N'Gog volley after 12 minutes) and kept turning the screw, but Birmingham, after three consecutive headers, beat Reina ('Chucho' Benitez) to make it one-all. The goal filled Birmingham with energy and they began to go after Liverpool. Three minutes before half time Gerrard came on for Riera to huge cheers from the faithful. But seconds before half-time Jerome held off Mascherano and unleashed a 30 yard swerver. It caught Reina unawares and the home side went in one down. Gerrard spent the next 15 minutes on the pitch continuing to warm up (he probably knew what Rafa was saying in the dressing room). Liverpool pressed Birmingham hard and had several chances, but it took a dive by N'Gog to earn a bad penalty for Liverpool to draw level. Hats off to Birmingham who withstood the remaining Liverpool attacks to draw with sad Liverpool. Oh, and we need video replays!

Top Tips - With just under a third of total matches played Your Ear believes the title race is a three horse field. Arsenal is our ‘might just do it’ tip, then Chelsea, then ManU. Chelsea have a useful lead, but having said that ManU always find their second wind after Christmas. And Arsenal look comfortable at the moment and seem to have a broad team full of talented youth, more so than other top-flight teams, especially ManU. So although other sides might try to mount a challenge it seems unlikely all of the above will falter and be beaten. You may disagree, of course.

Natural World News (to keep us in perspective) - Two-Headed Reptile Found - A two-headed snake was discovered in a rubbish filled drawer in Illinois. The couple who found the large North American water snake thought it might not be able to survive on its own and decided to keep it. The non-venomous snake has just shed its skin, so, free handbags and shoes all round. Shrimps' eyes are the best - A university study said the eyes of Great Barrier Reef mantis shrimps have the most complex visual systems known to science and could inspire next generation DVD and CD players. The shrimps can see in twelve colours (humans in only three) and can distinguish between different forms of polarised light. The unique make-up of the mantis shrimp's eye is beautifully simple; it is comprised of cell membranes rolled into tubes. This natural mechanism out-performs all synthetic designs created by humans. Future optical devices might use liquid crystals chemically engineered to mimic the properties of cells in the mantis shrimp's eye. 'We are just prawns in the game,' said a spokes-crustacean. Birds have x-ray vision - Scientists believe robins can 'see' the Earth's magnetic field at night, helping them to navigate on migrations. It is known that birds have an internal magnetic compass but there is no consensus on what form it takes. New research suggests that robins can 'see' magnetic fields, whereas there is evidence that upper beak magneto-sensors are used by pigeons. Scientists say other types of magnetic sensor may also exist in birds. 'We won’t be outdone by a bunch of sea-food candidates,' said a red-breasted spokes-avian. 'We dinosaur descendants have these sensors everywhere. Run an audio cassette tape between a parrot's legs and you'll rediscover the wonder of analogue.'

Football Headlines - The Fairer Sex? - New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert has been suspended indefinitely after engaging in rough play during a 1-0 loss to BYU in the Mountain West Conference semi-finals. Lambert apologized for her actions, saying she was "deeply and wholeheartedly regretful. I let my emotions get the best of me. I take full responsibility for my actions and accept any punishment felt necessary. This is in no way indicative of my character or the soccer player that I am." (Your Ear feels that once bitten, etc, although biting is an offence Lambert was not guilty of, on this occasion). Lambert was yellow carded towards the end of the game, apparently for tripping, but there were at least six occasions where she might have been summarily dismissed. Several Premiership managers are reputedly interested in her. 'The girl's a natural' said an anonymous football scout. 'Thanks heavens the cameras were rolling.' Not to take action during the game, of course, but so that a first rate training video could be made; see http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=4629837 for expertly executed examples of tripping off the ball, the slap to the back of the head, the kick of the ball to the face, the pony-tail pull (superb), the whack around the chops, and the forearm in the back. Selective Gravity? - Top clubs claim their players are being hit by stronger gravity effects than those experienced by other teams. 'As soon as our forwards get into the opposing box they start to feel like lead,' one said. 'They find themselves being drawn inexorably earthwards. Even the most valiant attempts on the part of the players to stay upright fail. It often seems to happen when the referee is behind them and they are close to defenders or keepers. It's weird.' Football fans agree.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 11

2009-11-06T00:22:00.001Z

Fulham v Liverpool - 3:1 - Zamora put Fulham ahead against the run of play and Torres equalized with a good first time reaction strike. Fulham got their noses in front again (Nevland) before Liverpool lost two players from straight red cards (Degen and Carragher). Dempsey then scored Fulham’s third. When things don't go right, they don't go right, and with a crucial Champions League game at Lyon coming up on Wednesday, Torres not fully fit and Gerrard possibly not fit at all, Rafa is under the cosh once more.

Arsenal v Spurs - 3:0 – A bad day for Gomes and Spurs generally, two goals scrambled in by Van Persie and one given away from the kick-off (Fabregas). If Spurs had not conceded the first goal there would have been no easy second goal from the kick-off, and then who knows? Sir H. might have to do something about Gomes, when he's good he's very, very good, but when he's bad, he's horrid. He reminds Your Ear of Bruce Grobbelaar, whose great natural ability often went AWOL.

Bolton v Chelsea - 0:4 - Chelsea thumped Bolton by a margin of 4 goals for the second time in a week (the Carling Cup was the other occasion). After 45 minutes Lampard scored from a penalty, but Chelsea had had many chances before that. And afterwards, as well, first Deco, then Knight (o/g) then a very nicely worked move which Drogba finished off for Chelsea’s fourth. Ancelotti, who was mainly pleased with Chelsea’s ability to concentrate, said ‘The team is very happy.’ Although consistent, he was probably not 100% right - even though he was fit Joe Cole had to sit this one out on the bench. Chelsea dominated from start to finish and are the in-form top four league side of the day.

Man Utd v Blackburn - 2:0 - Two very good goals by Berbatov and Rooney, and despite a miss by Owen and an offside decision which went in ManU’s favour, gave United a straightforward win over a depleted Blackburn. United were not as convincing as Chelsea, but this was a welcome recovery from their defeat at Anfield last week. ManU continue to dog league-leaders, Chelsea, which makes their forthcoming away tie to the Blues very interesting, and fairly critical to both. But before that ManU and Chelsea have to face CSKA Moscow and Atletico Madrid respectively.

Burnley v Hull - 2:0 - Your Ear is rarely sympathetic to Hull, but this time their luck was ‘lost in the post’, delayed by the strike, possibly. The first goal (Burnley’s Alexander) was conceded to a doubtful penalty decision. Geovanni’s well-taken free kick equalizer was disallowed and then he was sent off (also a result of at least one dubious decision). Alexander scored again to twist the knife in Hull’s bruised and bloody torso. Phil Brown is becoming philosophical about Hull’s position, performance, luck (or its absence) and debatable refereeing decisions. The captain on the bridge of a sinking ship or a resolute, determined man who can and will turn things around? Your Ear hopes he is wrong, but isn’t that the sound of waves lapping?

Sunderland v West Ham - 2:2 - West Ham went two up through Franco and Cole, but then the biters were bit. Just as they had recovered from Arsenal’s two goal lead the week before, the Hammers allowed Sunderland back into the game - Reid scored a good free kick, then histrionics on the part of Ilunga got Sunderland’s Kenwyn Jones sent off, aided and abetted by West Ham coaching staff running onto the field as if their man had been pole-axed rather than having his hair ruffled. In Your Ear’s view Jones pushed Ilunga because Ilunga had put his head into Jones's chest (not a head-butt, but not innocent either). Rugby players must double up with laughter watching professional footballers acting like big girls' blouses. It's becoming a joke, and Your Ear, who admits to a soft spot for West Ham (London club, Zola as manager, etc) felt that Richardson's equalizer for 10 man Sunderland was just deserts.

Stoke v Wolves - 2:2 - This was a point well-earned by Wolves. An own goal (Elokobi) put Stoke in front, then Etherington's excellent volley doubled their score. However, in the second half, when Milijas had come on and after much endeavour, Craddock, albeit offside, got one back, then headed home a second to square the match. Stoke were very good in the first half but ‘take ‘em when you can,’ seems to be the appropriate motto, particularly for Wolves.

Everton v Aston Villa - 1:1 - Bilyaletdinov scored a goal right on half time to put Everton ahead, but Villa are nothing if not determined and after applying much pressure Agbonlahor’s good work allowed Carew (having come on as a substitute) to score on the rebound to draw level. Bilyaletdinov had the misfortune to be shown a red card, probably for showing his studs in a tackle on Petrov. To keep the game in the balance the ref then sent off Cuellar for a second foul. Again it did not look that severe but he went, anyway, and the game limped on to finish a draw, a result more welcomed by injury-hit Everton than Villa.

Portsmouth v Wigan - 4:0 - Dindane got a hat-trick as Portsmouth broke their duck with a vengeance. Dindane scored Portsmouth’s first and Frederic Piquionne their second in the first half. Dindane wrapped things up neatly against a stunned Wigan with two more in the second half, one from a penalty decision earned by ‘old rubber feet’ Kanu. ‘We've been working hard for months without having a lot to show for it,’ said manager Paul Hart. ‘We set off like trains and kept that up for the full 90 minutes. I've been stood here every Saturday trying to explain why we haven't got the results. That was certainly a reward for our efforts.’ Portsmouth really looked good for the ticket money. And, like Chelsea’s, this victory is a repeat of a 4:0 score-line, when Portsmouth demolished Stoke in the Carling Cup. Onwards and upwards for Portsmouth, Your Ear predicts.

Birmingham v Man City - 0:0 - Birmingham always looked the more likely side, even though City players cost their owners £120m+ more. A well-taken penalty (missed by James McFadden rather than saved by Shay Given) would have won the game for Birmingham. If Birmingham work as hard as they did in this match for the rest of the season they will stay up, particularly if they get their rumoured £40m cash injection for the next transfer window. Fourth draw in a row for an unconvincing City.

With a quarter of the season gone and taking account of the recent successes of some of the newly promoted and ‘lesser’ clubs it makes one wonder who will be going down at the end of the season. Besides Hull, of course.

Brown Loses Plot As Duffen Quits - Paul Duffen resigned as Hull chairman, following the club's bad start to the season. The accounts are also in difficulty; Hull will need to raise £23m if they are relegated, £16m if they survive. Speculation over the future of both Duffen and Phil Brown led to Hull denying that Brown had been sacked ahead of the forthcoming Burnley game. Bookmakers duly stopped taking bets on Brown being the next Premier League manager to lose his job. At a news conference Brown said: ‘I think the players are a million percent behind me and hopefully that will show in the performance on Saturday.’ (Ed. - 100% would do, Phil). Asked why Duffen had quit, Brown said: ‘I don't think it was on football results, I think it was on the business of football and unfortunately that's the case. It's difficult to separate the two but one does tend to run a business as well as a football club and I run the football side of things and I remain in charge for the match on Saturday obviously.’ (Ed. - Obviously? Dean Windass, whose goal won Hull Premiership promotion, said of Brown; ‘it was time he got moved on’). In a prepared statement, Brown began by saying: ‘We’ve had tremendous, unprecedented success with Paul over the last 2½ years and I would personally like to thank him for all his support. But unfortunately the game has and always will be about change. We have a big game on Saturday to prepare for and that is my sole purpose at this moment in time. I cannot and will not respond to ridiculous speculation surrounding the business of this football club whether it be in reference to the accounts or a replacement for Paul.’ (Ed. - What about reasonable speculation? And given that it was a prepared statement why was Phil only barely coherent?). Duffen's departure came after a day after Adam Pearson quit his chairmanship of Derby County. Pearson promptly joined Hull and is reported to be ready to take an axe to the necks of under-performing highly paid players. But Brown is safe for another week, at least. Most of the foregoing took place before Hull’s loss to Burnley on Saturday. Although I'm sure they know what they are doing, if I were a bookie I'd still be taking bets on Brown to go.

International Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Thousands Queue For Last Big Mac - Icelanders lined up at McDonald's restaurants to order their final Big Macs before the US fast-food chain abandoned the crisis-hit island on Saturday as a result of soaring costs. Cabbies Can Carry On Viewing - A South Korean court has rejected an attempt to prosecute Seoul taxi drivers for one of their scariest habits - watching television while driving. (Ed. - wonder what their other scary habits are?) Firm To Pawn Luxury Handbags - A Hong Kong firm has launched a series of TV commercials offering personal loans in exchange for ladies' luxury handbags. They expect brisk business from normally wealthy women who are suffering during the economic downturn. Pilot Asks Passengers To Pray - A concerned Iranian airline pilot asked passengers to start praying after his plane suffered a technical problem, highlighting the worrying record of Tehran's aircraft once more. Man Tries To Rob Bank With Spoon - A would-be robber threatened a cashier, holding a teaspoon to her neck, pretending it was a knife. But the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin were not fooled, and frightened the man away by screaming. Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect. And of the spoon.

Football Story Of The Week - The Stoke team experienced a mid-air drama when their 50-seat private aircraft was forced to make an emergency landing at Gatwick. Returning from Portsmouth on Tuesday night, following their 4:0 thrashing in the Carling Cup by Pompey, players alerted crew to a burning smell in the cabin. Rather than continue (to East Midlands Airport) the captain chose to land at Gatwick, where they were met by fire engines. Stoke's miserable night was not improved by their journey home by coach at 1.35am. Police are investigating potential sabotage by Spurs fans, who were incensed at losing to Stoke the previous weekend. They (the boys in blue) are also considering the possibility that the burning smell was the result of a celestial lightning strike conjured up by Saint Hal. Or that it was holy smoke, blown into the noses of the Stoke players. That’ll learn ‘em.

Another Football Story Of The Week - A Vicenza player twice ordered from the field by the referee during a Serie B match away to Modena still finished the game. Michele Ferri was twice sent off by the referee before finally being recalled to the field to complete the game. Seven minutes from time the referee waved a yellow card at the 28-year-old who, believing he had been booked in the first half, departed without waiting for a red to follow. However, the referee called Ferri back onto the pitch before checking his bookings list and ordering him off again. The game then became a soap opera as the ref consulted his assistants and called Ferri back onto the field, this time to stay, although his team still lost 1:0. The confusion arose from the first half booking (for arguing) of Francesco Signori. He was wearing the number 88 shirt, Ferri the number 81.

Football Headlines - Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying he wanted to bury the hatchet ahead of the game with Chelsea, what he actually said was that he wanted to bury a hatchet in a Chelsea head before the game. (Ed. - Don’t you have that the wrong way around, Ear? Nope.) Father Rooney - ‘I haven’t a clue what else I could have done,’ [if he had not become a footballer] Rooney told The Sun. ‘I wasn’t really the best in school. I always enjoyed RE, so maybe a priest.’ Better off as a footballer and father of a different kind, perhaps, priesthood isn't the kind of employment they offer down at the job centre. And it (father of a different kind) came to be… Rooney Baby Born Wearing Football Boots - ‘Just like his dad,’ said proud grandmother, Jeanette. ‘He (the baby) gave me a good (playful) kicking while I was pregnant,’ said joyful mum, Coleen. Rooney Baby Named - Wayne and Coleen have announced the name of their new child, as Kai. The name could be a corruption of Sir Kay, a knight of the Round Table but is probably not a corruption of the Korean motor company, Kia. It is unlikely to be associated with ‘Kai’, a kind of throat singing practised in the Altai Republic, or the Japanese pronunciation of 怪 (pinyin guài) meaning ‘strange’ or ‘unusual’, or ‘Kai’, Māori cuisine or food, or ‘Kai’, the Hawaiian word for the deep sea, or the ‘Kai Ken’, an ancient and treasured Japanese dog breed of the Spitz family. Sources say that a friend of Wayne’s by the name inspired the choice. The over-the-moon new parents were going to name the child in honour of Rooney's mentor and Manchester United manager, but thought that 'Mr Ferguson' was too formal. Overall, though, congratulations are in order, and let's hope the lad becomes a footballing chip off the old block. Or a priest.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 10

2009-10-26T19:04:00.003Z

Spurs v Stoke - 0:1 - Stoke ruined Spurs best start to a season since 1961 by winning the game - the spoilsports! Stoke got stuck in straight away and Woodgate kept them out, injuring himself (again) in the process. The rest of the game was all Spurs. They had their chances in the first half, and good ones at that but by a combination of good defending and luck Stoke kept the sheet clean. The second half started the same, all Spurs but no goal. Lennon (Spurs best player) was fouled and injured and came off, reducing Spurs to 10 men (all 3 subs having been used). Stoke (Whelan) scored in the last 5 minutes and Spurs were then denied a fair penalty decision and the game was over. I blame Defoe, who is absent for 3 matches due to the idiotic red card stamping incident last week. St Hal said Spurs missed their (many) chances but did not moan (saints don't moan) about the penalty decision, so… well done, Stoke.

Birmingham v Sunderland - 2:1 - Birmingham were by far the quickest team off the mark and after applying fair pressure got their first goal (Ridgewell) after 37 minutes, even though it was offside. Early in the second half McFadden made it two. Sunderland (Dann) got one back from a free kick with 9 minutes to go. Bent should have equalized but failed to, leaving Birmingham with a very decently earned home win.

Wolves v Aston Villa - 1:1 - another midlands derby. Wolves came off the blocks quickly but Villa soaked up everything Wolves threw at them. The second half was a reversal of the first, Villa making the running but after 34 minutes Agbonlahor scored the opening goal for Villa. Wolves, however, refused to lie down and were awarded a penalty, taken by Sylvan Ebanks-Blake in the 83rd minute and (as the commentator said) he almost took off the back of the net. A slightly better draw for Wolves than for Villa, overall, in Your Ear's opinion.

Chelsea v Blackburn - 5:0 - Ashely Cole was injured, but Joe Cole returned, so still (a) Cole in the hole for Chelsea. Cole should have scored after 30 seconds but must be a bit rusty and missed a sitter. Instead Chelsea forced an own goal by Givet (Drogba would have scored it otherwise). Many Chelsea efforts in the rest of the half yielded no fruit, but 2½ minutes into the second half Lampard got Chelsea's second. Essien banged one in from distance for their third. Drogba was awarded a penalty and Lampard duly rifled in their fourth. Drogba headed in their fifth (the last 4 goals coming within the first 18 minutes of half time). The gulf in standard reduced swine-flu stricken Blackburn to fish in a barrel. Big Sam was philosophical, but he had Hobson's choice. Ancelotti was 'very happy' (we await an increase in Ancelotti's vocabulary with baited breath).

Burnley v Wigan - 1:3 - great start for Burnley (Fletcher) who scored after 4 minutes. Wigan might have equalized twice but Jensen blocked two good shots. Then he slipped, injured himself, and Rodallega rolled the ball over the goal line after 11 minutes. Soon after the second half began Rodallega banged one in, making a chance out of nothing. Boyce made it three and Burnley's perfect home wins record was history. Wigan look more and more like a good, capable side.

Hull v Portsmouth - 0:0 - A quiet (boring) first half ended with honours even. The second half held more promise for Portsmouth, who had many more opportunities, but the game ended in a goal-less draw. The most interesting player story was Myhill's (the Hull keeper), who first needlessly gave away a dangerous (but profitless) free kick to Portsmouth, then seemed to get so annoyed (possibly with himself) that he injured himself by kicking the ball up-field. Maybe one or other of these sides will be relegated, but Paul Hart looks less drawn and hunted than Phil Brown.

Bolton v Everton - 3:2 - South Korean, Lee scored a very tidy goal for Bolton's first, and Gary Cahill (not Tim on the other side) got their second 11 minutes later, both gifted to them by a lacklustre Everton defence. Saha scored a great long range shot 5 minutes after, to give Everton some hope and Fellaini equalized 10 minutes into the 2nd half. After a sterling run up-field 19 year old Dan Gosling should have won the game for Everton by passing the ball, but he went for glory and failed to score. At this point in the game it seemed like Everton would win it, the only question being when. Double kidney transplantee, Croatian, Ivan Klasnic was knocked cold and might have left the field, but he stayed on and scored a very good goal to win the game for Bolton with 4 minutes to go. Gary Megson, vilified by the press and supporters so heavily earlier in the season, is now the club's top man, following Bolton's first home win of the season.

Liverpool v Man Utd - 2:0 - Before the game Liverpool were 7 points behind United and following Liverpool's run of 4 successive defeats, including 2 in the league (their worst run in 22 years) Rafael Benitez was overwhelmed with management messages of support; "Benitez job safe" says Reds chief. Pressure had been mounting on Benitez, but the Spaniard was handed long term job assurances by the club's managing director just 3 hours before the match. Rafa looked suitably terrified as he stepped out onto the touchline. Had Liverpool lost this tie their dismal 22 year record would have stretched to 'worst in 56' and Liverpool's hopes of winning a first league title since 1990 might have seemed doomed. But what are they saying now? In a terrific end to end game Liverpool, even without Gerrard, came out on top after a magnificent 65th minute goal by Torres and another in extra time by N'Gog. Man of the match was Benayoun, who played brilliantly. Rooney, who is not known to be the most cheerful player in defeat, shook hands with every Liverpool player after the game and Ferguson, after the statutory minute of ranting at referee's decisions, was magnanimous, saying that Liverpool were the better side on the day. Your Ear believes that United may come to feel that £80m was a poor price to achieve for Ronaldo.

Manchester City v Fulham - 2:2 - City were unlucky to have a goal disallowed in a featureless first half, but Zamora was guilty of a 'miss of the season' after the break. A scrappy goal by Lescott put City ahead and Pertrov made it two with a fine strike within 6 minutes. But Fulham like playing away to City and minutes later Duff and Dempsey scored a brace of goals for Fulham in quick succession. A great result for Fulham while City wobbled.

West Ham v Arsenal - 2:2 - Arsenal looked as though they were in no mood to mess about and simple, workmanlike goals by Van Persie and Gallas put the Gunners 2 ahead by half time. And up until the last 10 minutes of the game you'd have thought the biggest smile of the weekend would have been plastered across Arsene Wenger's face, and that Zola would go off to find himself a nice place to hibernate for the rest of the winter and forget it all. But West Ham, through Cole, got one back on the rebound from a Diamanti free kick and from then on Arsenal looked nervous. A soft(ish) penalty decision went in the Hammer's favour and they were level (Diamanti). Scott Parker seemed unfortunate to be sent off (2 yellows) but he is volatile, falls over easily, and gets on the wrong side of referees. West Ham have been playing better than their results show and Zola is 'appy again. Wenger miffed, but uncomplaining.

National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - James Dyson Launches Bladeless Fan - which he hopes will be a healthy and environmentally-friendly alternative to air conditioning. The 62-year-old designer, who gave his name to the bagless vacuum cleaner, said the bladeless fan stops the unpleasant "turbulent buffeting" of traditional desk fans, creating a smooth, constant air flow "like a breeze". Peeved Trader Plans Shocking Punishment For Yobs - Businessman John O'Connor, having spent around €3,000 on cameras and other security devices seeking to deter a stream of late-night partygoers who use his premises as an outdoor toilet, is now installing live wires across the pavement immediately in front of his music shop in County Clare. An angry Mr O'Connor said offenders should zip up or face the consequences. "If anybody persists with this anti-social behaviour they'll get a shock, they'll know all about it. The wires are on the ground where I'm greeted every Monday morning with pools of their urine, mounds of their faeces," he said. "You can see it (the device), it's pretty obvious what's there. There are signs everywhere. You come to a certain stage when you just say 'Enough is enough'." Mr O'Connor could be open to prosecution for assault under Ireland's Non-Fatal Offences Against The Person Act 1997, which carries a maximum fine of €1,500 and a prison sentence of up to five years. A Gardai spokesman said: "If somebody was to injure themselves he might have a few questions to answer. If it was reported we would investigate." Who would report it, Your Ear wonders. Polanski resists deportation - The Swiss justice ministry said Polanski had admitted to unlawful sex with a minor: "He is wanted by the US authorities with a view to passing sentence for this offence," it said. Polanski had pleaded guilty to a single count of having sex with a minor and spent 42 days in prison undergoing psychiatric tests. He fled the United States before the case ended believing that a judge would sentence him to up to 50 years behind bars despite a plea agreement for time already served. However US law changed in 1977, reducing the maximum sentence Polanski could face to 2 years. Only 2 years? Your Ear wonders what all the fuss is about, if Mr Polanski fights extradition for long enough and is remanded in custody meanwhile, he might choose to do that time (which would probably be counted as 'time served' against his sentence) in Switzerland. Unless he can’t stand the yodelling, of course.

Football Headlines - Fulham Football Club owner to become president of Scotland? - Fulham and Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed told The Sunday Times "You Scots have been living in a coma for too long, Whatever help is needed for Scotland to regain its independence, I will provide it. When you Scots regain your freedom I'm ready to be your president." Al Fayed is urging his "fellow Scots" to detach themselves from "the English and their terrible politicians". But he is not enjoying much rapport with Scotland's First Minister and SNP leader, Alex Salmond. "I will do anything for Scotland but I don't want this Alex Salmond," he said. "I asked to meet him but he refused. I wanted to give him some help and advice, but he didn't want to know. I believe in Scotland but he still won't see me." Wonder why. Ferguson misquoted - when he was reported as saying (regarding the Liverpool match) that ManU had just had a total balls-up, what he actually said was that ManU just had to tot the bills up (for the disastrous result).

Sports’ Richest - Who are the five top earners in sport? As Your Ear does not have the resources to run a quiz you will find the answers below;
1 Cristiano Ronaldo will become the first billionaire footballer. The former ManU star is to be offered £1.5 million a game to take part in a series of friendlies in the Middle East (according to the Daily Star). Ronaldo already earns £12m a year at Real Madrid, while pocketing loadsamoney from a number of endorsement deals and his three clothing boutiques.
2 Tiger Woods, with 14 Majors and 71 PGA Tour titles, became the first $ billionaire sportsman on gaining a $10m bonus in this year's FedEx Cup. In 2000 Woods signed a five-year $105 million contract with Nike and also has deals with Amex, Buick, TAG Heuer and EA Sports. Together with Roger Federer and Thierry Henry he is also the face of Gillette, another $10m-$20m deal.
3 Roger Federer, with 14 Grand Slam titles, banked $36m in the last 12 months and became the first tennis player to surpass $50m in career earnings on the court at this year's US Open. Besides lucrative sponsorship deals with Nike, Rolex, Wilson and Gillette, appearance fees and sponsorship deals have added another $28m. His Nike deal alone is worth $10m annually.
4 Michael Schumacher earned a handsome $40m a year as driver at his peak in 2003, when he won his sixth (out of seven) F1 world title. This was doubled by sponsorship endorsements and championship bonuses. Schumacher has amassed an estimated $700m since his F1 debut in 1991 and continues to earn big bucks as an adviser for Ferrari, as well as for various media roles.
5 Michael Jordan retired for the third time six years ago but still pulls in $45m annually, thanks to a clothing deal with Nike. At his peak (with the Chicago Bulls in 1998/99) Jordan earned $69m a year from his salary and endorsement deals. Now the Charlotte Bobcats head of basketball operations, Jordan has earned an estimated total of $800m.

“Football? It's the beautiful game,” said Pele. Many would agree, but not all; Thomas Elyot’s 16th century account was not favourable: "Football, wherein is nothing but beastly fury, and extreme violence, whereof proceedeth hurt, and consequently rancour and malice do remain with them that be wounded." But J. B. Priestley, in his 1929 novel The Good Companions, offered a considered view on what football gives its fans: "To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink. For a shilling the Bruddersford United AFC offered you Conflict and Art." Priestley would probably have agreed with Bill Shankly; "Some people think football is a matter of life and death… I can assure them it is much more serious than that." And perhaps even with Delia Smith who, on being appointed a director of Norwich City FC in 1997, said: "Football and cookery are the two most important subjects in the country." Having dinner at Delia's would doubtless score highly on both counts.

Post Script - I always like listening to Marcel Desailly, who, when commenting on Chelsea v Athletico Madrid, said ‘Any mistake you make, you pay cash, straight away,’ That's good graphic use of his second (and possibly third) language. They should have him on the box more often.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 9

2009-10-22T18:06:00.001+01:00

Aston Villa v Chelsea - 2:1 - A great long range strike by Drogba against the run of play put Chelsea ahead. Dunne equalized from a corner (off an unfortunate Lampard). This was followed by much pacing up and down the sideline by O'Neil. Villa and Chelsea have the toughest defences to crack in the Premiership. Today Villa's was the more organized. Brad Freidel also had a good game. Chelsea were undone (again) by a set piece, and Collins put Villa ahead, while Terry fumed (again). Carew should have made it three. There is a strong sense of resilience and determination about Villa and Agbonlahor is beginning to look more like a senior player than a junior. After the game O'Neil claimed that Villa should have had a penalty, but was smugly content with the result. Ancelotti said; ‘I'm not angry, I'm disappointed we lost the game.’ Given that on average about a quarter of all games end in a draw about 3 managers in 8 say that every week.

Sunderland v Liverpool - 1:0 - Liverpool were sporting their faintly ridiculous semi-flesh-coloured away strip. It did not augur well. Sunderland (celebrating their 130th anniversary) had not scored against Liverpool for over 9 hours, but they soon put this right when Bent got a good goal, in-off a giant red balloon lying on the pitch! Liverpool should have no complaints, the balloon was put there by one of their fans. (Ed. - It should have been a drop ball, not a goal). Boring. In any case, Bent should have had at least two more. Rafael Benitez did his usual off-pitch mime act (that no one understands, but it seems to include a ball, at least it might be a ball…). Sunderland fans were apoplectic at the 7 minutes of extra time, but their team held on. There were sideline handbags between Rafa and Steve Bruce over alleged time wasting towards the end but they shook hands after the game. As Your Ear has said before - no Gerrard or Torres = no result. Like Ancelotti, Rafa was also ‘disappointed’. I imagine Sunderland had a good night out.

Man Utd v Bolton - 2:1 - Owen forced an own goal (Knight) after 5 minutes and Berbatov should have made it two, then three for United. Both Davies and Taylor might have equalized (but didn't). Valencia competently scored his first for ManU without any fuss just before half time. Bolton were only in it for the last 15 minutes, but when Taylor halved the gap his team woke up and applied good pressure for the rest of the game. For once ManU were not so happy with time added (4 minutes), but although Bolton came close Van de Saar secured United's victory. Giggs commented afterwards that '2:0 is always dangerous score,' Not as dangerous as 1:0 or 0:0, Ryan!

Portsmouth v Spurs - 1:2 - St Hal’s reception, on returning to his old club, was mild. Gomez was preferred to Cudicini, which, as usual where Gomez is concerned, is risky business. However, he made several good saves, including one from a deflected free kick he had helped give away in the first place. Defoe missed (off the post) within minutes of the start, then Dindane missed a golden opportunity. Ledley King, of all people, scored a solid header for Spurs in the 29th minute. Defoe poked a very good Jenas cross into the net to make it two just before half time. An amazed Dindane missed another sitter before Boateng, who had been making huge efforts, got one back for the home side. Two players were sent off, Defoe, the daft idiot, for stamping, and Portsmouth's Brown (both playing against their former employers). Oh well, maybe Crouch will get a start, for a change. Portsmouth were bloody but unbowed. Your Ear still thinks they will survive demotion. Afterwards we were privileged to hear the words of St Hal; 'It was a good day, the crowd were fantastic, I thought. And Portsmouth played well, we was 'angin on for grim life. They pummelled us, and kept coming, and kept making attack after attack, but we rode our luck a bit and managed to survive and ‘ang on for the win.' Some have ridiculed Sir Harry for his choice of words, he should have said ‘hanging on for dear life,’ or ‘hung on like grim death,’ they say. What do ‘they’ know? Such wisdom is rarely heard elsewhere.

Arsenal v Birmingham - 3:1 - This was the first start of the season for Walcott, but a crunching tackle brought him down right at the start of the game. No problem, shortly after he nearly scored the goal of the year, but it was Van Persie's masterful control and finishing that opened Arsenal's account. Within two minutes Arsenal (Diaby) had scored again, Bowyer grabbed one back 7 minutes before half time. Arsenal failed to make the most of a dubious 'pass back to the keeper'' decision and Birmingham should have scored at the other end. Arshavin calmed Arsenal's nerves, and passed the ball into the corner of the net to restore Arsenal's two goal lead, Diaby might have made Arsenal’s total four, but the game ended on a flat note, at least for Birmingham. Arsene was obviously pleased with the result and commented (with a big grin) that the league is perhaps more open than some people thought. He might be right, too.

Stoke v West Ham - 2:1 - The Hammers gave away a stupid penalty (and a goal to Beattie) in the 11th minute. Twenty minutes or so later Upson equalized. But Beattie scored a very calm goal (considering he was sliding along the ground in two-man bobsleigh fashion with a defender at the time) for the winner. Another loss for West Ham and Zola was ‘not 'appy.’ There seems to be lots going on behind closed doors at Boleyn Ground (aka Upton Park) but Your Ear predicts that Thames Ironworks FC, sorry, caught in a time-warp, West Ham FC will still finish the season in the top half of the table.

Wigan v Man City - 1:1 - Wigan last lost at home to Man City over 11 years ago and have kept that going for another year. Wigan have beaten Chelsea and should have had a depleted Man City in this game – they are well organized, and play well going forward or defending, and are generally beginning to look like giant killers. Rodallega can certainly hit them and can also provide, as he did for N'Zogbia who scored right on half time. Petrov levelled it as soon as the 2nd half started and it began to look like City's day, but then a rather constipated-looking Mark Hughes watched with a pained expression as City were reduced to 10 men (Zabaleta, two yellows). Roberto Martinez, Wigan's manager, did not feel City losing a man helped Wigan. Sparky disagreed. City should have had a penalty but Your Ear feels City's best tactic would have been to hypnotize Adebayor, suggesting to him that he was playing against Arsenal again. That would have got him going.

Everton v Wolves - 1:1 - All the early chances fell to Everton. None were taken. In the second half Wolves (Doyle) sneaked a goal to go ahead. An unmarked Russian with a long name, Bilyaletdinov, scored his first goal for Everton. And he'll never get an easier one, Wolves' defence was non-existent. Despite chances at either end the game ended even-stevens. Wolves' Maierhofer - a 6'7" former chef, known as 'the neck', was sent off for a second yellow having run across Howard, Everton's goalkeeper. He was a little unlucky and Howard was fortunate only to receive a yellow for his retaliation (he grabbed ‘the neck’s’ neck).

Blackburn v Burnley - 3:2 - A midlands derby, some 43 years have elapsed since the last top-flight meeting between these two bitter enemies. It was all go. Blake scored a great goal for Burnley in the first 5 minutes, and Dunn balanced the scales within 4 minutes. Diouf missed one, but Di Santo scored Blackburn's second goal 12 minutes later following a keeping cock-up - after many good ones Jensen had a bad day for Burnley today. Chimbonda scored for Blackburn again just before half time. The second half was goal-less but frenetic until the 2nd minute of injury time, when Eagles got Burnley's second goal. There followed a nervous minute or two for Blackburn. But Burnley just can't get it together when not at home - that's 17 away goals conceded now. Big Sam's ‘listen with mother’ post-match analysis was; 'It didn't look comfortable after 5 minutes, certainly got a little more comfortable after it went to 1:1, and then got excited to 2:1, then ecstatic at 3:1, and I calmed the players down at half time and said, y'know, the bottom line, lads, is if Burnley don't score we've won this game!' He wasn't quite right - Burnley did score but Blackburn were 2 up, so they won anyway. Managers who can’t count to 3 - what if it was cricket!

Fulham v Hull - 2:0 - This was the first real 'winter' game of the year, with supporters wrapped in scarves. Hull have conceded 10 goals in their last two Premiership matches. And they have won just one away game in 2009 - at Fulham in March! They could not repeat that effort tonight. It was slow stuff for the first 35 minutes, then a shot on goal, then more slow stuff (except for a couple of bookings). Zamora scored just before the half ended. The Tigers claws were drawn 20 minutes into the second half when Zamora's cross was touched in at the far post by Diomansy Kamara for his first league goal of the season. Hull thought Kamara was offside, but the goal was given. Fulham dominated most of the rest of the game and can now also start to celebrate their 130th anniversary.

National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - Poles Sign Lisbon Treaty - Leaving the Czech Republic the sole country yet to ratify the controversial European Union reform plan. Rumour has it that Tory strategists hope the Czechs will sign up quickly. This would save the Tories from having to hold a UK referendum (as promised) if the treaty remains unratified when (and if) the Tories are elected. Cartoon Character Makes November Cover Of Playboy - ‘The Simpsons’ 20th anniversary was honoured earlier this year with a set of US postal stamps. Now Scott Flanders, recently-recruited Playboy Enterprises’ chief executive, said that his magazine’s cover and centrefold of Marge Simpson, blue bee-hived matriarch of America's beloved dysfunctional family, was 'somewhat tongue-in-cheek.' 'We thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual,' he added, underlining through his choice of language how un-hip, warm and banal the ailing magazine has become. But the outstanding question is whether young Scott is related to god-fearing Simpson neighbour, Ned Flanders. The black sheep of the family, perhaps? Boxer Makes Strange Discovery - Francia Elena Bravo had a big surprise at the weigh-in for her world title clash against WBC super flyweight world champion, Ana Maria Torres, when a mandatory pregnancy test found she was pregnant. The WBC wishes Bravo the best of luck on ‘her beautiful motherhood journey’, a statement read. Gordon Brown has hospital eye tests - Following examinations at Moorfields Eye Hospital, surgeons found that Mr Brown's retina had two minor tears. They were anxious to explain that these were small rents and not, as reported by some observers, that Gordon had shed one tear for the economy, and the other for his political future. Berlusconi's Daughter Says Fine Hurts Holding Co. - Marina Berlusconi, head of her father’s holding company Fininvest, said a court order to pay €750m (£680m) in damages to a rival (for bribing a judge to make a ruling in Berlusconi's favour) put the company at risk. In 2007 Berlusconi (73), was cleared of criminal responsibility in the case, the charges having elapsed under Italy's statute of limitations. 'Viva Italia, viva Berlusconi,' said Italy's finest. Embezzler Wins Lottery - Paul Lyle, a 53 year old from Kansas, won the state lottery whilst awaiting trial. Mr Lyle eventually pleaded guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his employer to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. His $96,000 prize will be used to repay the stolen money. Now, that’s providence in action for you.

National Headline of the Week - Government Tries To Suppress Gray Defence Report - which said that 'incompetence is helping enemies who are unlikely to wait for our sclerotic acquisition systems to catch up.’ 'We understand 'incompetence' only too well, but we don't know what 'sclerotic' means,' said a government spokesperson. 'It's not fair, using words only one in a hundred (unless they are of a medical bent) would understand.' Sclerotic (adjective) definition: palsied or crippled, synonyms: arthritic, atonic, debilitated, disabled, diseased, helpless, neurasthenic, paralytic, paralysed, rheumatic, shaky, sick, trembling, weak. Antonyms: healthy, steady. Seems like Britain's defence procurement is on its last legs, and trembly, palsied, atonic ones at that.

Football Headlines - Unborn Baby To Be Nominated As Footballer Of The Year - 'Well, it might be, one day,' said proud dad. 'If it's a boy, of course. After all, if President Obama can be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five minutes after being elected I think it's sensible to get my boy's name down on the list early.' Pope To Fast-track Canonization Of Redknapp - 'I am persuaded that this man has led a holy, blameless life, that he can work miracles and that he already walks on water. Come on, you Spurs,' says Pontiff. Hull Manager To Keep Players In Detention - Phil Brown banned his players from the club restaurant and took the plug off the coffee machine after they lost 6-1 at Anfield. Despite the win at Wigan Brown now says Hull is playing so badly he will make his team stay behind after any matches they lose. 'No going home to mum for their tea,' he added, 'they will remain at the ground, home or away, and write out 1000 times, 'we will stay up, we will stay up,' or words to that effect.' Arsene Wenger Dons New Spectacles - 'Everything has suddenly become clear. I did not know we played in red,' admits Frenchman.

Football Story Of The Week - FA To Reform Premiership On Regional Basis - A spokesperson said; 'Soccer has been criticized for contributing to global warming. As a result we first examined London, where there are plenty of high-standard clubs. A London-based league would enable supporters to go to every match, home or away, using the bus or tube, thus reducing football's consumption of fossil fuels.' When asked about non-London leagues the spokesperson added; 'We also looked hard at other parts of the country. So far we have found the quality of football to be so diluted we cannot see the point in continuing.' When pressed by Your Faithful Ear on whether this dissolution would exclude Premiership champions, Manchester United, the spokesperson commented; 'In particular, we have decided to ban Manchester United. As none of its fans live locally this club is particularly likely to contribute to the planet's destruction.' Amen to that.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 8

2009-10-08T22:41:00.000+01:00

Bolton v Spurs - 2:2 - Spurs had never beaten Bolton at their home ground before, and also failed at this attempt. The game did not start well for Spurs, Gardner scored for Bolton in the 4th minute and Spurs hardly saw the ball, let alone had it, for the first half hour. But Kranjcar levelled the score in the 34th minute with Spurs' first attempt on goal. Bolton looked confident and in control but as the game wore on Spurs became more lively and threatening, Crouch missed an opportunity and Davies snatched Bolton's second goal in the 69th minute, almost walking the ball into the net. Defoe came on (despite his dislocated fingers) and Crouch should have scored (but didn't) from a Defoe attempt. Corluka saved Crouch from too much embarrassment by scoring Spurs' second goal with a decent header with 17 minutes to go, in the process becoming the 12th person to score for Spurs this season (they've only played 8 games!). Crouch had another chance and showed fine control, as usual, but to no avail due to good goal-keeping. Bolton are tough at home but Spurs would probably not have earned the draw last season. So, a good game with honours even, but Spurs need to do better in such games if they are to demonstrate top 6 credentials.

Man Utd v Sunderland - 2:2 - Owen and Ferdinand were injured or resting, but ManU can afford to sideline a few players without weakening their side to any great extent. Nevertheless, after 6 minutes Bent did what seems to come naturally to him these days and rocked ManU with a fine strike into the corner of the net. Berbatov's goal was even better (50 minutes later), with a half bicycle kick (a unicycle kick, perhaps?). Kenwyne Jones had a good game that got even better when he out-muscled everyone in Utd's box to score Sunderland's second. Deep into stoppage time ManU got their equalizer (o/g, Ferdinand). Despite significant further ManU effort the game ended in a draw. Your Ear likes Jones, and the style of play that follows from having a solid centre forward to lay off balls and trouble defenders merely with his presence. Sunderland's Richardson was sent off (two yellows) with 5 minutes to go (plus 4 minutes of extra time). Your Ear thinks he was unfortunate and it is time referees started differentiating between the important and unimportant things in the game. Richardson certainly kicked the ball away, but it was in the direction the free kick given against him was to be taken from. Officialdom should get to grips with the dangerous play that can cost footballers injury or even their careers before making silly decisions like this one. A wagged finger would have done. The sending-off changed the face, and possibly the course, of the last few minutes of the game. And inevitably posed a question - would a ManU defender have been sent off in similar circumstances? Your Ear would hope so, but a niggling doubt remains.

Wolves v Portsmouth - 0:1 - Intense Portsmouth pressure eventually broke through Wolves' defence to take the lead (Yebda, 15 mins from a good cross). It took this goal against to get Wolves going, which they did, but a gritty Pompey defence kept them out. Wolves were denied a stone cold handball penalty and David James was busy for the rest of the game. But Portsmouth held it together for their first win of the season. AT LAST.

Hull v Wigan - 2:1 - chances, some better than others, were missed at either end, but Hull fired in a strong header (Vennegoor of Hesselink, 60th minute). Geovanni made it two with Hull in the ascendancy (68th minute), the first time since January Hull have scored more than one goal in a league game. Wigan almost got back in the game with 4 minutes to play (Sinclair, header) but could not catch Hull. A bad game for Wigan, overall. Hope for Hull? Your Ear thinks not.

Burnley v Birmingham - 2:1 - Burnley started well but it was Bowyer who missed an early sitter for Birmingham. After 53 minutes Fletcher broke the deadlock, scoring with a coolly taken effort from 30 yards and was unlucky not to double his tally a few minutes later (off the post). But it was the big centre-back, Bikey, who got Burnley's second with a good stand-up effort in the 62nd minute. Larsson got one back for Birmingham with the last kick of the game, but Birmingham never really looked in it. Burnley are doing exactly what the pundits say is necessary for the weaker teams - shore up your position and future by winning home games and hope for the best (ie try to nick a few) away. Birmingham might profit from taking such advice themselves. Birmingham's manager, Alex McLeish, said this was the worst Birmingham have played in any game this season, failing to react on going one (and then two) down. As MoTD pointed out, Burnley are a Jekyll and Hyde team when it comes to home and away performances. At home they have played 4, won 4, scoring 7 goals and conceding only 2. Away they have played 4, lost 4, scoring no goals at all and conceding 14! Quite a difference and something for either a) the sports psychologists to get their teeth into or b) the statisticians to explain away. Or maybe they have one talismanic supporter who can only attend home games…

Chelsea v Liverpool - 2:0 - the home side got the metal to the pedal earliest but Riera nearly scored from a long range free kick in the last minute of the first half. Chelsea moved the ball around better and after an hour's play, having dispossessed Liverpool, Anelka's pace gave him the space to score an uncomplicated goal from Drogba's cross. An opportunity was missed by Gerrard who was given a yellow card shortly after (foul on Lampard) and Drogba nearly scored from the resulting free kick. At the other end Torres scuffed a shot off target. Liverpool tried to keep their attack going but Malouda scrambled Chelsea's second goal in the first minute of extra time, again from a cross by Drogba. Today Drogba won the Drogba/Torres 'who is the best Premiership striker' competition comfortably. Chelsea are 5:1 up in terms of managers over the past 5 years - Rafa has seen them all come and go. Reflecting on the match he said 'When you go behind and you want to change things you have to score a goal.' Perfect football logic. Like last season, Liverpool look as though they will be in big doo-dahs (relatively speaking) if they lose Gerrard or Torres.

Everton v Stoke - 1:1 - Stoke have not beaten Everton in 27 years, and things have not changed. Everton old boy Beattie had the first attempt on goal but got no power behind his header. Stoke preferred to play deep and to defend, and kept out several half chances for Everton. Stoke's patience was rewarded when Huth scored his first Stoke goal (header, 50th minute). Everton continued to press up-field and 5 minutes later captain Leo Osman's accurate shot into the top left corner of the net scored the equalizer. Cahill nearly scored a header and Yakubu nearly laid off the ball for Saha. But the game ended in a draw.

Arsenal v Blackburn - 6:2 - Last season Arsenal beat Blackburn 4:0 twice, but Blackburn looked ominous (to Arsenal fans) from the outset and squeaked a header over Mannone to go ahead after 4 minutes (Nzonzi). In reply Fabregas nearly did the same thing at the other end from Arshavin's cross, but the ball went over. Matters became a little tense for anyone sporting a red shirt but Arsenal needn't have worried, Vermaelen thundered in a cracking shot in the 17th minute (that's 5 goals in 11 games and most of them crackers). For a while it was all Arsenal but after half an hour Diouf cleared, almost from his goal line, and Blackburn (Dunn) scored a good, although deflected, breakaway goal to regain the lead. Arsenal were only behind for 2 minutes - Van Persie scored emphatically to level the game again and only 5 minutes later Arsenal went ahead (Arshavin - no defender can relish seeing that little man running at them). Blackburn did not give up, though - Dunn should have been given a penalty (A rsenal should also have had one later) and Olsen struck the ball harder than most people would believe possible from 40 yards, forcing a fine save from Mannone. But eventually the weight of attack applied by Arsenal told and Fabregas cooly scored Arsenal's 4th goal in the 57th minute. Theo Walcott came on for first time this season with 20 minutes to play (absent though back injury) and 5 minutes later became the 15th person to score for Arsenal this season after Arsenal penetrated Blackburn's defence with ease. Bendtner made it 6 in the 89th minute with a fine shot. Blackburn played well, but were outclassed. Thierri Henry was in the stands to see his old club play - he probably remains a good luck charm, as he nearly always was when he played for them. Once again, a margin of 4 goals.

West Ham v Fulham - 2:2 - Both of these teams were in the bottom 3 (only Portsmouth below them) at the start of this game and West Ham still is, which shows (Your Ear believes) that the league has a lot of settling down to do before we begin to see who might be this year's winners and losers. Carlton Cole likes playing against Fulham (apparently) and tried to get his revenge in early, but his power shot missed. He did not miss his header from Diamanti's whipped in free kick, though (following a heavy challenge on Flaubert) - an excellent take. West ham kept the initiative and Fulham's defence looked rocky, but they kept the Hammers out. Then an unfortunate altercation occurred between Scott Parker, who was incensed to get a yellow card, and recent South African transferee, Kagisho Dikgacoi, who was dumbfounded to get a red one (following linesman's comments). Not a nice way to end your first game for your new club and it looked nothing more than 'handbags at 3.32' to Your Ear, but officialdom knows best. On the other hand, when the odds are against you, sometimes providence takes a hand and Fulham soon won a penalty (stupid shirt-pull by Upson). Murphy duly scored (47th minute). Koncheski nearly rolled in a long free kick which went just wide. Zoltan Gera thought he had settled matters with a well-taken volley in the 57th minute but a wicked deflection (downright diabolical, according to Roy Hodgson) allowed Stanislas to equalize in the 2nd minute of extra time. Some of you will remember that last season Your Ear revealed Zoltan Gera (a clumsy anagram of Gerant Zola) to be (possibly) the illegitimate offspring of one Gianfranco Zola, sitting on the opposite bench. 'Dad' was not best pleased! Fulham should try playing with 10 men more often.

Aston Villa v Man City - 1:1 - An important match - Villa trying to remain a top six club, City anxious to prove themselves a top four side. Plus two players facing their old employers, Gareth Barry, former Villa captain, a City player since his £12m move in the summer, and Richard Dunne, former City captain, now a Villa stalwart. And Adebayor, back from suspension, with nothing but humility in his heart and love for his opponents, as long as they don't make him see red. But fact often surpasses fiction, and in true Boy's Own style after 15 minutes Dunne, later named as man of the match, rose above Barry to pump a header past Shay Given. He didn't celebrate (just like Adebayor!), and some City fans applauded their former skipper. It took City half an hour to get going but Tevez 'put himself about a bit' to no avail - a text comment to the Beeb suggested that the busiest people in the ground were those throwing Tevez' missed shots back onto the field. Villa led at half time and for half of the 2nd half (quite a lot of halves, in all), but City upped the pace and managed to equalize with a well-worked goal (Ireland - Adebayor - Bellamy). Villa managed to retain their title to meanest defence in the Premiership (only one per game conceded) and the match ended in a draw. The conclusion drawn by Your Ear? Villa are a top six club, City are not a top four side.

Unlucky For Some? - Neil Warnock in The Independent on Arsene Wenger's 13 Years in the job - Wenger recently became Arsenal's longest serving manager, having clocked up a baker’s dozen in service. Warnock believes Wenger has changed the face of English football and that his influence reaches as far as League Two. He has made even the 'dinosaur managers' realize that they must take new things on board, such as technology, fitness regimes, fitness coaches and psychologists. Wenger has extended footballers' careers by two or three years; thirteen years ago players would never have looked after themselves as they do now. It's not so long since players would have steak for a pre-match meal. Now their diet is designed for the purpose. Well done, Mr Wenger. Wonder what diet Giggs is on. Carrot juice, no doubt. Warnock concluded that he would 'like to see Arsenal toughen up a little when they play the top sides, because I really don't think there's much between them, and Chelsea and United.' And Liverpool?

National Headlines (to keep us in perspective) - I'm A Little Teapot, Here's My Spout - Tim Montgomery, a Tory blogger commenting on the difficulty in determining what David Cameron is all about; "I liken it to a tea-bag - until it's in the water you can't tell what kind of tea you're going to get." If current polls are correct it seems likely that said tea-bag (Cameron) will get thrown in at the deep end. Wonder whether he'll find the water too hot. Network Lawyers Up All Night After Letterman Blackmail Denial - '48 Hour' TV producer, Robert ‘Joe’ Halderman, pleaded not guilty to trying to blackmail chat show host David Letterman over sexual relationships with female staff. Letterman responded by admitting to most of the allegations on air (ratings for the show went through the roof). Letterman was quoted as saying: "This whole thing has been quite scary," as though this puts an end to the affair. But while he seems to be in no immediate risk of losing his family or his job, either Letterman or CBS may be open to sexual-harassment lawsuits. Carnival Starts As Rio de Janeiro Wins Olympics Vote - Barack Obama's dash to Copenhagen and last-minute rhetoric failed to win over the IOC. 'No, we won't.' said official. The Chicago Tribune (Chicago came 4th) declared the result a "serious loss of face" for the president, while the conservative-leaning Drudge Report's banner headline gloated: "The ego has landed, world rejects Obama." Ireland Ratifies Lisbon Treaty - Turnout high on crucial referendum - Taoiseach welcomes 2:1 ‘for’ result - 'They bored us into submission,' said ex-'no' voter. ‘Si d'abord vous ne réussissez pas, essayez, essayez et essayez de nouveau,’ a Brussels spokesperson was reported as saying. ‘Deux fois, ça suffit, un morceau de gâteau,’ she added. London Evening Standard To Become A Free Newspaper - Russian billionaire owner, Alexander Lebedev, is unconcerned at potential lost revenues and believes circulation will double. Your Ear will now be forced to stop using it as toilet paper, one can only have expensive newsprint hanging in the smallest room. England Humiliated In Champions Trophy - England won the toss, but Australia won the game, beating England by nine wickets. However, cries of 'Give us our Ashes, yer pommie bastards!' fell on deaf ears.

Football Headlines - Berbatov Promises To Run Faster - Manchester United star Dimitar Berbatov today undertook to run faster during matches to dismiss home fan claims that he 'just strolls about'. Adebayor To Return To Arsenal? - After being let off with a £25k fine (about 2 hours pay) for 'improper conduct' Emmanuel Adebayor confirmed his determination to return to play for Arsenal. The Togo star says it is 'the least he can do' and that he might as well play for his 'dear old club' whenever he is suspended from Manchester City. 'It was all a big mistake,' he added. Fans are expected to welcome him back with open arms. Allardyce Jaws Fused For 24 Hours - Fire brigade summoned to prise Big Sam's mandible from his maxilla. which were welded together by excessive use of chewing gum. 'It was touch and go,' says veteran firefighter, 'one of the toughest jobs we've been faced with lately. Luckily, we had a lorry jack with us.' Mr Allardyce was not available for comment. Government To Nationalize Cash-Strapped Pompey - 'We can't have national institutions like this fine club going under purely because of a few rash management decisions and a total lack of funds,' says No 10 spokesperson. 'Portsmouth players are really suffering, just two of them are owed £3m - the British taxpayer cannot stand by and look on such hardship without taking action.' Ferguson Misquoted - When he was reported as saying (before the match) that Sunderland were 'nothing but a lousy load of crap', he actually said they were 'not about to lose without a scrap'. Ancelotti insists Abramovich Happy With Chelsea’s Start To Season - After 10 out of 11 wins and despite poor form in two recent games Carlo Ancelotti insists Roman Abramovich is satisfied with Chelsea's progress this season. 'Nuff said.

Advertisement - Manager Required - Central London Location. Applicant must know what a football is (round type, not pointy) and like the colour blue. Salary negotiable. Short term contract.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Premiership round up - Week 7

2009-09-30T10:23:00.001+01:00

Wigan v Chelsea - 3:1 - Blues suffer from Latics Acid (Ed. - Isn’t that 'lactic acid'? It's a play on words - you see, Readers, what I'm up against….). After 15 minutes an excellent header by Bramble put Wigan ahead. And they could have scored again using the same short corner followed by a cross tactic. Terry looked bemused, but 90 seconds into the 2nd half Drogba (recovered from the cramps that saw him off the field against Spurs) got his 100th Chelsea goal. Much Blue pressure ensued, then events took an unexpected turn. Cech was sent off for a clumsy trip on Rodallega (Cech now misses the next game v Liverpool) and Rodallega converted for Wigan to regain the lead. To cap it all Scharner made it 3 in extra time. History for Wigan - poor old Chelsea, turned over by one of the most unlikely teams (not as bad as ManU losing to Burnley, though). Wigan did well but again, a first class team revealed gaping holes in its defence.

Liverpool v Hull - 6:1 - Wonderful footwork and a great finish got the first goal for Liverpool (Torres, clinical stuff). Geovanni’s well-taken volley equalized 3 minutes later. Torres got going again and scored an even neater goal than his first to make it 2:1, then did it AGAIN (you'd think Hull might have seen him coming the third time). Adding insult to injury Gerrard curled in an improbable goal from near the sideline (Your Ear thinks he meant it, too). Liverpool had several more chances before Babel got their 5th goal. A freakish goal (Babel again) in extra time completed Hull’s misery.

Spurs v Burnley - 5:0 - Jensen denied Keane an early chance and Nugent (who would dearly love to score against a manager who paid £6m for him at Portsmouth but rarely played him) had a chance at the other end. Keane scored a penalty Jensen could not stop after Defoe was brought down in the box. Fletcher was wrongly denied a good goal for Burnley (given offside). Unbelievably, given his recent form, Defoe missed a sitter, but Jenas scored Spurs' second goal with a good shot. Defoe went off (dislocated fingers) then Keane put away a good goal, scooping it into the back of the net. He got his hat-trick shortly after, and another shortly after that. And he could have had a couple more, but four will do, I suppose. Easy-peasy on the day for Spurs. It had been 31 years since Spurs last met Burnley in a league game - unfortunately for Burnley (given the score) they only have a few months at best to prepare for the return. Alan Hanson commented that ‘Burnley’s defence was so poor it made Hull’s look solid’.

Stoke v Man Utd - 0:2 - Goal-less, but all United for a long half (for Stoke). Giggs came on for Nani in the 2nd half and everything clicked into place for ManU. Berbatov scored an easy goal from Giggs' precision pass and O'Shea scored from Giggs’ free kick. Giggs nearly scored himself but missed narrowly. Workmanlike stuff from United and a great stint by their 35-year old, top man, Giggs. If only he’d played for England.

Birmingham v Bolton - 1:2 - Cohen got an easy goal on Bolton's first opportunity. Fahey hit the bar for Birmingham but it ricocheted out. Both sides missed a chances. Kevin Phillips looked his old self when he came on as a sub and equalized. A foul on Davies a minute later gave Bolton the winner. Scrappy game, all round.

Blackburn v Aston Villa - 2:1 - Agbonlahor scored in the first 3 minutes (that’s 5 in 5) making it look easy. Samba equalized 21 minutes later and could have scored again. Grella was unlucky to receive a second yellow card to be sent off, but Blackburn pressed on and were awarded a dubious penalty (handball) to take the game (Dunn, 89th minute). O'Neil not best pleased, to say the least. Happy Sam for once, you'd think, but no smiles.

Fulham v Arsenal - 0:1 - Arshavin returned for Arsenal but it was Mannone, the Gunner's keeper who was busiest to begin with, making two good saves within seconds of each other. Fulham looked the likelier side in the first half but Van Persie scored early in the second to give the Gunners the lead. Arsenal upped the pace and pressed Fulham hard, but Fulham nearly scored on a counter attack, and then again. Fulham refused to cave in and Arsenal did well to stay in front to the end.

Portsmouth v Everton - 0:1 - Portsmouth's new signing, Dindane (an Ivory Coast player) looked sharp and almost scored but instead Saha got his 7th of the season to put Everton ahead. Everton's keeper did well to keep them ahead with a reaction save with his left shoulder. Two Portsmouth players tripped each other, no Everton players involved, and both looked surprised not to get a penalty (a bit harsh, but it made me smile). That's seven defeats in a row for Portsmouth (yes, their record has just worsened), but they played well, were on the wrong end of some cruel football luck, and were applauded off the pitch by the home supporters.

Sunderland v Wolves - 5:2 – After 9 minutes Bent scored from what the pundits considered to be a bad penalty decision to give Sunderland the lead. Wolves thought they should have had two penalties of their own but had no luck with the referee (not that you should need luck with the ref, but still…). Instead Bent got a second penalty, which he allowed Jones to take and score. Later Bent said he had had ‘a telling off from the gaffer’ for his unselfish act (Steve Bruce commented “thankfully he [Jones] scored so it wasn't an issue, but if he hadn't scored it would have been all sorts of serious issue”). Under the circumstances I think we can translate ‘a telling off’ as ‘a bollicking’, but Bent seems to have found his niche in Sunderland. Early in the 2nd half Wolves got a goal back (o/g, Mensah, bounced in-off, but deserved). Following this Wolves (Doyle) scored one of the strangest goals of the season following a short range (2-3 yards) free kick given for what was judged to be a pass back to the Sunderland goalkeeper (which he was forced to save). Then Jones scored a very good long range drive into the bottom corner of the net (I refuse to use the words ‘back of the net’ like Hanson). Shortly after Sunderland got a free header to make it 4 (Turner). Bent got another in extra time (Mancienne, o/g, deflected) to make it 5 overall. Hard to know what to make of this game - a big score but Wolves looked good for the ticket money, nonetheless. Your Ear, for one, regrets that Spurs allowed Bent to leave, or could not persuade him to stay.

Man City v West Ham - 3:1 - West Ham, lacking a strong attack, tried to sit back and absorb City pressure. Not a good idea – Tevez, once a favourite son of the Hammers, soon scored. Not so favourite now, methinks, although the Hammers continue to cheer for him. Then he hit the bar and they stopped, for a while at least, allowing the City fans to cheer Tevez on instead. The game more or less went to sleep before Diamanti, totally against the run of play, managed to whack the ball in-off against an unsuspecting Carlton Cole and, almost beyond belief, West Ham were level. What a strange game football can be. Your Ear would not have wanted to be Mark Hughes at that point - City had done everything right and more, and then the Hammers got the goal back, and got right back into the game. Petrov sorted them out, scoring City's second goal after about half an hour. City got their third goal (Tevez) about 30 minutes into the second half despite the fact that West Ham had had as many opportunities. City brought on £18m Paraguayan, Roque Santa Cruz for his debut with 10 minutes to play, replacing Wright-Phillips. Several good-looking City moves went begging and the game ended with City on the up. Nevertheless, Your Ear is not particularly concerned for West Ham's Premiership future, they have come up against a few tough teams so far and have only played at home twice. However, there might be some low level alarm bells ringing in the West Ham boardroom, particularly concerning the lack of goals for.
The Sun Goes Down - Sol parts company with Notts County after one just game - he's a funny guy. There was some to-ing and fro-ing in terms of how much players can be payed in relation to a club's overall finances, but in the end Sol left, apparently, when he realized he really was buying into a 5 year project and that he was a very large catfish in this particularly small pond. Strange he could not see that before. Anyway, Campbell left by mutual consent, and the club thoughtfully issued a statement to the effect that any fan who'd bought a Notts' shirt and had 'Campbell' printed on the back would be offered a voucher for a replacement shirt. They should have gone for sponsorship and offered money for adding “’s Soups”. But if I were a fan I think I'd leave the next shirt blank, or perhaps inscribe it with ‘No Bill Posters’. On the other hand, William would probably last longer than Campbell.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

CCCC – Cursory Comments on the Carling Cup

2009-09-30T10:22:00.000+01:00

Man Utd v Wolves - 1:0 - Wolves looked to be the better side and actually seemed to be leaning on ManU. A red card for a last man challenge reduced United to 10 men, but in the end Welbeck settled the match in United's favour in the 66th minute. United seem to use the Carling Cup to bring on their younger players but, unlike the common belief a few years ago, there can be no doubt now about their commitment to try to win the competition.

Man City v Fulham - 2:1 - City shaded Fulham in all departments.

Chelsea v QPR - 1:0 - Joe Cole was welcomed back for Chelsea after several months' absence through injury and played a full 90 minutes. One goal was enough to win it.
Aston Villa v Cardiff - 1:0 - a sweet back heel by Agbonlahor opened up Cardiff, but Cardiff were in the game right through the first half and were unlucky not to equalize (given offside).

Hull v Everton - 0:4 - Hull simply outclassed.

Preston NE v Spurs - 1:5 - Crouch scored first from Defoe, then Defoe scored himself, then big C in the 2nd half again. Gomes, back in goal for Spurs, did his usual trick, played some good stuff and some bad stuff, but did not concede until the 83rd minute. Keane got Spurs’ 4th then Crouch wrapped it up and took his hat-trick with a back heel on the volley, even better than Agbonlahor's goal. Not a bad tally for St Hal's 50th game in charge.

Leeds v Liverpool - 0:1 - An early Leeds goal was disallowed and they nearly scored a little later, looking far more the likely side for most of the first half. Then Ngog scored for Liverpool, well against the run of play. Leeds lost, but look very strong.

Barnsley v Burnley - 3:2 - good game, Barnsley scored some good goals. Burnley unable to dominate their opponents.

Stoke v Blackpool - 4:3 - Blackpool led by 2 goals for most of the game, then Stoke scored 3 in rapid succession to go ahead. They then went to sleep and Blackpool scored again. Stoke nicked it at the death.

Arsenal v West Brom - 2:0 - West Brom were a better side than Arsenal's junior team, but lost a man (red card) through a silly incident - game over.

Bolton v West Ham - 3:1 – scrappy, but a good result for Bolton, and maybe a reprieve for Megson.

Carlisle v Portsmouth - 1:3 - s'welp me, P have won a game!

Notts Forest v Blackburn - 0:1 - fairly routine stuff.

Sunderland v Birmingham - 2:0 - Sunderland looked very strong and proved to be so, scoring two very well taken goals.

Headlines, To Keep Us In Perspective:
Lewis (Carl Davidson) Hamilton, MBE, British citizen resident in Switzerland for tax reasons, wins Singapore GP.
‘Brown's a dead man walking’ (Labour MP's damning verdict) - Mandleson comes to his aid at party conference.
Roman Polanski to fight extradition after Zurich arrest - French not happy.
Council hires hoodie spies to rummage through bins - someone has to do it, argues council.
One German in seven wants the Berlin Wall to be rebuilt because (according to poll) they were better off when the country was divided.
Shirt design company comes up with commuter tie with hidden iPod storage pocket for bored commuters with bulging pockets.
But we don't care about any of that - all we're interested in here is THE FOOTBALL.

Premiership Round up Week 6

2009-09-21T22:47:00.000+01:00

West Ham v Liverpool - 2:3 - Hines should have scored for the Hammers, a let-off for the scousers. Benayoun is on top form at the moment, the ball seems super-glued to his boots, just like Kanu a few years ago, but he missed his chance. Torres didn't miss and scored a top-drawer goal, back to (nearly) his best it would seem - at any rate he does not look tired at the moment. Hines then got a penalty (for what would, in olden times, have been a fair shoulder charge) converted by Diamanti with a terrible penalty kick. Still, they all count, even this one, though it was claimed to be a double kick. Gerrard was credited with Liverpool's second although Kuyt scored it. Carlton Cole equalized with a magic header - and all in the first half! Torres scored Liverpool's third goal (another header) and that was largely that. In the end Liverpool were just too good for the Hammers, who were by no means disgraced - afterwards Zola was generous, as always, to both his players and to Liverpool.

Burnley v Sunderland - 3:1 – Much Sunderland effort in the first half proved fruitless. Burnley were awarded a penalty and Alexander converted it, a lead Burnley retained despite more pressure from Sunderland until Bent scored in the 39th minute (that's 5 for Bent so far this season and he should have scored again early in the 2nd half). Against the run of play Nugent scored a skull-cracker for Burnley to go ahead again and then again with a good strike to increase their lead. Burnley did well but Sunderland were by far the better side. Still, as we all know, in football the best side does not always win.

Arsenal v Wigan - 4:0 - A few Arsenal chances went begging until Vermaelan (Arsenal's new Belgian import) scored a clean header. Vermaelan's second goal was even better, surgically precise. Eboue made it 3, Fabregas 4. Wigan were all over the shop whilst Arsenal could have scored double their tally, or more. Smiles all round at The Emirates.

Aston Villa v Portsmouth - 2:0 - Villa scored from the spot after a clumsy challenge by Portsmouth's Belhadj. Agbonlahor showed strength, pace and a little sliding luck to score Villa's second. Portsmouth worked hard but could not break through. You probably know but Portsmouth now hold the record for the most games lost in a row (6) at the start of a Premiership season. It's about the only record they are likely to hold this year (unless it gets worse). Villa continue to look strong and purposeful.

Hull v Birmingham - 0:1 – There were scoring chances at either end but good defences and goal-keeping kept the sheet clean. Birmingham got their noses in front in the 75h minute (O'Connor) and stayed there. (Ed. Correction - the last report incorrectly spelt Benitez Chucho's name as 'Chu-chu’. Apologies. Your Ear still thinks he's no dummy). Hull are struggling and there seems no hope in sight for them But where there's life… At this point in last year's season Hull were in the top 6. They finished in the bottom 6 (17th in fact). Now they are in the bottom 6 (19th). I wonder what odds one could get for Hull to do the trick in reverse this year and finish in the top 6? I think I’d keep my fiver in my pocket.

Bolton v Stoke - 1:1 - Lively play by both teams but the initiative was seized by Stoke's Kitson with an excellent finish. Bolton had chances to gain parity, including at least two open goals, but could not take them. They needed to win and convert a penalty to equalize and Taylor duly scored. Stoke could have nicked it, but it ended in a draw. Despite getting the draw with seconds to spare in the game Bolton supporters booed their side off the field - the press say Megson's days are numbered.

Man Utd v Man City - 4:3 - This game had it all, beginning with Rooney’s superb poacher's goal in the second minute. City's defence were out to lunch at the time. Profiting from some great work by Tevez, Barry equalized for City after Foster, United's keeper, made a beginner's mistake. This was swiftly followed by another piece of poor play - a bad back heel by Rooney allowed Tevez a free shot which hit the post. Fletcher scored a soft goal at the start of the second half (a header) but Bellamy's equalizing shot only 3 minutes later was brilliant, the best of the lot. ManU applied a lot of pressure but Shay Given dealt with it well. Berbatov was denied two good heading opportunities before being substituted for Owen. Fletcher scored again, another header, to make it 3:2 but Bellamy got a second, after a daft mistake under no pressure at all by Ferdinand in the 89th minute. But in a true fairy story, Owen snatched the winner in the the last second or two of extra time. Phew! It's amazing how top-flight professionals make such fundamental errors, but they do, and City were presented with two of their goals as gifts. On the other hand, if Adebayor had not been suspended (for GBH on Van Persie last week) the result might have been reversed. Despite Your Ear's reservations, and the fact that ManU were the better side, City were never out of the game. A final moan - why are supporters so rabidly anti ex-players – it seems a United fool threw a coin at Tevez. They should understand that players, with few exceptions, (just like clubs) are mercenary. And quite right too, they have to make the best of their brief careers (see later).

Chelsea v Spurs - 3:0 - Chelsea nearly started well with a thumper by Bosingwa, but Spurs also had their chances through Defoe and Huddlestone. The deadlock was broken after half an hour when Ashely Cole buried a header for Chelsea. Spurs should have had a penalty (any impartial observer would agree that Carvalho brought Keane down). Although Chelsea were the stronger side it is on moments like this that games pivot. Following this refereeing cock-up Ballack scrambled a goal in the 55th minute putting Chelsea two ahead. Drogba got Chelsea's 3rd (his 99th for the Blues) through another scrambled egg effort, but it was good goal, well provided by Lampard. There were lots of injuries in this game, none caused by malicious intent. King was hurt again, a hamstring rather than his knees this time. Bassong knocked himself out tussling with Drogba and was stretchered off and hospitalized. Drogba was also injured later, appearing to pull a leg muscle. As things stand it’s ManU or Chelsea for the title, although Liverpool…
Everton v Blackburn - 3:0 - Saha scored a no-nonsense goal to get Everton off the mark after 22 minutes. Diouf did well to give Blackburn an opportunity, but much mayhem in the goal-mouth came to nothing. Saha looked well on top of his game to score again for Everton. Yobo scored another, making it three for Everton in the first 10 minutes of the second half. Robinson showed great athleticism to keep out a fourth. Big Sam was not overly happy with Blackburn's concentration and effort, Everton back in the groove.

Wolves v Fulham - 2:1 - Wolves harried Fulham, denying them any opportunity to put their game together - it was an hour or so before they managed to get their first shot on goal. Wolves’ first goal (Doyle, 18 minutes) looked a bit like one of those skipping stones thrown on the water - a long throw was followed by two headers in quick succession - and then a splash. Edwards got a second for Wolves in the 50th minute, then Fulham scored from the spot (Danny Murphy) in the 67th minute. Frantic stuff ensued for a while but Wolves held on for a well-earned first Premiership home win. Wolves displayed good energy levels throughout, while Fulham maintained their lackadaisical and poor away form.

Granny's Sight Restored With Tooth Implant - An American grandmother, Sharron Thornton, was left blind for nine years after a rare disease scarred her cornea. But doctors in Miami made history by extracting one of her canines (an eye tooth, appropriately), and drilling an optical lens into it before installing it in her reshaped eye socket. Sounds gruesome, but it worked. Granny Thornton is the first person to have this procedure. After two weeks she could read the newspapers again, although not everyone would count that a bonus. Now, if we can put them where we like, Your Ear can suggest various places for football teams to have some teeth installed. Perhaps to fill the holes and get some bite into Arsenal's defence, a return to the style of play made famous (or infamous) by Norman 'bites yer legs' Hunter (for younger readers a Leeds and England player of the 1960s and 70s). Or to install some wisdom into the madness that is Portsmouth, or to unleash the dog(teeth) of war in Fulham (etc). As to precisely where teeth could be removed to, they might try inserting some in the backsides of various commentators and pundits, as this is where they generally speak from (no, no, I shall name no names). And Ledley King's knees could do with a transplant, although they might need his entire mouthful to effect a repair. Lastly, perhaps we could use them (transplants) to cure referees’ poor sight, with a view to reducing bad decisions, although thinking again, that’s as improbable as hens’ teeth.

A life less ordinary - A recent Radio 4 programme dealt with the extravagant lifestyles of footballers. Premiership players can expect to earn around £15m over a 'normal' career, which ends around the age of 33. They usually earn more in a week than the PM (including expenses!). Most live such protected existences that they rarely exit their sporting world without experiencing a few blows to the psycho-system, including a 75% divorce rate within the first 3 years. The more they earn the more footballers drift away from the lives of ordinary mortals. For example, the current generation are in the habit of taking private jets to move around, allowing them to use small airfields by arrangement, avoiding fans and the press. Understandably, footballers are cash-rich and time-poor, so they frequently employ people to manage their affairs. David Beckham is clearly no mug and led the way. He has a large staff who look after his finances, sponsorship and other business deals, his social life and, importantly for him, his PR. A few footballers do less than the obvious things with their money, such as charitable and youth initiatives, but most depend on advisors. Which is not surprising, given that most of them are recruited as youngsters and could hardly be described as worldly-wise, except, perhaps, in their own sphere. As we learn from the press, footballers often fall foul of drugs and alcohol and are prone both to gambling and excessive behaviour. What is less well-known is that footballers are often targetted by fraudsters (particularly so-called builders) and that in towns and cities lucky enough to host a Premiership team (far-flung places like Manchester and Liverpool, for example) a fair part of the luxury goods industry, particularly luxury cars, is dependent on them. Being sheltered from the 'real' world they often prefer to put their dosh into things they know and understand. Property investment has therefore proved to be popular and some footballers have invested so heavily in real estate that they become known (and derided) for it. In Liverpool, where property used to be relatively cheap, fans would sing ♫We all live in a Robbie Fowler house!♫ (to the tune of 'Yellow Submarine') to Fowler, who owned 'huge swathes' of the city. Wonder if he still does. Peter Crouch has a staff of seven who attend to his financial and social needs - no chance of his mum failing to get a birthday card or a restaurant table not being booked when required. He also has a dry wit - asked what he would have been if he had not become a footballer he replied; 'A virgin.'

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Week 5

2009-09-15T15:04:00.000+01:00

EAR 'ERE!

Man City v Arsenal - 4:2 - Gallas missed a good chance and City fluked an early lead (Almunia o/g). Even without Arshavin, Arsenal looked the better side in the second half. Van Persie equalized in the 62nd minute but his game was not improved when Adebayor stamped on his face (for which he should have been sent off). Bellamy scored City’s second goal. Then Adebayor scored again in the 80th minute and celebrated with an 'inflammatory' run towards the Arsenal supporters for which he was booked. Wright-Phillips made it 4. Rusitsky got one back for Arsenal at the end. 100% record for City but Your Ear remains deaf to any arguments that City look convincing. Arsenal, however, have no defence.

Spurs v Man Utd - 1:3 - A goal by Defoe in the first minute, with a bicycle kick - nice one. Giggs equalized with a good free kick that Spurs should not have conceded. Berbatov looked sharp but skied a chance. Anderson put Utd ahead with a good strike. Jenas nearly equalized (but didn't). Crouch put two over the bar with his head (Oi! - one a week or you’re out!). Scholes was sent off for two rash tackles - nothing new there, particularly as he gets older, I'm sorry to say. But Utd did not seem to worry about being a man down and Rooney, who played very well, made it 3.

Stoke v Chelsea - 1:2 - Chelsea's defence was on another pitch when Stoke scored the first goal. A near record 8 minutes was added to extra time to the first half (following injuries to Stoke's Beattie and goalkeeper, Sorensen). Drogba only needed 3 of them to equalize with a thumping strike. Chelsea applied relentless pressure in the second half and finally broke though with about 20 seconds left in the game. Still, the Stoke crowd were happy (to begin with, at least) singing; ♫You're not signing any more, You're not signing any more!…♫ to Chelsea - wonder whether they knew (or cared) that it was an anagram of the usual ‘You're not singing any more!’ The word ‘defenestration’ means the act of throwing something, especially a person, out of a window, as depicted in the painting; ‘The Defenestration of the Commissioners at Prague’. The Independent used this term to describe Chelsea being thrown out of the next two transfer windows by FIFA (for illegal machinations in persuading French youth international Kakuta to break his contract in order to join Chelsea). Abramovich seems almost relieved, being about to shell out about £250m for his newest yacht (4 of 4). It’s a hard life, having to think up names for all those boats.

Portsmouth v Bolton - 2:3 - Cohen scored a net-breaker to give Bolton the lead. A great header by Kaboul drew Portsmouth level. Portsmouth should have gone ahead a couple of times but a dodgy penalty decision allowed Bolton to score again. Boateng equalized for Portsmouth but Bolton nicked it with only a couple of minutes to spare. Hard to feel sorry for Portsmouth but they were out of luck today.

Blackburn v Wolves - 3:1 - Wolves gave away a simple goal to Djouf. Much Blackburn pressure eventually resulted in a second goal (Roberts) and then a third (Dunn), although Wolves retrieved one through Maierhofer's late strike. Wolves need to step up a gear if they are to remain in the Premiership.

Liverpool v Burnley - 4:0 - Burnley beat Liverpool in 2005 in the FA Cup, but there was no sign of them doing it again (unlike at ManU). An irrepressible Benayoun scored an early goal for Liverpool and nearly scored again but the rebound was taken by Kuyt to make it 2. Gerrard should have had a goal (well saved by Jensen). Benayoun made it 3 and should have had a hat-trick but was mistakenly given offside. He got it later, anyway.

Birmingham v Aston Villa - 0:1 - could have gone either way but Abonlahor's goal in the 85th minute settled the derby. It's not unusual to see a goalkeeper flattened in the box, but it happened to Hart, Birmingham's goalie (on loan from Man City) in Aston Villa's goal mouth when he ran up-field to try to assist in a late corner. The last 5 minutes plus extra time were worth the ticket alone. Villa look determined, more like last season. Birmingham were resilient in defence but lack a penetrating attack although Benitez Chu-chu, Birmingham's late sub, is no dummy (sorry!).

Fulham v Everton - 2:1 - Cahill's (offside) bullet header put Everton ahead, Duff (signed 2 weeks ago from Newcastle) nearly equalized but Koncheski (newly arrived from Portsmouth) did the business for Fulham. Then Duff did what he had threatened to do before and Fulham took the lead in the 79th minute. Despite Everton's frantic efforts Fulham managed to hold on for their second win of the season, which hoiks them up to 10th in the table, whereas Everton still languishes in the bottom 3. Only Portsmouth have failed to win a point so far, but then, they have no players!

Sunderland v Hull - 4:1 - Bent scored from the spot for Sunderland after a silly handball incident. Zayatte levelled the game for Hull but Sunderland (Reid) regained the lead. Bent thumped home a third and Turner headed home a pile-driver to put the game beyond Hull's reach. Bent seems to have found his feet (a good thing for a footballer to do, really) at Sunderland - Spurs might regret letting him go, although St Hal knows what he is up to.

Wigan v West Ham - 1:0 - Carlton Cole thought he'd scored but he'd not heard the ref blow for half-time. Normally referees wait until the ball is out of play or the action is going nowhere - ending the half just as someone is on the point of scoring was mystifying, particularly to Cole, who had the good grace to laugh about it. Rodallega put Wigan ahead. Diamanti nearly scored a great goal for the Hammers, but hit the woodwork.

Cameras needed - England v Slovenia - This was a friendly, and to be fair Slovenia played better than a team ranked 54th in the world, and then, oh dear - a bad penalty for England - the ref saw something the TV cameras did not, no matter how replays were reviewed. The alleged offender, Bostjan Caesar, was injured, booked and subbed. We must have action replays soon to sort out such nonsense. We have cameras all over our streets, why not have them on football pitches (other than for TV), at least some would welcome them there. Moving on - if you want a goal give the ball to Defoe, who is in cracking form. I like Heskey, a typical England centre-forward, big and strong, but there was no doubt who would start on the following Wednesday. Meanwhile, Capello moves steadily forward in naming an entire England team with the surname 'Cole' (Ashley, Carlton, Joe). Any more contenders?

Money Talks - Last time Your Ear wrote about Sol Campbell moving to Notts County. Later I wondered what might have persuaded him to go there. Apparently the answer was £10m (silly me). And I had forgotten that Sven-Göran Eriksson was already at the club (at £2m pa). Big money for (effectively) the 4th Division. Although they are still losing games, Notts County 'are funded by the seemingly bottomless pockets of their Middle Eastern owners (Munto Finance)’. A bit like Man City, only City, unlike County, haven't lost any games yet. They will though. Sir Harold is reported as saying that if he had been at any other club he would have signed Campbell, but the fans at White Hart Lane would not have had him back after the way he left 8 years ago (on his way to the dreaded Arsenal, you will recall). Pity, this fan would, but Your Ear, ostensibly a neutral and independent observer, is probably not hardcore enough. Incidentally, Man City have just sold Kasper Schmeichel to Notts County. City seem to have more than their fair share of keepers at the moment. In any case, is Kasper a popular name in Denmark, or did his dad, Peter the Great, just like friendly ghosts? (Ed. - That was Casper the Friendly Ghost - do your research). It’s the Danish spelling.

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Week 4

2009-08-31T10:35:00.000+01:00

ManU v Arsenal - 2:1 - Prior to this game Arsenal were unbeaten in the league in 9 months. Good though they are ManU are missing something at the moment, (could that be Ronaldo?), they just can't scare people. They certainly didn't scare Arsenal, who should have won this match. Arshavin might have had a penalty, but shortly after scored a great goal anyway. Then Rooney earned a nice professional penalty (shades of Eduardo?) and ManU wrapped it up - with an unfortunate own goal by Diaby. But 3 points are 3 points, or according to Your Ear's theory, 6 points in a mini-league sense. ManU are going to have to start winning a few games, they can't expect gifts like this all season.

Spurs v Birmingham - 2:1 - A few missed early chances, made by Modric, and one or two for Birmingham, all missed. Finally Crouch came on for Modric (who, it turns out, has broken his leg) and almost scored immediately and then again, and then again, and then scored in the 72nd minute - all with his head!. Bowyer equalized 3 minutes later. Birmingham might have won the game, Benitez caused all sorts of problems to the shaky Spurs defence. However, Spurs clinched it in the last minute (Lennon). 100% record. Neat.

Bolton v Liverpool - 2:3 - Davies scored a scrappy goal to put Bolton in front. Glen Johnson equalized with a smart shot (what a player to have at right back he is). Brilliant start to the second half by Bolton, scoring their second. (Cohen). Then Sean Davies was sent off and Liverpool were over Bolton like the proverbial rash. Gerrard nearly scored (almost broke the crossbar), Torres equalized and Gerrard's howitzer shot won it with 7 minutes to play. Good resilience displayed by Liverpool but Bolton were a bit unlucky to lose a man and the game. Lucas was not very sportsmanlike in complaining to the ref about the trip that caused Davies to be dismissed.

Chelsea v Burnley - 3:0 - to start with, and once again, goalkeeper Jensen played a big part in denying Burnley's opponents - Anelka tried to run past him, and failed. Then Patterson should have scored for Burnley, but didn't and Anelka should have scored for Chelsea, and did (at the close of the first half). Ballack made it 2 with a good header off a Lampard cross. Ashley Cole made it 3. Despite the goals against Burnley played well, especially in defence, but they just don't have the firepower.

Stoke v Sunderland - 1:0 - Kitson scored for Stoke, who maintain their good home form although Bent had come close for Sunderland on a couple of occasions.

Wolves v Hull - 1:1 - Geovanni scored for Hull in 3rd minute, Wolves (Stearman) equalized even sooner into the start of the second half and looked the more likely side after that. Petered out into a draw, but Wolves not uncomfortable in the Premiership. Hull look more uncomfortable as time goes by. Don’t believe they’ll finish higher than 8th.

Blackburn v West Ham - 0:0 - Cole was lively, again, but to no avail. Blackburn should have had a penalty, but didn't get one. Sam Allardyce used up 2 litres of fluid watching the match (on his chewing gum - that man has very powerful jaws).

Everton v Wigan - 2:1 - Wigan scored first against the run of play (Scharner) and Saha levelled the match in the 62nd minute. Wigan should have won this match in stoppage time with a clear chance, but gave away a penalty instead, then almost ceded a third. But Everton are finally (and slightly fortunately) off the mark and looked fairly competent and determined. Can't see them finishing higher than 8th though.

Portsmouth v Man City - 0:1 - Good goal by Adebayor but City not convincing. Can't see them finishing higher than 8th.

Aston Villa v Fulham - 2:0 - Villa were gifted a corner which led to the first (own) goal. But good clubs ride their luck and Villa did just that, hardly giving Fulham an opportunity to get back at them. Tremendous second goal by Agbonlahor (who had tried to claim the first goal as well), he hardly seemed to draw back his leg but the ball moved with the speed of light (well, sound, anyway). He looks very good for England's future. Still, I'd be surprised if Villa finished higher than 8th.
As a small distraction - Paul Scharner, Wigan's Austrian international defender, seems to be making his mark on You Tube, see; and also.

Are Portsmouth turning a page? Sulaiman Al Fahim has finally managed to take over Portsmouth, beating chairman Peter Storrie in a race for control of the club. Within 72 hours Portsmouth had 5 new signings - talk about leaving it late! But they are still sheddding players - League Two side Notts County signed Sol Campbell on Monday night. I'm not sure he will find the going any easier in League 2, seems a shame to me. And St Harold did not take Your Ear's advice to sign big Sol. As I've said before, just his knees would have done. Pompey may start to win a game or two now, but they won’t finish higher than 8th.

Excrement is sticky - Adebayor fell over on a run down the right wing, causing the crowd to break into a merry chant of ♫Same old Arsenal, always cheating…♫ to the tune of Big Ben's chimes - even when they sell their players Arsenal are still tainted - is there only one pure London club? (no, not the Russian’s team, nor the Egyptian Grocer's, or the other one, although Zola is a good bloke) - Spurs is the shining light (even if Sir Harold has been taken to a police station by a Black Maria on occasion, nothing found, of course, a person, or persons, unknown just did not want him to be England manager - poor, benighted fools). Blimey - the Referee's Association is going to apologize… TO WENGER!!! This is for sending him into the stands for being ever so slightly pissed off and kicking a plastic water bottle in frustration when Arsenal's equalizing goal against ManU was disallowed. Wenger was banished to the stands, where he caused more trouble than when he was standing on the touchline. He was right to be annoyed though. Merde alors!

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.

Weeks 1-3

2009-08-27T20:30:00.000+01:00

Everton v Arsenal - 1:6 - three by half time, double that by the end - easy-peasy - a good start to the season, but it's a shame Arsenal scored most of its season's goals in the first match.

Chelsea v Hull - 2:1 - Should have been a draw, Chelsea lucky to get a free kick on edge of box for their equaliser, then fluked the winner. No sour grapes though, they were the better side. Heard from Ancelotti; "in these games it's the last minute that counts." And the one before that, and before that, one would have thought.

Blackburn v Man City - 0:2 - Man City have spent over £210m on players in the last 12 months - hope it's worth it. Adebayor did not seem to miss Arsenal much, not sure whether Arsenal will miss him. It’s rumoured that Wenger was pleased that City had bought Adebayor "because otherwise they might have bought someone better…"

Aston Villa v Wigan - 0:2 - Rodallega's strike (first goal) must be a candidate for goal of the season, and Villa looked tired, in the first week!

Wolves v West Ham - 0:2 - edgy game, the Hammers were a little fortunate to keep Wolves out. However, the Serbian, Milijas, looks like a good buy for Wolves.

Stoke v Burnley - 2:0 - Burnley have yet to find their feet in the Premiership, but it's too soon to call (Ed. - see later).

Bolton v Sunderland - 0:1 - Bent did the business for Sunderland - obviously he did not fit in with Sir Harold's grand plan, but a few clubs were after him before Sunderland got him.

Portsmouth v Fulham - 0:1 - wicked deflection gets Fulham their first goal of the season. Portsmouth raised £26m in the summer, but have not spent a penny of it, Couch's replacement having been signed on as a loan player. Mark Lawrenson (Match of the Day's dry wit commentator) said it was a pity that "Portsmouth seemed to have met the only Arab businessman who doesn't have any money."

Manchester United v Birmingham - 1:0 - talk about hard going, laboured. to say the least.

Tottenham v Liverpool FC - 2:1 - What can one say, that's more points than Spurs had in their first eight games last season.

Midweek 2
Wigan v Wolverhampton - 0:1 - Wolves get one under their belts, looks interesting already at both likely ends of the table.

Sunderland v Chelsea - 1:3 - routine stuff, but over time we'll see whether Chelsea have the stamina. Methinks not.

Birmingham v Portsmouth - 1:0 - poor ol' Pompey, struggling hard already, but there is "some hope on the horizon" says manager (unconvincingly) - Your Ear would observe that some horizons are a long way off. And that was never a penalty, but when your luck's out, it's out.

Burnley v Manchester United - 1:0 - well, Burnley have found their feet now! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, and then again, oh dear. Blake's
goal was a cracker, but man of the match was Burnley's Danish goalkeeper Brian Jensen, a barn door of a man who is now undoubtedly worth a lot more on the transfer market than he was before the match. Just time for one last 'oh dear'.

Hull v Tottenham - 1:5 - lah, lah, lah - if St Hal can keep it going we'll Spurs will have the title in the bag by Christmas. Gomez injured but Cudicini looked good. Defoe's hat-trick was awesome. No other choice sensible for England while he's playing like this. Spurs look good in both midfield and attack, just a bit of work required on defence. On the other hand, when you have a suspect defence all you need do is score more than them…

Liverpool FC v Stoke - 4:0 - okay, so they scored one or two, but (as Jonathan Pierce said on MoTD) no club, having lost their first game, has won the Premiership since 1995. And if Gerrard gets injured…

Week 3
Wigan v ManU - 0:5 - United struggled to begin with and Wigan were unlucky not to score first, but then Rooney scored with at least two United forwards on strike unchallenged. Berbatov's goal was brilliant whilst Rooney's second was pure jam, Owen's was competent, as was Nani's (not quite Ronaldo, but good stuff). Wigan played well, but that's just not good enough at this level.

Arsenal v Portsmouth - 4:1 - Simple pimple, although at times Pompey played well.
However, Portsmouth looks set to flounder from now on. And that’s the rest of Arsenal’s goals for the season scored, they really need to learn to spread them out a bit.

Man City v Wolves - 1:0 - Wolves not outclassed, despite the defeat, City can be thankful they have Shay Given, as they were not entirely convincing. But it's still early days.

Sunderland v Blackburn - 1:1 - Blackburn deservedly got the first goal, but Sunderland came back at them well.

Hull v Bolton - 1:0 - and it could have been more - Ghilas seems to be a good acquisition.

Birmingham v Stoke - 0:0 - uneventful, except for a great save by Sørensen.

West Ham v Spurs - 1:2 - Carlton Cole is a very good player, what a good goal he scored. He's also very bad, on occasion, and gave Spurs their equaliser. Six or seven of the England squad played in this game. Nice goal by Lennon - Spurs weren't at their best in this London derby, but managed to win it anyway. Still, three in a row for Spurs, can't do better than that.

Burnley v Everton - 1:0 - great start by Burnley, hitting the bar just after the kick-off, then a good goal by Elliott to take the lead. Missed penalty (Saha) they should not have had in the first place, Everton don't seem to be on the case yet. Burnley riding their luck and riding high.

Fulham v Chelsea - 0:2 - another London derby. Chelsea generally don't like playing Fulham, but they usually beat them (and have won 5 out of 6 of their last visits to Craven Cottage). It took Chelsea 39 minutes to break through Fulham's defence but then Drogba scored, and Anelka sneaked another. Not a good start to the season by Fulham, whereas Chelsea are doing nearly as well as Spurs.

Liverpool v Aston Villa - 1:3 – Liverpool could not have got off to a much worse start, two losses from their first three matches – that’s as many as they lost throughout the whole of the last season. Maybe this isn’t their year after all.

8-way mini-league? - Your Ear proposes a theory, as follows. The top four clubs remain the top four (until they are deposed) but to that list can be added a revitalized Spurs, a cash-rich Man City and stalwart hopefuls, Aston Villa and Everton. If one or other of the last two fails, replace with Fulham or West Ham (if either of these proves to be consistent). This makes a total of eight. Now, according to Your Ear's theory, these eight form a mini-league where a win is worth 6 points rather than 3, on the grounds that these fixtures will prove to be the key games of the season, and 3 points won in these games is 3 points denied to a high-ranking opponent. Who won last season's 4 - way mini-league? Liverpool. Well, Your Ear forecasts that Spurs (admittedly one up already against Liverpool) will win this mini-league of eight. And if not Spurs, Arsenal, a London club, in any case. Another forecast - whoever wins this mini-league might prove to be the king-makers, if not the kings. Your Ear's other forecast – this season we will see more high scoring matches than usual. Observations will be made and records kept, on both this and the mini-league idea above. (Ed. -Readers are invited to contribute their thoughts and ideas to this column. Or perhaps a witty sideswipe at your fellow teams. Or any slander you’d like to turn into libel.)

The Ear – all the news that's fit to spout.